Summer Vacation

[gapeach7400]

No more

After the last response, (spig410) I prefer to end this here. But for the record as I stated in my earlier post, I don't want my ex to be the obligated party, after her visit last summer he said she wanted to stay with him and he didn't send her back home. I never asked him to take her. And the girlfriend doesn't know my daughter hates her, my daughter confided that to me in confidence. Jes, whoever you are, why the hell are you asking me these questions. I have frigging cancer, that's why I think she's better off there. God....

Too many questions and no answers. I don't want to go into the story any further and keep defending myself. I thought I could just ask a question and get an answer. My mistake. Thanks anyway.

The End from me, I am ending my membership to this forum.

 

[sassielassie]

Can't you people just answer a question

Why all the questions to this women? Can't you people just either answer her question or mind your own business? I can understand if you are asking in order to give her legal advice but that is not the case here. Shame on you.

 

[stealth2]

Why all the questions to this women? Can't you people just either answer her question or mind your own business? I can understand if you are asking in order to give her legal advice but that is not the case here. Shame on you.

And your legal advice to OP is.......... where?

 

[spig410]

Sorry to have offended you, however I believe I did answer the question. No, as the CP you cannot refuse to care for your daughter for any length of time (unless you make arrangements for another willing party to do so.) Your ex is under no obligation to provide care without a CO stating such.

I am very sympathetic to your illness, but it doesn't change the legal issues. I'm not speaking to what your ex should probably provide on a moral basis, just what he is required to provide on a legal basis.

 

[gapeach7400]

Then I am not obligated to send her back to him either

If that is the case, then if he sends her for the summer, I am not obligated to send her back, correct? Without a new CO, I have legal physical custody, so I can keep her here until he takes me back to court.

So legally he is already in contempt of court, I would assume, so I could let him take me to court about the summer vacation and then I could bring up the fact that he doesn't even have custody?

So it seems to me that he really can't do anything unless he wants to take me back to court and request legal physical custody. Seems to me he's kind of stuck, he can't have it both ways. He can't just say "I'm not sending her back", but then when its time for him to want a break for half the summer say "you have to take her". If he does that then I would be completely within my rights not to return her to him, correct? Then I could take him back to court for about $1,000 more a month in child support and I could take care of both kids better.

 

[spig410]

If that is the case, then if he sends her for the summer, I am not obligated to send her back, correct? Without a new CO, I have legal physical custody, so I can keep her here until he takes me back to court.

So legally he is already in contempt of court, I would assume, so I could let him take me to court about the summer vacation and then I could bring up the fact that he doesn't even have custody?

So it seems to me that he really can't do anything unless he wants to take me back to court and request legal physical custody. Seems to me he's kind of stuck, he can't have it both ways. He can't just say "I'm not sending her back", but then when its time for him to want a break for half the summer say "you have to take her". If he does that then I would be completely within my rights not to return her to him, correct? Then I could take him back to court for about $1,000 more a month in child support and I could take care of both kids better.

It depends on what the current CO says in regards to his visitation. You are not obligated to provide any visitation beyond what is ordered. Visitation is a right, not an obligation, so he can refuse his own visitation but you cannot refuse him.

I think you would have a difficult time proving contempt if he has it in writing from you that you give permission for her to stay with him and that you have requested he not return her for half the summer. Also because she has visited with you and you have returned her to him.

If he chose to take you to court to request physical custody he may have a good case if he can show that a status quo has been established and can prove that she's been living with him all year.

 

[gapeach7400]

He already has her so....

It depends on what the current CO says in regards to his visitation. You are not obligated to provide any visitation beyond what is ordered. Visitation is a right, not an obligation, so he can refuse his own visitation but you cannot refuse him.......It says that he gets them for 3 weeks in the summer and every other weekend. So what you are saying is that he can refuse to see our son, but I can not refuse to see our daughter? That makes absolutely no sense..

I think you would have a difficult time proving contempt if he has it in writing from you that you give permission for her to stay with him and that you have requested he not return her for half the summer. Also because she has visited with you and you have returned her to him.......Then I wouldn't be in contempt for not having her visit for the summer anymore than he would be in contempt for keeping her there.

If he chose to take you to court to request physical custody he may have a good case if he can show that a status quo has been established and can prove that she's been living with him all year....... I don't care if he gets physical custody, he has it already anyway. I was just stating that, how can he "force" me to have her visit for half the summer, when we aren't going by any of the rules set forth in the CO? So if he took me back to court for custody and got it, then I would have the right, not the obligation for visitation as you stated.

