Welcome home, ex-wife.

[AntonioD]

So then what?

Ok, I'm not a lawyer, don't spend any time studying this stuff, just go about my days taking care of what needs be. Now I'm hearing I'm doing the wrong thing; I cannot make them go sit in their room while these people drink, smoke and ignore them. They made it clear to the interviewers that she uses and they don't want to live with her, but will visit her. If I go back to court and ask for custody, what shall I say in order to gain it? I have brought them to "the meeting spot" every time they've agreed to go there, never hindered in any way, and when visiting her during school and she and her boyfriend refused to take them to school, I drove all the way out there and brought them! Even the boys agree I should go for full custody, especially considering the way she spends her money so frivolously. Now you've got me scared! What should I do?

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, I'm not a lawyer, don't spend any time studying this stuff, just go about my days taking care of what needs be. Now I'm hearing I'm doing the wrong thing; I cannot make them go sit in their room while these people drink, smoke and ignore them. They made it clear to the interviewers that she uses and they don't want to live with her, but will visit her. If I go back to court and ask for custody, what shall I say in order to gain it? I have brought them to "the meeting spot" every time they've agreed to go there, never hindered in any way, and when visiting her during school and she and her boyfriend refused to take them to school, I drove all the way out there and brought them! Even the boys agree I should go for full custody, especially considering the way she spends her money so frivolously. Now you've got me scared! What should I do?

Full custody would not take away mom's visitation rights.

Unfortunately, you have given your children the impression that they have a say in whether or not they visit their mother. That is not necessarily going to harm you if mom lets it happen and never takes you to court for contempt. However, if mom does take you to court for contempt, then you could actually lose primary custody for not making it clear to your children that they have no say about visitation.

You are wanting to file for child support...the CLASSIC response to the parent with primary custody filing for child support, is for the other parent to file for primary custody....and in this case, you have simply handed her ammo...you have handed her a "change in circumstance" by allowing your children to dictate whether or not they visit their mom.

I suggest that you let your children know that its not their decision and that its non-negotiable.

 

[ecmst12]

If the kids have been living with you this whole time, why don't you already HAVE custody?

 

[AntonioD]

To Full Custody, or Not to Full Custody?

The mother is a drug and alcohol abuser, it is the root of what drives her actions. I'd be happy if she actually wanted to take care of her children. I will not pursue child support, but thank you for the info. It is a shame that their life could be ruined even further by this set of laws that is so easily manipulated by the ones with money to do so. Does it matter that she makes the agreement with them to stay here most of the time? I suppose the reason I don't have full custody is because I can't afford counsel, and her father pays for hers and is a multimillionaire. Thankfully he agrees that I am the best parent, though never out loud. The children aren't making decisions, but were asked by the court their opinions as they're old enough. They get on the phone & agree to their times together, and I facilitate their meetings etc. and even have offered my place to her for visits & I'll go out but she refuses (probably 'cause she can't drink and smoke here). Her new boyfriend has a new record of domestic violence now so it makes it a little shaky for her to drag me back to court for anything regarding custody, I'm sure. Are there any actions I should be taking at this time to start protecting myself? I'm documenting all visits & she agrees to let them stay here with them...so, am I missing anything?