Visitation & adoption

[friggette]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

My son is 6 yrs old now and has only seen his biological father 3 times. He has recently taken me to court for visitation and he was granted 2 visits in Missouri to see my son. In June he takes my son for a week to his home in another state. Ive always had to go to his home state for any court dates. Is there anything I can do in Missouri since my son was born here and has always lived in Missouri? I am married now and was thinking about having my husband adopt my son so he wouldnt have to bounce back and forth between states. Plus my son doesnt even know his biological father all that well. Husband and I have been married for a year and half now, any advice on if we might be able to get the adoption done? Ive talked to many attorneys in Missouri, and they tell me that Illinois doesnt have jurisdiction since my son was born in Missouri. Which state has jurisdiction and if Missouri does then does it mean that the visitation order in Illinois invalid? Paternity hasnt been established legally. Only administratively for child support enforcement. Fathers name doesnt appear on birth certificate.

 

[krispenstpeter]

and where was the visitation order issued?

 

[friggette]

It is a temporary order and was issued in Illinois. We have another court date in a couple months. And I still havent recieved a copy of this temporary order.

 

[krispenstpeter]

O.K.

As for your current adopting your child, don't count on that ever happening since the child's fater is taking an active role now and has court-ordered visitation and pays support.

 

[nextwife]

Were you married to the father and living in IL previously? Was there a divorce in IL?

 

[tigger22472]

Do I get to guess what happened here? Father owes child support.. was found and ordered to pay AGAIN and has finally decided to stop trying to avoid it (my bet would be either A, he found a really good job he doesn't want to mess up or B he's now got a new woman who's told him he needed to straighten up) and has decided that if he's going to be forced to pay child support he's going to see the child. He may of even done it just to get mom's goat thinking she'd make him some sort of deal. There is of course the possibility that he grew up and really is ready to be a dad now.. which is good.
As you were told the adoption more then likely won't happen unless of course you can get dad to agree and then take it to a judge and see if he allows it. the time to do it and use dad's participation or lack there of has now passed.

 

[LdiJ]

If the child was born in Missouri and has never resided in Illinois, then Illinois does not have jurisdiction of any visitation or custody matters. That should have been challenged and may still be able to be challenged. I would recommend that you get an Illinois attorney to address jurisdiction before you proceed with anything else.

 

[nextwife]

It ain't necessarilly so (to quote GG)!

If they were married and living in IL, and she left while pregnant, and he filed for divorce in IL, IL has jurisdiction because of a divorce decree. And the case stays in IL unless he moves out.

 

[krispenstpeter]

Or unless Il. relinquishes jurisdiction upon a filing of 'domestication of the order' in Missouri which is highly unlikely.

 

[LdiJ]

It ain't necessarilly so (to quote GG)!

If they were married and living in IL, and she left while pregnant, and he filed for divorce in IL, IL has jurisdiction because of a divorce decree. And the case stays in IL unless he moves out.

I am familiar with at least half a dozen Illinois cases where an Illiniois court handled the divorce, but declined ruling on custody or visitation because the child was never a legal resident of Illinois.

I am also familiar with cases from other states with similar outcomes.

While an Illinois judge could choose to "take" jurisdiction in that scenario, it would not be possible for an Illinois judge to retain it if challenged.

She doesn't have to rely on my knowledge on this though. She can get a consult with an attorney to verify what I am saying.

 

[friggette]

I was never married to the father and was a minor when I got pregnant. My parents moved to Missouri when I was 6 months pregnant. I have hired an attorney in Illinois for the visitation but jurisdiction has never came up. Since our last court date my attorney hasnt returned any of my calls so I can ask him if paternity has ever been established legally in Illinois and if not why it wasnt brought up.

 

[stealth2]

It's entirely possible that you may have missed to boat to challange jurisdiction. But only a lawyer could tell you that.

 

[friggette]

Heres a rundown on whats happened as far as Im aware. My son was concieved in Illinois when I was 16 yrs old. My parents moved to Missouri when I was 6 months pregnant and I wasnt ready to live on my own so I went with. After my son was born, I went to child support enforcement to go after the father. They went thru Illinois child support office to have a paternity test taken. I still heard nothing from the father nor recieved child support. 4 years later the father sent a copy of a motion to seek visitation. I was told by the court in Illinois that if I didnt show up for this hearing then the father will be granted whatever he asks for. So I showed up in Illinois courts and we agreed upon the father comes to Missouri once a month til my son got to know his father and then agreed to gradually give him more visitation later on. The father came to Missouri for one visit and never heard from him again til just a couple months ago. And now I realize I shouldve done something about it years ago but I cant fix it now. I dont mind my son knowing his father but I want it to be gradually done.

 

[krispenstpeter]

I dont mind my son knowing his father but I want it to be gradually done.

Sorry, it's not your choice any longer. You either follow the current court order or return to Illinois to file a petition to amend.

Either way, Illinois has continuing jurisdiction.

 

[nextwife]

The child is not in the same state that either the father lives or where the relationship occured. You have a child that has parents in two different states. You may as well get used to the idea that your child will be spending time with each parent in accordance with whatever the court has ordered or will order. That will be a fact of life. And if the father is either paying support, or exercising visitation (which is a "right" and not an "obligation"), or both, no adoption is going to happen.

AS to a child who is older accepting another parent into their lives, I know MANY families who got their kids when that child was anywhere from 2 to 10 years old, and not only did the kids handle having a new parent perfectly well, they also adjusted to learning a new language and culture at the same time (these are families of kids adopted from orphanages at older ages, mine was over two). If they can handle so many changes, I am sure your child will handle the one change of having his father in his life perfectly well. You are the one who needs to learn to handle it.