terrified!

[Sonata75]

parental rights??

What is the name of your state? Nevada
My ex (we were never married but he signed the birth certificate) lives in California where our daughter was born. I moved to Nevada with my daughter while we were still a couple and he was supposed to move too, but due to a lot of things, we broke up (long story). He kept promising to get a job, I helped him, but he kept on making excuses. So I knew that it was time to break up due to his lack of committment to me and my daughter.

My ex has not contacted me or my daughter in 2 years. I am starting the process of terminating his rights. The lawyer told me to call my ex and ask him first before I start the process so I won't waste $1000 on the whole process. She says I should call him because filing for child support/custody is a whole different ball game and we could start there instead if he doesn't want to sign over his rights.

If he doesn't want to sign over his rights, will he get visitation? If he does get visitation, will it be supervised at first because my daughter is only 3 years old and she would be terrified and so depressed to be somewhere without me?

Could he ever get joint custody based on his lack of care for our daughter?

Also, because neither of us have filed yet, what does that mean to my case? Like for instance, since we both have never filed does he have equal rights to her even though he hasn't put in any effort at all? Can he make something up saying that I took her from him and wouldn't let him see her?

I thought that he didn't want to have anything to do with her but after talking to his mom about 3 weeks ago, it sounds like he does and he is blaming me that he hasn't seen her, but obviously he hasn't tried or called or anything like that, so he is probably saying those things so he won't look like a deadbeat dad to his mom, but I'm not sure.

If he were a good dad, I would want him in my daughter's life, but due to his past history, it scares me to death if he ever got unsupervised visitation, unless he changed and proved to be a good father.

Sorry for this lengthy post. I really appreciate you reading this and trying to help me. I really need all the love and support I can get through this scary time.

Thanks!
Take care.

 

[Sonata75]

I think the laws are different in Nevada, otherwise she would have told me that I would have to have someone to adopt my daughter.

I think she said that if he doesn't deny that he is the father than we wont have to establish paternity but I'm not sure about that. I cant remember. I've only talked with her on the phone. I haven't actually hired her yet!

I really like her fighting spirit though! She says that she has never lost a parental rights case!!

 

[Sonata75]

Anyone else?

 

[stealth2]

http://library.adoption.com/Termination-of-Parental-Rights/Grounds-for-Termination-of-Parental-Rights-Nevada/article/8598/1.html

 

[whatthistime]

[I don't mean any offense to you by this comment, but you are in no position to say "if he were a good dad." He was obviously good enough to plant his seed in you.



I think this is the most ignorant repetitive comment I read on here. Situations change and relationships go sour. People who make this comment are just spouting nonsense. Sad.

 

[Sonata75]

I agree!!

I think it's funny how so many people feel sorry for the dad that doesn't call, come around, pay money, etc. because they have a habit for supporting the underdog or something like that, when in reality the single mother that does all the work is the underdog. Just because the person planted the seed in me doesn't mean that they are a good father. Maybe they had really potent sperm, that's all it means!!

Anyone that is a single parent with no help from the other parent knows what I am talking about!

I believe people can change and I believe it would be in the best interest for my daughter if my ex did change because her self-esteem is going to be affected either way! I'm just trying to make him be a good dad by either saying now that he doesn't want to be in her life and confusing her forever or start now by being a father and trying his best not to let her down.

Thanks!
Take care

 

[VeronicaGia]

[I don't mean any offense to you by this comment, but you are in no position to say "if he were a good dad." He was obviously good enough to plant his seed in you.



I think this is the most ignorant repetitive comment I read on here. Situations change and relationships go sour. People who make this comment are just spouting nonsense. Sad.

The relationship between our poster and her ex went sour, it doesn't give our poster the right to deny him and his child their rights to each other. However, since paternity has never been legally established, he doesn't have to do anything, and one cannot terminate parental rights when those rights don't exist to begin with.

Therefore, it is neither an ignorant nor a repetative statement. What is ignorant is thinking that since the relationship didn't work between our poster and her ex, that she has the right to sever his parental rights, rights he doesn't even have yet. This is not about our poster and HER relationship with her ex, it is about the child. At this point, the child has no father in the legal sense of the word. So, whose rights is she trying to terminate? The rights don't exist, so what is there to terminate?

 

[tigger22472]

Are we certain paternity hasn't been established? I'm not sure of California but I know in my state when an unmarried couple have a child the man can put his name on the B/C and sign an affidavit of paternity and that's as good as a paternity test. In my case I actually didnt know this other paper was signed at the time of birth and only realized it later at the time I filed for TPR and step-parent adoption.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Are we certain paternity hasn't been established? I'm not sure of California but I know in my state when an unmarried couple have a child the man can put his name on the B/C and sign an affidavit of paternity and that's as good as a paternity test. In my case I actually didnt know this other paper was signed at the time of birth and only realized it later at the time I filed for TPR and step-parent adoption.

She said his name is on the BC, not that he signed it. She could put anyone's name on the BC, it means nothing. She did not mention him signing anything, including an affidavit of paternity. She also didn't a court ordered DNA test. So, the paternity is not established.

 

[whatthistime]

The relationship between our poster and her ex went sour, it doesn't give our poster the right to deny him and his child their rights to each other. However, since paternity has never been legally established, he doesn't have to do anything, and one cannot terminate parental rights when those rights don't exist to begin with.

Therefore, it is neither an ignorant nor a repetative statement. What is ignorant is thinking that since the relationship didn't work between our poster and her ex, that she has the right to sever his parental rights, rights he doesn't even have yet. This is not about our poster and HER relationship with her ex, it is about the child. At this point, the child has no father in the legal sense of the word. So, whose rights is she trying to terminate? The rights don't exist, so what is there to terminate?

