visitation modification

[saleen556]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? oregon

I currently have sole custody of my 3 girls 13,8 yr old twins. The visitation agreement is 50/50 alternating weeks. However since the agreement my oldest has only spent 5 nights with her mom since august of last year. How likely is it to get the modification changed to everyother weekend for the oldest? I am sure her mother will disagree with this since i will be requesting support.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

What's your objective? You already have the child most of the time, so what are you trying to accomplish?

(Anyone want to bet that it's about the money?)

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? oregon

I currently have sole custody of my 3 girls 13,8 yr old twins. The visitation agreement is 50/50 alternating weeks. However since the agreement my oldest has only spent 5 nights with her mom since august of last year. How likely is it to get the modification changed to everyother weekend for the oldest? I am sure her mother will disagree with this since i will be requesting support.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You have sole custody with a 50/50 parenting schedule??? How incredibly odd.

In any case, please explain the backstory as to how it is that your oldest has only spent 5 nights with her mother since last Aug, because that is going to matter.

 

[saleen556]

What's your objective? You already have the child most of the time, so what are you trying to accomplish?

(Anyone want to bet that it's about the money?)

I could really use the child support to help support her. The divorce cost me over 50k and things are really tight. I don't feel i should be completley financially responsible.

 

[saleen556]

You have sole custody with a 50/50 parenting schedule??? How incredibly odd.

In any case, please explain the backstory as to how it is that your oldest has only spent 5 nights with her mother since last Aug, because that is going to matter.

Her and her mother do not have a good relationship is why she lives with me. There is a history of abuse including a report to CPS by the custody evaluator.

The 50/50 split was recommended by the evaluator because she believed that mom and kids needed to spend more time together.

 

[Isis1]

Her and her mother do not have a good relationship is why she lives with me. There is a history of abuse including a report to CPS by the custody evaluator.

The 50/50 split was recommended by the evaluator because she believed that mom and kids needed to spend more time together.

That still makes no sense. How can you have sole physical and legal custody per your court orders and have 50/50?

What is the exact wording of your court order?

 

[mistoffolees]

I could really use the child support to help support her. The divorce cost me over 50k and things are really tight. I don't feel i should be completley financially responsible.

The child has been with you over 6 months. You need to look up what it takes to reopen custody in your state. If you have sufficient grounds to reopen custody, you could do so and request primary physical.

Of course, as soon as you ask for that, Mom may start exercising your time, but there's not a lot you can do about that.

 

[CJane]

The child has been with you over 6 months. You need to look up what it takes to reopen custody in your state. If you have sufficient grounds to reopen custody, you could do so and request primary physical.

Of course, as soon as you ask for that, Mom may start exercising your time, but there's not a lot you can do about that.

It also matters what sort of effort Dad has made to encourage child to visit Mom.

And, speaking from experience, it's not that odd for one parent to have sole legal with a 50/50 split of time.

 

[saleen556]

It also matters what sort of effort Dad has made to encourage child to visit Mom.

And, speaking from experience, it's not that odd for one parent to have sole legal with a 50/50 split of time.

I have actually made alot of effort. I have had the child in counseling since getting custody. She has made great improvements but is only wanting to visit mom every other weekend. Mom has NEVER asked for her parenting time. If she did i would have no choice but to make her go. This is where things can go bad. The child was having suicidal thoughts before getting her in counseling when she was made to stay with mom. I am very concerned that she could begin down that path again if she is made to stay with her mom.

 

[WittyUserName]

It also matters what sort of effort Dad has made to encourage child to visit Mom.

And, speaking from experience, it's not that odd for one parent to have sole legal with a 50/50 split of time.

Especially in Oregon, where the courts are prevented by statute from ordering joint (legal) custody without agreement from both parents - which rarely happens. Sole custody is the most popular option in Oregon.

Saleen, you are in a really odd place. As others have pointed out, when you file it's likely that Mom will start to take her visitation time. Also, OR courts are fairly protective of a noncustodial parents parenting time; the prior CPS issue may not be relevant at this point since it happened before your court order. I am also going to say this as gently as I know how: letting your daughter decide when she wants to see her mother can very well backfire in court. I hear your worries about the suicidal ideation, but frankly? That could very well be a mental health issue unrelated to Mom's time.

It's really hard to say what a judge would order in your case.

