Who makes the final decision?

[Ohiogal]

Accept in this case we aren't talking about a couple of hours. We are talking about OVERNIGHT.

That overnight is based on OP and may not be actual fact. How does mom know that dad leaves junior alone overnight all the time?

 

[lil_blonde_1]

Thanks everyone for your imput, however, I do need to clarify a few things.

We have joint custody.

The father is supposed to be doing all the driving, it is in our court order. He refuses saying it takes time away from his family. I do not schedule any events that interfer or take time away from dad, dad is the one scheduling things on my nights with our son. I've always let my ex know what is going on with our son whether it be school, sports, medical, whatever - he is the one withholding information. Last year our son got into trouble at school and served 2 detentions in 1 week. I knew nothing about this until speaking to another parents who's child served detention with our son. My ex had arranged the detentions on his nights. SURPRISE! When I spoke to my ex, he blew it off as no big deal that he didn't tell me - he didn't feel it was any of my business because he took care of it and the detentions were on his nights, not mine. That wasn't really the point of why I was upset...I was upset because our son got into trouble and I wasn't informed! Then when I spoke to the teacher and asked why I wasn't informed from her that our child was getting in trouble at school, she said that she did speak to me on the phone. She had me confused with the step-mom. Oops! Really big, big mistake considering the fact that dad and I don't live at the same address outside of the school district boundaries, nor do we have the same phone number (so how could she reach me and speak to me at dad's residence?) nor do we have the same first or last name. Needless to say, she remembered who I was from that point on.
This overnight thing has raised a few eyebrows. And yes, it's overnight - from 10:00PM until 7:30AM; and then considering the fact that they both go to bed after returning from work (and who couldn't blame them, 3rd shift is VERY hard) he's alone most of the day too, but at least there is someone there, albeit sleeping. My ex and his wife both work 3rd shift and work on Friday and Saturday nights; they used to work on 1st but elected to go back to 3rd. Our son is left alone for this time on Fridays, however on Saturdays (when the step's kids are home) they all go to grandma's because their dad doesn't want them alone with no adults in the house - go figure!! Why our son can't go there on Friday nights as well is beyond me.
About soccer. I never agreed to it. I said I felt it's important to maintain his "summertime" friends...friends that he's met while staying at his fathers. However, this doesn't mean that all activities should be away from our hometown and that his friends here should be alienated.
We can't do homework in the car. My son is in the 5th grade is primarily using the computer to do homework - a lot of report writing, so working in the car when it's dark isn't really an option. And the dinner thing, yea, I guess I can suck that up, I just don't appreciate having to change my schedule around 'cause daddy wanted jr to play a sport and then blows it off leaving me with all the resonsiblity and transportation and fees for equipment.
I know that as kids get older we have less and less time with them. But our son is 10, not 16 with a driver's license and a girlfriend tooting around with his friends all night on the weekends and busy with sports all week. He should be home more often than 1 night a week. And he should be able to concentrate on his homework more. He almost failed 2 subjects last year because of the crazy sports schedule (which is reason #1 why I didn't want him playing any sports at the beginning of the school year).
Again, thanks for all the imput. I still really don't know what I should be saying or doing other than keep insisting that my ex remain in open communication with me on ALL things ALL the time.

 

[lil_blonde_1]

Ohiogal - I know of our son staying alone by my ex's own admission. He doesn't think it's an issue which is strange because the step's kids don't stay alone when they go to work, they go to grandma's house. Their father didn't think it was responsible. DUH!

 

[stealth2]

I know that as kids get older we have less and less time with them. But our son is 10, not 16 with a driver's license and a girlfriend tooting around with his friends all night on the weekends and busy with sports all week.

Neither are mine. 12 & 14. But between school, sports, Scouts, guitar lessons, french horn/band(s) and babysitting - their time @ home is limited.

He should be home more often than 1 night a week. And he should be able to concentrate on his homework more. He almost failed 2 subjects last year because of the crazy sports schedule (which is reason #1 why I didn't want him playing any sports at the beginning of the school year).