 

[abstract99]

why the hell are you asking me these questions. I have frigging cancer, that's why I think she's better off there. God....

I know I read your post, I was informing you of a different treatment that is out there that does not have the side effects of your chemo, thus, allowing you to spend more time with your daughter if she comes out to visit. It's fairly new so maybe you would want to look into it. Sorry I offended you.

 

[Silverplum]

(snip)
It says that he gets them for 3 weeks in the summer and every other weekend. So what you are saying is that he can refuse to see our son, but I can not refuse to see our daughter? That makes absolutely no sense.
(snip)
Then I wouldn't be in contempt for not having her visit for the summer anymore than he would be in contempt for keeping her there.
(snip)
I was just stating that, how can he "force" me to have her visit for half the summer, when we aren't going by any of the rules set forth in the CO? So if he took me back to court for custody and got it, then I would have the right, not the obligation for visitation as you stated.

This is not criticism or bashing, but I think it's really important that you spend some time in consultation with a Real Family Lawyer, or to do a bunch of reading and researching on your topics in your state. You aren't familiar enough with family law to be making all these assumptions, and it's running you in circles. There's some divorce law basics that you aren't *getting* and this message shows that.

 

[MinCA]

Listen, you have a BIG priveledge here that most parents would die for. YOU get to see your children.

You have the legal responsibility for both of the children, he does not. You have the legal say in if he gets to see the children beyond a couple pitiful weekends per month. With that nice position you are in to have all the say over what extra time he gets comes the reponsibility of having to care for the children. If you don't want your daughter, first, sit her down and tell her mommy doesn't want her anymore. Then go to court and have custody of your daughter legally changed to your ex so that you are no longer responsible. If you won't, don't complain about having responsibility.

Your answer: YES, he CAN force you to take the child back as he doesn't have legal guardianship through the courts-YOU do. It is your legal obligation to take care of her.

And NO, you can NOT hold him in contempt for having your daughter, even though YOU can be in contempt for not taking her back. If you don't want her and yet have legal responsibility, what is he supposed to do, let her live on the streets? You pushed your responsibility off onto him. He's just accepted it. He is NOT refusing to let her go to you. YOU are refusing to allow her back.

And you aren't thinking about your daughter first. I see the wheels turning in your head-if she comes back, do you have to send her back to him....

No, but if he goes to court, he'd probably get her, AND the son because you refused care of one of the children. It's evil of you to even think about keeping her with you to get even with him for forcing you to take your own daughter for the summer. You claim to want what's best for her, but playing a game with her as the pawn to get what you want from him (for him to keep her) is the wrong and hateful thing to do to your daughter.

Count your blessings that you have an ex who wants you to see the girl instead of one who will file lies in court to keep you from the child you love and who turns around and abuses her or something, as is the case with my husband's ex-wife, what she's doing to my husband!!

 

[gapeach7400]

ok that's it

First, newguy, I wasn't talking to you, I appreciated what you had to say.

Second, MINCA you obviously did not read the whole tread of posts.

Third, I should have done what I said earlier this afternoon and stopped answering. I could say so much, but its just not worth the time or effort. I really could care what you think of me.

I will never, ever open this forum again!

 

[abstract99]

Count your blessings that you have an ex who wants you to see the girl instead of one who will file lies in court to keep you from the child you love and who turns around and abuses her or something, as is the case with my husband's ex-wife, what she's doing to my husband!!

This is something that people all too aften fail to see. There are good parents out there that would kill to see their children and barely are allowed contact with them once a month. I grow tired of people that get on this forum and ask for sympathy because they don't want to see their children. Why did you have children? Oh so that you can talk to them on the phone every once in a while. Hell no. That is not being a good parent. Good parents are the people that WANT to see their children. I could be on my freicken death bed but I would still want to see my children. Even if I worked 10 hours a day I would treasure those hours in the day that I get to see my children. Ungrateful, that is what you are.

 

[stealth2]

The long and the short of it is that Dad could claim you've abandoned your daughter. He can also file for support. He *could* also file for custody of your son, claiming (a) he'd be better off in the same home as his sibling and (b) you're too ill to care for him since you can't care for the girl during the summer. You really should consider speaking with an attorney.

 

[sassielassie]

Now this is entertainment

I love reading these posts to see what kind of bashing you guys say to people who actually get up the nerve to ask a question. It's better than watching Jerry Springer. And I'm sure it must really make your day to take a question someone asks and turn it into a trial and jury.

Anyway, I'll continue to read for entertainment's sake, but there's no way I'd ever ask a question here.