The definition of “vacation”…

[ProSeDadinMD]

What is the name of your state? MD

Due to my employment, I don’t really have the option of taking “vacation” in the summer. Originally, for 2006, Mommy and I had verbally agreed(our current order has NO provisions for vacations in it, but I have already filed to have that changed) that she would be able to take my daughter to NM to visit her maternal grandmother for a little over a month. In return, we agreed that I would be able to take my “vacation” with my daughter during the month of November. Before anybody panics, we both live in the same school district, and my daughter would NOT be missing any school. She would just stay with me for that month. The closer we came to that time, the more she seemed to have issue with it(after she got her vacation, of course). First, it was can’t we just reverse visitation for that month(meaning EOW and Wednesday overnights). I said I deserved “vacation” as much as she did and she backed down(or so I thought). After our debate over homework(see my previous thread), she decided that she didn’t want me to have any “vacation” at all, and that it would not qualify as vacation anyway, as I am not taking my daughter out of state.

Since when does vacation mean you have to go someplace? What say you?

 

[CJane]

Since when does vacation mean you have to go someplace? What say you?

First of all - I think it's a little creepy that you call your ex Mommy in your posts. Just a personal opinion, but it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Perhaps, instead of using the term vacation, you could just call it 'uninterrupted parenting time'?

 

[Ohiogal]

Many standard plans call for vacation and state that if the vacationing parent is NOT traveling then the other parent gets the minimal visitation with the child -- why deprive the child of time with the parent when there is really not a reason to do so? Parenting plans are not for the best interest of the parent but the best interest of the child.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

First of all - I think it's a little creepy that you call your ex Mommy in your posts. Just a personal opinion, but it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Force of habit, and I'll try to refer to her differently. But then again I was taught to not call people bad names and the names that come to mind are not very polite.

Perhaps, instead of using the term vacation, you could just call it 'uninterrupted parenting time'?

I like that idea a LOT. I am sure that .....she ......will not agree in the least.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Many standard plans call for vacation and state that if the vacationing parent is NOT traveling then the other parent gets the minimal visitation with the child -- why deprive the child of time with the parent when there is really not a reason to do so? Parenting plans are not for the best interest of the parent but the best interest of the child.

Fair enough, and I probably would have agreed to that if ....she.... hadn't been nasty about it, espescially since my daughter has a half-sister there that I am sure she would miss.

 

[CJane]

Force of habit, and I'll try to refer to her differently. But then again I was taught to not call people bad names and the names that come to mind are not very polite.

Depends on your definition of 'bad', I guess. I just tend to think of them as 'honest' names. My ex-husband is Stupidhead and my ex-BF is the A$$hat. Not in front of the kids, but still.

I like that idea a LOT. I am sure that .....she ......will not agree in the least.

I suggested it because that's how my order reads. In fact, it uses 'parenting time' or 'custodial period' throughout instead of 'visitation'. Changes the whole tone of the document, and makes the whole 'you're only visiting' mentality go away somewhat.

If you're both in the same district and live so close together, why do you only have standard visitation?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

If you're both in the same district and live so close together, why do you only have standard visitation?

We didn't start out that way, and ....she .... wouldn't agree to 50/50 6 years ago, and she d@mn sure wouldn't agree to it now. I also had what I now consider a bad lawyer who told me to be lucky that I got what I did.

From what I have been able to find out, through talking to lawyers, as well as researching the law here in MD, I would have to show a pretty good reason to ask for 50/50 now. On the other hand, this is the second time I have been put in a position to have to modify our CO, the first being a contempt filing against her. I figure that there will be at least 1 more "incident" in the next year or 2, so if I have to go again, it will be to petition for primary custody, for the reason of "Parental Interference"

I almost put a contempt order on her again this time for her "vacation"(she didn't stay in NM, simply left the kids there to visit), but it was several months after the fact, so I have simply filed to amend our order to include the otherwise normal things.

 

[LdiJ]

We didn't start out that way, and ....she .... wouldn't agree to 50/50 6 years ago, and she d@mn sure wouldn't agree to it now. I also had what I now consider a bad lawyer who told me to be lucky that I got what I did.

From what I have been able to find out, through talking to lawyers, as well as researching the law here in MD, I would have to show a pretty good reason to ask for 50/50 now. On the other hand, this is the second time I have been put in a position to have to modify our CO, the first being a contempt filing against her. I figure that there will be at least 1 more "incident" in the next year or 2, so if I have to go again, it will be to petition for primary custody, for the reason of "Parental Interference"

I almost put a contempt order on her again this time for her "vacation"(she didn't stay in NM, simply left the kids there to visit), but it was several months after the fact, so I have simply filed to amend our order to include the otherwise normal things.

I think that you cut off your nose to spite your face by not agreeing to the flip flop of visitation during November. It sounds a bit like yout ego got in the way of common sense. Sure, it would have been fair for you to have an uninterrupted month....however it also would have been fair for you to simply receive makeup time for the days you missed while they were in NM.

