What to do?

[AmyM73]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My husband and I are about to go through a divorce. My ex friend is staying in our home because she left her abusive exhusband whom she had gone back to. For safety and because she was my friend is how she has ended up in our home rent free and not putting any finances towards the house in any way.

My husband got feelings for her and I caught him in the bed with her 3 weeks ago as of last night because he was 'mad' at me for something that should have already been resolved. Like he brought the issue up again to justify his actions. She hadn't even been staying in our home for a week at that point.

Do I need to kick this girl out because she has caused a lot of chaos on purpose in this house plus saying things hateful and nasty about me to a older man whom I've worked for he and his wife? OR should I wait for her to maybe legally be removed? I think my husband told her not to leave if I told her to. I've two boys in the house and they've already gone through enough chaos. They don't need anymore, so I want whatever happens to be the easiest thing.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My husband and I are about to go through a divorce. My ex friend is staying in our home because she left her abusive exhusband whom she had gone back to. For safety and because she was my friend is how she has ended up in our home rent free and not putting any finances towards the house in any way.

My husband got feelings for her and I caught him in the bed with her 3 weeks ago as of last night because he was 'mad' at me for something that should have already been resolved. Like he brought the issue up again to justify his actions. She hadn't even been staying in our home for a week at that point.

Do I need to kick this girl out because she has caused a lot of chaos on purpose in this house plus saying things hateful and nasty about me to a older man whom I've worked for he and his wife? OR should I wait for her to maybe legally be removed? I think my husband told her not to leave if I told her to. I've two boys in the house and they've already gone through enough chaos. They don't need anymore, so I want whatever happens to be the easiest thing.

Your "friend" screwed your husband and you are questioning whether you should attempt to kick her out? REALLY? A) she is NOT your friend, B) your husband needs a kick in the pants AND divorced, C) why are you still living with the two of them?

 

[AmyM73]

Plus my boys found out that evening because I was yelling at him.... My husband said he's not leaving. My husband said he's not sorry. Plus I think he told her that she can stay if I tell her to get out. I've basically been set up by 4 people. I don't want my kids, his step son's, to be any more affected than they already have. I'm in counseling now because I'm so overwhelmed. I also said I wasn't leaving. I found out yesterday through a non representing attorney, that will hopefully take my case, that my husband filed for divorce on the 14th of December. I just haven't been served yet. He's trying to kick me and my boys out at Christmas but found out he can't without signed eviction papers from a judge. I've no family where I live and if I leave, it's like I'm guilty of something. So I've been hibernating upstairs for 3 weeks sleeping on a sofa with my boys up here too.

Yes, she is what she is. She's not my friend. She is very flirty with the contractor we've been working under. Yes, she has slept with several people.

 

[ecmst12]

Was the home aquired during your marriage? If so, can you afford to make the payments on your own?

 

[AmyM73]

We've been married 9.5 years so far and we bought this home last year. I don't actually want this house. I couldn't afford it and the high taxes plus everything else. He probably wants the house so this girl can stay.

 

[Ohiogal]

We've been married 9.5 years so far and we bought this home last year. I don't actually want this house. I couldn't afford it and the high taxes plus everything else. He probably wants the house so this girl can stay.

1)If the mortgage is in both your names then he needs to refinance it into his name alone.
2) Do you have anywhere you can go with the children to remove yourself and them from this volatile situation?
3) Get yourself tested for STDs immediately. I doubt that this girl moves in and he readily falls into bed with her so easily unless he has done it before. Protect yourself.
4) If you are not working, get a job and become self sufficient and self supporting.
5) Who has been the primary caregiver of the children during the marriage?
6) What debts and assets exist -- you will each be entitled to approximately half of each (though not exactly -- debt normally follows the item to which it is attached)
7) During the divorce, it is possible to get a no paramour order preventing the new lovey from being around the children -- it applies to both parents however.

