milspecgirl , sir!
Thank you. This is exactly the kind of information I need to know. Not only does there need to be proof that this is in the best interest of the child, but also prove that the child will not become a burden of the state. I have a pretty good life insurance policy and the child has a pretty decent trust fund. Financially, I am in pretty good shape, with far greater assets than debt; as well a family who is willing and able to step in both physically and financially, should the need arise. Thank you for clarifying this. And yes, my attorney is making this sound easier than I expect it to be...he's been at this for a long time and is one of the most respected family attorneys in my area. I know I need to trust him, but I am also one who needs to know for myself. You have been very helpful.
Joan Marie, this is not a case of a little involved parent. This is a much more complicated situation than just irregular contact. For 5 of the almost 7 years since we separated the NCP has been COMPLETELY absent, there is ongoing substance abuse, criminal behavior, and an assault on a minor child. Now, this among many other things could provide me with a lot of bad things to say to the child about the absent parent, but that would be way, way, way out of line and has never even been a consideration. If an absent parents behaviors are creating a negative impact on a child, is it the CP's duty to assume responsibility for those behavior or to try to limit the damage? I know I chose to have a child with this person, but they were a different person then.
It is not appropriate to assume that by seeking this action that I say or do anything negatively about the absent parent. As a matter of fact, it is just the opposite. By attempting to assume legal control over the life of the child I raise and support, fully, I am not bricking up the door. He will always be the dad, and if a time comes in his life when he does turn around, then hopefully it will be on my child's and my terms as to how quickly and under what conditions we open the door.
I guess the big question is how much "collateral damage" is acceptable as a result of divorce when children are involved?
Very serious and thoughtful consideration has been made regarding this situation. Years of counseling with the same therapist who has witnessed first hand the impact of the NCP's behavior, years of making every possible effort to accommodate the NCP...and a recommendation from the therapist that it is time to allow this child some closure on this very painful relationship have lead to this decision. Leaving the door open is not always best for the kid's sake.
Thank you. This is exactly the kind of information I need to know. Not only does there need to be proof that this is in the best interest of the child, but also prove that the child will not become a burden of the state. I have a pretty good life insurance policy and the child has a pretty decent trust fund. Financially, I am in pretty good shape, with far greater assets than debt; as well a family who is willing and able to step in both physically and financially, should the need arise. Thank you for clarifying this. And yes, my attorney is making this sound easier than I expect it to be...he's been at this for a long time and is one of the most respected family attorneys in my area. I know I need to trust him, but I am also one who needs to know for myself. You have been very helpful.
Joan Marie, this is not a case of a little involved parent. This is a much more complicated situation than just irregular contact. For 5 of the almost 7 years since we separated the NCP has been COMPLETELY absent, there is ongoing substance abuse, criminal behavior, and an assault on a minor child. Now, this among many other things could provide me with a lot of bad things to say to the child about the absent parent, but that would be way, way, way out of line and has never even been a consideration. If an absent parents behaviors are creating a negative impact on a child, is it the CP's duty to assume responsibility for those behavior or to try to limit the damage? I know I chose to have a child with this person, but they were a different person then.
It is not appropriate to assume that by seeking this action that I say or do anything negatively about the absent parent. As a matter of fact, it is just the opposite. By attempting to assume legal control over the life of the child I raise and support, fully, I am not bricking up the door. He will always be the dad, and if a time comes in his life when he does turn around, then hopefully it will be on my child's and my terms as to how quickly and under what conditions we open the door.
I guess the big question is how much "collateral damage" is acceptable as a result of divorce when children are involved?
Very serious and thoughtful consideration has been made regarding this situation. Years of counseling with the same therapist who has witnessed first hand the impact of the NCP's behavior, years of making every possible effort to accommodate the NCP...and a recommendation from the therapist that it is time to allow this child some closure on this very painful relationship have lead to this decision. Leaving the door open is not always best for the kid's sake.
