Wife has a boyfriend. We been Married for 8 years with kids.

[lso7also7a]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Virginia.

I've been married with my wife for over 8 years now, and we have 2 kids together. I recently found out she's been in a relationship with another man, apparently it's been a while because they are telling they love each other already.
I have all the emails between them, and she confess on audio recorder of having a relationship, sex, spending money with that man.
As soon as I found out, I moved out because there's also more stuff she was saying behind my back.
I'm currently staying with family member, trying to find out what are my options here.
I was a stay home dad and took care of my 3 year old daughter because daycare is over $1,000 a month. So she's been supporting me for the last three years. Our older's son goes to school but I still have to pick him up from school. We were leaving in an apartment together but I had to moved out, I'm not sure if that was the right move.
What exactly can I do in this situation? Can I take her for Alimony? Custody of the kids? Child Support? We also have a car but is under her name. We don't have a share bank account.
I really would like to see a psychiatrist because it's really bothering me a lot, the things I read. I haven't slept in 2 days, But I can't afford a psychiatrist because I don't have a job at the moment. I'm not sure exactly what I can do, or what are my options here. Any help will be greatly appreciated, Thank You.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Virginia.

I've been married with my wife for over 8 years now, and we have 2 kids together. I recently found out she's been in a relationship with another man, apparently it's been a while because they are telling they love each other already.
I have all the emails between them, and she confess on audio recorder of having a relationship, sex, spending money with that man.
As soon as I found out, I moved out because there's also more stuff she was saying behind my back.
I'm currently staying with family member, trying to find out what are my options here.
I was a stay home dad and took care of my 3 year old daughter because daycare is over $1,000 a month. So she's been supporting me for the last three years. Our older's son goes to school but I still have to pick him up from school. We were leaving in an apartment together but I had to moved out, I'm not sure if that was the right move.
What exactly can I do in this situation? Can I take her for Alimony? Custody of the kids? Child Support? We also have a car but is under her name. We don't have a share bank account.
I really would like to see a psychiatrist because it's really bothering me a lot, the things I read. I haven't slept in 2 days, But I can't afford a psychiatrist because I don't have a job at the moment. I'm not sure exactly what I can do, or what are my options here. Any help will be greatly appreciated, Thank You.

okay. first basic questions.

when did you leave the house?

where are the kids?

was your wife covering anyone in health insurance?

i have to ask as well. Are you sure you want to end this marriage for good? there have been many instances where this can still be repaired. but you have to know. once you file for divorce, it won't make this situation better. it will get worse before it gets better and you should be emotionally prepared.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Virginia.

I've been married with my wife for over 8 years now, and we have 2 kids together. I recently found out she's been in a relationship with another man, apparently it's been a while because they are telling they love each other already.
I have all the emails between them, and she confess on audio recorder of having a relationship, sex, spending money with that man.
As soon as I found out, I moved out because there's also more stuff she was saying behind my back.
I'm currently staying with family member, trying to find out what are my options here.
I was a stay home dad and took care of my 3 year old daughter because daycare is over $1,000 a month. So she's been supporting me for the last three years. Our older's son goes to school but I still have to pick him up from school. We were leaving in an apartment together but I had to moved out, I'm not sure if that was the right move.
What exactly can I do in this situation? Can I take her for Alimony? Custody of the kids? Child Support? We also have a car but is under her name. We don't have a share bank account.
I really would like to see a psychiatrist because it's really bothering me a lot, the things I read. I haven't slept in 2 days, But I can't afford a psychiatrist because I don't have a job at the moment. I'm not sure exactly what I can do, or what are my options here. Any help will be greatly appreciated, Thank You.

Well, the first thing you need to do is find work. If you get custody, the kids need your support. If you don't, you will be paying child support.

You can't claim "alienation of affection" in your state.

(which day care costs $1000/month?)

Virginia custody and child support generally generally doesn't affect custody, and it is never included in calculating child support.

So. What is it you wish to accomplish?

 

[lso7also7a]

okay. first basic questions.

when did you leave the house?

where are the kids?

was your wife covering anyone in health insurance?

i have to ask as well. Are you sure you want to end this marriage for good? there have been many instances where this can still be repaired. but you have to know. once you file for divorce, it won't make this situation better. it will get worse before it gets better and you should be emotionally prepared.

I left the house the same day I found out she was cheating, which was 2 days ago.
The kids are with her at the moment.
Health insurance, only herself and kids, she said she forgot to add me, we just got it last year.
and yes I wan't to end this marriage for good.
What can I do?

 

[lso7also7a]

Well, the first thing you need to do is find work. If you get custody, the kids need your support. If you don't, you will be paying child support.

You can't claim "alienation of affection" in your state.

(which day care costs $1000/month?)

Georgia custody and child support generally generally doesn't affect custody, and it is never included in calculating child support.

