Totally new subject

[familyoffive181]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Now, I have already created new threads concerning the Child Support Order that my husband and I are going for here in Texas for my two daughters that we just got custody of about 6 months ago. This one is about our other option that we are thinking and talking about.

That other option is to file for a Termination of Parental Rights for their mother in Kentucky since she has technically, legally "abandoned" her children. The statutes in Kentucky state that 6 months or more of non support or visitation and communication by the parent's choice can be considered abandonment. On May 6, 2008 it will be 6 months to the day since we got these kids and the aforementioned issues are what we have encountered with this particular mother.

She has not paid one red cent in support for her children, sent them with NOTHING when they were removed from her home and has not even called to see that they even made it to Texas alive!! If we go forward with petitioning the court for a termination then she will not be required to financially support her children nor would she be able to have visitation with them (which she has stated herself in court that she does not want any) but if we do not go forward with the termination she would possibly in the future have a chance at having visitation with the children which would only damage them more Psychologically speaking.

Does anyone with knowledge of this situation and real life experience in this exact situation have any suggestions? The money is not of the utmost importance to us as we have been supporting them very well on my husband's salary and with the support money he used to pay out per month but it would be nice for these girls to know that their mother may not have seen them or spoken to them but she did make sure that they had things they needed. I know that she could care less if her kids have anything or are even alive but I think that maybe one day she will change her mind and her actions and might want SOME type of relationship with them, to which I would not object.


I do not agree that she should have any contact with them at their ages now (the Judge does too as he ordered a NCO on her for all of her kids) but I think that some people have to lose everything they have in order to see the light. I really do not WANT to file the paperwork (my husband will file it) because it is so final but at the same time I do not think that she is healthy enough to be around her kids and neither does the state of Ky., her psychologists (state ordered), the social workers and the CASA. She has some severe mental conditions that prevent her from being capable of caring for her children at all.


Any suggestions that make sense and would benefit our kids would be great...all others who only want to critique my thread can ignore me and I think they know how to hit the ignore button! Thanks in advance for your time...

 

[Just Blue]

Here is the LEGAL REALITY:

You are not the mother to these children.
There is no "we".
What you think about these children and what is "good" for them is totally irrelevant legally and morally you NEED to shut the heck up.
You are not supporting these children on your HUSBANDS salary.
There is not CS order therefor there is no financial neglect/abandonment.
There is a NCO so the FATHER can't claim abandonment by no contact. She isn't LEGALLY ALLOWED to contact the children.
If you want to help gather information for your husband then you need to understand the law/case law and how it will apply to HIS situation. You don't seem willing to listen to real legal advice, how your OVER-INVOLVEMENT and total attempt to insert yourself as the mother to these children will HURT him in court.

The fact is hubby is a lying dog that cheated on his wife with you. He didn't tell you he was still married. He is a lying dog. Please keep that in mind when bashing the MOTHER of these children.

 

[stealth2]

Hmmmmm... Somehow I don't think that's the response she was looking for, bay.

 

[Just Blue]

Hmmmmm... Somehow I don't think that's the response she was looking for, bay.

Is it ever???

 

[alissagail]

You have only had the children 6 months...that means the Mother had them prior to the 6 months? You can not consider that abandonment. If I am correct, you have to wait 3 years of NO contact at all before you can cry abandonment.

Please listen to the seniors here when they caution you on using terms like "we", "our" and "my children"...they are really trying to help you in the long run. As a stepmom, I know how involved you really are...but...when it comes down to it...you really are a legal stranger to these kids...yes, you may love and care for them...but you are in a legal battle and you are viewed as a legal stranger to these kids unless you have adopted them. So, please respect the courts and your husbands case by changing your way of thinking. I know that it's hard...but you are only hurting your case here.

 

[proud_parent]

Does anyone with knowledge of this situation and real life experience in this exact situation have any suggestions? The money is not of the utmost importance to us as we have been supporting them very well on my husband's salary and with the support money he used to pay out per month but it would be nice for these girls to know that their mother may not have seen them or spoken to them but she did make sure that they had things they needed.

If their mother did provide financial support how would the children find that out? Would you tell them? Do you discuss the details of court orders with these minors?

