Will I REALLY be held responsible for this?

[maryjo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida


I posted a while ago that my ex husband is taking me back to court to have his child support lowered.

This is a man who is more than $3000 behind in child support. (I KNOW thats not a lot compared to a lot of other people who are behind.)

When he first came to me I felt threatened and bullied into signing the first paper saying he could get it lowered. When he confronted me outside a movie theater a few weeks later with more paperwork I decided to get on the phone with the court house and find out if I HAD to sign this paperwork. I was told I absolutely did not and should not sign it. To wait until it is officially served instead of letting him hand deliver it himself.

When he found out I wasnt going to sign he had a fit and told me he didnt have a problem paying for a lawyer and was taking me to court.

Now, keep in mind the 3 thousand dollars he is behind in child support. Plus half a credit card bill he was ordered to pay that he never paid a dime on. But yet..he has the money to get a lawyer??

So I told him to take me to court.

I really dont care if a judge lowers it. But I have decided I am no longer going to let my ex off the hook for every little thing. I am not going to make this easy for him. I have been doing that since we got divorced to try and keep the peace and make things as stress free as possible for me and our son. The day he showed up at the movie theater our son was there. He treated our son like a stranger. Like he didnt know him! When he walked away our son stood there fighting back tears. That was the day I decided I wasnt going to let him have the easy way out. He hadnt taken his court appointed weekends with our son in about three months prior to all this. He was working, was too busy, was going out of town, was sick. As soon as I told him he could take me to court he decided he would start getting him again. Only he doesnt see him...the girlfriend watches him.

Since then there was a big blow up when I decided I was

A.) No longer going to drive our son to and from his city for his weekends. I started doing this as a favor the first summer we were divorced because I thought it was only going to be for a few weeks. Then he started expecting me to do it and I was too scared to say no. Its supposed to be half way. Its not. I didnt know this until recently but its almost right where they live. And its a long hot drive for me and our son in a car with no air conditioner...not to mention the expense of gas. Plus, there is no court order demanding that I do this as when we got divorced he lied and said he was still living in this city at his grandparent's house and it was only a few minutes from where I lived.

B.) I also decided I was no longer going to communicate with the girlfriend. They both try to bully me and I am not going to take it anymore. She is not the parent and there is no reason why he can not communicate directly with me concerning our son.

C.) I refuse to communicate with him about anything not pertaining to our child. And I only speak directly to him when I have to. I usually use text message or voice mail so that way I have a record of the aggressiveness of their communication with me.

So...to make a long story even longer: Today the papers from his lawyer came in the mail. I thought the paperwork had been filed awhile ago because when I tried to file with the department that would go after him for the back child support (sorry...cant remember right now what that is) I was told that I couldnt because there was already a case pending against me. This was more than a month ago. But the paperwork from his lawyer was filed on July 23rd.

Imagine my shock when I read that not only does he want the child support lowered to less than half of what he is paying (that wasnt the shock) but that he also wants it court ordered that I meet him half way (he moved almost as soon as we seperated but refused to change his address because his girlfriend didnt want me to know it. So for two years he went off to his dad's and I had no clue where he was. I just got the address about a year ago when their relationship was rocky and he gave in and gave it to me.) to where HE CHOSE TO MOVE TO. We still live in the same place we did when he threw us out of his grandparent's house. This is also not a shock because the day of the big blow up he told me he was going to see what he could do to change the fact that I dont have a court order ordering me to drive all the way there.


The BIG SHOCK is....he and his attorney want ME to pay his court and attorney fees!!!!!!!!

Will a judge actually order me to do that?! When HE is the one who filed, HE is the one with a lawyer (I dont have one but for some reason he thinks I do), HE is the one wanting his child support lowered and HE is the one $3000 plus behind on his child support???

I am having heart failure over this!!! I KNOW he wouldnt have taken this kind of gamble if he didnt think there was a 110% chance that a judge would give it to him since he supposedly doesnt have any money. Thus wanting to lower his child support.

