Withdraw? Amend? Motion for Leave? Supplemental Petition

[LdiJ]

I don't understand what the problem is. You wanted Dad to take more time..and he is agreeing to take the child for 50% of the time.

I think it sounds like you both now want the same thing. (?)

Dad owns a restaurant and works nights.

As someone who used to own a restaurant I can tell you right now that a 50/50 schedule will NOT work...it would be a disaster for both dad and the child. I know this for a fact because one of my primary reasons for closing my restaurant when I did was because I had no time for my child. I tried taking her to work with me and the only time it worked was on the weekends when we were busy enough that I could actually put her to work (she was 11-13, and yes, it was legal to put her to work...she plated and decorated a mean dessert...LOL, and was a darned good pinch hitter as a busperson...and was an altogether charming hostess).

The fact that dad owns a restaurant and works nights may also be the very reason why dad refuses to budge on that 20 minutes. Meeting a 5:10 would be bad enough...meeting at 5:30 could be a disaster for dad.

These two parents need to figure out a timeshare and a daycare situation that actually makes sense for the child based on their respective work situations. If mom works 8-5 and dad owns a restaurant that isn't going to necessarily be easy, but it can be done.

That does mean however that dad is going to end up with the short stick when it comes to overnights...but I am telling you with all honesty, its reality. I have been there, done that, and it will NOT work. Had my ex been available to take primary custody when I had my restaurant I would have let him have it...for our daughter's sake.

Owning a restaurant is a 80 hour a week job...it really is. Owning a restaurant is living the restaurant.

 

[CJane]

Dad owns a restaurant and works nights.

As someone who used to own a restaurant I can tell you right now that a 50/50 schedule will NOT work...it would be a disaster for both dad and the child. I know this for a fact because one of my primary reasons for closing my restaurant when I did was because I had no time for my child. I tried taking her to work with me and the only time it worked was on the weekends when we were busy enough that I could actually put her to work (she was 11-13, and yes, it was legal to put her to work...she plated and decorated a mean dessert...LOL, and was a darned good pinch hitter as a busperson...and was an altogether charming hostess).

The fact that dad owns a restaurant and works nights may also be the very reason why dad refuses to budge on that 20 minutes. Meeting a 5:10 would be bad enough...meeting at 5:30 could be a disaster for dad.

These two parents need to figure out a timeshare and a daycare situation that actually makes sense for the child based on their respective work situations. If mom works 8-5 and dad owns a restaurant that isn't going to necessarily be easy, but it can be done.

That does mean however that dad is going to end up with the short stick when it comes to overnights...but I am telling you with all honesty, its reality. I have been there, done that, and it will NOT work. Had my ex been available to take primary custody when I had my restaurant I would have let him have it...for our daughter's sake.

Owning a restaurant is a 80 hour a week job...it really is. Owning a restaurant is living the restaurant.

I agree that it's unlikely that Dad is going to get 50% time. In fact, I think it's unlikely that Dad even WANTS 50% time.

But Mom opened this door. She ignored the advice of EVERYONE here and went on ahead and tried to FORCE her wishes down Dad's throat. And this is where it got her.

Whether Dad really wants 50% time or not - and whether it's truly an option or not - isn't nearly as relevant as the fact that NOW, the door is open and Mom is going to have to fight Dad's attorney in court and prove her case.

 

[troutette]

His establishment is actually a pub and when we do the drop off, he is always still in his shorts and sneakers. (I know that isn't the attire he wears to work). I could/would understand if dad really did have to be there at 5:30, but I know he doesn't. His response wasn't "I have to work", it was "not my problem, and knock yourself out taking me to court". This is just one of the many times he has been difficult and uncooperative. He ignores requests from me to find out what his rules/routine are at his house so I can try and make it consistent. He refuses to give me updates when it is his turn to take her to counseling. This is all documented. He refuses all make-up and extra visitation time. I thought in FL that a parent's willingness to cooperate and communicate with other parent, along with who is more likely to nurture a relationship with the other parent weighs pretty heavy on decision of who is primary parent.

My daughter is 5, so she would not be able to work with him (although, mine too, would be a very cute addition to his staff).

His new wife own her own salon as well. So I can't believe between the two of them that something could have been worked out, instead of thinking putting her in care at yet another facility would be in her best interests.

 

[troutette]

The fact that dad owns a restaurant and works nights may also be the very reason why dad refuses to budge on that 20 minutes. Meeting a 5:10 would be bad enough...meeting at 5:30 could be a disaster for dad.

I also offered, in writing, to pick her up at his pub or any other location that would be as least disruptive to his schedule.

 

[Ohiogal]

I also offered, in writing, to pick her up at his pub or any other location that would be as least disruptive to his schedule.

A pub is different than a restaurant quite frankly. There are different/additional rules and regulations regarding pubs as opposed to a straight restaurant.

As for this:

His establishment is actually a pub and when we do the drop off, he is always still in his shorts and sneakers. (I know that isn't the attire he wears to work). I could/would understand if dad really did have to be there at 5:30, but I know he doesn't. His response wasn't "I have to work", it was "not my problem, and knock yourself out taking me to court". This is just one of the many times he has been difficult and uncooperative. He ignores requests from me to find out what his rules/routine are at his house so I can try and make it consistent. He refuses to give me updates when it is his turn to take her to counseling. This is all documented. He refuses all make-up and extra visitation time. I thought in FL that a parent's willingness to cooperate and communicate with other parent, along with who is more likely to nurture a relationship with the other parent weighs pretty heavy on decision of who is primary parent.

it is NONE of your business what dad's rules and/or routine at his house is. Why don't you just provide dad with your rules and/or routine and then he can make a decision as to whether he wants to adopt those at his place. As for counseling -- dad may not have an update. He may not sit in on the session and the counselor may not really tell him what happened. Many times they don't. What pray tell is your documentation?

