Wrongful Death Laws & Advice

[therex10]

Wrongful death & advice

I realize it doesn't matter what she spends it on to a point...

but it is my business since I am the one who paid for everything- yes me- not my husband & FIL would not have been buried if it wouldn't have been for me-my husband wasn't working at the time & I paid for EVERYTHING..

It is also my business.....When she thinks she is going to take it all & blow it -then when her mom dies- WE (yes, we means both my husband & I) are going to take care of her..(That's why I care where she spends it.)....BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT ALL & HER OWN LAWSUIT- YES that is the line of her thinking & no- it's not going to happen.

My husband wants to put it away for her so she will have it when she gets older & she wants to BLOW IT ALL NOW- he was already making provisions in his will for this.

I already know we are entitled to 1/2 the funeral & other costs if she recoups anything- the lawyers have even told her that & she told them QUOTE "NO SHE WASN'T PAYING FOR ANYTHING, SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO & wouldn't do it!" She even told the lawyer to his face he was not getting paid anything. The lawyer told me to sue her & I will win 1/2.

We were also already told that if we take it to court she could be found incompetent & maybe the court would put it into escrow for her & we are thinking that will be best.

 

[Isis1]

I realize it doesn't matter what she spends it on to a point...

but it is my business since I am the one who paid for everything- yes me- not my husband & FIL would not have been buried if it wouldn't have been for me-my husband wasn't working at the time & I paid for EVERYTHING..

It is also my business.....When she thinks she is going to take it all & blow it -then when her mom dies- WE (yes, we means both my husband & I) are going to take care of her..(That's why I care where she spends it.)....BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT ALL & HER OWN LAWSUIT- YES that is the line of her thinking & no- it's not going to happen.

My husband wants to put it away for her so she will have it when she gets older & she wants to BLOW IT ALL NOW- he was already making provisions in his will for this.

I already know we are entitled to 1/2 the funeral & other costs if she recoups anything- the lawyers have even told her that & she told them QUOTE "NO SHE WASN'T PAYING FOR ANYTHING, SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO & wouldn't do it!" She even told the lawyer to his face he was not getting paid anything. The lawyer told me to sue her & I will win 1/2.

We were also already told that if we take it to court she could be found incompetent & maybe the court would put it into escrow for her & we are thinking that will be best.

you'll need a doctor's diagnos to confirm she is incompetent and not just run of the mill irresponsible stupid.

 

[therex10]

We can a doctor or her psychiatrist to say she is incompetent-she cannot live on her own. She doesn't know how to pay bills or anything- she would be booted out of her apartment in several months & would not buy food in place of gambling. She goes to the hospital all the time for no reason but to get pills-they genuinely cannot find anything wrong with her-she has even told us this. She falls purposely to try to sue people-she has numerous serious issues-she is more than irresponsible.

We are supposed to probably let her live with us when MOM dies - but if she gets this money & spends it irresponsibly- that's not happening- We are sending her to a group home. I am not going to suffer the rest of my life for her irresponsibility 7 she won't gamble in the group home- it will be cold turkey.

 

[therex10]

Wrongful Death & Advice

Just an update- spoke with lawyer today & they stated we have to go by the court order- whatever it states but if we disagree -we can also take it to court & present our case.

If there is no court order or if the court order is vague- then we will have to go to court anyways to let the courts decide how they see fit to disburse the settlement. Depending on how it is dispersed- depends on who gets what & how much taxes we have to pay-for example- we may only have to pay taxes on 50%-rather than all of it- which is good but we can also disagree again and fight it. If she is declared incompetent- it will go in escrow and when MIL passes- she will go to group home & they will use what is left to care for her. Thanks for everyone's advice!!

 

[goddessoflubboc]

Perhaps it bothers me because it reminds me all too much of my aunt.

She also never worked a day in her life, eventually began receiving SSI. She'd walk the streets of town telling everyone she was married to Teddy Roosevelt's son. She spent most of what little she got on other people, baby clothes for neighbor's grandchildren, gifts for people she barely knew. It gave her joy. Probably if there was a bingo hall, she'd have gone. Her father worked until he was 86 as a landscaper to take care of her until she died.

She would blame us all when her "husband" didn't come around. She could be downright evil, but she was family. She was surely incompetent, but she was family.

I imagine this is how your MIL feels.

Oh, and I misunderstood, because in your first post you said "*we* paid the bills" and "*we* lost time from work", NOT *I*.

 

[therex10]

No problem- I just get upset because she (SIL) 'plays' the system to get what she wants & people actually feel sorry for her since they don't know the true story & hear all sides & she knows this.

MIL is just like her- very conning & manipulative- part of the reason FIL left after 25 years. I paid all the bills - in fact took out of my retirement fund to pay the funeral since my husband was off work at the time. That's 1 reason I am really upset -I lost all that interest & was penalized & instead of being grateful- she calls me a F.. B..too bad- tough luck-I deserve to lose it all, etc- I have worked 2 jobs basically most of my life!

We both gave up all our free time to clean out the 15 room house filled with junk- yes - all junk-nothing worth anything (SIL knew this as if there were valuables- she would have been right there for $$) boxes of pine cones, old newspapers & magazines, old clothing, cans, beer bottles, etc.

My husband gave up looking for another job for over 6 months to clean out the house to find 7 life ins policies all cashed in and FIL work policy went to the exwife $28,000 which she chose to pay nothing after we let her come to the house & take all her things out that belonged to her mother who had passed.They had been divorced almost 10 years & apparently it was in the divorce settlement she got the life ins. We didn't know because hubby had tried to talk to FIL year earlier re: life ins, will, etc & he didn't want to talk about those things. We were told there was a will somewhere but we couldn't find it & someone had been to the house & tore it apart before we got there-backs of pictures were tore off.

