Update

[mommyanme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Well they did not follow through with getting the exparte behind my back, but court was schedualed quicker and no one is saying anything about mediation.

So here's my questions.

When I do go in 2 weeks, do I need all my witnesses, printouts and evidence? Or is it possible the judge will see it's a tactic to try and go through the court faster?

What should I have at the top of my evidence pile? The threat of signing over his rights to avoid cs, pictures of my other child, myself, friends and baby, The statement that if dad paid a certain amount of cs(350) he would beon the street(dad put in papers he was financially more capable of providing for baby)?

My attorney told me to bring baby to court to, but was on the way out and didn't get to ask why. Why would I be asked to bring baby, I thought judges hated that?

Should we bring up the fact that after dad was told to send in his cs payments and was given the address where to send them he has not?

What about the criminal charges he pulled on me and lied in them and then the mediation agreement that he never followed? Do I bring my phone and emails to show wher I attempted 3 times while pregnant to come up with a parenting agreement and the text for him to come see baby one day and him not coming only to pop it on me the next day that he was on his way?

I'm trying to get everything together now so that way I'm not scrambling the last minute.

Thanks again all, I woud have used the other thread but it was locked and I have no clue how to unlock or lock a thread.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Well they did not follow through with getting the exparte behind my back, but court was schedualed quicker and no one is saying anything about mediation.

So here's my questions.

When I do go in 2 weeks, do I need all my witnesses, printouts and evidence? Or is it possible the judge will see it's a tactic to try and go through the court faster?

Read the local rules. Having witnesses and admissible evidence can help.

What should I have at the top of my evidence pile? The threat of signing over his rights to avoid cs,

Not admissible.

pictures of my other child, myself, friends and baby,

Sweet but it proves what?

The statement that if dad paid a certain amount of cs(350) he would beon the street(dad put in papers he was financially more capable of providing for baby)?

And if you put that in, your child support could be lowered.

My attorney told me to bring baby to court to, but was on the way out and didn't get to ask why. Why would I be asked to bring baby, I thought judges hated that?

They do but i don't know why your attorney would say that.

Should we bring up the fact that after dad was told to send in his cs payments and was given the address where to send them he has not?

Is there a COURT ORDER for child support?

What about the criminal charges he pulled on me and lied in them and then the mediation agreement that he never followed?

So were you convicted on the criminal charges? How can you prove he LIED? Was the mediation agreement made a court order?

Do I bring my phone and emails to show wher I attempted 3 times while pregnant to come up with a parenting agreement and the text for him to come see baby one day and him not coming only to pop it on me the next day that he was on his way?

negotiation is NOT admissible.

 

[mommyanme]

Let me try to get this all down.

Dad claimed I am trying to alienate him and when he asked to see baby the one and only time he put in papers I said no. When in reality I said yes to a saturday he didn't show and then text sunday and said he was on his way.
That's what s in the mediation agreement also is that he would contact me to meet the baby and he never did. I also wanted to show that I have been trying to foster a relationshp long before baby was born. But we couldn't agree because dad wanted baby to live from a suitcase switching houses every week

The charges were dismissed, but I wanted to show that he has no problem lying under oath. What he swore to was that he said not to contact him and puled out the charges when I sent him an email telling him the baby would be born. I was actually the one to tell him not to contact me because he was finding every way to harass me. Ihave the text messages.

The message from him about signing over his rights about cs was because he is only claiming I'm unfit to avoid paying it. That was also his claim to the amount of cs being 350 was he would be in the streets if he had to pay that much but yet he's claiming he can provide more financially.

There is an order for cs for more then the amount above.


I am the one on defense here because he claimed I was unfit and alienating him from a child he's never bothered with until he knew he would not get out of cs. He is also claiming I was sleeping with Several people and thats why he had nothing to do with the baby the entire time after he was born yet he harassed me and threatened to sign over hi rights long before the birth.
He also claims I don't pay my cs for my other children, but I have those statements proving that is false.

I just don't understand why I have to jump at this now since my state requires mediation??? The ex parte request shoved that all to the side.


If its all irrelevant, I have nothing and will lose my baby

 

[LdiJ]

Let me try to get this all down.

Dad claimed I am trying to alienate him and when he asked to see baby the one and only time he put in papers I said no. When in reality I said yes to a saturday he didn't show and then text sunday and said he was on his way.
That's what s in the mediation agreement also is that he would contact me to meet the baby and he never did. I also wanted to show that I have been trying to foster a relationshp long before baby was born. But we couldn't agree because dad wanted baby to live from a suitcase switching houses every week

The charges were dismissed, but I wanted to show that he has no problem lying under oath. What he swore to was that he said not to contact him and puled out the charges when I sent him an email telling him the baby would be born. I was actually the one to tell him not to contact me because he was finding every way to harass me. Ihave the text messages.

