trying to stop a problem before it begains

[strongbus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine

Ok a few facts 1st.

1. i am ncp and ex wife is cp
2. 2 kids ages 10 and 8
3. I get the kids ever other weekend.
4. mother has always gone by the thinking that unless its writing in the divorce paperwork or I can show her a law or such that said I can do something or that she can't do something that she can do it or stop me form doing it. and that I can do the same to her

What is going on is that we both have different rules for the kids for when they are with ex and with me. Some difference are

1. even on weekends the kids are in bed at 7:30-8pm at mothers house. When at my house its more like 9-10pm

2. mother only lets each kid have 1 hour of computer/game system time each night. I don't put a limit on it.

3. mother only lets the kids play some types of games. I will let them play other types that mother dose not like. Such as 1st person shooters(oldest one likes these) but only if i can turn off anything such as blood/gore(ie no heads blowing off or blood showing just shoot and body drops) and i can turn off any swearing or such(or child is willing to play game with no sound at all ie tv on mute)

There are more but these are the biggest 3.

Now I don't agree with some of my ex rules but I know that what happens in her house I can't do anything about and am fine with that. But my ex seems to thing that what happens in my house she can and has informed me and the kids that if she finds out that the kids are breaking any of her rules(even if i say its ok to do) while at my house that the kids will be punished.

Can anyone point me to a website or such that i could show her that would explain that she has no right to say what happens at my house or to punish the kids if they do something she don't like while at my house. I have tryed but can't find anything that don't take a law degree to understand. I would rather avoid going to court over this but I will if she starts to do this and I try everything else to stop it.

Note with 90% of stuff to do with kids we see eye to eye on or work out something such if my daughters girl scouts have something on my weekend so that she can go to it. It just some items we don't see eye to eye on.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine

Ok a few facts 1st.

1. i am ncp and ex wife is cp
2. 2 kids ages 10 and 8
3. I get the kids ever other weekend.
4. mother has always gone by the thinking that unless its writing in the divorce paperwork or I can show her a law or such that said I can do something or that she can't do something that she can do it or stop me form doing it. and that I can do the same to her

What is going on is that we both have different rules for the kids for when they are with ex and with me. Some difference are

1. even on weekends the kids are in bed at 7:30-8pm at mothers house. When at my house its more like 9-10pm

2. mother only lets each kid have 1 hour of computer/game system time each night. I don't put a limit on it.

3. mother only lets the kids play some types of games. I will let them play other types that mother dose not like. Such as 1st person shooters(oldest one likes these) but only if i can turn off anything such as blood/gore(ie no heads blowing off or blood showing just shoot and body drops) and i can turn off any swearing or such(or child is willing to play game with no sound at all ie tv on mute)

There are more but these are the biggest 3.

Now I don't agree with some of my ex rules but I know that what happens in her house I can't do anything about and am fine with that. But my ex seems to thing that what happens in my house she can and has informed me and the kids that if she finds out that the kids are breaking any of her rules(even if i say its ok to do) while at my house that the kids will be punished.

Can anyone point me to a website or such that i could show her that would explain that she has no right to say what happens at my house or to punish the kids if they do something she don't like while at my house. I have tryed but can't find anything that don't take a law degree to understand. I would rather avoid going to court over this but I will if she starts to do this and I try everything else to stop it.

Note with 90% of stuff to do with kids we see eye to eye on or work out something such if my daughters girl scouts have something on my weekend so that she can go to it. It just some items we don't see eye to eye on.

While it's true that Mom cannot control what happens at your house, she does indeed have the right to penalize the kids during her parenting time.

I'm pretty much in agreement with Mom regarding 2 & 3, incidentally.

Just a personal thing

 

[strongbus]

so you saying that mom can punish the kids for breaking one of her house rules when they are at my house?

for example with the bed time rule. Mom rules state bed time is 8pm, my rules state 9:30pm. If the kids stay up till 9:30pm at my house then mom can punish them for not following her rules?

Isn't that like trying to make me follow her rules for the kids and i though that one parent can't tell the other parent what to do.


guess i have to see about having the divorce paper work changed to state that the parent(s) can punish the kids for what they do at the other parents house.