Your major strike is that you want to control the entire situation. You want to make the rules and you want to force dad to bend to your wishes. He doesn't have to.

My daughter is 5, so she would not be able to work with him (although, mine too, would be a very cute addition to his staff).

His new wife own her own salon as well. So I can't believe between the two of them that something could have been worked out, instead of thinking putting her in care at yet another facility would be in her best interests.

You expect his wife to rearrange her schedule to provide child care FOR YOU? really?

 

[troutette]

A pub is different than a restaurant quite frankly. There are different/additional rules and regulations regarding pubs as opposed to a straight restaurant.

As for this:

it is NONE of your business what dad's rules and/or routine at his house is. Why don't you just provide dad with your rules and/or routine and then he can make a decision as to whether he wants to adopt those at his place. As for counseling -- dad may not have an update. He may not sit in on the session and the counselor may not really tell him what happened. Many times they don't. What pray tell is your documentation?

Your major strike is that you want to control the entire situation. You want to make the rules and you want to force dad to bend to your wishes. He doesn't have to.



You expect his wife to rearrange her schedule to provide child care FOR YOU? really?

Not sure what you are getting at with the comment about a pub being different from a restaurant? She is legally allowed to be there during the hours I was requesting.

As far as counseling, the therapist asked that we communicate with each other on the progress of each session. Her professional recommendation, based on her dealings with my daughter, was that we try to keep her on the same schedule at both homes as routine, structure and consistency are important at her age and she seems confused with the differences. I have complied and do keep him abreast of progress in therapy.

As for his new wife, who is going to be the one caring for her during the times dad has to work? If he wants 50% custody, surely that will interfere with her schedule.

 

[Ohiogal]

Not sure what you are getting at with the comment about a pub being different from a restaurant? She is legally allowed to be there during the hours I was requesting.

What I am getting at is that some pubs are considered 21 and over establishments ONLY. Also if HE would take her to the pub nightly -- would you then be complaining that he had her around drunks and cigarette smoke and unsavorable characters? I don't blame dad for not wanting to agree to taking the child to the pub -- at least not until a COURT states that he can.

As far as counseling, the therapist asked that we communicate with each other on the progress of each session. Her professional recommendation, based on her dealings with my daughter, was that we try to keep her on the same schedule at both homes as routine, structure and consistency are important at her age and she seems confused with the differences. I have complied and do keep him abreast of progress in therapy.

And what progress are you expecting he tell you about? How much progress is made in a weekly session? What do you consider progress?

As for his new wife, who is going to be the one caring for her during the times dad has to work? If he wants 50% custody, surely that will interfere with her schedule.

Agreeing to help your husband is different than bowing to the demands of the ex-wife. You don't see the differences? You expect them to bow to your demands and you don't understand how that is a PROBLEM?

 

[troutette]

Still need advise though ...

Once again, I know I didn't take the advise of many here to withdraw my suit. Right or wrong, it was the decision I made and I am very clear that I will have to live with it. But I still need advise moving forward on it and appreciate any that is given.

What should I focus on in my presentation to the court? Strong points?

Also, what angle should I prepare for from his side?

What is acceptable proof? Are emails offering repeated extra visitation time (that he denied) going to help me?

Do you think the judge will want to see his email about those 20 minutes not being his problem and to "knock myself out" taking him to court over it?

 

[CJane]

I really think you should dismiss your motion.

You CAN still do that. And it's possible, depending on how he filed, that if you dismiss YOURS, he's left with having to refile. Anyone else have an opinion on this? I know it's happened to me before (when Twain's father filed for visitation and later dismissed HIS motion, it automatically resulted in my counter motion being dismissed).

Other than that? You need to focus on why 50/50 isn't in the child's best interests, but Dad getting more time IS.

 

[troutette]

His counter-petition stated he wants the 50% and reduced child support, that's it. He never filed a proposed visitation schedule or a response to my proposed schedule. How am I supposed to know what kind of time schedule he is looking at? Should he have legally filed that?

In Florida, the next step is mandatory mediation. Can I still go through that process, and then if I desire, withdraw the petition after that?

 

[troutette]

And what progress are you expecting he tell you about? How much progress is made in a weekly session? What do you consider progress?QUOTE]

I am expecting to hear about what her continuing recommendations are regarding consequences for unacceptable behavior, new recommendations as far as changing bedtimes, etc. Her therapist offers us detailed plans to try and stay on the same page as each other so there is consistency.

I would think it would definitely be in my child's best interest to do our best to keep things structured and consistent. Obviously, she wouldn't be in therapy at 5 years old if she was successfully adjusting going back and forth between both homes.

 

[troutette]

And, I thank Ohiogal for being the opposing counsel. I need that.

 

[Gracie3787]

I really think you should dismiss your motion.

You CAN still do that. And it's possible, depending on how he filed, that if you dismiss YOURS, he's left with having to refile. Anyone else have an opinion on this? I know it's happened to me before (when Twain's father filed for visitation and later dismissed HIS motion, it automatically resulted in my counter motion being dismissed).

I agree, the OP should consider filing to dismiss her petition. However, unfortunately for her it will not result in an automatic dismissal of ex's counter-petition:
http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/family/forms_rules/927.pdf

 

[CJane]

His counter-petition stated he wants the 50% and reduced child support, that's it. He never filed a proposed visitation schedule or a response to my proposed schedule. How am I supposed to know what kind of time schedule he is looking at? Should he have legally filed that?

In Florida, the next step is mandatory mediation. Can I still go through that process, and then if I desire, withdraw the petition after that?

You'd look REALLY petty and ridiculous if you dismissed your petition after mediation didn't go your way.

Also? You can look at paying his attorney fees.