Summer Vacation

[gapeach7400]

What is the name of your state? GA
My ex lives in Las Vegas with his girlfriend. I have a 13 year old boy who lives with me and a 12 year old girl who lives with her father in Vegas. After they kids visited him last summer my daughter decided she wanted to stay and live with her father. I was not happy of course, but agreed. The court order has not been changed, I still have physical custody and he is still required to pay $650 in child support, although he reduced it to $400 because of only my son living with me now.

Anyway, my situation is, my ex says that he wants to send my daughter to stay with me for 1/2 the summer and me to send my son to stay with him for 1/2 the summer. Although I love my daughter I do not want her to stay here half the summer. I work full time and am going to have to find a day camp or some activity for my son to do while I am at work during the half the summer he will be with me. My daughter will get bored out of her mind spending half the summer here now. All her old friends have moved on to new groups, etc. If she moved back home it would be different, she would make new friends and get involved in activities (I want her to move home, by the way). Can my ex force me to let her stay here half the summer? We've been divorced for 7 years and last summer was the first time he's ever had them spend more than a week with him during the summer. I plan to just tell him no and that she can come one week at the beginning and one week at the end of the summer. That's all the vacation time I get from my job. His girlfriend does not work and can stay home all day with the kids.

Thanks for any answers I receive.

 

[rm1759]

Do you honestly believe that if you tell your ex that you don't want your daughter to stay 1/2 of the summer with you that she will choose to move back in with you? You know she will find out you don't want her there, how exactly would you have taken that as a teenager?

 

[stealth2]

I just don't understand this kind of thinking, I'm sorry. Most NCPs would kill for extra time with their kid. Would it not be good for both of your kids to have some extended time in the same place? Maybe it would be easier if you sent your son to Dad's for the bulk of the summer, then, and pay for him to attend activities at Dad's.

 

[gapeach7400]

I do want her there

I do want her here. But if she wants to move back I think she should wait until time for school to start back. I don't want her to be bored at my house for 6 weeks while I am work. She knows I love her and what the situation is. My ex's girl friend is sitting at home not working, all my daughters friends are out there. She choose to go live with him after he never had her spend a summer with him so I don't see what the difference is. She wants to go to summer camp this year, just as I have sent her every year myself since I was divorced from my ex. She loves going to camp and that's what she really wants to do. But since she lives with him now, its his responsibility to pay for it, instead he wants to send her to me. You think its better for her to sit at my house all day long while I'm at work instead of staying at his house where she will have supervision?

Besides that isn't what my question was. My question was can he force me to have her come and spend half the summer. I don't care what your opinion is. You don't know me or my particular situation, nor do I care to go into it. I did not ask the question in order to be judged by you or anybody else here.

I just want an answer to the question, no commentary. This is called a Free Advice Forum, is it not.

 

[abstract99]

Did you ask your daughter if it was her that was wanting to come out and visit you?

 

[gapeach7400]

Dad makes a little more money than I do

Dad makes $175,000 a year, lives in $450,000 house with a pool, hot tub, boat, drives a corvet and a brand new land rover, all in Las Vegas. Works only 4 days a week and girlfriend is home all the time. I make 30,000 live in a $100,000 ranch and drive a Lancer. Where would you rather spend your summer?

You think I wouldn't rather have her come here, you are wrong. I am thinking about what is best for my daughter.

 

[gapeach7400]

She wants to go to summer camp

She wants to go to camp. She's already looking them up on the web. She hasn't mentioned once that she wants to stay here. She came for spring break for a week and if we weren't doing something ever minute she was bored.

 

[abstract99]

I would hope that my children that live with their mother who ownes 2 houses, a boat and numerous other fun things, and has money to take them out all the time would want to come and spend time with their father who makes under 30,000 a year, works all the time and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment. My wife and I have been living on the bare minimum (never go out, eat ramen noodles, don't but anything for ourselves) to be able to do stuff with the children when they come out. I even saved up enough to be able to take them to the wisconsin dells for a weekend at one of the really nice hotels. I would hope that they want to visit me because they love and miss me. If your daughter does not want to visit and wants to go to a summercamp instead then why doesn't she do that and you still allow your son to go and visit. You never know... maybe daddy has a vacation planned and wants to go with just his GF and needs someone to pawn the kids off on when he goes.

