We're kind of deviating off the initial questions (who is the defendant, here?) but I'll fill in some more background for those who are interested.
My first communication with them was to indeed ask for the correct item or a refund. However, I suspect they never had it to begin with. A separate story but irrelevant nonetheless (since I can't prove anything), but it did cause me to consider the ramifications of the packing list. Because it had the correct item on it, I wanted to be certain to get some kind of (real) response from the seller. Additionally, the network card box has the SKU# of the processor scribbled on it in someone's handwriting. I work in shipping myself, and this raised some red flags. Almost looked like someone in their warehouse could have stolen the processor and substituted something else. Warehouse workers have been known to pull things like this. While we easily caught a guy doing this at a place I used to work, not all warehouses are created equally. (One of my emails explained all of these concerns, btw)
I know when there is a mistake that many times it can be confirmed on your own end. UPS accounts have histories with box dimensions and weights in addition to any inventory records the warehouse might have. So my questions were an attempt to fact-find and protect myself from simply shipping the item back and having them say "well, looks like this didn't come from our warehouse." For a $20 item, I'd probably just ship it back. Since I paid around $480, I wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving myself open to being scammed.
For these reasons it was important to communicate with the seller to share information. They wanted NO such thing. I couldn't get anyone on the phone (except people who forwarded my call to voicemail boxes - no call backs), couldn't get them to respond to any of my questions (like what happened?), couldn't get them to clarify their restocking fee. I got almost nothing but automated responses (all of which had generic, almost fake-looking names like John Smith, Bob Miller, etc..). I did get one email which looked "real" but when I responded with a couple of questions I got the exact same email back in reply. I have been polite and forthcoming with them.
These are legit questions, and I think a pattern of bad faith has been established. Even if they simply were to say, "sorry, but we checked our records and accounts but we can't confirm we shipped incorrectly" then that would at least be something. They don't have to admit fault or declare innocence - just convince me that you're working to resolve the problem and gather all the pertinent facts. But, no way. Instead they want: return the item, pay a restocking fee (presumably), pay for shipping, and then pray.
Hell, no.