allsaidanddone
Member
Catmama,
I am not a legal professional, just a simple girl whose been through divorce and experienced a few things in life.
A few things about this post caught my eye.
First, the tax law change. I don't think you quite understand what is being said to you so I'd like to explain it in laymans terms.
+ Divorce before the deadline of 12/2018
He will be able to deduct the alimony from his taxable income, therefore lessoning his tax burden. You will have to claim it as taxable income. Calculations for alimony under this circumstance usually take into regard that it will be a deduction for him and taxable income to you (I'm not a divorce attorney or judge but I do know calculations are made based on all circumstances so you probably will not be able to ask for more to pay the tax as it's already been calculated into the alimony rewarded per your post divorce tax rate). The significant issue is he can use this as a tax deduction and that's why he wants a quick divorce.
+ Divorce after the deadline of 12/2018
He will not be able to use the alimony as a tax deduction and you will not have to claim it. How this works with the initial alimony calculation is probably new to many. You may receive less due to the fact that you will not have that tax burden.
Secondly, you mention you've been married for 19 years. If I'm not mistaken, in some states, 20 year marriages that end in divorce can result in lifetime alimony (as could a disabled spouse scenario) along with being ordered to pay for medical insurance. One poster was correct in saying that most companies will not insure an ex spouse. It doesn't matter who's paying for it. You may need to rethink his "give me's". You may need to rethink him giving you something most likely be benefiting him in the long run by diverting your attention away from what you may be due.. Any divorcing spouse with everything to lose (man or woman) only thinks in their best interest. Your first clue is the fact that he wants a divorce now rather than later all the sudden. He is probably not your best friend anymore and id only looking out for his best interest. (Read other posts here and you get a glimpse).
Third, the trust. Everything he wants to "do now" does not give you enough time to research nor to thoroughly think through YOUR options. You mentioned you've seen a few lawyers. No lawyer can tell you exactly what would happen in your specific case unless they know ALL the info. I think they gave you pretty good advice given the limited amount of information you were able to provide. How do you know what your STBEX has offered is better?
"What he has offered verbally over time is better than that, provided he follows through on what he promises. The second issue is that our marital assets aside from the house are fairly small. Expenditures on hefty legal fees, even if he is required to pay them, will have a much greater impact on my financial future than his, because he has assets that are gifts/inheritances and (presumably) protected by the trust. Not to mention the fact that it is in my son's interests if we can keep things amicable".
You don't and you're relying on "promises". The legal fees could be deemed as his. Everything is calculated by the capability to pay.
It's in your son's best interest for you do everything possible to protect him and that does not mean keeping your divorce amicable at the expense of your future. What's going to happen a few years down the road when your ex finds a new wife and/or family to take care of?
Point is, things change and they will change down the road. New wife or not.
If you want an amicable divorce, hire a mediator at the very least. Most do it yourself divorces may start out as amicable but end up leaving someone in a very painful situation.
Hope I'm not to out of bounds here with the experts.
I am not a legal professional, just a simple girl whose been through divorce and experienced a few things in life.
A few things about this post caught my eye.
First, the tax law change. I don't think you quite understand what is being said to you so I'd like to explain it in laymans terms.
+ Divorce before the deadline of 12/2018
He will be able to deduct the alimony from his taxable income, therefore lessoning his tax burden. You will have to claim it as taxable income. Calculations for alimony under this circumstance usually take into regard that it will be a deduction for him and taxable income to you (I'm not a divorce attorney or judge but I do know calculations are made based on all circumstances so you probably will not be able to ask for more to pay the tax as it's already been calculated into the alimony rewarded per your post divorce tax rate). The significant issue is he can use this as a tax deduction and that's why he wants a quick divorce.
+ Divorce after the deadline of 12/2018
He will not be able to use the alimony as a tax deduction and you will not have to claim it. How this works with the initial alimony calculation is probably new to many. You may receive less due to the fact that you will not have that tax burden.
Secondly, you mention you've been married for 19 years. If I'm not mistaken, in some states, 20 year marriages that end in divorce can result in lifetime alimony (as could a disabled spouse scenario) along with being ordered to pay for medical insurance. One poster was correct in saying that most companies will not insure an ex spouse. It doesn't matter who's paying for it. You may need to rethink his "give me's". You may need to rethink him giving you something most likely be benefiting him in the long run by diverting your attention away from what you may be due.. Any divorcing spouse with everything to lose (man or woman) only thinks in their best interest. Your first clue is the fact that he wants a divorce now rather than later all the sudden. He is probably not your best friend anymore and id only looking out for his best interest. (Read other posts here and you get a glimpse).
Third, the trust. Everything he wants to "do now" does not give you enough time to research nor to thoroughly think through YOUR options. You mentioned you've seen a few lawyers. No lawyer can tell you exactly what would happen in your specific case unless they know ALL the info. I think they gave you pretty good advice given the limited amount of information you were able to provide. How do you know what your STBEX has offered is better?
"What he has offered verbally over time is better than that, provided he follows through on what he promises. The second issue is that our marital assets aside from the house are fairly small. Expenditures on hefty legal fees, even if he is required to pay them, will have a much greater impact on my financial future than his, because he has assets that are gifts/inheritances and (presumably) protected by the trust. Not to mention the fact that it is in my son's interests if we can keep things amicable".
You don't and you're relying on "promises". The legal fees could be deemed as his. Everything is calculated by the capability to pay.
It's in your son's best interest for you do everything possible to protect him and that does not mean keeping your divorce amicable at the expense of your future. What's going to happen a few years down the road when your ex finds a new wife and/or family to take care of?
Point is, things change and they will change down the road. New wife or not.
If you want an amicable divorce, hire a mediator at the very least. Most do it yourself divorces may start out as amicable but end up leaving someone in a very painful situation.
Hope I'm not to out of bounds here with the experts.