The message from him about signing over his rights about cs was because he is only claiming I'm unfit to avoid paying it. That was also his claim to the amount of cs being 350 was he would be in the streets if he had to pay that much but yet he's claiming he can provide more financially.

There is an order for cs for more then the amount above.


I am the one on defense here because he claimed I was unfit and alienating him from a child he's never bothered with until he knew he would not get out of cs. He is also claiming I was sleeping with Several people and thats why he had nothing to do with the baby the entire time after he was born yet he harassed me and threatened to sign over hi rights long before the birth.
He also claims I don't pay my cs for my other children, but I have those statements proving that is false.

I just don't understand why I have to jump at this now since my state requires mediation??? The ex parte request shoved that all to the side.


If its all irrelevant, I have nothing and will lose my baby

You are not going to lose your baby even if it all is irrelevant...and I do not agree that it is all irrelevant as much of it is a defense against the accusations being alleged by dad.

You have status quo. Dad has to prove his allegations.

 

[mommyanme]

You are not going to lose your baby even if it all is irrelevant...and I do not agree that it is all irrelevant as much of it is a defense against the accusations being alleged by dad.

You have status quo. Dad has to prove his allegations.

Unless dad can make evidence magically appear (which he has fabricated emails before) he can't prove anything except for the marriage and death of my spouse and the names of my children(one he spelled wrong). And the fact I told him no that sunday and was busy, he just left out what he said and my reason for saying no.

One more question my 11 yo told my attorney that baby's dad had told her when baby was born she would have to go live somewhere else because there was no room for her. I had forgotten about that but I was there when he said that. I don't want this to get the 11 yo dragged into court, but could the judge want to ask about that would I be able to just tell about it?

 

[mistoffolees]

{What should I have at the top of my evidence pile? The threat of signing over his rights to avoid cs,}
Not admissible.

Since Dad will be in the room, wouldn't that fall under one of the hearsay exemptions?

Of course, I'm not sure that it's RELEVANT, but wouldn't it be admissible?

One more question my 11 yo told my attorney that baby's dad had told her when baby was born she would have to go live somewhere else because there was no room for her. I had forgotten about that but I was there when he said that. I don't want this to get the 11 yo dragged into court, but could the judge want to ask about that would I be able to just tell about it?

I know it's not easy, but you have to start learning to tell the difference between craptastic parenting and real danger.

Dad telling an 11 year old that (EVEN IF you could get the child to testify - and EVEN IF the benefit of doing so outweighed the massive harm you'd cause by forcing the child to testify against her father) is simply bad parenting. Bringing it up in court is not going to get you anywhere.

Now, if there were a GAL, the GAL might consider things like that as part of the entire picture, but since it doesn't involve danger to the child, it's not worth bringing into court.

 

[mommyanme]

I know it's not easy, but you have to start learning to tell the difference between craptastic parenting and real danger.

Dad telling an 11 year old that (EVEN IF you could get the child to testify - and EVEN IF the benefit of doing so outweighed the massive harm you'd cause by forcing the child to testify against her father) is simply bad parenting. Bringing it up in court is not going to get you anywhere.

Now, if there were a GAL, the GAL might consider things like that as part of the entire picture, but since it doesn't involve danger to the child, it's not worth bringing into court.

My oldest is not his and I do not want her to testify at all.

 

[mommyanme]

Found My Old Thread some problems I need addressed

I have some issues that have come up that I hope you all can clarify for me.

1. While this is not a hill to die on, baby is having surgery, dad got upset of the date and that was set up by the doctor and told me I was required to find out a date good for him. Dad was told of the original appointment and time and chose NOT to show up. The surgery is not elective it is needed for our son's development and Dad had mentioned before it needed done. But he made my time difficult for a few days because I gave the go ahead to the doctor. Surgery is coming up and I intend to have my best friend of 13 years and there as support for me. Dad is screaming he will invoke HIPPA and disallow anyone but him or I to be there?!?!?!?!

2. One of our son's well baby check ups in the morning of the first day of dad's time. He is refusing to take him and said in text he would reschedule it and thanks a lot for checking with him on a date and time, mind you dad does not have to be at work till 4 this is at 10am, he will not miss any work and its almost 2 weeks advance notice, I did not realize it was scheduled on his time when they asked if the date and time was good. Dad has dropped our son off at daycare with a fever and they've called me 2xs to pick him up, he screamed at me 1x that he picked him up with a green runny nose and I was responsible for taking him to the doctor, he dropped him off last week with a runny nose and mild fever and I had to take him to the doctor. And 1 time I picked baby up with a blistery and bloody diaper rash that had his boy parts swollen and I took him to the ER, dad screamed at me on pick up about the rash but never took him to be seen. I know babies get sick and rashes, but while dad yells and threatens me with contempt and "judges" orders to notify him of everything and I never give him a chance to take him to the doctor, he takes no responsibility for the medical. He even refuses in writing to give tylenol or take his temp or put on diaper rash cream unless a doctor writes it out as an order, which has sent me back to the doctor's office about 5 times. He is taking the part of the order that says "each party will provide the other with written instructions and orders from doctors about therapy and exercises for the minor child." to mean I MUST provide orders for everything otherwise he "will not follow anything Mom writes". Good grief twice he missed 3 or more doses of antibiotics because "he forgot he's not perfect".

