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What is your take on Overnights?

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tiki101

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Oregon. Hello! I was just wondering what everyone's stance was on overnight visits for children age 13 months. What about if the parent granted overnights has roomates? What if the other parent granted overnight visits has house parties often or overnight guests often? I am just curious as to what everyone here feels about that. I am debating if this is a fight worth doing or if I am out of luck. Thank You all so much.:)
 


CALIF-LAWPRO42

Junior Member
tiki101 said:
What is the name of your state? Oregon. Hello! I was just wondering what everyone's stance was on overnight visits for children age 13 months. What about if the parent granted overnights has roomates? What if the other parent granted overnight visits has house parties often or overnight guests often? I am just curious as to what everyone here feels about that. I am debating if this is a fight worth doing or if I am out of luck. Thank You all so much.:)

My response:

The LEGAL issue isn't "overnight visits." The legal issue is whether the other parent has been deemed to be "unfit as a parent" by a court of law. If not, then the other parent gets visitation. If you deny visitation, the court will NOT take kindly to your unilateral decision.

IAAL
 

nextwife

Senior Member
There are plenty of CPs who:

have house parties
have roomates or
have live-in boyfriends/girlfriends

And this fact does NOT stop them from, not only having the child overnight, but having custody.
 

tiki101

Junior Member
Thank you for your quick responses.I grealty appreciate it. One more question, what is classified as un-fit? Is it just basically, if abuse has occured and/or that the other parent may be a danger to the child or is there more to determine who is classfied as un-fit? Thank you so much for the quick replies.:)
 

nextwife

Senior Member
tiki101 said:
Thank you for your quick responses.I grealty appreciate it. One more question, what is classified as un-fit? Is it just basically, if abuse has occured and/or that the other parent may be a danger to the child or is there more to determine who is classfied as un-fit? Thank you so much for the quick replies.:)
Has he been arrested for child endangerment? Abuse? Neglect? Lost rights to other children to CPS?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I personally think any parent who actively looks for petty reasons to withhold a child from the other parent should be considered unfit.
 
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CJane

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
I personally think any parent who actively looks for petty reasons to withhold a child from the other parent whould be considered unfit.
That's because you're a mean and bitter man. :rolleyes:
 

ceara19

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
There ya go! ;)
I know I've been kind of busy lately, but did I miss an entire gender reassignment surgery? :confused:

It doesn't matter if you are a man, a woman or a big purple gorilla, I agree with your answer.
I personally think any parent who actively looks for petty reasons to withhold a child from the other parent should be considered unfit.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
ceara19 said:
I know I've been kind of busy lately, but did I miss an entire gender reassignment surgery? :confused:

It doesn't matter if you are a man, a woman or a big purple gorilla, I agree with your answer.
They were harking back to the fact that newbies sometimes assume that Stealth is a man....LOL
 

ceara19

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
They were harking back to the fact that newbies sometimes assume that Stealth is a man....LOL
That makes sense. My mental processes are a bit off right now. Between an overnight international flight, a LARGE amount of cold medicine to keep my head from exploding on the flight and insomnia, the whole thought process isn't working the way it should!
 

tiki101

Junior Member
nextwife said:
Has he been arrested for child endangerment? Abuse? Neglect? Lost rights to other children to CPS?


None to all of these. But he has been cited for the parties he does have at his house with underage drinking and that sort of thing. I am not talk about say 5-10 people we are talking about a college party of 300+ people there and these parties he throws are a common occurence. He has also stated to me that his intentions with our child is to take our child to the fraternity house he is a member of. He says he does not have a drinking problem but he often times comes over to my residence hung over on the days he has parenting time which is Sundays at my house from 1-7. He never changes a daiper during that time and most of the time he is asleep at my residence. We live over 75 miles apart from one another and I was wondering what everyones feel is on this situation. Is he fit enough to have our son for overnights with all of this knowledge of his lifestyle? Is this something I should bring up or am I just wasting my breathe? I want him to be a part of our child's life and I am glad he wants to be also, but I feel maybe with him getting a better sense of what kind of responsiblity it is going to take to be our child's role model and parent in due time then we can discuss overnights. Till then I feel weekend visits to be uped to saturday and sunday 1-7 is more ideal for not only him but our child as well. Please let me know what you think. Am I being un-reasonable? Or do I have good enough reasons to be concerned of? Thank you all so much! I greatly appreciate it! :)
 

