What if I do this...

[tdpltina]

Casa and Stealth are both women, so your assumption that this board is inhabited by angry fathers with an ax to grind is.... well.... WAY off the mark.

The child's legal state of residence is CA. Thats where you live now. Once you move to FL, your fiance couldn't file for custody until AFTER 6 months of being in that state. Period. It's called UCCJEA. Look it up. She can't just move to FL and file immediately. CA is the home state, and is where ANY AND ALL filings for custody or visitation would take place, even up to 6 months AFTER she moves to FL. She and the child may be living in FL, but that doesn't give FL the authority to hear a case based on UCCJEA (which all 50 states partake in).

So... if mom moves her and the child to FL, dad can file in CA for custody or visitation at the minimum. Guess who will be making cross-country trips to go to court? It won't be dad. And no... before you even ask... she can NOT get it "moved" to FL. Why? because FL is not the child's home state, won't be for 6 months, and a FL court doesn't have jurisdiction. CA does.

If she up and moves without permission from either the father or the court (or at least notice to the father of the intended move), she can bite off more than she can chew.

Is it really worth it to just up and move.... have to come back to CA for each and every hearing.... take a chance on losing the case and having to move back.... or even possibly losing custody?

The bare-bones truth is this.... she's wrong in her thinking:



CA law DOES apply as that's where jurisdiction would be. It's the child's home state. She couldn't file anything in FL until the child had been in FL for the 6 months preceding the filing.

Thankyou for a well thought out and respectful, informative reply, MissouriGal. This is exactly the sort of thing we both need to find out.

------------------------------------------------------------------

...That neither of you like that answer is really not the board's problem. ... Perhaps s/he can explain to you that moving just to be with her new may-un may not be a good enough reason to move the child away from the father.

The substance of the answers, stealth, is not our issue. It's the smart-ass tone that you and casa adopt in giving answers to questions you apparently don't like. Please do us and the board a favor by leaving out the tone. If you can't reply with the same level of maturity as MissouriGal, then perhaps you shouldn't reply at all.

 

[stealth2]

You get what you pay for, dude.

 

[casa]

Thankyou for a well thought out and respectful, informative reply, MissouriGal. This is exactly the sort of thing we both need to find out.

------------------------------------------------------------------



The substance of the answers, stealth, is not our issue. It's the smart-ass tone that you and casa adopt in giving answers to questions you apparently don't like. Please do us and the board a favor by leaving out the tone. If you can't reply with the same level of maturity as MissouriGal, then perhaps you shouldn't reply at all.

Excuse me...but if you read the entire thread, you'll see that I gave accurate advise in my initial response...until you were derogatory.

 

[candi4687]

Casa and Stealth are both very respectable people on here and they were giving you the right advice and trying to get the point across that IF you move and do not give proper notice then you can risk being charged for kidnapping and also risk lossing your child. So as far as the smart ass tone you were hearing they were trying to help you out to not further complicate matters there for YOU and YOUR child.
Weither you like it or not this guy is the father and even if he did NOT pay child support he would STILL be entitled to visitation/custody of this child.
Sounds to me like you regret having a child with this man but you will regret the consequences even more so if you move or even take that child out of the state without consent.
By the way IF you were given an ok to move are you ready to drive the child back everyother weekend to CA from FL? DO you have the resources to do so? You need to look more into what this all entails before just up and moving away from the childs father. BY the way from the way I took it you have established CS there in CA so automatically CA has jurisdiction.
GOOD LUCK

By the way, people who just up and leave with their children just to get away are why people who NEED to get away for the right reasons can't without being looked down upon as if they kidnapped their children. Do what is right for your child. That is having both parents there to love and be there for him/her!

One more thing for the Fiance... best LEGAL ADVISE is for you to BUTT OUT! You have NO SAY AT ALL!!!

 

[tdpltina]

Excuse me...but if you read the entire thread, you'll see that I gave accurate advise in my initial response...until you were derogatory.

Thanks for the advice. I did in fact go through and read the entire thread. I see from my reading that stealth2 got outright insulting without any provocation at all:

HELLO! Is anyone home? He can file BEFORE you establish residency. Are you really so clueless? GO read LaMusga, then come back.

and when my fiance called him/her on it, you jumped in with this (apparently to defend stealth2):

OK if your fiance can't hold her own ground, she shouldn't go stepping out alone now should she?

-- which is also insulting, even though we hadn't to that point mentioned you at all. This is true, and if you read the thread as you have encouraged us to do, you'll see that we're right.

We'll accept, if not an outright apology from you on this point, at least an acknowledgment that you were wrong. Any other type of response from you on this point is outright disingenuous.

 

[jacknjill]

Thanks for the advice. I did in fact go through and read the entire thread. I see from my reading that stealth2 got outright insulting without any provocation at all:
and when my fiance called him/her on it, you jumped in with this (apparently to defend stealth2):



-- which is also insulting, even though we hadn't to that point mentioned you at all. This is true, and if you read the thread as you have encouraged us to do, you'll see that we're right.

We'll accept, if not an outright apology from you on this point, at least an acknowledgment that you were wrong. Any other type of response from you on this point is outright disingenuous.

Just because you are female and gave birth to the child, doesn't mean the father doesn't have any rights....You can't just up and leave, especially if he's paying CS...can't have both, sweetie!!!

 

[mommy02]

I can't read these things anymore. Please talk to a lawyer.
If you were never married to your childs father then you have sole custody. You don't need to file for custody. Paternity has been established and the father pays support but does not have any legal custody. The father would have to petition the court for joint custody and visitation. You would not be charged with kidnapping. I personally would want to keep my child in touch with the father if that is what the father wants.

