Tired of toxic work relationship with homosexual client contact I report to.

[Pauly R]

Hold everything, folks.

While it is still (unfortunately) true that sexual orientation is not protected under Federal law or under the laws of the OP's state, there is case law at the Federal level which makes same-sex sexual harassment illegal. I used to know the case law off the top of my head but it's been while and I'll have to go looking for it.

telling me the size of his penis, or talking about sticking something in my butt,

Any of you planning to tell me you wouldn't be calling this SH if the poster were female?

OP, if you have not already done so, IMMEDIATELY go to HR and report this as harassment. It's more difficult because it's a client and not a co-worker or boss, but it's not as dire an outlook for you as my colleagues are trying to tell you, either.

Maybe I didn't explain the situation right but you seem to understand what I was saying. The profanity and dirty joking back and forth does not bother me and I know should have not gotten caught up in that at all, but the first week I started working for him he's dropping F bombs and using gay slurs, so I was just like "whatever", he's the boss. I do not engage in this type of communication to anybody else in my working environment. His come on's and nasty gay remarks are what I dislike. I told him he was sickening because he was telling me about getting "his salad tossed".

 

[Pauly R]

It wasn't enough to just tell him that you were uncomfortable with the sexual/profane conversations eh? You had to go and tell your client/boss that you found him SICKENING and now you're wondering why he seems to have a problem with you now?

Damn straight......I don't want to hear about a man licking another man's anus. Maybe your cool with that, I'm not.

 

[cbg]

Have you told him that you don't want to hear about that sort of thing any longer? If not, do so.

 

[Pauly R]

Okay, the stuff the OP is talking about that happened who knows when sounds really awful. Yes, the client contact has said some really really objectionable things. He may have talked nasty, but the OP doesn't mention he was ever solicited or threatened. Verbal sexual harassment? Maybe. But how long did the OP allow this to drag on without complaint? Six years? That's a pretty long time not to have mentioned something to somebody about the objectionable way your client was communicating with you. And then we heard "I played along and even participated in profane correspondence." Uh oh for your case.

And I would say this even if the OP was female, I'd think the same thing. If you didn't go ballistic when he began saying things like this, the client will try to say he's not ever been aware that the OP found his behavior unacceptable. Until he suddenly told the guy he found his behavior disgusting.

It's pretty definite that the OP's employer hasn't heard anything about it, has not been given an opportunity to do something. Right now, I just don't see where a sexual harassment complaint would go.

I agree, the OP should have discussed this issue with his supervisor or HR or someone, reported it as harassment at the time it begun, or the time it actually happened. But I suspect those really bad remarks that are quoted and that get so much traction and have so much shock value happened a long time ago, not lately. He may go in and talk to someone right now, but I would bet a contractor with a large university isn't going to give a lot of weight to one of their employees who's not happy with the behavior of one of their major client contacts, hasn't been for six years, and is just now bringing it up.

I think this OP has gotten into a situation where he's going to be the one who fares badly, and should be looking for something else to get out of this situation soon.

Actually there have been multiple times my corporate office has had to intervene between us because things get heated every so often. They know he and I have had many clashes over the years. I do a great job for this school though, so I have leverage to stand up for myself.

 

[Pauly R]

Have you told him that you don't want to hear about that sort of thing any longer? If not, do so.

Yes I told him he was sickening and I don't want to hear about it. This is when he starting acting differently and making my work days very annoying.

 

[Just Blue]

Yes I told him he was sickening and I don't want to hear about it. This is when he starting acting differently and making my work days very annoying.

Well, take your bottom to an attorney to assist with this "sickening" situation.

 

[Just Blue]

Damn straight......I don't want to hear about a man licking another man's anus. Maybe your cool with that, I'm not.

If your boss was talking about licking a womans vagina...would that be okay?



For your future work world I would "suggest" dissregarding such talk. It is REALLY not that big deal. IMO.

 

[cbg]

I am absolutely astounded at the responses I am seeing here.

Pauly, just for your information, I do exclusively benefits now but for several years I was the one who conducted sexual harassment investigations for my employer and I have taught classes in how employers should manage sexual harassment issues. This IS a bigger deal than my unfortunately uninformed colleagues seem to believe. Your situation is more difficult to handle because it is a client and not another employee of the same employer, but it's not an insurmountable problem either. I'm not going to claim it wouldn't have been easier if you'd never played along or if you had addressed it the first time it happened, but once again that does not negate a claim either. As much as my fellow responders would like you to think that your only option is to put up or find another job, it's not. Talk to HR. Tell them everything you've told us here. See what happens. Then come back.

 

[eerelations]

I am absolutely astounded at the responses I am seeing here.

I think it's because the responders suspect the OP is only bothered because the dirty talk is about gay sex and that if the dirty talk was about hetero sex, the OP wouldn't be bothered (or "sickened"). Just my take on why they're reacting the way they are. (And I confess, I'm reacting a bit similarly.)

 

[>Charlotte<]

It sounds like if a woman was complaining about the sexual inappropriateness of a lesbian at work, we'd tell her she was wrong because if it was a man doing it, she probably wouldn't care. Or, if it was an unattractive man doing it, she'd be wrong because if it was a handsome man she probably wouldn't care. Nor do I agree with the "you didn't do anything about it before" argument. Whether or not it bothered him then, it bothers him now. He has a right to tell this fool to knock it off. This is sexual harassment, and under no circumstances is anyone obliged to shut up and accept it.

 

[davew128]

It wasn't enough to just tell him that you were uncomfortable with the sexual/profane conversations eh? You had to go and tell your client/boss that you found him SICKENING and now you're wondering why he seems to have a problem with you now?

Seems to me that going to the boss was the only prudent course of action. If a person talked like that to me in public, his jaw would be wired shut for a few weeks afterwards. Since in the business world, it is generally frowned upon to knock someone on their ass, I would certainly inform my superior of the innapropriate conduct by the client, if for no other reason than for CYA.

 

[Just Blue]

I think it's because the responders suspect the OP is only bothered because the dirty talk is about gay sex and that if the dirty talk was about hetero sex, the OP wouldn't be bothered (or "sickened"). Just my take on why they're reacting the way they are. (And I confess, I'm reacting a bit similarly.)

True.

I think if he had used the word "offensive" rather than "sickened" I would have reacted different. My bad I guess...

 

[commentator]

What actually bothered me was "I have emails..." not what the emails said. Gay, straight, whatever, someone who collects evidence over a long time period but hasn't complained to anyone officially is a little suspicious to me.

 

[eerelations]

It sounds like if a woman was complaining about the sexual inappropriateness of a lesbian at work, we'd tell her she was wrong because if it was a man doing it, she probably wouldn't care.

I didn't say that. I said that OP has implied that the only reason he was "sickened" was because it was gay sex talk and that he wouldn't be "sickened" if it was hetero sex talk. This is coming from the OP, not me. I was just commenting on OP's message, not on whether or not he had a valid SH claim.

 

[I'mTheFather]

I don't believe OP has said whether or not the sexual talk has continued after he told his client to stop. He played along for a 6 years, told him to stop, and now the work relationship has changed, if I'm reading correctly. If it has stopped, the issue isn't sexual harassment. It's his perception that he's being treated unfairly because he's no longer playing.