unwed mom

[Little Momma]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I am newly pregant by a man that is no longer my boyfriend. I considered not telling him that I was pg, but did anyway. For financial and emotional reasons, I have moved from Alabama to Florida to live with my parents. I have no intention of having any kind of relationship with my ex, especially marriage, as he is extremely unstable emotionally as well as verbally and emotionally abusive. He is "thrilled" to be a dad and wants to get married and be a family (my dad says he's just "celebrating in the end zone"). My question is this: What legal rights does he have to this child? Should I get a lawyer immediately?

 

[tigger22472]

He has the legal right to request a DNA to prove if this child is his. If this child is his unless you can prove him to be unfit he has the RIGHT for custody. He can fight you and who ever the judge determines is the better person wins. He has the right to have joint custody. He has the right to have visitation. He has the right( and obligation) to pay child support. He has the right to have a relationship with his child without interference from anyone. He has every right that you have until a judge tells him differently.

 

[Little Momma]

unwed mother

How bad does it have to be for a judge to determine him unfit? And how do I prove it?

 

[tigger22472]

Every situation and every judge is different.. Just your word means nothing. You have to have documented proof.. And let's say he's been in jail for domestic.. even against you.. that's not enough. My ex was in jail for beating up his girlfriend and I was told that because he had not done anything to my children I couldn't stop visitation.

 

[Little Momma]

He is demanding that I put his name on the birth certificate. Do I have to or can I just say I don't know who the father is?

 

[tigger22472]

You don't have to put his name for the child or on the birth certificate but if he sues you and has a DNA test the judge can make you.

 

[theother]

Whether you try to get out of putting his name on the bc or not, it sounds like he is going to try to be involved in this child's life. So, he will probably fight for an establishment of paternity. Why are you trying to make this more difficult than it already is? The next thing out of your mouth will probably be "how can I keep this man out of my child's life while still collecting every ounce of money out of him I can." The father has rights, just like tigger said. The child also has a right to know and have a relationship with his father. Why don't you just try to come to some sort of agreement for custody/visitation/support amicably and save everyone including your (and his) child a lot of grief. He is the father. You are now tied to this man in some ways forever. There is nothing that you can do about that now. If you didn't want this to happen, then you should have thought of that before you slept with him.

 

[tigger22472]

[ The next thing out of your mouth will probably be "how can I keep this man out of my child's life while still collecting every ounce of money out of him I can."

*** You see it coming too eh??? GEEZ.....BANG BANG (That's my head against the wall)

He is the father. You are now tied to this man in some ways forever. There is nothing that you can do about that now. If you didn't want this to happen, then you should have thought of that before you slept with him. [/B]

*** and to think I was thinking the EXACT same thing but for some reason I was trying to be nice...

 

[theother]

Gee, that was me being nice. You should hear how I really feel about stuff like this.

 

[Little Momma]

MY MY MY...sounds like you guys need some serious therapy. They have groups for bitter, angry, lonely women.

There wasn't anything that you said that I did't expect. I just needed to talk to someone who'd been thru it. You don't know anything about me or the father, yet you assume, attack and judge.

God forgive you.

Thank goodness I have a real support group in my life. I wish the same for each of you.

 

[tigger22472]

MY MY MY...sounds like you guys need some serious therapy. They have groups for bitter, angry, lonely women.
*** I'm not bitter.... and I'm not lonely... I have three children and a wonderful husband. Angry... maybe a bit but sweetheart hang around here a while and you will see what we see here EVERYDAY. You asked what legal rights the father has and you were told them. You asked how he's considered unfit... you were told.
There wasn't anything that you said that I did't expect. I just needed to talk to someone who'd been thru it. You don't know anything about me or the father, yet you assume, attack and judge.
*** If there was something significant that would of changed or altered the law or your rights or what you can do you should of stated it.


God forgive you.

Thank goodness I have a real support group in my life. I wish the same for each of you.

***I don't need God's forgiveness.... and you can go to your support group and get sympathy and pity anc come back when you want real legal advice that doesn't alienate a child from a parent if it's not warrented.

 

[theother]

MY MY MY...sounds like you guys need some serious therapy. They have groups for bitter, angry, lonely women.