ceara19

Senior Member
tiki101 said:
None to all of these. But he has been cited for the parties he does have at his house with underage drinking and that sort of thing. I am not talk about say 5-10 people we are talking about a college party of 300+ people there and these parties he throws are a common occurence. He has also stated to me that his intentions with our child is to take our child to the fraternity house he is a member of. He says he does not have a drinking problem but he often times comes over to my residence hung over on the days he has parenting time which is Sundays at my house from 1-7. He never changes a daiper during that time and most of the time he is asleep at my residence. We live over 75 miles apart from one another and I was wondering what everyones feel is on this situation. Is he fit enough to have our son for overnights with all of this knowledge of his lifestyle? Is this something I should bring up or am I just wasting my breathe? I want him to be a part of our child's life and I am glad he wants to be also, but I feel maybe with him getting a better sense of what kind of responsiblity it is going to take to be our child's role model and parent in due time then we can discuss overnights. Till then I feel weekend visits to be uped to saturday and sunday 1-7 is more ideal for not only him but our child as well. Please let me know what you think. Am I being un-reasonable? Or do I have good enough reasons to be concerned of? Thank you all so much! I greatly appreciate it! :)
Has he done this in the presence of the child? Having a hangover only mean that the person got drunk. It is not necessarily indicative of having a drinking problem. Hangovers are usually a better indicator of the QUALITY of what the person was drinking rather then the QUANTITY.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
tiki101 said:
None to all of these. But he has been cited for the parties he does have at his house with underage drinking and that sort of thing. I am not talk about say 5-10 people we are talking about a college party of 300+ people there and these parties he throws are a common occurence. He has also stated to me that his intentions with our child is to take our child to the fraternity house he is a member of. He says he does not have a drinking problem but he often times comes over to my residence hung over on the days he has parenting time which is Sundays at my house from 1-7. He never changes a daiper during that time and most of the time he is asleep at my residence. We live over 75 miles apart from one another and I was wondering what everyones feel is on this situation. Is he fit enough to have our son for overnights with all of this knowledge of his lifestyle? Is this something I should bring up or am I just wasting my breathe? I want him to be a part of our child's life and I am glad he wants to be also, but I feel maybe with him getting a better sense of what kind of responsiblity it is going to take to be our child's role model and parent in due time then we can discuss overnights. Till then I feel weekend visits to be uped to saturday and sunday 1-7 is more ideal for not only him but our child as well. Please let me know what you think. Am I being un-reasonable? Or do I have good enough reasons to be concerned of? Thank you all so much! I greatly appreciate it! :)
I don't blame you for feeling that its too soon for overnights...particularly with dad's lifestyle. However, have you considered letting dad have some overnight time in YOUR community? Maybe help him get a motel for the night and have the child there?...or does he have any relatives in your area that he could stay with? Do you have any relatives that you could stay with overnight while he takes care of the child in your home?

There may be a way to transition to overnights that would give dad some time with the child, but not yet put the child in a situation where dad might party while the child's in his care. In any case, you are not required to do anything more than follow the existing orders until a judge orders something else.

The bottom line however, is that dad is going to eventually get overnights...and its likely to be sooner than you are ready.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Would dad even be allowed to have overnights w/a child at the frat house? Perhaps things have changed in the past few years, but w/every frat or sorority that I've any knowledge of, having a child was reason enough to no longer be a member... I can't imagine the organization being all excited about alowing a member to have a child in the house overnight.
 
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