Switching schools in mass with tempoorary custody and shared legal custody

[Dad72078]

My ex is an alcoholic and has been found to be neglectful and put my son in harms way multiple times. There is an open dcf case , she has only supervised visits and I have been given temporary physical custody until further notice but she retained shared legal custody until now. I have been transporting my 11 year old to school in another town 25 miles away everyday. It is a serious burden on my work schedule and my family. Dcf agreed with my decision to move him to school near my house (2 blocks away) and the law in massachusetts states you must "actually reside" in a town to attend school there. When I told my ex I was switching him she immediately contacted her lawyer and stated I need her approval to do such. This is the second time this year that I have haf to take him from her due to her neglect, dcf has found the allegations supported , and have told me they will close the case when I get permanant custody. My question is can I be found in contempt for switching schools when massachutts law 76 section 5 states he must go to school in the town where he actually resides?

 

[LdiJ]

My ex is an alcoholic and has been found to be neglectful and put my son in harms way multiple times. There is an open dcf case , she has only supervised visits and I have been given temporary physical custody until further notice but she retained shared legal custody until now. I have been transporting my 11 year old to school in another town 25 miles away everyday. It is a serious burden on my work schedule and my family. Dcf agreed with my decision to move him to school near my house (2 blocks away) and the law in massachusetts states you must "actually reside" in a town to attend school there. When I told my ex I was switching him she immediately contacted her lawyer and stated I need her approval to do such. This is the second time this year that I have haf to take him from her due to her neglect, dcf has found the allegations supported , and have told me they will close the case when I get permanant custody. My question is can I be found in contempt for switching schools when massachutts law 76 section 5 states he must go to school in the town where he actually resides?

When you said "she retained shared legal custody until now" what did you mean by that?

 

[Dad72078]

As of now she still has shared legal custody, but I have sole physical custody and she is on supervised visits only. Dcf has no intention of let him go back to her and has informed me they will close the case as soon as court is over and I get permanant custody, but if that goes wrong they will leave it open and step in . Trial is at least 4 months out and I have had him since the begining of october which means he is resident in my town for almost the entire school year.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

I really can't see you being held in contempt for following a state law.

You wrote, "...she immediately contacted her lawyer and stated I need her approval to do such."

Did the lawyer actually contact you or is this what she said he said?

 

[LdiJ]

As of now she still has shared legal custody, but I have sole physical custody and she is on supervised visits only. Dcf has no intention of let him go back to her and has informed me they will close the case as soon as court is over and I get permanant custody, but if that goes wrong they will leave it open and step in . Trial is at least 4 months out and I have had him since the begining of october which means he is resident in my town for almost the entire school year.

Technically, if she still has shared/joint legal custody then you do need her agreement to change his school. However, if DCF has determined that the child will never be placed back with her your risk of actually being held in contempt by a judge for moving the child to a school near you is pretty slim...particularly due to the practical nature of the change.

 

[Dad72078]

Lawyer contacted us . I have filed a motion to have her legal custody revoked as she has been obstructing his counseling and everything else I attempt for his well being

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Lawyer contacted us . I have filed a motion to have her legal custody revoked as she has been obstructing his counseling and everything else I attempt for his well being

What has your lawyer said? Please tell me you have a lawyer if she does.

 

[Dad72078]

I have a lawyer, he thinks we are in "ok" shape, but I am still worried about it. I am hoping the judge allows a subpeona for the dcf worker, who will definitely support the decision.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I have a lawyer, he thinks we are in "ok" shape, but I am still worried about it. I am hoping the judge allows a subpeona for the dcf worker, who will definitely support the decision.

Listen to your lawyer.

Mom is operating under the delusion that she will be regaining custody. She truly believes that it is the best interest of the child to stay enrolled in her district because he's coming back to her. Regardless of how unrealistic that is, it is what she believes.

Focus on the "best interests of the child". Don't tell her he's not going back after the court date in 4 months.

P.S. Make sure that you have your own personal copies of any communications that you have received about the case(s) with you when you go to court. Just in case.

 

[Dad72078]

My son is suffering socially , physically and mentally. He gets up at 6am drives over 2 hours a day 2 and from school, cant participate in after school programs or sports etc and cant make any friends in my neighborhood easily because he isnt interacting with them on a normal level. She is demanding to be present for his teauma counseling abd denying any couselor I choose for him. She was sending snapchat messages making him feel bad because he doesn't want to go to visitation, she is buying him stuff and saying its at her house waiting for him and generally doing anything she can to manipulate him and coerce him. Last time I took him she bought hi. A puppy rhe next day. That puppy is now (10 months later) unaccounted for. She is blatently manipulative and and mentally traunatizing this kid every chance she gets .
I have texts saved, pictures of her laying in her own urine that my son took with her phone as she was passed out, a video of her screaming and raving while covered in vomit etc. This is a dangerous woman.

 

[LdiJ]

My son is suffering socially , physically and mentally. He gets up at 6am drives over 2 hours a day 2 and from school, cant participate in after school programs or sports etc and cant make any friends in my neighborhood easily because he isnt interacting with them on a normal level. She is demanding to be present for his teauma counseling abd denying any couselor I choose for him. She was sending snapchat messages making him feel bad because he doesn't want to go to visitation, she is buying him stuff and saying its at her house waiting for him and generally doing anything she can to manipulate him and coerce him. Last time I took him she bought hi. A puppy rhe next day. That puppy is now (10 months later) unaccounted for. She is blatently manipulative and and mentally traunatizing this kid every chance she gets .
I have texts saved, pictures of her laying in her own urine that my son took with her phone as she was passed out, a video of her screaming and raving while covered in vomit etc. This is a dangerous woman.