3. Dad got copies of the child care papers I filled out and has decided I can not have anyone pick up or drop off for me and says it is his right to tell me this because we have joint legal custody and he can decide who I have do things for 'HIS" son.

4. I have been transferred due to restructuring of the postal service, so I am moving, the drive for dad is only an extra 15 minutes, he agreed that he would provide all transportation for a significant reduction in child support. He says if I move I am in contempt and must meet him half way, pick up is at 830am I'm at work by 7am.

5. Dad's interpretation of joint legal is I must do everything he tells me to do, if he says I can not have our son around someone then I must "obey" him "as it relates to the minor child" According to him everything I do relates to our son so he can dictate what he wishes. In reality it's not defined in our order it just says "the parties will continue to have joint legal custody."

6. When I've refused to his rules and told him that the order is not for the purpose of invading the other parents life he threatens me with contempt and a week or so ago went so far as to say I had committed a crime and he promised I would be in jail in his county within hours.

His idea of joint custody for himself is totally different, he states, "if it's not in the order I don't have to do anything" and this was over keeping an eye on our son after his surgery because dad's time will start 2 days after and he will have him for 3 days. Another of his nit picking is to stab at me about our son's last name the last low blow was after I told him I could have named our son Barack Obama Lincoln Carver Washington Johnson and that's what it would be and that it had no bearing on him still needing and loving his parents and DNA had no bearing on a name, his response was "yeah I guess that's why he has a dead man's name" I stopped responding after that.


I know these things are not worth going back to court, but I have considered returning to mediation, getting a parenting coordinator or just ignoring his garbage. But what I'm asking is for some solid advice on how to deal with this appropriately without pulling my hair out to his constant nit picking and threats. He throws the law at me like he knows every one of them and frankly I don't, but according to him BLET taught him the law.
I just need solid ideas of how to ignore it or deal with it more effectively than I have been cause I've got 17 years to go.

 

[Ohiogal]

Go by the court order and ignore him.

 

[mommyanme]

Go by the court order and ignore him.

Ohiogal! You are one that would know the "general" definition of Joint Legal as a judge see's it. So what is the general idea?, since our order does not specify what I must do.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal! You are one that would know the "general" definition of Joint Legal as a judge see's it. So what is the general idea?, since our order does not specify what I must do.

He has a right to input and a right to attend all doctor appointments and such. he does NOT get to dictate YOUR choices nor do you get to dictate yours.

You can put whoever you want on the emergency pick up sheet as can he. When it comes to appointments, he has a right to schedule appointments on his time and you have a right to schedule appointments on your time.

Why are you moving 15 minutes away? Seriously, is it worth it to move that tiny distance? Is the move going to change the child's school? Daycare? If so that can be a big problem.

 

[mommyanme]

Why are you moving 15 minutes away? Seriously, is it worth it to move that tiny distance? Is the move going to change the child's school? Daycare? If so that can be a big problem.

Actually it's an hour move away from my current residence and an hour 30 min drive from here to my new PO and he is in another county that takes him an 1hr 15 min to get here, where I am moving it will only be an extra 15 minutes for him but in a different direction.

 

[LdiJ]

I have some issues that have come up that I hope you all can clarify for me.

1. While this is not a hill to die on, baby is having surgery, dad got upset of the date and that was set up by the doctor and told me I was required to find out a date good for him. Dad was told of the original appointment and time and chose NOT to show up. The surgery is not elective it is needed for our son's development and Dad had mentioned before it needed done. But he made my time difficult for a few days because I gave the go ahead to the doctor. Surgery is coming up and I intend to have my best friend of 13 years and there as support for me. Dad is screaming he will invoke HIPPA and disallow anyone but him or I to be there?!?!?!?!

That is ridiculous, HIPPA has nothing to do with it. You are allowed to have your best friend with you.