 

[AmyM73]

1) I only signed maybe two papers at the closing last year. His credit was better than mine. Mine isn't so bad now but I've been improving mine.
2) No I have no one I can go stay with here. I've been told to stay though too.
3) That was the problem with her. She was my so called friend and I found my husband in her bed 3 weeks ago last night. They have way more going on than either will admit to. I've been sleeping on the sofa upstairs here since then. I hibernate with my teenagers.
4) I have been working doing construction hand work and residential cleanings. The girl in this house was supposed to be business partners with me on the cleaning and she left me on it high and dry. After all I've done for her. She never put anything into it but maybe $350.
5) Both my boys were receiving child support from their father's plus insurance and my husband was reimbursed for my 13 year old's insurance. My oldest son is 18 now and is working plus college. I've done 99% of all the school activities they were involved with.
6) Just the mortgage payment, a car payment and I don't know what he has since he has been hiding money from me for years.
7) She needs to be gone now because she is causing the turmoil. No papers have been served to anyone as of yet. She is intruding on me and my husband and I are still married. He can have her at a later time but now is not a convenient time. It's all I can do to bite my tongue right now because I don't want to affect my boys anymore than they already are. Once I open my mouth at her, it won't be very nice. I just want to find out from the Attorney when I see him Wednesday or Thursday of next week. I think my husband has told her to stay should I tell her to leave. I don't know how much truth there is to that though.

 

[Ohiogal]

1) I only signed maybe two papers at the closing last year. His credit was better than mine. Mine isn't so bad now but I've been improving mine.
2) No I have no one I can go stay with here. I've been told to stay though too.
3) That was the problem with her. She was my so called friend and I found my husband in her bed 3 weeks ago last night. They have way more going on than either will admit to. I've been sleeping on the sofa upstairs here since then. I hibernate with my teenagers.
4) I have been working doing construction hand work and residential cleanings. The girl in this house was supposed to be business partners with me on the cleaning and she left me on it high and dry. After all I've done for her. She never put anything into it but maybe $350.
5) Both my boys were receiving child support from their father's plus insurance and my husband was reimbursed for my 13 year old's insurance. My oldest son is 18 now and is working plus college. I've done 99% of all the school activities they were involved with.
6) Just the mortgage payment, a car payment and I don't know what he has since he has been hiding money from me for years.
7) She needs to be gone now because she is causing the turmoil. No papers have been served to anyone as of yet. She is intruding on me and my husband and I are still married. He can have her at a later time but now is not a convenient time. It's all I can do to bite my tongue right now because I don't want to affect my boys anymore than they already are. Once I open my mouth at her, it won't be very nice. I just want to find out from the Attorney when I see him Wednesday or Thursday of next week. I think my husband has told her to stay should I tell her to leave. I don't know how much truth there is to that though.

You need to take YOUR children and leave. No really. Go home to your parents or somewhere. Why are you being told to stay in a house with your husband and his mistress? You have no right to kick her out if your husband wants her there. You are both equal. Why would you stay in that house and make such a choice?

 

[commentator]

Quote: They don't need anymore, so I want whatever happens to be the easiest thing.[/QUOTE]

This is the key. This is the answer to "why would you stay?" "What are you THINKING?" OP wants this situation to end with the girlfriend disappearing, the divorce proceding to go away, the husband behaving better.....you know, the easiest thing. And she's not thinking of what would be the easiest thing for the kids, this is all about herself and the situation she has dragged them into with this sorry-butt man. Right now especially at Christmas, there are many places that would take her and make a big deal of treating her and her teenagers very kindly, offering them lots of help them get on their feet again. But she doesn't WANT to do this, cause it wouldn't be "easiest."

 

[AmyM73]

My family lives quite a way from here. I've no family at all here. They're not sleeping in the same bed. She has been slandering me to a 71 year old man and his son that I've done work for. So I am 100% certain that is what she has done to my husband as well. This girl is poisonous. He actually spoke to me a short time ago because she's not here. When she's here he won't speak to me. I believe that the reason people have told me not to leave is because this is my home as well. If I leave, anything that he was mad at me for, excluding the slander from the girl, will make me look guilty. Everything was 'working out' until she arrived here conveniently to escape her abuse. He was still texting me, talking to me and emailing me. It was only when I caught him in her borrowed bed that things dramatically changed. I caught them before any full act took place.

 

[commentator]

Amy, this is not a normal marital relationship, and this girl is NOT your problem. Get her off your mind, and how bad she has screwed up your life, and think about what this man has done to you in the past, is doing to you now, and plans to keep on doing to you in the future if you hang around for it.