Dad, do what is best for the child.

 

[not2cleverRed]

My son is suffering socially , physically and mentally. He gets up at 6am drives over 2 hours a day 2 and from school, cant participate in after school programs or sports etc and cant make any friends in my neighborhood easily because he isnt interacting with them on a normal level. She is demanding to be present for his teauma counseling abd denying any couselor I choose for him. She was sending snapchat messages making him feel bad because he doesn't want to go to visitation, she is buying him stuff and saying its at her house waiting for him and generally doing anything she can to manipulate him and coerce him. Last time I took him she bought hi. A puppy rhe next day. That puppy is now (10 months later) unaccounted for. She is blatently manipulative and and mentally traunatizing this kid every chance she gets .
I have texts saved, pictures of her laying in her own urine that my son took with her phone as she was passed out, a video of her screaming and raving while covered in vomit etc. This is a dangerous woman.

Again, be strong. Yes, he should be enrolled in your district, legally and practically. I'd try to do it already.

But listen to your lawyer for legal advice - not to her lawyer, not to her.

One thing I find problematic is that your son has been involved in evidence gathering. Please, hug him (if he's not too old for hugs) and explain that when these situations happen, he should call 911.

I think that you should see about his communications with her through other mediums being supervised as well, or at least monitored (by someone other than yourself).

 

[Dad72078]

He was involved in evidence gathering because they were in the Bahamas during the last incident was in the Bahamas and there was no way to get police involved because I had no idea about there actual location . it was a 2 day incident and I had to get a emergency order . my son was calling me for help as he was absolutely petrified because noone would help him. Lifeguards, hotel staff, cops all just shrugged it off when he begged for help. We were on the phone with everyone. I was in my lawyers office when my son called again and the lawyer advised that he take pictures of the scene so we could get an emergency order in place before they returned. Hotel staff literally had to drag her out of the hotel to get them to the airport. She drank the whole way home on the plane. When I met them at the gate passengers came up to me with tears in their eyes saying how sorry they were that my son had to deal with her. She was hitting him, drinking vodka, and swearing at the crew and passengers the whole time. I have been trying to prove this abuse for years but somehiw she slips out of it every time. Extreme action was needed . my sone deals with this everyday. This wasn't about a custody case. This is child abuse case. He lives it. Taking a picture of it is the least of his worries. His mother literally urinated on him while I was on the phone.

 

[LdiJ]

He was involved in evidence gathering because they were in the Bahamas during the last incident was in the Bahamas and there was no way to get police involved because I had no idea about there actual location . it was a 2 day incident and I had to get a emergency order . my son was calling me for help as he was absolutely petrified because noone would help him. Lifeguards, hotel staff, cops all just shrugged it off when he begged for help. We were on the phone with everyone. I was in my lawyers office when my son called again and the lawyer advised that he take pictures of the scene so we could get an emergency order in place before they returned. Hotel staff literally had to drag her out of the hotel to get them to the airport. She drank the whole way home on the plane. When I met them at the gate passengers came up to me with tears in their eyes saying how sorry they were that my son had to deal with her. She was hitting him, drinking vodka, and swearing at the crew and passengers the whole time. I have been trying to prove this abuse for years but somehiw she slips out of it every time. Extreme action was needed . my sone deals with this everyday. This wasn't about a custody case. This is child abuse case. He lives it. Taking a picture of it is the least of his worries. His mother literally urinated on him while I was on the phone.

OMG I am so sorry for your son...and so glad that DCF is taking the issue seriously. At this point in time you need to do what is best for your son, and to heck what mom thinks.

 

[not2cleverRed]

He was involved in evidence gathering because they were in the Bahamas during the last incident was in the Bahamas and there was no way to get police involved because I had no idea about there actual location . it was a 2 day incident and I had to get a emergency order . my son was calling me for help as he was absolutely petrified because noone would help him. Lifeguards, hotel staff, cops all just shrugged it off when he begged for help. We were on the phone with everyone. I was in my lawyers office when my son called again and the lawyer advised that he take pictures of the scene so we could get an emergency order in place before they returned. Hotel staff literally had to drag her out of the hotel to get them to the airport. She drank the whole way home on the plane. When I met them at the gate passengers came up to me with tears in their eyes saying how sorry they were that my son had to deal with her. She was hitting him, drinking vodka, and swearing at the crew and passengers the whole time. I have been trying to prove this abuse for years but somehiw she slips out of it every time. Extreme action was needed . my sone deals with this everyday. This wasn't about a custody case. This is child abuse case. He lives it. Taking a picture of it is the least of his worries. His mother literally urinated on him while I was on the phone.

In context, that's fine if it's a last resort. Don't worry about registering him for school where you are.

The basis of her counterclaim is her delusion that this will all go away, that she is a fit mother, and that her boy will live with her again.

I get that it's a nightmare. People who haven't had "difficult" exes have a tendency to assume it's easy to protect the children from unfit parents. The reality is that sometimes a child has to be hurt before everyone will agree that yeah, the parent is really unfit and probably the best interests of the child need to outweigh the rights of the parent.