Will I lose custody of my children?

[sddad]

What is the name of your state? CA.

My ex and I have equal split joint custody of our two children. My children spend one week with me and go to my ex the next. My ex doesn't live far away so the kids have no problem staying in the same school. They are both doing very well.

The problem is that my ex wants to move out of the area because she wants to buy a house in a different location that is affordable for her. That location is an hour away and she thinks that she can still work with me to keep the kids in the same school as they are right now. Her proposal is for me to keep the kids from Monday through Friday. She would take the kids from Friday evening through Monday when the kids are dropped of at school. I told her that her proposal isn't fair as I will not have the kids on the weekends and just have them only from Monday through Friday morning.

The only way I believe this will work for the kids to stay in the current school system is for them to be with me full time and for her to have them every other weekend. Her proposal doesn't sound fair given that we have split custody and that I will not have them for weekends. I will not give in to her proposal as it is unfair.

I don't think she will like my counter proposal and have hinted that she will go to court to get a judge's decision on this. She is determined to buy a new place and says that the location nearby is too expensive therefore she can't affort it.

I'm not sure how it works but with both parents having split joint custody and if one parent wants to move out what are my options?

Will I lose my split joint custody of my kids as the court seems to always favor the women? She is the one that wants to move away from our current arrangement. If the shoes were on the other foot I would think that I would have to give up split joint custody to do so.

Thanks in advance.What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? CA.

My ex and I have equal split joint custody of our two children. My children spend one week with me and go to my ex the next. My ex doesn't live far away so the kids have no problem staying in the same school. They are both doing very well.

The problem is that my ex wants to move out of the area because she wants to buy a house in a different location that is affordable for her. That location is an hour away and she thinks that she can still work with me to keep the kids in the same school as they are right now. Her proposal is for me to keep the kids from Monday through Friday. She would take the kids from Friday evening through Monday when the kids are dropped of at school. I told her that her proposal isn't fair as I will not have the kids on the weekends and just have them only from Monday through Friday morning.

The only way I believe this will work for the kids to stay in the current school system is for them to be with me full time and for her to have them every other weekend. Her proposal doesn't sound fair given that we have split custody and that I will not have them for weekends. I will not give in to her proposal as it is unfair.

I don't think she will like my counter proposal and have hinted that she will go to court to get a judge's decision on this. She is determined to buy a new place and says that the location nearby is too expensive therefore she can't affort it.

I'm not sure how it works but with both parents having split joint custody and if one parent wants to move out what are my options?

Will I lose my split joint custody of my kids as the court seems to always favor the women? She is the one that wants to move away from our current arrangement. If the shoes were on the other foot I would think that I would have to give up split joint custody to do so.

Thanks in advance.What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

IMO it would be best if YOU take this to court. First off you have leverage because for her to move she's going to be out of the current school district which would disrupt the kids' lives, secondly SHE is the one wanting to move. I agree that her proposal does not seem fair. How old are the kids? This could play into this too.. Either way.... it should be done in a court order no matter what set up you decide as it's different then the prior one.

 

[sddad]

The kids are 7 and 10 at this time. Going to court to make changes would most likely be the case regardless.

Anyone else?

 

[tigger22472]

The kids are 7 and 10 at this time. Going to court to make changes would most likely be the case regardless.

Anyone else?

I asked their ages... because the older they are, the longer they have been in that school, the better it will be for you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CA.

My ex and I have equal split joint custody of our two children. My children spend one week with me and go to my ex the next. My ex doesn't live far away so the kids have no problem staying in the same school. They are both doing very well.

The problem is that my ex wants to move out of the area because she wants to buy a house in a different location that is affordable for her. That location is an hour away and she thinks that she can still work with me to keep the kids in the same school as they are right now. Her proposal is for me to keep the kids from Monday through Friday. She would take the kids from Friday evening through Monday when the kids are dropped of at school. I told her that her proposal isn't fair as I will not have the kids on the weekends and just have them only from Monday through Friday morning.

The only way I believe this will work for the kids to stay in the current school system is for them to be with me full time and for her to have them every other weekend. Her proposal doesn't sound fair given that we have split custody and that I will not have them for weekends. I will not give in to her proposal as it is unfair.

I don't think she will like my counter proposal and have hinted that she will go to court to get a judge's decision on this. She is determined to buy a new place and says that the location nearby is too expensive therefore she can't affort it.

I'm not sure how it works but with both parents having split joint custody and if one parent wants to move out what are my options?

Will I lose my split joint custody of my kids as the court seems to always favor the women? She is the one that wants to move away from our current arrangement. If the shoes were on the other foot I would think that I would have to give up split joint custody to do so.

Thanks in advance.What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

Is your ex still at the "talking" stage regarding buying a house, or has she actually done something towards that?

I can sympathize with her wanting to buy a house. I know that housing in CA is very expensive and the biggest value in buying a home is "fixing" your housing costs.

If she is still just at the talking stage have you considered doing some research to see if you can help her find affordable options that are closer? Or, do you have the option of maybe moving yourself as well so that the week to week arrangement can still work? I am not suggesting that you move to where she is moving, but if the two of you aren't more than 30 minutes apart, and the children's school lies somewhere between the two of you, your week to week arrangement could absolutely still work.

Of course that would mean the children changing schools, but that would be far less disruptive for your children than suddenly only seeing one of you every other weekend.

Anyway, try to make it clear to mom that you are not going to agree before she locks herself into something...so that the two of you have options to try to work something out. Once she locks herself into something, then its going to be messier.

 

[sddad]

Is your ex still at the "talking" stage regarding buying a house, or has she actually done something towards that?

I can sympathize with her wanting to buy a house. I know that housing in CA is very expensive and the biggest value in buying a home is "fixing" your housing costs.