 

[mistoffolees]

Especially in Oregon, where the courts are prevented by statute from ordering joint (legal) custody without agreement from both parents - which rarely happens. Sole custody is the most popular option in Oregon.

Saleen, you are in a really odd place. As others have pointed out, when you file it's likely that Mom will start to take her visitation time. Also, OR courts are fairly protective of a noncustodial parents parenting time; the prior CPS issue may not be relevant at this point since it happened before your court order. I am also going to say this as gently as I know how: letting your daughter decide when she wants to see her mother can very well backfire in court. I hear your worries about the suicidal ideation, but frankly? That could very well be a mental health issue unrelated to Mom's time.

It's really hard to say what a judge would order in your case.

True. But it looks like OP has been doing everything he can. Rather than trying to predict the future, it may be useful to point out the things that will improve OP's chances. He's already doing most of them:
- Encouraging relationship with the other parent
- OP already has sole custody
- Status quo is that Mom has seen the child only a few nights in the last 6 months
- 13 year old strongly favors current situation (not enough to force the issue, but 13 is old enough that a judge might listen
- Counseling to help with child's concerns (it might be useful if the counselor would testify that the child is doing better at Dad's house - if this is true)

Negatives:
- Current court order is 50:50
- Mom could easily start exercising her visitation if Dad files

So what else can Dad do to increase his chances? I don't see a lot - seems like he's doing what he can.

 

[WittyUserName]

True. But it looks like OP has been doing everything he can. Rather than trying to predict the future, it may be useful to point out the things that will improve OP's chances. He's already doing most of them:
- Encouraging relationship with the other parent
- OP already has sole custody
- Status quo is that Mom has seen the child only a few nights in the last 6 months
- 13 year old strongly favors current situation (not enough to force the issue, but 13 is old enough that a judge might listen
- Counseling to help with child's concerns (it might be useful if the counselor would testify that the child is doing better at Dad's house - if this is true)

Negatives:
- Current court order is 50:50
- Mom could easily start exercising her visitation if Dad files

So what else can Dad do to increase his chances? I don't see a lot - seems like he's doing what he can.

I agree. I didn't address the CS issue though - on purpose. I suspect that has potential to make things messier.

 

[mistoffolees]

I agree. I didn't address the CS issue though - on purpose. I suspect that has potential to make things messier.

In theory, it shouldn't affect anything. The courts should decide custody solely on the basis of what's best for the kids - and THEN figure out CS. In practice, though, the theory doesn't always work.

 

[LdiJ]

In theory, it shouldn't affect anything. The courts should decide custody solely on the basis of what's best for the kids - and THEN figure out CS. In practice, though, the theory doesn't always work.

This might be a situation where mom is reluctantly (even if dad doesn't realize it) allowing this to happen because of who knows what reason, and when dad files to change custody and get child support that may be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Mom may fight it tooth and nail. Mom may have the attitude that "not only is he keeping my child away from me, but now he wants me to pay child support?!!" Mom may feel that this is all dad's fault. We just cannot know.

Clearly dad has status quo and clearly there are some issues, but I do think that dad has to be careful here.

 

[saleen556]

This might be a situation where mom is reluctantly (even if dad doesn't realize it) allowing this to happen because of who knows what reason, and when dad files to change custody and get child support that may be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Mom may fight it tooth and nail. Mom may have the attitude that "not only is he keeping my child away from me, but now he wants me to pay child support?!!" Mom may feel that this is all dad's fault. We just cannot know.

Clearly dad has status quo and clearly there are some issues, but I do think that dad has to be careful here.

Mom has no case against me. Divorce was her decision as was custody fight. My first offer to settle was a 50/50 split with visitation, joint custody and i offered to pay her $400 a month in child support because i make a little more money. She refused because she would have gotten more child support by getting custody and me have the kids less. I had to hire a custody evaluator and eventually she recommended me having custody after 2 evaluations. My ex is a great manipulator. But she messed up and i had proof. She settled at trial before the evaluator took the stand. We agreed with me having Sole custody,50/50 visitation and she is to take alcohol and anger managment classes. As i have said since court our oldest has lived with me. I have tried to encourage a relationship but mom doesn't appear to care. I do believe she will decide to have our oldest stay with her after i file for the modification. I will have to make her go against her will. This is the part that sucks. I am trying to find out if her counselor will testify that this is in her best interest. Otherwise i will end up just letting mom be a deadbeat and not support her daughter and suck it up. I just feel that being a man i am being discriminated against.