trouble w/ child's father/his mother

[CJane]

Ok, look OP. If he's never been determined to be the father, simply cut off all contact with him. You're under no LEGAL obligation to let him see the child (that legally isn't his anyway) and he's under no obligation to support the child.

Morally/ethically, I think you're behaving in an abhorrent manner, but that's irrelevant. If dad wants contact with the child, he'll have to file for paternity/visitation/custody. IF that happens, you can rest assured that he WILL receive visitation regardless of his current ex's claims of abuse, and you WILL be obligated to present your child for those visitations.

 

[poeypooh]

He hasnt started paying yet but is supposed to in November. And no he chooses not to visit or call her. I have never kept her from him though. My daughter has actually called and left messages with his mom for him to call but he never has. I was able to get in touch with him recently and I called and talked to him about his not seeing her. I told him that anytime he wanted to call or to come and visit her he could. I explained that he is to have supervised visits, as that is how it was ordered at court. He said he would keep it in mind. At the time I was still thinking about terminating his parental rights and asked him about that. He said that as soon as the paternity results came back he would call and talk to me about that. Well the results came back, and obviously she is his, and he hasnt called. I have since though decided not to terminate his rights for reason I explained in my earlier post.

Whatever you decide to do as far as his parenting rights please try to keep your daughters best interest in mind. No one knows the situation the you and her are in for sure so only you will know what is best for her. Just try to remember though that this is about her and not you.

 

[langley]

That's just it CJane, he's never wanted to file for anything because he doesn't want to pay anything that the court tells him to. He's always wanted to do it by agreement between the two of us. Until this last year when he started trying to get my daughter through his mother when she would go to her house.
Were not talking a ton of money here when he does see her, maybe $20-40 twice a year.

poeypooh- I just thought about having him sign over his parental rights because he is an absent father but I didn't mean down the road that she couldn't see him or anything like that.

In case you wondering, I don't talk bad about her real dad at all, in fact I don't mention his name to her unless he calls. For now, she doesn't want to go to his house or talk to him, that's her choice. When he called last night to wish her a happy birthday, I tried to get her to talk to him and she wouldn't and he said okay.

 

[betterthanher]

why am I selfish when he's a dead beat dad.

WRONG WRONG WRONG!! He is NOT a deadbeat because you've never:

1) filed for establishment of paternity (name on BC means nothing)
2) never established a child support order.

He is not legally the child's father (it sounds like) and you have not held him responsible to pay child support. That IS how it works, regardless of you women who continue to think you're automatically owed something if you don't do anything.

My daughter just turned 9 yesterday and the only time he calls her is his birthday or Christmas and after x-mas is over it will be 10 months before we hear from him again.

So?

If he doesn't pay child support then what's wrong with having an agreement that when he gets my daughter he will give some money.

Your agreement means NOTHING! You are not a Judge and therefore have no legal authority to order him to give you a penny.

But he uses his mother to see her that way he gets out having to do anything financially for her. Is that okay for fathers to keep having kids but not want to have the responsibility of taking care of them?

Interesting how it's "him...him...him."

So, what's stopped you from having him sign a declaration of paternity or ordering a DNA test? What prevented YOU from filing for child support.

Lady...YOU ARE A FAILURE TO YOUR CHILD!! Since you're so quick to call him a deadbeat, which he is NOT, you failed to file for paternity establishment and support for the child. He is under no legal authority to do anything.

As you stated, you both went on your merry ways.

 

[betterthanher]

what are you talking about paridise? What's your story? First time in here so don't know you.

Obviously YOU can't read.

How many times do you need to be told about acknowledgement of paternity/DNA testing? You've been told a couple of times already about a name being on a birth certificate means nothing. So does him telling you "it's mine."

Until it's on official court documents, it all means nothing. HE IS NOT THE LEGAL FATHER -- PERIOD!!

Do you always need to be told things AT LEAST 4 or 5 times?

 

[betterthanher]

That's just it CJane, he's never wanted to file for anything because he doesn't want to pay anything that the court tells him to.

Again with the "him him him" stuff. So, were there roadblocks preventing you from filing for support so you can get an establishment of paternity? What's YOUR excuse?

 

[langley]

Like I said before he's never challenged the paternity, he knows that he is the father, she looks just like him. I would give a paternity test if I was asked to.

He's never filed for anything either so don't go blaming women you don't want to do anything.
He doesn't want to file because he can't afford it. He can't keep a job. There has been plenty of times when he did ask to see her years ago that I didn't ask for anything in return.

So until I get a paternity test proving that he is the father then he has no legal right to see her. So if he calls, and that is if, since this last time it was 19 months before he called and he ask to see her and she doesn't want to go, just tell him no.

I told him to take me to court to get visitation and in return I'll file for child support but to this day he won't do it. He wants the free way.

I'm not a failure to my child, I raised her by myself without his help for almost 4 years till I got married to someone.

What's your def. of a deadbeat?

 

[CJane]

What's your def. of a deadbeat?

A person who is LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE for the care/support of a child who fails in that responsibility.

Since he's not LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE, he's NOT A DEAD BEAT.

 

[langley]

I get it betterthanher, that until I have a court issed document proving he's the father that he has no legal rights.

Well he thinks he's legally responsible CJane.

I have a question to ask?
If we did go to court and since we live in different states, 8 hour drive time, how would the visitation work?

 

[CJane]

I get it betterthanher, that until I have a court issed document proving he's the father that he has no legal rights.

Well he thinks he's legally responsible CJane.

I have a question to ask?
If we did go to court and since we live in different states, 8 hour drive time, how would the visitation work?

What he *thinks* isn't relevant.

He'd probably get one weekend a month, every other holiday, half of xmas vacation/spring break, and 6-8 weeks in the summer. That's fairly standard.

 

[langley]

CJane, do they have kids testify in court or let me back up. What all happens once you file the papers for child support? What's the process like? Time frame?

 

[CJane]

CJane, do they have kids testify in court or let me back up. What all happens once you file the papers for child support? What's the process like? Time frame?

You can't even file for child support until a paternity test has been completed. Time frames depend on a LOT of things, so I can't even begin to tell you an answer to that.

And no, children don't testify, and your daughter isn't old enough to have her wishes even considered at this point.

 

[langley]

TN


What age do they take into consideration of what they want?

I don't plan on doing anything unless he files for visitation then I will seek child support. Which from what he said last night he plans on doing. In his child custody case he's in right now with his ex-wife, he's his own lawyer.

You said to file for child support I would have to first prove the paternity, what steps do I do to get this done?

I've never had to do anything like this nor do I know anyone that's had to go through this so I appreciate the feedback, even if some of it is hateful from some people.