He didnt work for about 3 months. Then he got a less than part time job that pays about 9 dollars an hour and he refuses to look for anything else or get a second job. I have worked 2 and 3 jobs since we seperated to pay my bills and support our son. I worked hard and was promoted from overnight shift to assistant supervisor to supervisor. I cant believe this man is doing this.

One more question. Will this go to mediation before court or will it go straight to a judge? My ex got the same lawyer he had when we got divorced (I also did not have a lawyer then either but we settled everything in mediation.) and this man is the biggest BLEEP I have ever met! Seriously!! He actually accused me of trying to keep our son from his father because I simply wanted to change his weekend to the opposite weekend. And everytime the mediator would leave my room to go do something, he would come in it and try to bully me into doing whatever they wanted me to do. He is a HUGE man and I hoped I never had to see him again!!

I wasnt worried about all this until I saw he had retained the same laywer...and that he wants me to foot the bill for it.

 

[Ohiogal]

What exactly does your current order state about transportation? Word for word.

Asking for attorney and court fees is a normal standard request in pretty much all court filings.

Text messages and email do not necessarily show aggressiveness. They show words. Not tone of voice/manner of speaking or inflection.

 

[maryjo]

It says absolutely NOTHING about transportation. Probably because at the time he lied and told them he was living with his grandparents about 5 minutes from where me and our son were living. So it was never even discussed. Of course, he wasnt living there. But he couldnt admit that because he would have then had to give up his real address and his girlfriend wouldnt let him. As far as I know she still doesnt know he finally gave me the address last year.

Do you think a judge would actually make me PAY his court fees and attorney so he can get his child support lowered??

There are no emails. Only texts and voice mails. In them he threatend to take our son away and she cussed me out. If I didnt work with him on this S*** then he would take me court and try his damnedest to take our son away from me. That he hadnt pushed this issue with me yet but he would. She threatened me that when we go to court for the support issue they would take our son away from me. Plus, she cussed me out in her text messages.

 

[LdiJ]

It says absolutely NOTHING about transportation. Probably because at the time he lied and told them he was living with his grandparents about 5 minutes from where me and our son were living. So it was never even discussed. Of course, he wasnt living there. But he couldnt admit that because he would have then had to give up his real address and his girlfriend wouldnt let him. As far as I know she still doesnt know he finally gave me the address last year.

Do you think a judge would actually make me PAY his court fees and attorney so he can get his child support lowered??

There are no emails. Only texts and voice mails. In them he threatend to take our son away and she cussed me out. If I didnt work with him on this S*** then he would take me court and try his damnedest to take our son away from me. That he hadnt pushed this issue with me yet but he would. She threatened me that when we go to court for the support issue they would take our son away from me. Plus, she cussed me out in her text messages.

Unless something really wierd were to happen in court, there is virtually no chance that a judge would make you pay HIS attorney fees, to get his child support lowered. Even though its pretty standard to ask for that, I am even a little surprised that they went ahead and did, because it loses them a little credibility. It may very well be a tactic designed to try to scare you into agreeing to everything else.

However, its possible that the judge could order you to meet dad half way for exchanges. Its not guaranteed since dad is the one who created the distance (and you need to argue that point in court and in mediation) but its very common.

If his attorney tries to pull the same trick again in mediation, refuse to talk to him and complain to the mediator. Tell the mediator that he is coming into the room and bullying you every time the mediator leaves the room.

 

[maryjo]

Unless something really wierd were to happen in court, there is virtually no chance that a judge would make you pay HIS attorney fees, to get his child support lowered. Even though its pretty standard to ask for that, I am even a little surprised that they went ahead and did, because it loses them a little credibility. It may very well be a tactic designed to try to scare you into agreeing to everything else.