2. One of our son's well baby check ups in the morning of the first day of dad's time. He is refusing to take him and said in text he would reschedule it and thanks a lot for checking with him on a date and time, mind you dad does not have to be at work till 4 this is at 10am, he will not miss any work and its almost 2 weeks advance notice, I did not realize it was scheduled on his time when they asked if the date and time was good. Dad has dropped our son off at daycare with a fever and they've called me 2xs to pick him up, he screamed at me 1x that he picked him up with a green runny nose and I was responsible for taking him to the doctor, he dropped him off last week with a runny nose and mild fever and I had to take him to the doctor. And 1 time I picked baby up with a blistery and bloody diaper rash that had his boy parts swollen and I took him to the ER, dad screamed at me on pick up about the rash but never took him to be seen. I know babies get sick and rashes, but while dad yells and threatens me with contempt and "judges" orders to notify him of everything and I never give him a chance to take him to the doctor, he takes no responsibility for the medical. He even refuses in writing to give tylenol or take his temp or put on diaper rash cream unless a doctor writes it out as an order, which has sent me back to the doctor's office about 5 times. He is taking the part of the order that says "each party will provide the other with written instructions and orders from doctors about therapy and exercises for the minor child." to mean I MUST provide orders for everything otherwise he "will not follow anything Mom writes". Good grief twice he missed 3 or more doses of antibiotics because "he forgot he's not perfect".

Dad sounds like a real prince, but unless something happens that puts the child at serious medical risk because dad was careless, there is little you can do.

3. Dad got copies of the child care papers I filled out and has decided I can not have anyone pick up or drop off for me and says it is his right to tell me this because we have joint legal custody and he can decide who I have do things for 'HIS" son.

Dad has zero say as to what you do on your time or who you allow to pick up the child on your time.

4. I have been transferred due to restructuring of the postal service, so I am moving, the drive for dad is only an extra 15 minutes, he agreed that he would provide all transportation for a significant reduction in child support. He says if I move I am in contempt and must meet him half way, pick up is at 830am I'm at work by 7am.

Tell dad that he is required to follow the court order, and that if he doesn't do so, he is the one who will be in contempt. If he wants to change the court order, then its up to him to file for a modification.

5. Dad's interpretation of joint legal is I must do everything he tells me to do, if he says I can not have our son around someone then I must "obey" him "as it relates to the minor child" According to him everything I do relates to our son so he can dictate what he wishes. In reality it's not defined in our order it just says "the parties will continue to have joint legal custody."

Once again, dad is being ridiculous. You are allowed to do whatever you like on your time with the child. Joint legal custody does NOT give either of you the right to dictate anything on the other parent's time.

6. When I've refused to his rules and told him that the order is not for the purpose of invading the other parents life he threatens me with contempt and a week or so ago went so far as to say I had committed a crime and he promised I would be in jail in his county within hours.

He is completely and totally full of BS. Ignore him completely.

His idea of joint custody for himself is totally different, he states, "if it's not in the order I don't have to do anything" and this was over keeping an eye on our son after his surgery because dad's time will start 2 days after and he will have him for 3 days. Another of his nit picking is to stab at me about our son's last name the last low blow was after I told him I could have named our son Barack Obama Lincoln Carver Washington Johnson and that's what it would be and that it had no bearing on him still needing and loving his parents and DNA had no bearing on a name, his response was "yeah I guess that's why he has a dead man's name" I stopped responding after that.

Again, ignore him.

I know these things are not worth going back to court, but I have considered returning to mediation, getting a parenting coordinator or just ignoring his garbage. But what I'm asking is for some solid advice on how to deal with this appropriately without pulling my hair out to his constant nit picking and threats. He throws the law at me like he knows every one of them and frankly I don't, but according to him BLET taught him the law.
I just need solid ideas of how to ignore it or deal with it more effectively than I have been cause I've got 17 years to go.

Ignoring him completely is your best bet. Say something like, "thank you for your imput" and then go ahead and do whatever you want to do on your time.

Get doctor's note for medical instructions, make sure he knows about appointments, but other than that, ignore him.

 

[Ohiogal]

Actually it's an hour move away from my current residence and an hour 30 min drive from here to my new PO and he is in another county that takes him an 1hr 15 min to get here, where I am moving it will only be an extra 15 minutes for him but in a different direction.

He has a right to fight you on the move -- you realize that right? He also has a right to argue against the child changing schools or being put in the new district or a new daycare. How much of the traveling will you be doing?

 

[LdiJ]

He has a right to fight you on the move -- you realize that right? He also has a right to argue against the child changing schools or being put in the new district or a new daycare. How much of the traveling will you be doing?

He does have the right to fight her on the move, but since its only adding 15 minutes travel time for him, its not very likely that he could succeed. Per her previous threads I don't believe that the child is in school yet.

I am sure that the OP would be happy to provide 1/2 of the transportation if dad no longer gets the significantly reduced CS in exchange for providing all the transportation and if the pickup and dropoff times are changed to times when she is not supposed to be at work.