So pull him from sports completely until he gets his grades up. That's easy enough. Mine both know that I'll yank their extracurriculars in a heartbeat if schoolwork suffers.

Again, thanks for all the imput.

This drives me nuts. There is no "m" in input.

 

[stealth2]

Ohiogal - I know of our son staying alone by my ex's own admission. He doesn't think it's an issue which is strange because the step's kids don't stay alone when they go to work, they go to grandma's house. Their father didn't think it was responsible. DUH!

Make a fuss and do you REALLY think he'll admit to it in court? And if he doesn't - you've got squat.

 

[lil_blonde_1]

Gee Stealth, thanks for correctly my MISTYPE, I'll make sure to do a spell check just not to annoy you.

What I was looking for an answer to is my legal question, not a typing lesson. I'm sure you've never made any mistakes typing EVER.

 

[lil_blonde_1]

Just to let you all know, I really appreciate your INPUT.

I did get in touch with my attorney today and we are going to proceed with court on these and other matters. The biggest deal he wants to focus on is the alone all night issue since he's found some law somewhere stating that children under the age of 13 can't be left alone for more than 4 hours during the daytime only. So my ex will have to comply. And yes, I know it's mainly my word against his, but I'm not the only one who knows about the being alone thing. It was reported to DCFS last year by the step's ex.

He also mentioned that there is a way to get the final say in matters. The judge can decide this for us since we can't seem to communicate anymore. He also said this won't change custody.

Thanks again!

 

[ceara19]

Thanks everyone for your imput, however, I do need to clarify a few things.

We have joint custody.

The father is supposed to be doing all the driving, it is in our court order. He refuses saying it takes time away from his family.

Dad is NOT in violation of the court order when he designated another adult to pick the child up for him. YOUR own words, in a different thread are:

Yesterday, 11:44 PM
lil_blonde_1 lil_blonde_1 is offline
Junior Member

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Byron, Illinois
Posts: 10
This happens quite often in my situation as well except my ex is working. How do you get it to stop? How would I prevent step-mom from picking up our son from school where dad has authorized her to pick him up?

Apparently, dad has been ordered to PROVIDE all of the transportation, which, regardless of how YOU interpret it, he IS doing.

 

[LdiJ]

Just to let you all know, I really appreciate your INPUT.

I did get in touch with my attorney today and we are going to proceed with court on these and other matters. The biggest deal he wants to focus on is the alone all night issue since he's found some law somewhere stating that children under the age of 13 can't be left alone for more than 4 hours during the daytime only. So my ex will have to comply. And yes, I know it's mainly my word against his, but I'm not the only one who knows about the being alone thing. It was reported to DCFS last year by the step's ex.

He also mentioned that there is a way to get the final say in matters. The judge can decide this for us since we can't seem to communicate anymore. He also said this won't change custody.

Thanks again!

Your ex is an idiot. If the stepkids are staying at grandma's because their dad reported the kids staying overnight without adult supervision to DCFS...then its incredibly stupid that they are allowing your son to stay alone overnight.

 

[GrowUp!]

Just to let you all know, I really appreciate your INPUT.

Oh for chrissakes...age check. Are we 8?

I did get in touch with my attorney today and we are going to proceed with court on these and other matters. The biggest deal he wants to focus on is the alone all night issue since he's found some law somewhere stating that children under the age of 13 can't be left alone for more than 4 hours during the daytime only. So my ex will have to comply. And yes, I know it's mainly my word against his, but I'm not the only one who knows about the being alone thing. It was reported to DCFS last year by the step's ex.

He also mentioned that there is a way to get the final say in matters. The judge can decide this for us since we can't seem to communicate anymore. He also said this won't change custody.

Thanks again!

Congratulations on getting an idiot for an attorney. Obviously the attorney you retained doesn't know what "evidence" is. And just because it was reported to DCFS doesn't mean anything. If they found there was nothing, then YOU have nothing.

"Final say"? Umm...does your order have any language regarding "first right of refusal?" If not, then perhaps this language needs to be added. Sorry that your attorney wasn't smart enough to go that route.

 

[haiku]

normally in most states I am aware of closed DCFS cases are removed from the record, after a year.