What to do with mom...

[rosier2000]

Thanks!!!

Thanks for the positive feedback. You have no idea how helpful you all have been. Thank you!

I'm waiting for the medicine to kick in and she will start to behave more like the mother I remember. She's going to dislike my actions, as she doesn't wish to lose her independance, who would? That's why this is so tough. I can see how a support group would be helpful as it REALLY helps to know you are not alone in this and that goes for her as well!

I'm taking her to a dance tonight, and dress her up really pretty and my dancer friends will treat her special. That may help for a day or two. lol

 

[candg918]

If you want to join a support group, check with your local senior services referral program, hospital, or Alzheimers Association. Ones in my community were often held at lunch time so I could not attend.

If she ever is determined to have a serious illness such as cancer, you will also want to talk to her doctor to see if and when hospice services are appropriate. Of all the auxillary services and programs I looked into or used, this was by far the best. It was a non-profit one run by the hospital.

Have fun at the dance!!

 

[BlondiePB]

Update. Hired an attorney 2K. Will get paperwork started today, so I can continue to get help for my mom. She is starting to resist efforts to have any more tests done. She is afraid of the results, and is worried that all her money is gone. We have had an MRI and an EEG done and will find out recommendations, results from this soon, so I hope I haven't jumped the gun....

Because, now my brother thinks it's a HUGE mistake to spend the money on an attorney as he feels this can be all run through 'under the radar'. I told him, I would rather not have to pay for legal assistance, as it is a lot o money, heartache and drama; however it is unavoidable. She can not, continue to stay with me and my family, it is a giant black hole sucking the life out of me, and affecting my children, my job, and my sanity. (I'm thinking there are several posters here how understand how this can pull you down and are nodding heads in agreement)

Your brother is an idiot. As previously stated, you must have an attorney (per FL statutes). When it comes to dealing with elders with dementia, remember "they know not what they do." That helps with your sanity and frustrations.

My lawyer said to wait to sell the house and her car until after I have guardinship. so their are no legal challenges. She said I could then charge the lawyers fees to my mom and am entitled for administrative fees for what is required for my mom's care. She also said that setting up a trustfund for anything less then 100k is a waste of time and money.
She said just set a seperate account and pay everything out of that and keep excellent records. That part sounds pretty easy. It's getting my mom help right now that has been hard! She keeps saying she'd rather be dead that stay any longer at my house! There should be a special place in heaven for caregivers!!! And helpful posters!

Your lawyer should have prepared for the court hearing guardianship bank accounts. Keep all receipts. You will be have to file accounting reports to the court and account for every penny of mom's money. You report to the court, not your siblings unless you want to. You also will be required to take a guardianship class. Call the court house (probate division) to find out when those classes are held as they usually held only a few times per year. You have to pay for this yourself with your own money (per FL statutes). The cost is not expensive.

Start going to Assisted Living Facilities and find one for mom. They should even allow you and mom to both have lunch or dinner there for free. It is state law that every resident have a 341 from the primary care physician. You will learn more about this by visiting the ALF's. Make sure to have mom's suite furnished and decorated with her own things. It will make mom much more comfortable to have her own belongings there for a smoother transition. Each ALF has their own "house physician" who sees residents on-site. It will be much better to find an ALF with a very good primary care physician that takes your mom's insurance. Otherwise, mom will have to be transported to her physican.

Feel free to send me a PM for any other detailed information. Hope the dance was great.

 

[rosier2000]

Update: Had a big meeting regarding the results of all the tests done to mom. The report was good and basicly confirmed the demetia, likely AD. No real surprise to me, but I brought her and my brother so THEY could hear. They are offering all kinds of help.

The meds are working great, she is acting for the most part, like I remember her. She looks wonderful and it is somewhat controlling behaviors, for now. I know it is only temporary, but I find it as a blessing to continue to a get affairs in order for her. She still dosen't know what is wrong with her, but understands something is.

We are planning a trip to visit her birthplace and visit releatives she hasn't seen in awhile. They will treat her well and she is kinda 'with it' for now. I will make arrangements there for her final resting place. This is very helpful to me, because then I feel I have done everything I possibly can. She will have to go into an AL place soon enough.

I'll be bringing her to more dances, which is wonderful! I hope all how have to deal with this dreaded AD, gets as much help on this forum as I did. God Bless you all!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Just a suggestion.

Take a camera and a 'memories' book with you. take a lot of photos and have the people in them write their names, relationship and a bit of history in the book. Then when the trip is over put the photos with the histories and save it for when mom is not coherent.

Just a little help for her when the disease progresses.

 

[candg918]

Wonderful news!!!

The new drugs are amazing. It is wonderful for others in our position to know that there is hope if they can only find the right professionals to help.

C