 

[tdpltina]

...By the way, people who just up and leave with their children just to get away are why people who NEED to get away for the right reasons can't without being looked down upon as if they kidnapped their children. Do what is right for your child. That is having both parents there to love and be there for him/her!...

Hi Candi, I do appreciate your input but let me assure you that I am leaving for reasons that I think are entirely appropriate, those being to ensure that my son has a stable household and a stable future. It has nothing to do with enmity. Surely you're not insinuating otherwise?

As for your comment about my fiance, I'd like to remind you that he will be the primary father figure in my son's life, as he has been now for over a year. He sees my son much more than my son's father does. Legally speaking, you are correct, but I don't appreciate the tone in that last line about him. He's a very kind man.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Blah, blah, blah. Why do I get the feeling that these people didn't come here to get advice, but to pick a fight? Hey, you got your answer, there is no "website promise" that you shall have a sugar-coated response. They told you the truth and what you were offended by was the response.

 

[stealth2]

We'll accept, if not an outright apology from you on this point, at least an acknowledgment that you were wrong. Any other type of response from you on this point is outright disingenuous.

Hmmmmm........ well......... I'm pretty sure you won't get one from me. Because the fact remains - he can file as soon as you leave CA, and you can be forced to come back to CA for hearings, and you can be forced to bring the child back. Too bad you don't like that, Teeny Tiny Tina and Mr Big Bad Fiance.

 

[tdpltina]

. . .They told you the truth and what you were offended by was the response.

I've never believed in mind-readers, and I certainly don't believe it's possible to read minds over the web.

But just to respond to your opinion that we're trying to pick a fight, let me quote here:

Casa and Stealth are both women, so your assumption that this board is inhabited by angry fathers with an ax to grind is.... well.... WAY off the mark.

The child's legal state of residence is CA. Thats where you live now. Once you move to FL, your fiance couldn't file for custody until AFTER 6 months of being in that state. Period. It's called UCCJEA. Look it up. She can't just move to FL and file immediately. CA is the home state, and is where ANY AND ALL filings for custody or visitation would take place, even up to 6 months AFTER she moves to FL. She and the child may be living in FL, but that doesn't give FL the authority to hear a case based on UCCJEA (which all 50 states partake in).

So... if mom moves her and the child to FL, dad can file in CA for custody or visitation at the minimum. Guess who will be making cross-country trips to go to court? It won't be dad. And no... before you even ask... she can NOT get it "moved" to FL. Why? because FL is not the child's home state, won't be for 6 months, and a FL court doesn't have jurisdiction. CA does.

If she up and moves without permission from either the father or the court (or at least notice to the father of the intended move), she can bite off more than she can chew.

Is it really worth it to just up and move.... have to come back to CA for each and every hearing.... take a chance on losing the case and having to move back.... or even possibly losing custody?

The bare-bones truth is this.... she's wrong in her thinking:

I'm thinking that if I simply move to Florida and establish custody there, the California law doesn't even apply. It's not like the child ever lived with his father at any time.

CA law DOES apply as that's where jurisdiction would be. It's the child's home state. She couldn't file anything in FL until the child had been in FL for the 6 months preceding the filing.

To which we replied:

Thankyou for a well thought out and respectful, informative reply, MissouriGal. This is exactly the sort of thing we both need to find out.

So you see, we're not trying to pick fights or be combative. We're simply looking for honest opinions (even if we don't like them) sans insults.

 

[tdpltina]

Hmmmmm........ well......... I'm pretty sure you won't get one from me. . .

That's absolutely no problem, stealth, as we did not ask you for one.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Let's just start from the top. You said:

What is the name of your state? California

No custody of my 4 year old has been legally established. An exboyfriend is the father, and he does pay court-ordered child support. I want to move to FL, but am afraid he will start a custody battle.

So...

I simply move to Florida and file for custody when I am there. What would I need to worry about?

To which stealth replied:

That he will file in the current state as soon as you leave and neither you nor the child are considered residents of FL. How would you feel if he did the same to you?

It's not our fault that you are so sensitive (or perhaps self-enthralled) that you took this as an ad hominem attack.

 

[tdpltina]

stepmom,

No, as I said already, this is the unprovoked insult which drew our ire:

HELLO! Is anyone home? He can file BEFORE you establish residency. Are you really so clueless? GO read LaMusga, then come back.

There was absolutely no call for this tone. "casa" joined in to defend stealth's behavior later.

So, let's take a hypothetical, and say that you had posted asking a question. Let's further imagine that you were polite and forthright in your tone. Now let's say that we or someone else had said something in reply like "You ignoramus, get some glasses and read!" -- again, this is all hypothetical, mind you. Wouldn't you feel you had been needlessly insulted?

 

[stepmom&mom]

My, my, I bet you think you are good at distorting and twisting the truth. Stealth gave you a noncombative response (the one I previously posted.) Then you became argumentative:

Let me be more specific about this. The father and I were never married or cohabitated. We simply dated for a few weeks. I'm thinking that if I simply move to Florida and establish custody there, the California law doesn't even apply. It's not like the child ever lived with his father at any time.

To which you were given another honest response. And then you further stated:

Can you please cite something that says I'm risking being charged with kidnapping? That's exactly the sort of thing I need to see.

So, finally, after recieving several responses, and continuing to argue with the answers you were given, then stealth said:

HELLO! Is anyone home? He can file BEFORE you establish residency. Are you really so clueless? GO read LaMusga, then come back.

You can't blame people when they give you a truthful response and you continually argue because you didn't like the answer.