**Hmm, well let's see. I am a young woman with a fiance that I plan to have a family with (did you notice the word PLAN), a great job, a college education, a home that I paid for, a new car, and many people who love me in my life. I have also been told that I am sexy as hell, but you know, I don't want to brag. Yes, I definitely need some therapy. My life has turned out so wrong so far. Oh, and by the way, I don't live with my parents. **

There wasn't anything that you said that I did't expect. I just needed to talk to someone who'd been thru it. You don't know anything about me or the father, yet you assume, attack and judge.

**Well, if you expected that you would be judged, then you must have known that what you are doing is wrong. There would be no other reason to judge you. Besides, we don't need to assume anything to judge you. The behavior that you told us about is wrong all by itself. **

God forgive you.

**He already does, hon. **

Thank goodness I have a real support group in my life. I wish the same for each of you.

**And I am sure that your support group blows smoke up your a** and tells you everything that you want to hear. But, what good does that do you and your child? You need to face some hard truths here, girl. You are going to be a mother so you are going to have to grow up. You came here for advice. You got it. You got the advice that you needed to hear for the sake of your child. What you choose to do with it is up to you, but I hope that you put your petty feelings aside and start to think about this life that you are bringing into the world. Save all your wishes for him. He's going to need it. **

 

[nextwife]

Scratching my head and wondering...

For pete's sake, if one doesn't know whether you like the guy enough to want him around to co-parent, one sure doesn't know them well enough to make a baby with.

Legally, you've locked yourself together with him for the remainder of your child's life. Running away to mom and dad does not guarantee that you will not need to share custody. The courts are more and more willing to consider Jt legal AND Jt physical placement whenever possible. Should he decide to move to be closer to his child, he could very well petition for Jt. custody. If he doesn't, he still wll be entitled to pursue custody time, which means your child now (that you have moved) could be shuttled back and forth between parent's cities as they get older.

 

[JoandJa'smom]

Little Momma, until your child's father has established paternity/custody in court he does not have any legal right to see the child. Since you are talking legal here that is the legal answer. He would have to petition the court for to get visitation/custody set up. If you want child support from here you will need to contact the DA's office where you live right now and file once the baby is born. Child support and custody are 2 different things so you can get the child support w/out having to have visitation set up.

Court is very expensive and if he hires a lawyer to take you to court you will need to retain a lawyer.

My personal advice to you is that if he wants something to do w/the child then you should try and make sure they do have a relationship. If you do think he is unfit to be around your child and think that your child could be in danger if in his care than you shouldn't let him around him/her. However, your personal opinion about this guy just being a jerk does not make him unfit so you need to really be sure whether or not he shouldn't be around the child. My sons father is a total jerk and even has a criminal record and the court still gave him his rights so if you think he is unfit it needs to be something current he has done and something pretty bad.

I also think that maybe you should talk to your sons father ahead of time and ask him what he feels he wants as far as involvement w/the child. If he wants involvement and plans to take you to court in the future I would go ahead and plan to get a lawyer. If he is casual about this and has no intention of seeking custody then don't bother getting a lawyer now, but make sure you plan ahead just in case you need to get one eventually.

Hang in there and please remember your child needs a dad and it isin't about what you feel, but what is best for the child. If you need any help w/resources or just advice about this feel free to private message me. I've had a child out of wedlock and done the whole court thing so I know how it all can be.

JoandJa'smom

 

[theother]

How do courts view CP's who do not allow visitation and have never tried to foster a relationship between the child and the NCP? If the father goes for custody, will the courts take this into account?

I still say that the OP needs to try to reach some kind of agreement with the dad concerning custody/visitation/support and get it filed. As long as dad is not a danger, than a relationship between father and child is their right, morally if not legally yet. Besides, it's only a matter of time before it will be his legal right. All she would be doing is delaying the inevitable while hurting her child. It will work out better for the child, if mom and dad can be adults and work together to raise him. Just because, the mom stopped liking the dad, doesn't give her the right to shove him out of his kid's life. If she does try to prove him unfit, I hope she has something more than that ambiguous "verbal and emotional abuse". While some people are genuinely abused, these terms have become overused and abused weapons to justify ripping parents out of childrens lives. Being a jerk and arguing all the time is not abuse people! Stop playing the victim and take some responsibility for your own choices. This is the man that you chose to be the father of you baby. Deal with it and move on. Stop thinking about your wants and concentrate on you child's needs.