However, its possible that the judge could order you to meet dad half way for exchanges. Its not guaranteed since dad is the one who created the distance (and you need to argue that point in court and in mediation) but its very common.

If his attorney tries to pull the same trick again in mediation, refuse to talk to him and complain to the mediator. Tell the mediator that he is coming into the room and bullying you every time the mediator leaves the room.

Thanks. When we went through mediation I was terrified. I didnt have a lawyer and I was all alone. My ex husband alone scares me but then he brought this guy too and I was literally shaking. I was so scared. I didnt know what I was doing, what to expect. I am a lot stronger now and dont plan on letting any of them bully me.

Whats funny is they think I am going to fight the child support issue. I am not. I dont care. My whole thing about this was just that I have done everything he asked asked of and demanded from me for the last 3 years and all it did was make him think he could expect more from me and less from himself. I used to believe that he really did care about our son but I would never believe that now.

I just find it crazy that not only is he refusing to get a better job or a second job but instead finds it acceptable to take money away from his only child so he doesnt have to work harder...but he also finds it acceptable to take more money away from the one parent who is fully supporting this child!

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks. When we went through mediation I was terrified. I didnt have a lawyer and I was all alone. My ex husband alone scares me but then he brought this guy too and I was literally shaking. I was so scared. I didnt know what I was doing, what to expect. I am a lot stronger now and dont plan on letting any of them bully me.

Whats funny is they think I am going to fight the child support issue. I am not. I dont care. My whole thing about this was just that I have done everything he asked asked of and demanded from me for the last 3 years and all it did was make him think he could expect more from me and less from himself. I used to believe that he really did care about our son but I would never believe that now.

I just find it crazy that not only is he refusing to get a better job or a second job but instead finds it acceptable to take money away from his only child so he doesnt have to work harder...but he also finds it acceptable to take more money away from the one parent who is fully supporting this child!

I am glad to hear that you are stronger now, but you still are getting way too scared over what he has filed.

One thing that you should do is to file a counter suit for contempt for the fact that he is in arrears with his child support. In that suit, you can ask him to pay YOUR court costs and any legal fees you may incur.

You also need to file a response to his suit, asking that he provide all of the transportation since he is the one who created the distance.

 

[maryjo]

I am glad to hear that you are stronger now, but you still are getting way too scared over what he has filed.

One thing that you should do is to file a counter suit for contempt for the fact that he is in arrears with his child support. In that suit, you can ask him to pay YOUR court costs and any legal fees you may incur.

You also need to file a response to his suit, asking that he provide all of the transportation since he is the one who created the distance.

Well, the reason I am scared is because that will be thousands of dollars I dont have. He told me he didnt have any problem paying the $2000 dollars to get a laywer. So, if that alone is 2000 dollars..I cant imagine how much the rest of it would be.

And him threatening to take our son away from me also has me freaked out. But he didnt file that in this case.

I went to the department of revenue to start a case for the back child support. They said I could not file for it because there was a case already pending against me and until that was cleared up, I could not go after the back child support.

Can I still file for it then, like you said?

How do I even file a counter suit? Do I wait until I hear from the court? This is just paperwork from his laywer. No date has been set or anything. Is this something I can do on my own. I really didnt want to bring a lawyer into this because, like I said, I dont care if a judge lowers the child support. I learned from the advice given here not to ever live dependent on the child support. I just wasnt going to make it easy on him to do so since its obvious he is taking the easy way out on this. He flat out told me he was trying to make this as easy on himself as possible!! He THINKS I have a lawyer but for the life of me I have no idea why he thinks that, unless he somehow found out I was going after the back child support. But still, no lawyer involved. All I did was fill out the paperwork and submit it and then a few weeks later got a form in the mail saying I couldnt file for it right now, until the pending case was resolved.

