Urine test diluted while on pre-trial probation

[Hunterman]

Minnesota.
My wife (we are in the final stages of getting divorced) is on pre-trial probation because of domestic assault towards me. She is required to take random alcohol screenings. In February she failed a urine test and was arrested. A few days ago she was ordered (in the morning) to come in for another test. Since she was working they let her come in after her shift was over, which was about 7 hours later. Her test came back as "diluted". My best guess is that she was drinking as much water as possible all day before going in for the test. Will this result be considered a failure of the urine test?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

No, it won't be considered a failure. It should lead to a more monitored future test.

 

[lucasgoodwin]

Even if we assume that you are correct in your assessment of what is happening (which is by no means certain) exactly what do you believe has happened that is illegal here?

 

[HighwayMan]

No one said anything about "illegal". The OP should be speaking with his divorce attorney about his concerns.

 

[Just Blue]

No one said anything about "illegal".

 

[Hunterman]

Part of the conditions of her release is that she is not to possess or consume alcohol. She has been arrested 5 times since last summer for violating the DANCO (Domestic Abuse No Contact Order) and she has been arrested once, in February, for failing a previous urine test.
She is 52 years old and had never been in any legal trouble at all until last summer and since then she has been arrested a total of seven times. She is currently charged with domestic assault, 5 violations of the DANCO, one violation of the terms of her release, and disorderly conduct.
Quite simply, I am scared to death of what she could do and it gets much worse when she drinks. I was hoping that the diluted test result would be considered a failure so that maybe, finally, the judge or the probation officer would be willing to do something more.

 

[commentator]

Accept that she's going to drink. It's what is her priority in life right now. You'd like reassurance that the diluted test will cause the probation officer to put her in jail. We cannot, in any way, predict whether or not that will happen. But even if it does, you must remember that they're not going to KEEP your soon to be ex wife in jail indefinitely due to failing an alcohol test. This is not how people get sober, or how you become safe in this situation. Instead of worrying and hoping so much that the justice system will do it for you, you should work to lessen your contact with her. Since you cannot fix her, work on fixing your own life and protecting yourself from her addiction and madness.

Five violations of the do not contact order almost makes me think she's either spending all her time stalking you, or that you're making it far too easy to stay in touch, by taking her calls, agreeing to talk to her, letting her in if she shows up at your place....giving her second third fourth and fifth chances to prove she's sorry and she'll never ever do it again......

That she's still employed means to some extent, the court is going to see her as still a "functioning" individual. In a normal day, they see very few still functioning, still employed addicts and drunks. They're not as likely to jerk a functioning individual off the streets, guaranteeing that she'll lose her job, and very well may give her the benefit of the doubt.

Get counseling for yourself to discuss what you are going through. Al-anon meetings or co-dependency groups would possibly be helpful. For you, of course. You can't force her into the treatment process. What you must learn is that when a person is an alcoholic or addict, they're not going to behave as they have in the past before the addiction or in a way you consider rational. The law cannot sort out your life for you, you must eventually do the self protection and self development on your own.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Related posting history: https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/discovery-ignored-again-now-what.653467/#post-3623956

Hunterman, you seem to have competent legal council. Just follow commentator's advice and stay safe.

 

[Hunterman]

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate.
I want to point out that I have not communicated with her at all since our daughter's confirmation in October ( I asked the judge to allow her to attend) and any communication before that was strictly about the children. Her violating the terms of the DANCO have include things like sneaking onto the property at night (when I realized what she was doing I put up a trail cam and caught her) and sending me threatening texts and emails, which I always report to law enforcement.
The county attorney's office has asked what I would like to see as far as a punishment and I told them that I would like a very long probation period with random alcohol testing and I want the DANCO extended to at the least as long as she is on probation. I also have requested and received a civil restraining order (not sure if that's what it's called) against her.
My attorney has called her delusional and he has said that she thinks she's in charge and she hasn't realized that's not how this works.
Thanks again for the advice.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Even if we assume that you are correct in your assessment of what is happening (which is by no means certain) exactly what do you believe has happened that is illegal here?

When a person is on probation, they are given conditions/rules to follow, based on their specific situation. These conditions/rules are restrictions beyond the general laws that we are all supposed to obey. If they break those rules, then they have violated probation. If someone violates their probation and gets caught, there can be legal consequences.

I suspect that Hunterman does not like the idea of the mother of his children being in jail, but she drinks and stalks and occasionally has been violent, among other things, and he is trying to protect himself and maintain as much normalcy as possible for his children.