I find it highly unlikely that the knowledge their mother provided for them materially but not emotionally would be of any consolation to the children.

I know that she could care less if her kids have anything or are even alive but I think that maybe one day she will change her mind and her actions and might want SOME type of relationship with them, to which I would not object.

You have no legal standing to object. But you've answered your own question. If the mother demonstrates that she might pursue and be capable of sustaining of a meaningful relationship with her children, that is a strong argument in favor of your husband not pursuing an involuntary TPR.

 

[familyoffive181]

Kids grow up eventually and figure things out, that is precisely what I was saying with regards to the girls knowing their mother did something for them besides give birth to them! I do not discuss money with these kids at all as you can see...we are not the ones who are getting support from her by her own accord. We have the money to care for them without support as we have been doing for the past 6 months!!

Read the posts people....

 

[Just Blue]

Kids grow up eventually and figure things out, that is precisely what I was saying with regards to the girls knowing their mother did something for them besides give birth to them! I do not discuss money with these kids at all as you can see...we are not the ones who are getting support from her by her own accord. We have the money to care for them without support as we have been doing for the past 6 months!!

Read the posts people....

No. Your husband has been financially supporting HIS children. You are a SAHM...Last I heard your weekly income is zilch. They are not your children.

 

[proud_parent]

Allow me to reiterate: I find it highly unlikely that the knowledge their mother provided for them materially but not emotionally would be of any consolation to the children. Even -- perhaps especially -- when the children reach majority and become responsible for providing materially for themselves and their own families.

Kids grow up eventually and figure things out, that is precisely what I was saying with regards to the girls knowing their mother did something for them besides give birth to them! I do not discuss money with these kids at all as you can see...we are not the ones who are getting support from her by her own accord. We have the money to care for them without support as we have been doing for the past 6 months!!

Read the posts people....

Most do. Some, as this forum bears witness time and again, do not.

 

[familyoffive181]

One last tidbit...why is it that I created my OWN thread and it was intruded upon by strangers? That was the point right...create your own thread and not get into others' threads?

 

[familyoffive181]

I find it cute that the moderators will only allow certain posts to make it through too. Maybe they cannot handle comments that may make them look wrong? I bet so...I came on here to ask a simple question initially...please allow me to reiterate it:

I posted a thread asking if anyone had any personal experience with the Texas OAG regarding support orders and enforcement? The responses I got were NOT from other general people, they were from nosy "Senior Members" stating that "I did not sign anything for support as they are not my children and so on and so forth".

Now, had they chosen to keep their mouths shut and their fingers on lock then maybe that thread would never have turned ugly and we would not be where we are today! Ever thought about that one....?

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Allow me to reiterate: I find it highly unlikely that the knowledge their mother provided for them materially but not emotionally would be of any consolation to the children. Even -- perhaps especially -- when the children reach majority and become responsible for providing materially for themselves and their own families.

Family Of Five - Please do not kid yourself into thinking that these children will now or ever feel better by knowing their mother didn't call or contact them but did send some money from time to time. My biological father faithfully paid child support for 18 years but had no interest in seeing me as a child or as an adult. Trust me, it is little consolation.

Wanna know what did make me feel better? My mother and stepfather speaking to me about my father in something other than derisive terms. Reminding me that I was still loved. My stepfather remembering that he could not take the place of my father. Now, as an adult, knowing that my father COULD NEVER take the place of my stepfather, my Dad.

 

[proud_parent]

One last tidbit...why is it that I created my OWN thread and it was intruded upon by strangers? That was the point right...create your own thread and not get into others' threads?

So you created a new thread, and in so doing solicited the advice of other members. Did I miss where you stated your questions in this thread are merely rhetorical? Are we to understand also that your choice of thread title was an attempt at irony?

I find it cute that the moderators will only allow certain posts to make it through too. Maybe they cannot handle comments that may make them look wrong? I bet so...I came on here to ask a simple question initially...please allow me to reiterate it:

I posted a thread asking if anyone had any personal experience with the Texas OAG regarding support orders and enforcement? The responses I got were NOT from other general people, they were from nosy "Senior Members" stating that "I did not sign anything for support as they are not my children and so on and so forth".

