work vs visitation

[Just Blue]

But I'm losing all hope that Faith, much as she wants to, will actually DO anything legally.

Becareful...She will start yet another thread on that topic...

 

[jbowman]

Personally, I am tired of the pity party. Every thread is poor faith. My advice: if you dont like whats going on--go to court already.

 

[faithnlve]

Becareful...She will start yet another thread on that topic...

No, I learned my lesson on that one.. I do have documentation of paperwork and other issues to bring to the "attorney" in which is scheduled a conference with this week. I am going to fight back for my rights in say and to be allowed to get involved with more time with my kids. Plus I am going to battle in the dealings with the school issues that were kept from me from my ex and the school, since the school had my birth certificate and had received calls from me in regards to wanting school records and being refused. Plus I am asking the courts to have the step mom's signature as "guardian/mother" removed from all my son's records and have her listed under the step parent's name and not as the other parent. As for my daughters time with me on my weekend, it seems I am battling with men whom would rather have their new spouses take over my role in my children's lives, and control my time with them....and that is not going to happen.

 

[faithnlve]

TY Cjane.
Now, what is this loco parentis mean? My dumbhead ex says his new wife of two years can act in loco parentis and it won't matter what I do, I do not have custody, and I only have visitation. What does this mean, that she gets custody along with my ex and make decisions over me? I am nothing but a visitor now????? Faith

 

[CJane]

TY Cjane.
Now, what is this loco parentis mean? My dumbhead ex says his new wife of two years can act in loco parentis and it won't matter what I do, I do not have custody, and I only have visitation. What does this mean, that she gets custody along with my ex and make decisions over me? I am nothing but a visitor now????? Faith

I'm going to teach you something... ready?

When you need the definition of ANYTHING AT ALL you can go to google and type in

definition XXXXXXXX and hit submit. The very first 'hit' will be an actual definition, not a web page.

So, go to google. Type in definition in loco parentis

No quotes, nothing. just what I've bolded

This should be what you find...

Web definitions for in loco parentis
"In the place of the parent"; refers to actions of a custodian, guardian or other person acting in the parent's place.
www.utcourts.gov/resources/glossary.htm - Definition in context

If you click the link for Definition in context, you get this website which is invaluable

http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/glossary.htm

To search that site for a definition, just hit CTRL+F and put whatever you're looking for into the search window and hit enter.

/lesson

What it means is that she is acting as a parent. Which you knew, and which you've been told is ok... IF SHE'S ACTING IN THE PLACE OF HER SPOUSE. That's not the case. She's acting WITH her spouse IN THE PLACE OF YOU.

This is something to be brought up with your attorney.

HOWEVER, since you do not have any form of legal custody, it may or may not be a contempt issue by itself.

Have you completed a list of questions for the attorney?
Have you come up with a game plan of what you WANT vs what you'll ACCEPT?

 

[faithnlve]

The term in loco parentis, Latin for "in the place of a parent", refers to the legal responsibility of a person or organization to take on some of the functions and responsibilities of a parent.

I am reading this and still do not quite comprehend the refers to the legal responsibility of a person to take some of the function/responsibilities. Does my dumbhead's new wife have the rights the same as my ex to make decisions also in my place since I do not have custody? I just want to make sure I understand some of my battles I am about to go up against.

Yes, I do have many questions written down, and documentation of me being left out of important educational information of my son.

 

[CJane]

The term in loco parentis, Latin for "in the place of a parent", refers to the legal responsibility of a person or organization to take on some of the functions and responsibilities of a parent.

I am reading this and still do not quite comprehend the refers to the legal responsibility of a person to take some of the function/responsibilities. Does my dumbhead's new wife have the rights the same as my ex to make decisions also in my place since I do not have custody? I just want to make sure I understand some of my battles I am about to go up against.

Yes, I do have many questions written down, and documentation of me being left out of important educational information of my son.

in loco parentis is a broad term that can apply to teachers - they act in the place of parents all day long and depending on local rules/statutes have the right to act as parents when disciplining children including corporal punishment. They also have the right to determine if the child needs to be sent to the nurse, the nurse - in loco parentis - has the right to determine the need for and administer tylenol or tums or whatever.

A step-parent acting in loco parentis has the right to administer discipline in the absence of either parent, make routine decisions in place of their spouse (as in "yes Johnny, you can go play with Sam") and even, in cases of sole legal custody, make other routine and minor decisions when the custodial parent is unavailable.

I DO think that the step-mother in your case is overstepping and it's a HUGE issue.