 

[commentator]

I took it that he wants her taken to jail so he feels safer. Listen, with some people, the only comfort their victims get in life is when they're either in jail, the hospital or dead. If she's 52, the kids (if any)are old enough to take reality. Hunterman, I suggest not only good locks, cameras, alarms, but as I said, counseling for you. Did you guys ever hear about Betty Broderick? When a family member was divorcing his wife, I bought him that book and let him read it!

 

[Hunterman]

I have changed the locks twice. I have put locks on all of the bedroom doors in the house and the kids (13, 15, & 17 years old) all must lock their bedroom doors when they sleep. The kids now all have cell phones, which they are expected to have near them always. We pull all of our blinds and curtains shut at night. We also have let all of our neighbors know what is going on and have asked them to be watchful for us. I have three trail cameras hidden outside. What triggered all of this was the realization that she was coming onto the property at night. I live in the country and my driveway is about 700 feet long and the area is surrounded by a forest, so it would be very easy to sneak around and not get caught.
The kids and I have all been to counseling. I also had to get medical treatment because the stress caused by her sneaking on the property at night actually caused me to have physical problems (not being able to sleep, etc).
The good news is that, as far as I know, she hasn't been on the property since November. The bad news is that I think it is just a matter of time before something else happens.
I had heard of Betty Broderick and just researched her. Scary story.

 

[Just Blue]

I have changed the locks twice. I have put locks on all of the bedroom doors in the house and the kids (13, 15, & 17 years old) all must lock their bedroom doors when they sleep. The kids now all have cell phones, which they are expected to have near them always. We pull all of our blinds and curtains shut at night. We also have let all of our neighbors know what is going on and have asked them to be watchful for us. I have three trail cameras hidden outside. What triggered all of this was the realization that she was coming onto the property at night. I live in country and my driveway is about 700 feet long and the area is surrounded by a forest, so it would be very easy to sneak around and not get caught.
The kids and I have all been to counseling. I also had to get medical treatment because the stress caused by her sneaking on the property at night actually caused me to have physical problems (not being able to sleep, etc).
The good news is that, as far as I know, she hasn't been on the property since November. The bad news is that I think it is just a matter of time before something else happens.
I had heard of Betty Broderick and just researched her. Scary story.

I am so sorry you and your children are going through this. Was she always like this or is this new behavior caused by excessive drinking?

 

[commentator]

Some people simply go into tantrum mode when they are thwarted. Yes they will lie, steal, physically attack you, and yes, if the time is right, they'll kill you. Or your children, just to 'hurt' you. While we watching the movie about Betty Broderick, the discussion came up with me and my children how much this person acts like (family member.) Same demon, different part of the country. Drinking alcohol was not really her problem, it just really lowered her inhibitions about doing the crazy mean stuff she was planning to do anyhow.

So forget the Al-anon suggestion. Doesn't sound like drinking is her drug of choice, it's control. And you sound like her Dance of Anger target right now. Hopefully this will change someday for you. Stay in counseling, continue to insist the kids have counseling during your parenting time. Having this mother, having grown up here will always be a problem they'll need to work on.

Keep watching your backs diligently, avoid all possible unnecessary contact with this person, as you are doing. I send best thoughts to you. Perhaps they will put her away for a little while and give you some relief, but this will just keep on happening until she gives up and finds a new target. And you have a 13 year old, so several years more to go with her. I suggest limiting court date meetings as much as you can, setting all parenting contact arrangements without direct conversation, perhaps doing exchanges in safe places such as police department parking lots, paying off as much of the separation money such as alimony, joint property, in lump sums that do not require more constant contact and cooperation. Thoughts and prayers and best wishes to you.

 

[commentator]

Quote: "I also had to get medical treatment because the stress caused by her sneaking on the property at night actually caused me to have physical problems (not being able to sleep, etc."

This is not said in jest, okay? Unless you know where she is and that she is in a safe place, or you are sure YOU are in a very safe place, don't take much of what they might give you to help you sleep. You don't want to sleep too sound when you've got a crazy making you their target. Gavin de Becker is a good reference source. I hope this situation is over sooner than later for you and the kids.


Quote on why Betty Broderick has not been granted parole: "“She is completely unrepentant, you know,” he says, “and in complete denial that she murdered two innocent people. She just doesn’t see any of her own part in this at all, and turns around and blames it on them.”