 

[stealth2]

I would hope that they want to visit me because they love and miss me.

And this is the point.

 

[abstract99]

And this is the point.

Yeah some people can hope and wish and pray all they want but it won't stop your ex from making you look like crap in the childrens eyes. But I never lose hope. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

 

[stealth2]

Well..... that isn't necessarily so. But any more and it would be off topic and hijacking.

 

[spig410]

What does the CO say in regards to physical custody of your daughter?

 

[gapeach7400]

CO order

The CO order says I have physical custody of both my son and daughter. I told my ex at the end of last summer that I didn't want her to stay there, but he said that it was her decision and she wanted to stay. I know I could get an attorney and try to make her come back, but she would resent it. Plus I think she may be better off there anyway. Because.....

I didn't put it in my original post but I went through Chemo for 6 months last year and I was really really sick most of the year. The ex only visited three times during that time. I finally got over the chemo and am in remission, but still don't have a lot of energy. That's another reason that I think it would be best for her to not spend half the summer with me. I am so tired by the end of the day after work that all I want to do is relax. And on the weekends its like everybody else, doing errands, cleaning, the usual. Anyway, I didn't really want to go into all that, but there's always more to the story, right......

My daughter and I have a great relationship, we stayed up until 2:00 in the morning the first night she got home for spring break and talked about everything, and I am in bed every night at 10:00 sharp usually. Like lots of other little girls she hates her dad's girlfriend, but totally worships her dad.

Anyway, I guess nobody knows if I have to let him send her for half the summer or not. I guess I'll just wait and see what his response is when to my email saying no.

 

[abstract99]

The CO order says I have physical custody of both my son and daughter. I told my ex at the end of last summer that I didn't want her to stay there, but he said that it was her decision and she wanted to stay. I know I could get an attorney and try to make her come back, but she would resent it. Plus I think she may be better off there anyway. Because.....

I didn't put it in my original post but I went through Chemo for 6 months last year and I was really really sick most of the year. The ex only visited three times during that time. I finally got over the chemo and am in remission, but still don't have a lot of energy. That's another reason that I think it would be best for her to not spend half the summer with me. I am so tired by the end of the day after work that all I want to do is relax. And on the weekends its like everybody else, doing errands, cleaning, the usual. Anyway, I didn't really want to go into all that, but there's always more to the story, right......

My daughter and I have a great relationship, we stayed up until 2:00 in the morning the first night she got home for spring break and talked about everything, and I am in bed every night at 10:00 sharp usually. Like lots of other little girls she hates her dad's girlfriend, but totally worships her dad.

Anyway, I guess nobody knows if I have to let him send her for half the summer or not. I guess I'll just wait and see what his response is when to my email saying no.

I sympathesise with the cancer thing (my wife is currently in remission for cervical cancer. We had the same problem with her being tired all of the time. We talked to her doctor about it and he reccomended something called biological therapy.
Biological therapy and chemotherapy are both treatments that fight cancer. While they may seem alike, they work in different ways. Biological therapy helps your immune system fight cancer. Chemotherapy attacks the cancer cells directly.
We started he on this and took her off of the chemo and it has helped a lot. She no longer sleeps 15 to 18 hours a day and has more energy. Plus doesn't lose her hair which was a big thing for her. It is more expensive but I would look into it to see if this would be a viable alternative to the chemo. We were lucky that this worked for her and hopefully it will work for you too. This will allow you to have more time for your daughter when she comes out to visit.

 

[spig410]

I would assume that, as the NCP, your ex is under no obligation to participate in any visitation at all. If you wish for him to be the obligated party in caring for your daughter you would have to have the court order changed to make him the custodial parent.

Just curious, but is his girlfriend willing to spend her summer babysitting someone who "hates" her? Obviously she has no rights where your daughter is concerned and certainly no obligation. Given the way your daughter feels about her, why would you think that scenario preferable to her being with you?