Who's right?

[gam]

I agree with it being the children's responsibility to communicate with both parents (though when necessary, I will talk to their dad privately and tell him that I asked Thing 1 to talk to him about XYZ, and here is the back story")

They do not know every gritty detail, nor should they. If their dad and I argue about something, they are (generally) not party to it. There is a big difference between not letting the children have a say in custody and visitation, and not keeping them in the dark and treating them with respect.

There is also a big difference between an occasional need to be flexible when the other parent's has a scheduling snafu, and being treated as a doormat, and being asked to put large blocks of time on hold "in case" the other parent decided to exercise their visitation.

Tell that to the court. As CP you are required to put large blocks of time on hold "in case" the other parent decides to exercise their visitation. If someone is unhappy with that, then they can go back to that court and complain. But good luck with that, cause not likely the court will do anything, they can't force the parent to take their time and play by the rules. It's also rare they take time from that parent for doing this, even when they do it on a regular basis.

Lets just show that NCP, we are not going to be a doormat and take their crap. Yeah that will get you far with some of these NCP's. All that does in many cases is cause more doormat situations, more times the NCP screws with the schedule just to show you right on back. On the reverse, there are many CP's that play these stupid games to, and a NCP can't win with them either.

WHO SUFFERS? Poor, poor CP or is it poor, poor NCP. Nope neither of them, the child suffers.

You try a couple of times to not be the doormat, but when it fails(often it does), you let it go or you will screw your kids up. Did you see that YOU, not the other parent, YOU.

 

[CSO286]

And frankly? It HELPS to be able to say "I understand that you want X, but wanting and needing are two different things. And some very smart people who were not emotionally involved helped us to make these decisions based on what you NEED, not on what you WANT."

My kids, at least, trust that the judge and the GAL know what they're doing, and have a lot of experience dealing with these things, whereas their father and I only have OUR experience, and are a bit too close to it most of the time, to be able to agree on some things. *shrug* To each his own. For MY kids, it must be the right thing, because they're pretty darned well-adjusted despite the drama that has shadowed our life since the divorce.

Absolutely.

hijack:

And this is a life lesson for all parents. When LittleCSO asks me for xyz item I generally respond with, "What's my job as your parent?" And Little knows the answer by heart: "To give me everything I need and some of what I want."
/hijack

 

[CSO286]

There is also a big difference between an occasional need to be flexible when the other parent's has a scheduling snafu, and being treated as a doormat, and being asked to put large blocks of time on hold "in case" the other parent decided to exercise their visitation.

That is one of the burdens of being the Custodial Parent.

The Non-Custodial Parent has the RIGHT to the time, should he/she choose to exercise it.


The Custodial Parent has the OBLIGATION to ensure the children are available should the NCP choose to exercise his/her RIGHT.


And if the NCP chooses not to exercise that right? The CP then gets that "bonus" time!

 

[AlmostThere]

Tell that to the court. As CP you are required to put large blocks of time on hold "in case" the other parent decides to exercise their visitation. If someone is unhappy with that, then they can go back to that court and complain. But good luck with that, cause not likely the court will do anything, they can't force the parent to take their time and play by the rules. It's also rare they take time from that parent for doing this, even when they do it on a regular basis.

Lets just show that NCP, we are not going to be a doormat and take their crap. Yeah that will get you far with some of these NCP's. All that does in many cases is cause more doormat situations, more times the NCP screws with the schedule just to show you right on back. On the reverse, there are many CP's that play these stupid games to, and a NCP can't win with them either.

WHO SUFFERS? Poor, poor CP or is it poor, poor NCP. Nope neither of them, the child suffers.

You try a couple of times to not be the doormat, but when it fails(often it does), you let it go or you will screw your kids up. Did you see that YOU, not the other parent, YOU.

There are ways to address this if its an ongoing issue. Going back to court and requesting that there be a reasonable window of time for pickup. (ie, 1 hour) so you are not forced to wait a whole day or weekend for the other person to show up.

If its an occasional issue, its not a big deal and being flexible is the best solution. The OP did not state this is an ongoing issue, happens with regularity. It seems to be a one time issue. OP needs to smile and say "Okay".

But I agree with you, when its a battle of who wins between the parents, the children lose.