There is also the issue of a life insurance policy of $66,000 he was required to have which I dont know if he has or not. I was told he had one for $200,000 but only left $60,000 to his son and $140,000 to his girlfriend. But no one was sure if he still had the policy because supposedly he couldnt pay it. Also..there is a credit card he was supposed to pay half of that he never paid a dime of. Unfortunately, I paid the whole thing off and then the CC company closed the card because I didnt use it. I cant remember now how much that card had on it when we went to court. I am hoping I can find out but not holding out much luck on that. That was over 2 years ago and I dont know if I even still have the information to contact them.

I did plan to fight the transportation issue but even if a judge orders us to meet half way, I dont mind that either. I just decided I wasnt going to do everything HE wanted me to do just because HE wanted me to do it. Last summer he moved back to town and still demanding that I bring our son to him. Then he only lived across town but said he had to save gas money so I had to bring him over. I am worried that because I did it for so long that a judge will just decide I should KEEP doing it.

Do you think we will have to go to mediation first and if we cant decide on it there, go to a judge? Or will this go straight to court? I think I would rather it just go straight to a judge.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, the reason I am scared is because that will be thousands of dollars I dont have. He told me he didnt have any problem paying the $2000 dollars to get a laywer. So, if that alone is 2000 dollars..I cant imagine how much the rest of it would be.

You don't have to hire an attorney. You can represent yourself, but only if you are able to grow a pair and not freak out.

And him threatening to take our son away from me also has me freaked out. But he didnt file that in this case.

There is no basis for this to freak you out. He has no change of circumstance or case to get primary custody.

I went to the department of revenue to start a case for the back child support. They said I could not file for it because there was a case already pending against me and until that was cleared up, I could not go after the back child support.

Can I still file for it then, like you said?

Again, yes, you can file a countersuit.

How do I even file a counter suit? Do I wait until I hear from the court? This is just paperwork from his laywer. No date has been set or anything. Is this something I can do on my own. I really didnt want to bring a lawyer into this because, like I said, I dont care if a judge lowers the child support. I learned from the advice given here not to ever live dependent on the child support. I just wasnt going to make it easy on him to do so since its obvious he is taking the easy way out on this. He flat out told me he was trying to make this as easy on himself as possible!! He THINKS I have a lawyer but for the life of me I have no idea why he thinks that, unless he somehow found out I was going after the back child support. But still, no lawyer involved. All I did was fill out the paperwork and submit it and then a few weeks later got a form in the mail saying I couldnt file for it right now, until the pending case was resolved.

If the lawyer filed that paperwork in court, then you need to make an official response. That response can include motions for contempt etc. See if the courthouse with jurisdiction has a self help center or a pro se center.

There is also the issue of a life insurance policy of $66,000 he was required to have which I dont know if he has or not. I was told he had one for $200,000 but only left $60,000 to his son and $140,000 to his girlfriend. But no one was sure if he still had the policy because supposedly he couldnt pay it. Also..there is a credit card he was supposed to pay half of that he never paid a dime of. Unfortunately, I paid the whole thing off and then the CC company closed the card because I didnt use it. I cant remember now how much that card had on it when we went to court. I am hoping I can find out but not holding out much luck on that. That was over 2 years ago and I dont know if I even still have the information to contact them.

You can file for contempt on those issues as well.

I did plan to fight the transportation issue but even if a judge orders us to meet half way, I dont mind that either. I just decided I wasnt going to do everything HE wanted me to do just because HE wanted me to do it. Last summer he moved back to town and still demanding that I bring our son to him. Then he only lived across town but said he had to save gas money so I had to bring him over. I am worried that because I did it for so long that a judge will just decide I should KEEP doing it.

Do you think we will have to go to mediation first and if we cant decide on it there, go to a judge? Or will this go straight to court? I think I would rather it just go straight to a judge.

Odds are that you will have to attend mediation first.

 

[maryjo]

Thank you so much for all your help. I have one more question for now though. Then maybe I can leave you alone for awhile.

The paperwork came from his lawyer, not the court. It said the paperwork was filed on the 23rd.

