want joint custody with me a custodial parent

[coleman07]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana
My wife and I have been seperated for a little over a month. We have already filled out the divorice paper work.

After filling out the paper work I discovered several issues that have me concerned.

First of all the reason for the seperation is, I caught her using internet chat rooms talking to other men sexually. She was also telling all of these people that she was talking to online that I had beaten her several times and forced her to have sex with me. None of this is true (I haven't decided if I am going to sue her for liable yet).

After we seperated she has lived at 5 different locations (remember we have only been seperated a little over a month).

She is currently living with a man that she met online (in a different town).

She doesn't have a job. She got a job shortly after we seperated, but she quit it after 1 week. So she has no income.

When we seperated we agreed to joint physical custody. Our son stays with her a couple of night and with me a couple of nights.

She has told our son (who is 7 years old) that the man she is living with is married. My son told me that mommy sleeps with (I'll call him Joe), and Joe's wife sleeps downstairs in another bed.

I have done some research on the internet and found that Joe is indeed single.

Now for my question.

Do I have grounds to insist on being custodial parent?

I don't want to take our son away from his mother but I don't like the current situation.

I want her to have him 1 night a week and every other weekend, and 2 or 3 weeks in the summer.

Can I do this?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Isis1]

Nothing you mentioned is any extreme circumstances for the child in the 30 day time span.

It's been a month. Give her some time to get on her feet.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana
My wife and I have been seperated for a little over a month. We have already filled out the divorice paper work.

After filling out the paper work I discovered several issues that have me concerned.

First of all the reason for the seperation is, I caught her using internet chat rooms talking to other men sexually. She was also telling all of these people that she was talking to online that I had beaten her several times and forced her to have sex with me. None of this is true (I haven't decided if I am going to sue her for liable yet).

And none of it is relevant to custody.

After we seperated she has lived at 5 different locations (remember we have only been seperated a little over a month).

She is currently living with a man that she met online (in a different town).

So she has somewhere to stay? Good.

She doesn't have a job. She got a job shortly after we seperated, but she quit it after 1 week. So she has no income.

That didn't appear to be an issue while you were still together....

But, if she's being supported and has a roof over her head, etc., her lack of income is a non-issue.

When we seperated we agreed to joint physical custody. Our son stays with her a couple of night and with me a couple of nights.

Okay.

She has told our son (who is 7 years old) that the man she is living with is married. My son told me that mommy sleeps with (I'll call him Joe), and Joe's wife sleeps downstairs in another bed.

I have done some research on the internet and found that Joe is indeed single.

Irrelevant.

Now for my question.

Do I have grounds to insist on being custodial parent?

I don't want to take our son away from his mother but I don't like the current situation.

I want her to have him 1 night a week and every other weekend, and 2 or 3 weeks in the summer.

Can I do this?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You can insist on whatever you like, but it will be up to the court.

Prior to you separating, who was your son's primary caregiver?

Was Mom a SAHM while you worked, for example?

And really Dad, her current arrangements really aren't going to have any real effect on a custody determination even if you don't like them.

 

[coleman07]

I disagree, she has moved him 5 different times.

Now she is living with, basically a stranger that she met online. I believe this coud be potentially dangerous.

 

[Proserpina]

I disagree, she has moved him 5 different times.

Now she is living with, basically a stranger that she met online. I believe this coud be potentially dangerous.

It's not about what you believe.

It's about what's important in the eyes of the law.

Mom is now living with someone SHE trusts. The court will trust her decision until and unless it can be proven that she has placed the child in danger.

"Potentially" won't wash.

Again, who has been the primary caregiver?

 

[Isis1]

I disagree, she has moved him 5 different times.

Now she is living with, basically a stranger that she met online. I believe this coud be potentially dangerous.

As opposed to living next to a stranger she met in a bar? At a church? A stranger to you, maybe.

Courts don't hold the Internet as a no no place to meet people. My ex is still convinced I met my husband online. Joke is on him since we went to the same high school together and had the same friends, just never the same classes. At some point, everyone you meet in life is a stranger.

 

[coleman07]

No she was not a stay at home mom. We owned a christian newspaper and she sold advertising for that.

We had to shut it down because our moto was 'serving God everyday', and she wasn't serving God, and I couldn't run it by myself.

 

[coleman07]

we were both with our son equal time there was no primary care giver.

 

[Proserpina]

No she was not a stay at home mom. We owned a christian newspaper and she sold advertising for that.

We had to shut it down because our moto was 'serving God everyday', and she wasn't serving God, and I couldn't run it by myself.

Who. Was. Primary. Caregiver?

Did you share parenting?

Did you work outside of the home while she worked from home?

It's important - I wouldn't ask otherwise.

 

[Isis1]

No she was not a stay at home mom. We owned a christian newspaper and she sold advertising for that.

We had to shut it down because our moto was 'serving God everyday', and she wasn't serving God, and I couldn't run it by myself.

Are you saying you fired her?

 

[coleman07]

Maybe I'm just frustrated with the whole situation.

She just keeps telling me lies and keeps telling lies about me.

Like I said I don't want to take her son away from her completly.

I just want him to be brought up in a good Christian home.

 

[coleman07]

No, I didn't fire her. I gave her the option to keep running the paper on her own and take my name off of it, or we would shut it down. She chose to shut it down.

 

[Isis1]

Maybe I'm just frustrated with the whole situation.

She just keeps telling me lies and keeps telling lies about me.

Like I said I don't want to take her son away from her completly.

I just want him to be brought up in a good Christian home.

you don't get to determine that. if she wants to bring the child up as a aethist on her time, no courts will stop her. if she wants to expose the child to a mormon life style, she is well within her rights to do so. nothing you can do to stop that.

she's allowed to lie to you. you are also allowed not to care. that's why you are divorcing. you aren't married anymore. what makes you think she is going to be MORE required to obey you now that you are no longer together?

 

[Proserpina]

Maybe I'm just frustrated with the whole situation.

She just keeps telling me lies and keeps telling lies about me.

Like I said I don't want to take her son away from her completly.

I just want him to be brought up in a good Christian home.

I understand your frustration. You're hurt and angry and not happy with her choices at all.

But the thing is, they are her choices to make.

As you currently have more or less a 50/50 timeshare, is that something you'd consider if Mom agrees? What does she feel about the situation?

If you want primary, and Mom fights - well, then the court will decide what's in the child's best interests. It could go either way.

Have you thought about taking co-parenting classes? It's one thing sharing the parenting while you're married, but divorce often changes things dramatically.

The dynamic is completely different.

And bear in mind that if Mom no longer wants to raise the child in a Christian (or any other religion) home, she has that right.

 

[coleman07]

I know she is allowed to lie to me and about me but it doesn't hurt any less.

Jesus was lied about as well.

He endured it and so will I.