If she is still just at the talking stage have you considered doing some research to see if you can help her find affordable options that are closer? Or, do you have the option of maybe moving yourself as well so that the week to week arrangement can still work? I am not suggesting that you move to where she is moving, but if the two of you aren't more than 30 minutes apart, and the children's school lies somewhere between the two of you, your week to week arrangement could absolutely still work.

Of course that would mean the children changing schools, but that would be far less disruptive for your children than suddenly only seeing one of you every other weekend.

Anyway, try to make it clear to mom that you are not going to agree before she locks herself into something...so that the two of you have options to try to work something out. Once she locks herself into something, then its going to be messier.

We are at the talking stage at this time. She can afford an area not too far from the current place (about 10-15 minutes away) and keep the arrangements the same but to her the area doesn't offer the best bang for her money or investment. Housing in CA. is very expensive and when we finalized the divorce I bought her out of the house with split equity and she had a nice chunk of money as a result of it. It's not that she doesn't have the money but it is where she wants her new house to be so that she can have more value for her money and also be closer to her new husband's work as well.

It would not work for me in moving to another location to accommodate her because it's not that easy to pick up and move and the current area has a reputation for having a really good school system and one of the best places to raise a family. Moreover, I feel that if I was the one who is trying to disrupt the arrangements and if there are options that can still work for me but I still don't want to then I would have to either bite the bullet and go with option A (which is living about 10-15 minutes) and still have adequate housing or with option B which is living in a preferred new area and give up the split custody to ex and just have visitation rights every other weekend.

 

[LdiJ]

We are at the talking stage at this time. She can afford an area not too far from the current place (about 10-15 minutes away) and keep the arrangements the same but to her the area doesn't offer the best bang for her money or investment. Housing in CA. is very expensive and when we finalized the divorce I bought her out of the house with split equity and she had a nice chunk of money as a result of it. It's not that she doesn't have the money but it is where she wants her new house to be so that she can have more value for her money and also be closer to her new husband's work as well.

It would not work for me in moving to another location to accommodate her because it's not that easy to pick up and move and the current area has a reputation for having a really good school system and one of the best places to raise a family. Moreover, I feel that if I was the one who is trying to disrupt the arrangements and if there are options that can still work for me but I still don't want to then I would have to either bite the bullet and go with option A (which is living about 10-15 minutes) and still have adequate housing or with option B which is living in a preferred new area and give up the split custody to ex and just have visitation rights every other weekend.

I agree, but its not just about her, its also about the kids.

 

[FITFatherof2]

Thats right this is about the kids. Why should these children miss out on recreation time with their father in order to accomidate the mother? If mom chooses better value, and her new husband over time with her children, thats her right, but that should not take away from the fathers recreation time with his children.

 

[nextwife]

If it's about the children, EVERY effort should be made to keep them in their current good school, with the friends and activities they know. BOTH parents moving is NOT the best solution. Mom can go for a somewhat smaller home in an area that keeps the kids unaffected. Hubby and I made the same decision: less home for the money, but better schools. The kids are established in their current school. Dad needs to let mom know that he will fight to keep THEIR status quo, and that if she makes the choice TO MOVE SO FAR, SHE WILL LIKELY BECOME AN EOW PARENT. That may change her mind.

Certainly, by age ten (mine is 9 1/2) kids are settled into their school system, know their friends and classmates. I know my kid has been with the same kids since K4, and knows all the resource teachers, and the school knows her needs. It is very disrupting to force a child to change schools, if not absolutely necessary, especially if they are thriving in their current school. Have your children been told by mom of her plans? Have they expressed an opinion?

 

[LdiJ]

Thats right this is about the kids. Why should these children miss out on recreation time with their father in order to accomidate the mother? If mom chooses better value, and her new husband over time with her children, thats her right, but that should not take away from the fathers recreation time with his children.

I am not suggesting that they should lose out on recreation time with you. However I have seen alot of orders out of CA where the ncp got three weekend out of four, and a few where the ncp has gotten all of the weekends. I don't think that's right or fair, but I have seen it happen.

I am glad that mom is still at the talking stage. You can make it absolutely clear to her that you will not agree to what she is suggesting, and hopefully it will make her re-think her plans. However, remember that she is not the one who is going to suffer the most if she makes a bad choice. Its your kids who are going to suffer the most.

 

[sddad]

If it's about the children, EVERY effort should be made to keep them in their current good school, with the friends and activities they know. BOTH parents moving is NOT the best solution. Mom can go for a somewhat smaller home in an area that keeps the kids unaffected. Hubby and I made the same decision: less home for the money, but better schools. The kids are established in their current school. Dad needs to let mom know that he will fight to keep THEIR status quo, and that if she makes the choice TO MOVE SO FAR, SHE WILL LIKELY BECOME AN EOW PARENT. That may change her mind.

Certainly, by age ten (mine is 9 1/2) kids are settled into their school system, know their friends and classmates. I know my kid has been with the same kids since K4, and knows all the resource teachers, and the school knows her needs. It is very disrupting to force a child to change schools, if not absolutely necessary, especially if they are thriving in their current school. Have your children been told by mom of her plans? Have they expressed an opinion?

The children do know that their mom is looking for a new place at this time and this has been going on for a while as she is trying to find a place before she is due with a baby with her new husband sometimes in August. They are looking forward to a new place as they have been living a 3 bedroom aparment for the past few years. Regardless of things going on they are thriving and doing very well in school and have an abundance of friends at school and away from school. It would be a shame to disrupt their current situation. I am all for what's best for the children and if I had to move due to a job change I would keep the kids where they are at and abandon my split joint custody for their sake.