So, do I need to wait until I receive something from the court before I do anything since I dont have a case number or anything?

Again, thank you so much. I really do appreciate all the help I have been given here. It makes me feel so much better.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you so much for all your help. I have one more question for now though. Then maybe I can leave you alone for awhile.

The paperwork came from his lawyer, not the court. It said the paperwork was filed on the 23rd.

So, do I need to wait until I receive something from the court before I do anything since I dont have a case number or anything?

Again, thank you so much. I really do appreciate all the help I have been given here. It makes me feel so much better.

The lawyer served you a copy without a case number? The lawyer is trying to play games with you.

Get your butt to the courthouse and get a copy with the case number, and file your response ASAP.

 

[maryjo]

UPDATE:

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from ex husband's lawyer. This is what it says:

Former husband's motion to set and notice of hearing

Comes now the Former husband, **********, by and through his undersigned aattorney, and moves this honorable court to se the above styled cause for a final hearing.

Notice of hearing

You will please take notice that on September 15, 2009 at 9:30am I will bring up the forgoing former husband's motion to set for a hearing before the Honorable *******, in his chambers at the ***** county courthhouse,******, Florida.

All attornys appearing at the hearing shall be familiar with, and shall conduct themselves in accordance with, the guideline for professional conduct of the trial lawyers section of the Florida Bar and the ****** Bar Association as well as the 1998 Handbook on Discovery Practice by the Joint Committee of the Trail Lawyers section of the Florida Bat and Conferences of Circuit and County Court Judges.

Please be goverened accordingly.


It also came with a cover sheet that said "Enclosed please find a copy for the former husband's motion to set and notice of hearing. Please govern yourself accordingly."







Sooooooooooo****************************my question here is, do I go to this or is this just his laywer appearing to ask for a court appearance? I thought at first this was the date for the hearing but I am not sure now. I had thought we might end up in mediation first but it looks like we are going straight to a judge. I am fine with that because I dont care what the judge rules regarding the child support. So long as I dont have to pay his attorney costs and court fees I really dont care about the rest. I know the other papers they sent talked about setting a half way mark for us to meet which is also fine with me, I was just tired of doing it because my ex husband demanded that I do so.

But can someone kind of translate this for me please? Do I show up at this or not? And it is normal for this to be done with such short notice? These papers were mailed on the 26th of August and I got them on the 29th. The court date is Sept. 15th.

Thanks again!

 

[Ohiogal]

You go to that hearing and be prepared to try it on that day.

 

[maryjo]

Ok. I will. I was thinking I was going to go and be there whether I was supposed to be or not! LOL!

Thanks!

 

[meanyjack]

All attornys appearing at the hearing shall be familiar with, and shall conduct themselves in accordance with, the guideline for professional conduct of the trial lawyers section of the Florida Bar and the ****** Bar Association as well as the 1998 Handbook on Discovery Practice by the Joint Committee of the Trail Lawyers section of the Florida Bat and Conferences of Circuit and County Court Judges.

Please be goverened accordingly.

I just had to chuckle at this that even this kinda of "duh" language had to be included for other attorneys. Was opposing counsel "Uncle Vinny" (movie title reference for those who don't remember) in the past so this language has to be included??

 

[maryjo]

I just had to chuckle at this that even this kinda of "duh" language had to be included for other attorneys. Was opposing counsel "Uncle Vinny" (movie title reference for those who don't remember) in the past so this language has to be included??

Whats REALLY funny is that I dont have a lawyer. My ex THINKS I do. I have no idea WHY he thinks that but he somehow got it in his head that I have one so he ran out and got one. He is 3000 plus dollars behind on his child support but told me he didnt have a problem spending the 2000 it would take to get a lawyer. Then last week I heard he is paying this lawyer 100 either a week or a month (cant remember) to retain him because he cant afford to pay. Of course..thats why he wants ME to pay his fees so he can take me to court to lower the child support.