The statement that "he was good enough to plant a seed" implies that the poster, and for that matter, all women who become pregnant and are left alone to raise their child are somehow at fault. For heavens sake, say the statement out loud. Would you want to hear that in front of a judg- would you say that in front of anyone?
True, step one, paternity established. But if mom is really bent on keeping Dad out of the childs life, let him take the initiative.
What chafes me is that the courts reward the absent parent....They do! The absent parent, for whatever selfish reason, ignores the child for months or years and then suddenly decides they are "ready" to be dad or mom. And the court's let them. Never mind that the other parent has raised the child, sick and healthy, given the other parent every opportunity to be involved but they don 't. Why does the the court do this. Lame everyday answer is..its the law. Well I call bullsh#t. While children need both parents, they need both parents 100 percent of the time and many times, that isn't happening, it's all about show.
It's sad, but it's true.

 

[brisgirl825]

Of course you would.


Hmm...what response are YOU reading? I don't see anywhere that the alleged dad is getting any pity. I'm sorry...maybe I missed this, but I didn't see anywhere in your posts where paternity was established and support was ordered. Oh...that's because NONE OF THIS HAPPENED!! Stop the whining and playing the "he's the bad guy" card and get your butt in gear. Geez...


Again, paternity established and a support order in place?


Huh? You can't "make" anyone be anything. If he's not going to be around and simply a wallet, then that is HIS choice and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. That is a decision HIM and HIM ALONE will have to make.

But, until you actually file for paternity establishment and get the ball rolling, you have absolutely NO RIGHT to start flinging insults and talking ish about your ex because you're relationship went sour and didn't go the way YOU wanted it. He's under NO obligation to do or give you anything at this point. Stop whining and making excuses and do somethin' already.

Take your own advice. It really gets tiring to hear you talk crap about your ex b/c she wants c/s. We get it, you don't want to pay, you think you shouldn't pay...blah blah blah.

Next time you leave your kids to a step-dad, why don't you let him do a step-parent adoption, then you wouldn't have to worry about these things.

 

[AHA]

Poeple don't become complete and total jerks overnight, so living with the other person there has to be signs that that person is no good, most people choose to ignore those signs though and think that having a baby or get married will solve everything.

You have unprotected sex or choose to keep a pregnancy, you HAVE CHOSEN that other person to potentially be the other parent of your child, so there is no point crying wolf after the fact. The choice is made, now live with it and accept the consequences for your decisions!

If a person is so bad(WHICH DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT), then DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM/HER!!!!!!!!! It's ridiculously easy to understand.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Nevada
My ex (we were never married but he is on the birth certificate) lives in California where our daughter was born). I moved to Nevada while we were still a couple and he was supposed to move too, but due to a lot of things, we broke up (long story).

My ex has not contacted me or my daughter in 2 years. I am starting the process of terminating his rights. The lawyer told me to call my ex and ask him first before I start the process so I won't waste $1000 on the whole process. She says I should call him because filing for child support/custody is a whole different ball game and we could start there instead if he doesn't want to sign over his rights.

If he doesn't want to sign over his rights, will he get visitation? If he does get visitation, will it be supervised at first because my daughter is only 3 years old and she would be terrified and so depressed to be somewhere without me?

Could he ever get joint custody based on his lack of care for our daughter?

Also, because neither of us have filed yet, what does that mean to my case? Like for instance, since we both have never filed does he have equal rights to her even though he hasn't put in any effort at all? Can he make something up saying that I took her from him and wouldn't let him see her?

I thought that he didn't want to have anything to do with her but after talking to his mom about 3 weeks ago, it sounds like he does and he is blaming me that he hasn't seen her, but obviously he hasn't tried or called or anything like that, so he is probably saying those things so he won't look like a deadbeat dad to his mom, but I'm not sure.

If he were a good dad, I would want him in my daughter's life, but due to his past history, it scares me to death if he ever got unsupervised visitation, unless he changed and proved to be a good father.

Sorry for this lengthy post. I really appreciate you reading this and trying to help me. I really need all the love and support I can get through this scary time.

Thanks!
Take care.

If he attempts to get visitation rights he will get visitation rights. Its true that he will have to visit under your supervision, in your community at first (because he is a stranger to the child) however if he is consistant with visitation he would eventually be able to have a standard type of long distance visitation schedule.

Despite the lack of sympathy you have recieved from other posters, I do understand your fears. They are quite normal. However you also have to accept the reality that he is the child's father, and if he wants to be part of the child's life the courts will give him that right.

 

[LdiJ]

Legalcuriosity.....you are projecting way too much of your own anger regarding you own situation on to other posters.

This mom isn't the mom in your case. Don't "beat her up" because you can't beat up the mom in your case. This is a dad who CHOSE to ignore his child.
Mom isn't the bad guy...dad is. Mom has to accept reality, but she isn't the one who chose to ignore the child's existance for two years.

 

[Sonata75]

Thanks for the answers and the help.

To clear some things up: He has signed the birth certificate. He knows he has a child! The only "wrong" thing I ever did was tell him that he couldn't bring his brand new girlfriend of only a week to his daughter's 1-year-old birthday party. After that he started calling me with threatening phone calls, etc. Well I called a lawyer and asked if I could tell him not to bring his girlfriend and she said that I couldn't do that. So I apologized to him and said he could bring his girlfriend and told him that he didn't have to pay me any money because he would always make the excuse that he couldn't come because he didn't have any money. So I told him that I would meet him half way between our 2 states and as soon as he was consistent he could take her home with him on the weekends. We agreed this was the best way and he never called again! So I have made an effort. I haven't gone to court because we were trying to be decent with each other without involving the courts. But the reason I want to go to court now to have him sign over his rights is because I fear if I ever died that my daughter would go to him and that scares me to death because he is not responsible!