So. What is it you wish to accomplish?

The cheapest day care I found here was $880 a month, you pay weekly $220. But you get what you pay for. $1000, is decent, some places is 1200 to 1500 or more. Some lady at home want it $2000 for both of my kids. That's how it is in my area.

You said I can't claim alienation of affection in my state, does that work for both parties or only for the Male ?

 

[lso7also7a]

The cheapest day care I found here was $880 a month, you pay weekly $220. But you get what you pay for. $1000, is decent, some places is 1200 to 1500 or more. Some lady at home want it $2000 for both of my kids. That's how it is in my area.

You said I can't claim alienation of affection in my state, does that work for both parties or only for the Male ?

I'm not looking for alienation of affection from the third party. Just Alimony of support.

 

[Proserpina]

I left the house the same day I found out she was cheating, which was 2 days ago.
The kids are with her at the moment.
Health insurance, only herself and kids, she said she forgot to add me, we just got it last year.
and yes I wan't to end this marriage for good.
What can I do?

In all honesty if she wants out, she wants out - you can ask her to attend counseling, but it's obviously no guarantee.

Is there a reason you can't work?

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not looking for alienation of affection from the third party. Just Alimony of support.

Please see my other question.

 

[Isis1]

I left the house the same day I found out she was cheating, which was 2 days ago.
The kids are with her at the moment.
Health insurance, only herself and kids, she said she forgot to add me, we just got it last year.
and yes I wan't to end this marriage for good.
What can I do?

your options?

you can move back home. AFTER you have cooled off and can manage to remain composed. file for divorce. request custody of the children. ask that mom not be allowed to bring her new boyfriend around the children until the divorce proceedings are done. get a job. request alimony. request child support. look into parenting plans that work around your new work schedule and mom's work schedule. do not assume alimony and child support if granted will be enough.

request that your wife be ordered to continue to pay the bills as before. request that you be added to the family health insurance until the divorce proceedings are completed. some health insurance call this a life change and cause an opening for enrollment with a court order.

your other options?

if you decide you cannot maintain composure (this is not to be considered a weakness. it's very human, in fact), stay where you are but keep yourself visible to the children and available.

do all the things you were doing prior and leave at the end of the day. file for divorce, request custody....have a visitation plan...all that.

 

[lso7also7a]

Please see my other question.

What I wish to accomplish is: get spouse support in till I get back on my feet. I was just reading some other forum, that I can't take custody because this was an affair not harming the kids.

 

[Isis1]

What I wish to accomplish is: get spouse support in till I get back on my feet. I was just reading some other forum, that I can't take custody because this was an affair not harming the kids.

you may have misunderstood.

you cannot ASSUME custody. a judge will not grant you custody automatically over infidelity. there has to be other issues to resolve best interest of the child. in your case....who was the primary caretaker. do you have permenant residence, are you emotionally and financially stable. that sort of thing.

 

[lso7also7a]

In all honesty if she wants out, she wants out - you can ask her to attend counseling, but it's obviously no guarantee.

Is there a reason you can't work?

No counseling. It's over. And right now I'm looking for work after three years, but it's not fair because of what she did, I have to suffer by sleeping in relatives couch, not being able to be with my child at home, which we were together all day everyday. While I'm going though all this, shes over there making her good old money, probably having the guy over in my bed and just living the life, while I'm here struggling and most likely my kids crying to see me.

 

[lso7also7a]

you may have misunderstood.

you cannot ASSUME custody. a judge will not grant you custody automatically over infidelity. there has to be other issues to resolve best interest of the child. in your case....who was the primary caretaker. do you have permenant residence, are you emotionally and financially stable. that sort of thing.

No I'm not financially stable right now because she was supporting me for three years. I was a home dad. So what exactly can I do,? just forget what happen and probably be put on child support which she probably is going to file.

 

[Isis1]

No counseling. It's over. And right now I'm looking for work after three years, but it's not fair because of what she did, I have to suffer by sleeping in relatives couch, not being able to be with my child at home, which we were together all day everyday. While I'm going though all this, shes over there making her good old money, probably having the guy over in my bed and just living the life, while I'm here struggling and most likely my kids crying to see me.

look, this isn't a support group. we can't help you there. we are a legal advice site.

i get what you are going through. seriously. but right now...you can't go to pieces. this is NOT the time. you have to stick this in a drawer and come back to it. your children need you to get it together.

 

[Proserpina]

No counseling. It's over. And right now I'm looking for work after three years, but it's not fair because of what she did, I have to suffer by sleeping in relatives couch, not being able to be with my child at home, which we were together all day everyday. While I'm going though all this, shes over there making her good old money, probably having the guy over in my bed and just living the life, while I'm here struggling and most likely my kids crying to see me.

Given that you are able to work, you may find that the court is reluctant to order alimony .