And it is NOT FAIR to your children to subject them to all this garbage. You could start being a good mother, the adult in this situation, right now, at this time. Get out. I don't want to hear how far you are from your parents, or how he'd believe you and stop fussing at you and start treating you better if this woman was only gone from your lives, and besides, he didn't really get to have sex with her...you caught them before it went that far.....that time.

What in the world do you think you would "look guilty" of if you looked smart enough to dump this and move on?

If he wanted her gone, she could be gone. Great, then you could walk on eggs and try to please him and cajole him and be a good girl till the next time he decides to mess around on you and threaten you and verbally abuse you and then divorce you without your knowledge and throw you (and your children, who are your baggage) out. I know I am wasting words here, you won't lance this boil now, keep the attorney and get away from this situation, but I sincerely wish you would.

 

[Ohiogal]

My family lives quite a way from here. I've no family at all here. They're not sleeping in the same bed. She has been slandering me to a 71 year old man and his son that I've done work for. So I am 100% certain that is what she has done to my husband as well. This girl is poisonous. He actually spoke to me a short time ago because she's not here. When she's here he won't speak to me. I believe that the reason people have told me not to leave is because this is my home as well. If I leave, anything that he was mad at me for, excluding the slander from the girl, will make me look guilty. Everything was 'working out' until she arrived here conveniently to escape her abuse. He was still texting me, talking to me and emailing me. It was only when I caught him in her borrowed bed that things dramatically changed. I caught them before any full act took place.

OH GOOD GRIEF. Your friend (ex-friend) is not the issue. YOUR HUSBAND is the issue. YOU are part of the issue by not facing facts. The fact that you don't want to face the fact that HE CHOSE to screw her is the issue. The fact that you want to live in denial is the issue. You allowed her to conveniently move in. You allowed her to conveniently escape. Seriously, you need a reality check. Your husband apparently wants her. You are getting a divorce. Staying is not going to do anything. MOVE to your family or somewhere else. How do you know they haven't had sex? Do you BELIEVE your lying, cheating husband?

 

[AmyM73]

I never said I believed him did I? No I don't trust him. Yes he gave into her trap because it was convenient. I'm in no way not blaming him whatsoever. They were both willing. He chose to believe something from someone he doesn't actually know, to get 'mad' at me to justify him doing that. I'm getting blamed for the whole marriage failure by my husband, this girl, and two people that don't even live in this country and never met face to face. So I really don't need any more blame. I am simply wanting to know if I need to kick this girl out myself or should I have the sheriff's office remove her? Yes my husband and I both allowed her in to help her when my husband and I weren't even having problems. She comes in and has tried to ruin my life in the house and outside the home with people I've worked with. My husband is as much at fault as she is, yes. Nothing will be communicated over divorce or anything while she's in the home.

Yes I'm trying to deal with a lot of emotions on a daily basis as this is all recent. I'm going to a counselor to help deal with all of this. So please, I only asked advice.

 

[commentator]

"I'm getting blamed for the whole marriage failure by my husband, this girl, and two people that don't even live in this country and never met face to face."

You're allowing them to blame you. You certainly can't stop them from saying anything they want to say, even if it's stupid, which this is. "You let her move in, I couldn't resist her, what can I say, baby, I'm a scorpion! If you were sexy-er, or a better house keeper, or a nicer person, I wouldn't have done it." And you believe this?

If you call the sheriff, or if you get in your husband's face and demand that the woman leave, he's going to say, "Or what?" and do what he wants to do, which is not make her leave.

And if you and he are joint owners of the house, and he wants her to stay, you can't demand that the sheriff throw her out. Did you not understand that when you were told that?You don't have any way to unmake this omlette you made by letting her move in in the first place. Now all that is left to do is work on the divorce. Your husband will actually think more of you if you don't stick around and act like a pitiful little throw rug, hoping he'll speak to you when she's out of the house, accepting it meekly when he and all these other people tell you that you're to blame for this. It's obvious he has no respect for you, and he probably finds your meekness and subservience disgusting. I know most people would. Get out, get on your own two feet, be a good mother if nothing else.

 

[ecmst12]

If you don't want the house, there is no reason for you to stay. Go find an apartment, take your stuff and your kids and move out. That's going to be the ultimate outcome anyway - one of you has to leave the marital home. Remove yourself from this toxic situation. And get a lawyer.