 

[CourtClerk]

I have, in fact, punished my child for doing something elsewhere that I would not allow in my home.

 

[DownTime]

The point was that mom can punish for whatever she wants on her time. Not that it's right, just that she can.

 

[breezymom]

Isn't that like trying to make me follow her rules for the kids and i though that one parent can't tell the other parent what to do.

She is not telling *you* what to do. She is being consistent in her rules and following through. The children KNOW they are not allowed to do those things and they are well old enough to understand why mom won't let them. This rather just encourages the children to pull the old, "If mommy won't let me, then Daddy will," trick.

 

[strongbus]

thanks for all your info guys/girls but i am not going stand around and let my wife punish the kids for doing something their dad has stated they can do when with him. If this means taking her to court and getting the divorce papers changed to say that she can't punish the kids for breaking one of her house rules while at my house(and that i can't punish them for doing something at her house) then i will do it.

 

[Proserpina]

And while I know that we do, as a collective, generally tell posters that the other parent cannot interfere with their parenting time, there is a limit to that. At least to me.


If Parent A has the kids 80% of the time, and has certain house rules, in my opinion allowing the kids to break those rules during the 20% of time they're with the other parent is actually damaging the co-parenting relationship as well as sending the message to the kids that they don't have to follow Parent A's rules.

Not good.

And that's very different from, for example, Parent A telling Parent B that s/he can't take the kids to a party during Parent B's parenting time.

 

[Proserpina]

thanks for all your info guys/girls but i am not going stand around and let my wife punish the kids for doing something their dad has stated they can do when with him. If this means taking her to court and getting the divorce papers changed to say that she can't punish the kids for breaking one of her house rules while at my house(and that i can't punish them for doing something at her house) then i will do it.

Seriously?

You're going to get laughed out of court. Or, smacked on the wrist and likely end up paying Mom's legal fees.

 

[strongbus]

And while I know that we do, as a collective, generally tell posters that the other parent cannot interfere with their parenting time, there is a limit to that. At least to me.


If Parent A has the kids 80% of the time, and has certain house rules, in my opinion allowing the kids to break those rules during the 20% of time they're with the other parent is actually damaging the co-parenting relationship as well as sending the message to the kids that they don't have to follow Parent A's rules.

Not good.

And that's very different from, for example, Parent A telling Parent B that s/he can't take the kids to a party during Parent B's parenting time.

ohh i make sure the kids know that they still gota follow their mothers rules when they are at their mothers. But i feel as if i want to let them stay up a little longer or let them play a game she don't agree with or play a little longer on the computer or game system that she should deal with it though me not take it out on the kids cause she got a problem with my house rules.

 

[Just Blue]

Seriously?

You're going to get laughed out of court. Or, smacked on the wrist and likely end up paying Mom's legal fees.

You should read shortbus posting Hx.

 

[strongbus]

ya most of time i post its for my current wife dealing with her ex. don't post much on me my ex. but just wana know now why would i be laugh out of court if i filed for a change to the divorce paperwork stating that neather parent could punish the kids for breaking one of their rules while under the care of the other parent and said parent lets the kids do those things that break the other parents rules. besides the fact that it might be hard to enforce.

 

[ecmst12]

You are trying to bribe your kids into thinking you are the fun parent and make them resent their mom. I wonder why she might not be too happy about that. You are a terrible co-parent.

 

[Proserpina]

ya most of time i post its for my current wife dealing with her ex. don't post much on me my ex. but just wana know now why would i be laugh out of court if i filed for a change to the divorce paperwork stating that neather parent could punish the kids for breaking one of their rules while under the care of the other parent and said parent lets the kids do those things that break the other parents rules. besides the fact that it might be hard to enforce.

Because you'd be wasting the court's time. You're basically asking the court to create a hostile co-parenting relationship with an unenforceable order. Seriously.

And why would you want to create such a hostile relationship with the mother of your children? What message are you sending your kids?

Honestly - you're being a bit ridiculous. By all means take it to court. And get your backside handed to you.

(And again, a bill for Mom's legal fees)

 

[breezymom]

You are trying to bribe your kids into thinking you are the fun parent and make them resent their mom. I wonder why she might not be too happy about that. You are a terrible co-parent.

Amen to that.