Your ex, I think, is wrong about the meaning of in loco parentis and it's intent in this case.

 

[faithnlve]

CJane...One thing I pondered is fighting back for custody based upon a change of circumstances. Now I know that is a long long long gamble and I do NOT want to hurt my son by taking him out of his routine. But, if I show that the parent is NOT fostering a parent child relationship with the other parent, if I show that the custodial parent is alienating the child's mother by claiming his new wife as the "other" parent in all educational and medical records, if I show that dad has routinely allowed sporting events to interfere with my time, and holidays have not been shared, can this be a change of circumstance for a custody switch OR would my better option be to try and modify pr&r to shared legal, and he still have physical custody? Vermont is a very confusing state when it comes to what is allowed and what is not allowed legally. I guess judges have a wide wide discretion the way the law is. Thanks Faith

 

[CJane]

CJane...One thing I pondered is fighting back for custody based upon a change of circumstances. Now I know that is a long long long gamble and I do NOT want to hurt my son by taking him out of his routine. But, if I show that the parent is NOT fostering a parent child relationship with the other parent, if I show that the custodial parent is alienating the child's mother by claiming his new wife as the "other" parent in all educational and medical records, if I show that dad has routinely allowed sporting events to interfere with my time, and holidays have not been shared, can this be a change of circumstance for a custody switch

I hestitate to say yes because VT law is so wacky. Definitely ask your attorney.

In MY state, yes, you could get a change from sole custody to joint based on proving the above points. But in MY state "Failure to communicate" is a CIC big enough to change from sole to joint.... my state is NOT VT.

OR would my better option be to try and modify pr&r to shared legal, and he still have physical custody? Vermont is a very confusing state when it comes to what is allowed and what is not allowed legally. I guess judges have a wide wide discretion the way the law is. Thanks Faith

It's almost always better to ask for more than you think you'll get.

This is what I meant by what you WANT vs what you'll ACCEPT.

 

[faithnlve]

CJane: This is what I WANT: What I want is a good solid secure environment for my son with both of his parents involved in his life. Dumbhead's new wife goes to extremes in gaining the title of "other parent", which she is not, she is only the wife/step and not the "other parent". Instead of being supportive and being a friend she feels she has more rights than I do since his father has sole legal custody. This can't be in the best interest of my child. My son is in a tug of war between her and me, especially on Mothers Day, Christmas and Birthday's when his dad has him use his money for nicer presents for stepmom, and I get a 2.00 barrette. I don't understand that message, because his father doesn't have to have him buy me a present, my hubby takes him out to buy gifts for me, other than the Mothers Day school made gifts, which I never get. I don't just want to just be a non custodial parent whom gets to visit her child, whom gets to visit his school/teacher for updates only, whom has to become a detective to find out what his medical/school needs have been. I want to be there for him growing up, I want to be there for his big boo boos when he has to go to hospital and not learn about it until he comes to see me on my days, I want to know what his emotional problems are and not learn two years later. I call and talk to his dad, I call the schools, I am not a psychic, they need to inform me. I hope all that was kept from me is enough for a change, because in the one life I was given, I want to be the best mom as I can with my son. Faith

 

[stealth2]

I'd focus on the medical/educational issues and drop the "I didn't get as good a present" stuff. That's kind of a "who cares" deal.

 

[faithnlve]

I'd focus on the medical/educational issues and drop the "I didn't get as good a present" stuff. That's kind of a "who cares" deal.

I know that. I was making a point that my son is put in situations of choosing stepmom over mom.

 

[CJane]

I know that. I was making a point that my son is put in situations of choosing stepmom over mom.

Yes, but... it's sort of like 'we'

Just forget it even happened if it's not something you want to bring up in court.

KWIM

 

[faithnlve]

The only logical evidence to present to the courts is the school and medical documentation. I realize bringing up petty unproven evidence is going to make me look vindictive, which I wish I felt instead of feeling like I failed trying to be a good mom. I will concentrate on the truth, and not add anything else negative when its not necessary. All I can do is try my best, and hope for the best. I just hate the family court system in this state, it is one of the worst. Thanks, Faith

I edited because I wanted you all to know I found a case in vermont where P&R was reversed from dad back to mom. The case I read had to do with interfering with the non custodial parents rights to foster a relationship with their child. The father left mom out of school information, had kids calling step mom "mommy", and claiming the mother was just "jealous", and that there was a substantial lack of communication with mom with the schooling, parent/teacher conferences were separated due to dad not wanting mom their when step mom was. I guess nothing new does happen under the sun. Thanks Faith