Want whats best for my daughter

[Proserpina]

Just because a man can make a child doesn't give him the right to be called a DAD if he is not doing his part to be a dad.

Actually it kind of does. That's the law. You know, that thing that prompted you to come here asking questions in the first place.

I'm not a woman who is so willing to throw a life away so carelessly. I did my part and made sure she saw her BIO-DAD up untill he UP AND LEFT. I don't hate him I have no reason to but I'm not going to subject my child to his jacked up head games because he has found a spare minute to call and tell her something he knows is false.

It doesn't matter how much of a deadbeat jacka55 he is - he is, until a court decides otherwise, her father.

If you think you are goning to change my mind about anything you are wrong my child lives a happy healthy life with me and my husband who is her DAD.

Translation: I don't care if it hurts my child in the future - MY thoughts and feelings are the most important thing here.

Well, thanks for stopping by anyway

 

[Isis1]

tsk, tsk, tsk, OP.

you take that selfish attitude with you to court, and BOY are you gonna get verbally slapped around. sometimes it's funny to watch, but in this case, i don't want to be in the same state as you. it's going to be BAD!

 

[rezap]

Calling my husband my screw buddy is not legal advice. And I'm not selfish how is wanting to protect my daughters feeling being selfish?? He has made her cry because he keeps telling her that he will come see her and he doesn't, I know in the eyes of the law he is her FATHER, but in her life my husband the man who provides for her is her dad. Her biological father has just been found by the attorney general and they have been taking money from him, before that he had not paid any support for three years. He has not seen her in two. I make sure he has our phone number and address so I have done my part, he on the other hand makes sure that we don't know where he is or have a phone number for him.

 

[Isis1]

Calling my husband my screw buddy is not legal advice. And I'm not selfish how is wanting to protect my daughters feeling being selfish?? He has made her cry because he keeps telling her that he will come see her and he doesn't, I know in the eyes of the law he is her FATHER, but in her life my husband the man who provides for her is her dad. Her biological father has just been found by the attorney general and they have been taking money from him, before that he had not paid any support for three years. He has not seen her in two. I make sure he has our phone number and address so I have done my part, he on the other hand makes sure that we don't know where he is or have a phone number for him.

insisting he is not her dad, is not benefiting your daughter.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Calling my husband my screw buddy is not legal advice. And I'm not selfish how is wanting to protect my daughters feeling being selfish?? He has made her cry because he keeps telling her that he will come see her and he doesn't, I know in the eyes of the law he is her FATHER, but in her life my husband the man who provides for her is her dad. Her biological father has just been found by the attorney general and they have been taking money from him, before that he had not paid any support for three years. He has not seen her in two. I make sure he has our phone number and address so I have done my part, he on the other hand makes sure that we don't know where he is or have a phone number for him.

You'll have to convince him to give up his rights, that's your only hope, honey-bunch. So get on getting on with that, and come back after you've done that.

 

[Cyndi59]

Here we go Again

He is NOT the bio-father, he IS HER FATHER! If you want your new husband to adopt her, you need her REAL father to approve. You've gotten excellent legal advice. If you don't like it, SORRY

 

[Proserpina]

Calling my husband my screw buddy is not legal advice. And I'm not selfish how is wanting to protect my daughters feeling being selfish??

He has made her cry because he keeps telling her that he will come see her and he doesn't, I know in the eyes of the law he is her FATHER, but in her life my husband the man who provides for her is her dad.

When he calls, makes a promise and then doesn't come through what exactly do YOU tell her?

Her biological father has just been found by the attorney general and they have been taking money from him, before that he had not paid any support for three years. He has not seen her in two. I make sure he has our phone number and address so I have done my part, he on the other hand makes sure that we don't know where he is or have a phone number for him.

Look - you chose this man to father your child. Yes, it sucks that he's apparently a deadbeat, and apparently able to be a parent no more than a leaf of mouldy cabbage would be able but that does not change the bottom line - he IS her father.

NOBODY here will disagree - your child should not be hurt or traumatized for something that is clearly not her fault and something over which she had absolutely no control...and with that said, YOU also need to take some of the blame. You know that. But you know what the good news is?

YOU - as her mother, as the most constant thing or person in her entire little life, have the ability to try as hard as you can to ensure that any hurt she feels, any disappointment, any pain is kept to a bare minimum. YOU get to do that. Only you. Even when it means you're sometimes making excuses for him, when he doesn't come get her when he said he would.

YOU are holding the reins. Nobody else.

How much, or how little, your daughter is traumatized by this is largely up to you. If he is as much a deadbeat as you allege, don't give him that kind of power over her. You are Mom - a very simple, "Honey, yes your Daddy loves you very very much but sometimes his work means he can't come and see you, even when he says he wants to come and see you" can work wonders.

And yes, I'm aware that all too often, that's a blatant lie. But at least it's a lie borne from a genuine wish to prevent hurt.