SIL could have come to the house & helped clean everyday to get done much faster as she had no job but won't do any work- too busy & didn't want to give up BINGO-which is ok once in awhile but not to the point that you take it over another person (such as your own father), food, paying bills, all your free time, etc- that's obsessive gambling behavior & spending all your $$ every month on it is worse when you are borrowing from check into cash at 325% interest for BINGO money??

I gave up working my second job to clean this house & look for no insurance, etc- she could have done it while I worked since she didn't work but instead came down 2 times to go through the entire house & took what she wanted then left. We even had to find a home for his dog because my husband couldn't bear the thought of putting him down. I saw FIL & talked to him much more than SIL ever did & I'm not a relative except by marriage.

Looks like we will have to go to court anyways as we have been unable to find a court order. BTW- found first original court papers for settlement & I had actually signed them along with my husband-which lawyer says I may be able to file for grandchildren since it was done this way. SIL will not like that- she hates kids!! What happened was this started as a personal injury suit that turned into wrongful death which I believe changes matters making them much more complicated.

I hope this explains where I am coming from- not the vindictive person you think. Both SIL & MIL have put me through a lot. They set up my husband with other women to get us broke up for no reason except to be nasty, got him to give them money behind my back without telling when we really didn't have it ($200 for BINGO several times), lie to me, among numerous other things & problems. He has always had a good heart toward them & helped as much as possible no matter what they did to him & they have stuck him every time while his stepbrother has done nothing for them & they worship the ground he walks on.

 

[ecmst12]

Don't confuse FAIR with LEGAL.

She doesn't have to DESERVE this money in order to be LEGALLY ENTITLED to it. Don't take it personally, it's not worth getting worked up over. The law is what it is. You will still get the money to put back in your retirement fund and plenty more after that, even after crazy sis gets her cut. Perspective, remember. It's only money. Don't confuse money with love or with justice or with "winning" or principals or anything else.....it's not, it's just pieces of paper you can buy stuff with.

 

[therex10]

Thanks- we realize this & we shouldn't get upset -but it seems that the child who took care of the bills & parent all their lives vs. nothing from the other should be compensated 'fairly' whether it be 75%/25% or whatever- I just don't understand the courts line of thinking- they believe this is true in divorce cases- they divvy out according to who did what & the parent who did the most financially & personally usually gets custody- at least where we live that's how it is.

It's not 100% about the money because we have said if we could give it all back to have FIL for 5 or 10 more years- we would in a heartbeat. Both FIL parents & grandparents lived to mid 80's- he was in his 60's. He missed all granddaughters weddings & babies (everything important) plus my son lost his grandfather before they got to go hunting / fishing. Those 4 kids of ours cried their eyes out together at the casket when they lost their grandfather prematurely. SIL never shed a tear-she was laughing at the bar having a good time.

I guess I am equating it with love in a way because she never loved him. You are right. It just bothers me that she truly believes she deserves all this money (yes - ALL- she wants it all -& not to pay for ANYTHING-she has told us because he 'treated' her badly when she was little-she says she deserves it & we shouldn't get anything) Hubby says she got everything handed to her when she was little was the problem.She wants to fight us for ALL the $$ & she told lawyer- she is "NOT" paying for anything with expletives of course!

We just wanted to help some people we know low on their luck we who 'deserve' it & have worked all their lives NOW living without electric or gas since they lost their jobs & won't be able to do that now that she is going to take her cut- if we want a retirement which makes me feel really bad-because these people truly need help & the system here is designed to help & reward those who don't work- meanwhile- SIL will be gambling & partying it up for the next year w/her cut. We believe helping someone with small children pay electric or gas is 'more important' than gambling & alcohol.

Once again- I realize life isn't fair & this really bothers me but we have to follow the laws. I do know - I won't be taking care of crazy SIL once MIL is gone & I won't be stuck paying for another funeral.

BTW- MIL has left her $15000 life ins policy to SIL-since she 'feels' sorry for her that she has been divorced twice & has no children to take care of her!

 

[ecmst12]

You don't have to pay for MIL's funeral either...

 

[goddessoflubboc]

Thanks- we realize this & we shouldn't get upset -but it seems that the child who took care of the bills & parent all their lives vs. nothing from the other should be compensated 'fairly' whether it be 75%/25% or whatever- I just don't understand the courts line of thinking- they believe this is true in divorce cases- they divvy out according to who did what & the parent who did the most financially & personally usually gets custody- at least where we live that's how it is.

Gobsmacked!

I guess I am equating it with love in a way because she never loved him.

That's alot to speak for another person's feelings.

It just bothers me that she truly believes she deserves all this money (yes - ALL- she wants it all -& not to pay for ANYTHING-she has told us because he 'treated' her badly when she was little-she says she deserves it & we shouldn't get anything)

You said she wants her half. Not all.

We just wanted to help some people we know low on their luck we who 'deserve' it & have worked all their lives NOW living without electric or gas since they lost their jobs & won't be able to do that now that she is going to take her cut- ... We believe helping someone with small children pay electric or gas is 'more important' than gambling & alcohol.

Seriously? You're getting roughly $145,000 and you won't have an extra say $500 to get someone caught up on their gas and electric bill?

BTW- MIL has left her $15000 life ins policy to SIL-since she 'feels' sorry for her that she has been divorced twice & has no children to take care of her!

And you STILL want us to believe it's not about the money? MIL can leave her money to whomever she wishes. It's HER money. More importantly, it's HER daughter!