As it was, you got nothing. You still could have taken things back to court to get vacation or uninterrupted parenting time added to the order, but you would have had the extra time in November.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I almost want to agree that I should have agreed to it, but I didn't. Moot point now, as it was all verbal anyway. I also have an email from ....her.... stating that doing anything other than what is in the order is "not only incorrect but it is unlawful"(although apparently that does not apply to ....her....), so I am positive that ....she.... would have backed out of it anyway. Probably nothing lost.

I have already filed the petition to modify, to add holidays/make-up visitation/"vacation"/etc, and remove a line that states that all other times not specified revert to the mother.

....She.... has given me every reason to believe that ....she.... will fight it tooth and nail by saying things like my daughters best interest would be served by removing my weekly overnights and "giving" me a "set period of time" every summer(although ....she.... knows full well that this would not be possible in my current employment) to take it's place, and that ....she.... doesn't feel that it would "interfere or detract from" my relationship with my daughter. Of course, ....she.... didn't feel this way untill after we started talking about homework(see my previous thread).

 

[CJane]

she.... will fight it tooth and nail by saying things like my daughters best interest would be served by removing my weekly overnights and "giving" me a "set period of time" every summer(although ....she.... knows full well that this would not be possible in my current employment) to take it's place, and that ....she.... doesn't feel that it would "interfere or detract from" my relationship with my daughter.

Ok, my advice, as far as this? Let her. Let her tell a judge all of that. Because that's EXACTLY the sort of thing that irritates the men in black to no end.

One of the 'best interest standards in my state (and I'm assuming a whole lot of others) is figuring out which parent is most likely to foster frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent. Clearly, she's not interested in doing so. Let her hang herself.

And IMO again, you should file an amended motion for joint placement (50/50) based on her current desire to restrict your parenting time even further. If you're going to have a court battle on your hands, you may as well make it worth it.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Ok, my advice, as far as this? Let her. Let her tell a judge all of that. Because that's EXACTLY the sort of thing that irritates the men in black to no end.

One of the 'best interest standards in my state (and I'm assuming a whole lot of others) is figuring out which parent is most likely to foster frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent. Clearly, she's not interested in doing so. Let her hang herself.

And IMO again, you should file an amended motion for joint placement (50/50) based on her current desire to restrict your parenting time even further. If you're going to have a court battle on your hands, you may as well make it worth it.

I have every intention of letting ....her.... stick her foot as far into her mouth as she can.

I'd love the 50/50 and have no doubt that my little girl would too. I may have to go back and talk to the ProSe people at the courthouse and see if her emails about wanting to take days away would constitute proof enough for parental interference.

 

[CJane]

I have every intention of letting ....her.... stick her foot as far into her mouth as she can.

I'd love the 50/50 and have no doubt that my little girl would too. I may have to go back and talk to the ProSe people at the courthouse and see if her emails about wanting to take days away would constitute proof enough for parental interference.

Ya know, even if you can't afford an attorney for yourself... you should seriously consider having a GAL appointed if you think this is going to turn into a all out battle. You'll end up paying at least 1/2 of his/her fees (in my case, my half came out to $1300 for a case that lasted almost a year), but it's so worth it to know that your child is being represented by an impartial party.

 

[stealth2]

How is it a vacation if she's in school and you're at work?

 

[LdiJ]

I have every intention of letting ....her.... stick her foot as far into her mouth as she can.

I'd love the 50/50 and have no doubt that my little girl would too. I may have to go back and talk to the ProSe people at the courthouse and see if her emails about wanting to take days away would constitute proof enough for parental interference.

I think that you might be stretching there. She has just as much legal right to request a reduction in time as you have to request an increase in time. She has little to no chance of getting that....but its not legally improper to ask. That, in and of itself, is not "parental interference".

I have only one small concern for you, and its somewhat of a minor one...However, you do appear to enjoy getting one over on mom and/or (as we discussed above) cutting off your nose to spite your face. Just remember that your child needs both of you, and your child will be happiest if she is not torn between the two of you....or is torn the least possible. She is also more observant than you think, and once she becomes an adult she will have the healthiest relationship with the parent who made her feel the least "torn".

That isn't an accusation, so please don't take it that way....its intended to be cautionary. We sometimes don't realize that our children are as observant as they are, and that they DO form opinions of their own. Sometimes those opinions are different than what they lead us to believe that they are.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

How is it a vacation if she's in school and you're at work?

It's as much of a vacation as I can get with her currently without taking her out of school(which...she ...."allowed" me to do for 1 week last November when we went to Disney, taking her classwork and homework with us, but apparently this year is an issue). Due to my employment, I don't have the option of taking vacation in the summer as a general rule.

As far as a GAL, which I assume is a court appointed lawyer to represent my daughter, I will check into that, if it gets that far. The last time, after I file a contempt order against...her .... for not following our agreement, I ended up negotiating our current agreement with her lawyer(after she lied in a provable manner) in her response to the contempt filing.

As to enjoying "getting one over on mom", I would just assume that we weren't in this position to begin with, and I never discuss any of this when my daughter is around.