Wife cheated on me. I have pics. Can I send them to the cheaters boss?

[Silverplum]

Doesn't matter what his name is. He was wrong. And again, I said I'm handling my wife. My question wasn't about my wife. It was clearly focused. If you can't stick to the topic at hand without veering off on your own agenda then please don't comment at all.

I posted recently about what's termed "revenge porn." You can google that term, or find my post in that thread: https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/do-i-have-get-rid-my-exs-naked-pictures-612704.html

Your attitude is quite unruly and angry, and so I suggest counseling for you, to make your life better. Thank you for your service to our country.

 

[STEPHAN]

I said I'm handling my wife.

1. One can tell that you are in the military.
2. You don't really wonder why your marriage is in trouble, do you?

 

[quincy]

I don't see why you would be disgusted. Sure, my wife was at fault. I'm handling that. But it seems many in this thread give the cheater a pass entirely. I find THIS reprehensible. In a society that condones such immoral behavior, I find YOUR condemnation sad. There is no shame is suggesting there should be consequences for immoral behavior.

What your wife and the dentist have done is immoral but what they did is not illegal.

What YOU are proposing doing is not only illegal but would, because it is illegal, also be immoral.

So, if society cares at all about the three of you, society would have more reason to condemn you than your wife and her dentist friend if you were to follow through with your plans.

If you want society to believe you are more moral and less reprehensible than your wife and the dentist, therefore, I recommend (once again) that you seek out a marriage counselor or seek out a divorce attorney. That is the mature way to handle this unfortunate situation you find yourself in.

Good luck.

 

[rangersabata]

To me the one who cheated and can not be trusted anymore is your wife. We don't know much about the other guy, but it looks like you want to make him more responsible for what both did then your wife.

Not at all. It's my wife who has to deal with her part. And that will be a long process.

But to suggest that the other fellow isn't culpable at all is simply a lax attitude of ethics. To defend him is to say it's "Ethically permissable to have an affair with another person's spouse." I cannot agree with this statement.

 

[rangersabata]

What your wife and the dentist have done is immoral but what they did is not illegal.

What YOU are proposing doing is not only illegal but would, because it is illegal, also be immoral.

So, if society cares at all about the three of you, society would have more reason to condemn you than your wife and her dentist friend if you were to follow through with your plans.

If you want society to believe you are more moral and less reprehensible than your wife and the dentist, therefore, I recommend (once again) that you seek out a marriage counselor or seek out a divorce attorney. That is the mature way to handle this unfortunate situation you find yourself in.

Good luck.

Well thank you. This has been a very difficult time. I honestly do not know if I can trust her or any woman again.

 

[STEPHAN]

I agree with you that what he did is immoral.

Is he married?


Who did you get the pictures?

 

[Silverplum]

Not at all. It's my wife who has to deal with her part. And that will be a long process.

But to suggest that the other fellow isn't culpable at all is simply a lax attitude of ethics. To defend him is to say it's "Ethically permissable to have an affair with another person's spouse." I cannot agree with this statement.

Nah, you're just on a legal site. Legally, what they've done is not prohibited by law.

I'm pretty sure none of us condone adultery and hurting people. But the legal thing to do is divorce her and move on with your life. Live well.

(You wouldn't let some other low-rent soldier make you lose your path in life. She's no different.)

 

[rangersabata]

I agree with you that what he did is immoral.

Is he married?


Who did you get the pictures?

No, he's not married. He's an ex-boyfriend of hers.

I got the pics on her phone. Over the past few weeks I noticed she was texting quite a bit. When I looked at her, she'd quickly turn her phone away from me. I finally got her password by watching her. Now I've never been one to snoop but I had a bad feeling. One night she fell asleep and I had a chance to look at the phone. That's how I found out. I have to go to the field soon, and I found out she was inviting him while I would be out in the field training.

 

[quincy]

Well thank you. This has been a very difficult time. I honestly do not know if I can trust her or any woman again.

I am sure it has been a difficult time for you.

Although I am sure you are were tempted to send the nude photos onto others, you were smart to come here first to find out what the legal ramifications would be in doing so. Now you know it is not a good idea.

I understand counseling can help.

 

[rangersabata]

Nah, you're just on a legal site. Legally, what they've done is not prohibited by law.

I'm pretty sure none of us condone adultery and hurting people. But the legal thing to do is divorce her and move on with your life. Live well.

(You wouldn't let some other low-rent soldier make you lose your path in life. She's no different.)

Man, it's so much easier said then done. I've been deployed so much I feel absolutely guilty- like I could have prevented it. Keep telling myself if I can only spend more time with her. We have no kids. My gut tells me I should divorce. We've had marriage counseling. This happened afterwards.

 

[Silverplum]

Man, it's so much easier said then done. I've been deployed so much I feel absolutely guilty- like I could have prevented it. Keep telling myself if I can only spend more time with her. We have no kids. My gut tells me I should divorce. We've had marriage counseling. This happened afterwards.

Please do consider counseling: it can help with your (misplaced, IMO) feelings of guilt. You were under orders and belong to the USA: there was nothing to prevent. You served and served.

Believe it or not, forgiveness is the way to inner peace. Try to go in that direction, as opposed to the revenge option. Forgiveness does not mean continuing the marriage: it can mean whatever you decide, but with forgiveness towards the two that hurt you.

I wish you well and I wish you peace. Thank you again for your repeated service.

 

[rangersabata]

Please do consider counseling: it can help with your (misplaced, IMO) feelings of guilt. You were under orders and belong to the USA: there was nothing to prevent. You served and served.

Believe it or not, forgiveness is the way to inner peace. Try to go in that direction, as opposed to the revenge option. Forgiveness does not mean continuing the marriage: it can mean whatever you decide, but with forgiveness towards the two that hurt you.

I wish you well and I wish you peace. Thank you again for your repeated service.

Thank you for your help. Forgiveness as a direction... that's a different way to look at it. I'm going to think about how to go about it. thanks again

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you for your help. Forgiveness as a direction... that's a different way to look at it. I'm going to think about how to go about it. thanks again

The final stanza of this poem, "Invictus," is very apt, and used by many military men for their individual reasons: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/182194

 

[Bali Hai]

Well thank you. This has been a very difficult time. I honestly do not know if I can trust her or any woman again.

Divorce her and give it 50 years or so before you decide.

 

[Just Blue]

I don't know about anyone else, but this statement sends a chill up my spine...

That statement makes me want to call OPs local PD.