Upstairs refuses to respect downstairs - anything I can do?

[Bali Hai Again]

We are dealing with a generation that was never told no when being raised. Limits on bad behavior were never set at home or in public school. It’s not a surprise that adults act like toddlers that don’t get their own way all the time. It’s becoming more and more dangerous just to be in public driving on the road, flying, taking a bus or the subway, or going to a restaurant among other things.

 

[quincy]

It seems to me that our society has gotten to the point where most people only focus on their rights and simply don't care about the effect it has on others. It didn't use to be nearly so prevalent.

I don’t think it’s “most” people but I do think there are fewer people around who greet new neighbors with a nice welcome-to-the-neighborhood visit and a freshly baked pie.

 

[Taxing Matters]

I don’t think it’s “most” people but I do think there are fewer people around who greet new neighbors with a nice welcome-to-the-neighborhood visit and a freshly baked pie.

I've not seen that happen in a very long time. I've moved quite a few times in my life and the last few moves no neighbor bothered to introduce themselves, let alone bring me a pie, whether freshly baked or store bought. I'm not about to say no to a good pie, especially an apple pie.

 

[Bali Hai Again]

The days of “Father Knows Best”, “Ozzie and Harriet”, “Donna Reed”, etc,, etc. are long gone. It’s more about “Defund the Police” currently.

 

[stealth2]

Just a thought wrt the 8yo… elementary schools often start closer to 9am, sometimes later for SN classes.

 

[AlmostThere]

Yes, within moderacy, if I ask politely I expect both households to work together for a happy medium. I have an autistic child. We have signs all over the house. He has sensitive hearing & we've lived here 8 months before they moved in. The noise were hearing is furniture being dragged across the floor, kids jumping off things onto the ground, etc. We expect noise throughout the day but first thing in the morning, that 8 year old should be in school.

By making noise, you can make out the difference from a light footstep and someone stomping aggressively. We've expressed this to them and politely asked them to discourage the kids from running in the apartment and the noise only got worse. To the point if I turn my TV up to max volume, I can still hear their stomping.

It's a 2 story house with 2 bedrooms on each floor, each floor rented out.

As you have already been told - your neighbors are within their rights to make noise during normal waking hours. Kids are noisy. They run, jump, and scream, as they play. The fact your child has noise sensitivity should not impact their normal, daily life. If you feel this noise goes beyond the norm for a young family, have you considered the possibility they might have a high needs / neurodivergent / etc child who makes a lot of noise as part of their disability?

Five thoughts:
1) Many/most school districts have staggered start times, with elementary starting at the latest slot. The 8-year-old child may be going to school at around 9 AM.
2) Offer to supply some nice thick throw rugs for the areas where the children play the most to muffle some sound.
3) Consider adding acoustic panels to your ceiling.
4) White noise machines.
5) Work with your child's doctors to shift his/her sleep times to more normal times.

Good luck.

 

[commentator]

Just a thought, I had a friend who was old southern friendly type, moved into a new condo neighborhood in a new city. She baked a pie for her next door hooked on neighbors. They accepted the pie when she knocked and introduced herself and presented them with it, looked at it like it was about to explode, and later, she watched them as they carried it out and put it in the trash. In today's world, I'm not sure if I would be willing to accept a food item from an unknown stranger who's just moved next door either. She later got to know them a little better and they turned out to be very strict vegans, very strange folks anyway.

As someone who has worked with and even raised some neurodiverse children in my time, I think all these suggestions above about how the family below can cope without out and out demanding, unreasonably, that the unstairs children conform to their noise requirements are excellent.

 

[Just Blue]

Just a thought, I had a friend who was old southern friendly type, moved into a new condo neighborhood in a new city. She baked a pie for her next door hooked on neighbors. They accepted the pie when she knocked and introduced herself and presented them with it, looked at it like it was about to explode, and later, she watched them as they carried it out and put it in the trash. In today's world, I'm not sure if I would be willing to accept a food item from an unknown stranger who's just moved next door either. She later got to know them a little better and they turned out to be very strict vegans, very strange folks anyway.

As someone who has worked with and even raised some neurodiverse children in my time, I think all these suggestions above about how the family below can cope without out and out demanding, unreasonably, that the unstairs children conform to their noise requirements are excellent.

One of the tricks I used for Lil'blu, when she was very young and VERY noise sensitive, was playing Mozart while she slept. I tried other classics as well...but for some reason Mozart worked the best.

As some of you may recall Lil'blu is Autistic and from 2 to 8 she would have HUGE meltdowns. HUGE. Especially before she got her expressive words at 5.

So the OP could try some nice music...classical is lovely to sleep to.

OP may also want to attend Autistic support groups ...that is a great resource and it's wonderful to have other parents to turn to when we are overwhelmed and need guidance. Which is often.

 

[quincy]

I've not seen that happen in a very long time. I've moved quite a few times in my life and the last few moves no neighbor bothered to introduce themselves, let alone bring me a pie, whether freshly baked or store bought. I'm not about to say no to a good pie, especially an apple pie.

When we moved into new houses, we have had neighbors bring over: a cake, fresh vegetables from the neighbor’s garden, a bottle of champagne. And in the house we live in now (an old farm house on several acres), the neighbor closest to us offered to mow the lawn portion of our property until we could buy a riding mower (which was either nice or subtly telling us that our lawn needed mowing ).

I guess we have (for the most part) lucked out with friendly neighbors. We have tried to reciprocate in kind.

As a note on school start times in Michigan: Although each school district has slightly different start and end times, Michigan now offers free breakfasts at all schools so many students arrive about a half-hour earlier than they used to.