Now, had they chosen to keep their mouths shut and their fingers on lock then maybe that thread would never have turned ugly and we would not be where we are today! Ever thought about that one....?

You find it cute? I find it astounding that the moderators are able to monitor these many threads so diligently, and willing to do what is required without abandoning the forum entirely. What a thankless task.

 

[familyoffive181]

Thanks for the response Non Mom! As I said before, we simply do not mention the NM at all. One time the oldest asked my husband and I out of the blue if her "mom in Kentucky is a bad person" and if "her mom in Kentucky loves her and her sister"?

I found these questions to be extremely hard to answer to a 6 year old child. I simply said to her "your mom loves you, you are her daughter". She said "yes but does she love me like you love me"? To that I responded..."she loves you very much sweetie". I am not sure how to answer these questions. Their Child Psych. suggested that I ask them what they think about whether or not their mother loves them to see how they feel and sort of let them answer their own questions.

I have begun to think in that way but she has never mentioned her mother again since then. These kids have seen an awful lot of the Family Court system in their short lives. The youngest of those two has been in it her whole life, the eldest almost her whole life. These kids were always informed of what was going on in court by their NM and the MGP's that they lived with in Kentucky. All my husband and I used to say to them on the phone during their telephonic visitation when they asked us questions regarding if they could ever come to live with us was: we really would love for you to be able to live with us but we cannot tell you that for sure now. These kids asked these questions in front of their NM on the phone and she responded with nothing. Each and every situation is different from other's and that is why I have taken so much offense to the remarks made about me not being their mom. They call me momma on their own. I have always suggested to them since they were babies and I first met them that they call me "______"(my first name) to be sure that no one could ever say that I had forced them into calling me anything otherwise. These kids asked me if they could call me momma? I told them that they can call me whatever they wish to call me as I was instructed to do by their Forensic Psychologist from the start. He stated to me that they should feel comfortable with me and their relationship with me. I respond to them the same as I would if it were my own Bio daughter calling me momma because I do not believe in Step this and Step that or Half siblings and so on. I was adopted and so was my brother and we are not biologically related but I am not calling him my adopted brother. Does anyone on here get my point?


I totally and completely understand the legal process with regards to our specific case and that I have "legal rights" to these kids but legal rights only last till the age of majority anyway...then who will be their mom then? They do not consider her to be mom at this point according to their actions as well as their many evals done by professionals. They call me mom, they come to me when they need something. These kids didn't even go to her when we returned them to her in Sept. 2007 before court. They screamed and held onto my neck outside of the meet up for drop offs. I began crying because I did not want for her as a mother to feel horrible and because I did not for these girls to be in this situation at all. Some of those on here may feel as though I am a cold and callused person but I truly am not, I love my girls! How many people on here who do in fact have stepchildren refer to them as "come here stepchild, pick up your toys, etc"? None and if they do they are far worse the stepparent than I am I can tell you that much.

 

[LdiJ]

I find it cute that the moderators will only allow certain posts to make it through too. Maybe they cannot handle comments that may make them look wrong? I bet so...I came on here to ask a simple question initially...please allow me to reiterate it:

I posted a thread asking if anyone had any personal experience with the Texas OAG regarding support orders and enforcement? The responses I got were NOT from other general people, they were from nosy "Senior Members" stating that "I did not sign anything for support as they are not my children and so on and so forth".

Now, had they chosen to keep their mouths shut and their fingers on lock then maybe that thread would never have turned ugly and we would not be where we are today! Ever thought about that one....?

While you may not appreciate the manner in which the advice is being delivered, its honestly extremely valuable advice. Judges very seriously frown on stepparents who are overly involved in the legal process, and who do not respect the fact that they are not the child's parent.

Now, if the judge actually did put a no contact order on mom, then its possible that mom will end up never being part of these children's lives again. However, its far too soon to even be remotely contemplating terminating her rights. Also, If I remember correctly CPS is involved, which means they are in control of the case. It will be up to them to decide whether or not mom's rights should be terminated, if she does not follow the her case plan.