Terminating/No Contact/Custody?

[purple.minion]

What is the name of your state. Nevada. Went to our first child support hearing yesterday. NCP has not seen the child since 3 months. He is now almost 4 years. I have had no contact with the father, but we live in the same town and have done nothing to prevent him seeing the child. I was unrepresented, he wasn't present, but represented by a lawyer. I did not know this was allowed in child support court, but before proceedings his attorney asked to serve me a letter asking if he could terminate his parental rights, and waive child support. The judge informed me because I was unrepresented, and she had no jurisdiction I did not have to reply.

He then proceeded to try to prevent paternity from being established (despite the fact a paternity tests had been done, and his name was already on the birth certificate).

He then argued to have the amount of child support lowered from 700/month to 500/month, the state did not agree, the amount was temporarily set at 700. (CHAP medicaid case, and he owes money to the state.) The amount of arrears was to be determined at another date.

He served me a letter that he "tried" to serve me before that court date, but I couldn't be located as the NCP is not allowed to have my address (domestic violence). Not word for word but it is along the lines of:

Paternity testing confirms my client is the father. He says you have spoken about termination of parental rights to third party. He will consent I will draw up paperwork as it is in the child's best interest. You will not take action in child support against my client and your child will have no right to his estate. You have brought up a child support case if this case is not dropped to establish paternity and child support I will represent him. We hope to terminate rights before that time.

If you do not terminate rights he will force custody and visitation. If you do not accept termination the court will likely gradually increase time spent with him, and eventually grant joint custody including 50% visitation. We will also ask his last name reflect that of the fathers.

So
I will be consulting with an attorney. I didn't know you could voluntarily terminate your parental rights. I'm also wondering how likely any of his last statement is. For the record he has 2 DUIs, battery and Domestic violence. I want to know if it is possible to negotiate a lump sum payment of arrears and medical bills (for the child, totalling about $800) as it is considerably less than a lifetime of child support and then discuss termination of his rights. I have epilepsy, I recently went through a period I couldn't work for 3 months, and want to make sure my son is taken care of in the event I can't work again, that is the only reason I have sought child support.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state. Nevada. Went to our first child support hearing yesterday. NCP has not seen the child since 3 months. He is now almost 4 years. I have had no contact with the father, but we live in the same town and have done nothing to prevent him seeing the child. I was unrepresented, he wasn't present, but represented by a lawyer. I did not know this was allowed in child support court, but before proceedings his attorney asked to serve me a letter asking if he could terminate his parental rights, and waive child support. The judge informed me because I was unrepresented, and she had no jurisdiction I did not have to reply.

He then proceeded to try to prevent paternity from being established (despite the fact a paternity tests had been done, and his name was already on the birth certificate).

He then argued to have the amount of child support lowered from 700/month to 500/month, the state did not agree, the amount was temporarily set at 700. (CHAP medicaid case, and he owes money to the state.) The amount of arrears was to be determined at another date.

He served me a letter that he "tried" to serve me before that court date, but I couldn't be located as the NCP is not allowed to have my address (domestic violence). Not word for word but it is along the lines of:

Paternity testing confirms my client is the father. He says you have spoken about termination of parental rights to third party. He will consent I will draw up paperwork as it is in the child's best interest. You will not take action in child support against my client and your child will have no right to his estate. You have brought up a child support case if this case is not dropped to establish paternity and child support I will represent him. We hope to terminate rights before that time.

If you do not terminate rights he will force custody and visitation. If you do not accept termination the court will likely gradually increase time spent with him, and eventually grant joint custody including 50% visitation. We will also ask his last name reflect that of the fathers.

So
I will be consulting with an attorney. I didn't know you could voluntarily terminate your parental rights. I'm also wondering how likely any of his last statement is. For the record he has 2 DUIs, battery and Domestic violence. I want to know if it is possible to negotiate a lump sum payment of arrears and medical bills (for the child, totalling about $800) as it is considerably less than a lifetime of child support and then discuss termination of his rights. I have epilepsy, I recently went through a period I couldn't work for 3 months, and want to make sure my son is taken care of in the event I can't work again, that is the only reason I have sought child support.

A few things for you to be aware of:

Unless you are married and your husband wants to adopt your child, he is not going to be permitted to terminate his parental rights. The state wants two parents legally responsible for supporting a child. You already saw that in the hearing.

While it is true that if he files for visitation/custody he will likely eventually get joint legal custody and standard parenting time. The odds of him eventually getting a 50/50 timeshare in this situation are absolutely slim to none.

The state will not allow you to negotiate a lump sum for arrears because there is money owed to the state. Much of those arrears will belong to the state rather than to you and the state will not negotiate at all.

He probably has little chance of getting the last name change either.

 

[purple.minion]

I am unmarried, but in a long term relationship. However, adoption is not in the near-future, it has not been discussed, I want my child to be old enough to have a say in the decision.

In the case of owing money to the state, this is a non TANF case, and my child has only been on medicaid 3 months, unless his amount owed to the state is more than the amount of arrears he has accumulated it was my understanding that some of that money would still be available, it would just be held and dispersed as the state saw fit as long as my child was on medicaid.

Another question, maybe this is the wrong place?
Since the NCP has reasonable health insurance through his employer available to him would he be ordered to carry it on the child instead of continuing on medicaid, and then I be ordered to do the same (as in find a policy that is not more than 5% of my income, nearly impossible, obviously not many people are on medicaid by choice)
I will make it happen if it means better health insurance, I am just trying to understand how this all works.

Since he seems to be using custody as nothing more than a threat to not pay child support is it unheard of to lower the amount of support to the minimum amount a month (100?) With no visitation, and ask he carry insurance. Or is it ALWAYS that the father will have visitation if he pays child support. I'm not opposed to supervised visitation if that's what I have to do. But this seems to be more about money to him than anything, perhaps if I significantly lower the amount he will agree to no visitation? Is that even allowed?

 

[Proserpina]

I am unmarried, but in a long term relationship. However, adoption is not in the near-future, it has not been discussed, I want my child to be old enough to have a say in the decision.

In the case of owing money to the state, this is a non TANF case, and my child has only been on medicaid 3 months, unless his amount owed to the state is more than the amount of arrears he has accumulated it was my understanding that some of that money would still be available, it would just be held and dispersed as the state saw fit as long as my child was on medicaid.

Another question, maybe this is the wrong place?
Since the NCP has reasonable health insurance through his employer available to him would he be ordered to carry it on the child instead of continuing on medicaid, and then I be ordered to do the same (as in find a policy that is not more than 5% of my income, nearly impossible, obviously not many people are on medicaid by choice)
I will make it happen if it means better health insurance, I am just trying to understand how this all works.

He can be ordered to do so, yes. Make sure you make the court aware that he can obtain insurance at a reasonable cost, and focus on him paying guideline support. He can whine as much as he likes, but that's what he needs to be paying unless he has a damn good reason for not doing so.

Since he seems to be using custody as nothing more than a threat to not pay child support is it unheard of to lower the amount of support to the minimum amount a month (100?) With no visitation, and ask he carry insurance. Or is it ALWAYS that the father will have visitation if he pays child support. I'm not opposed to supervised visitation if that's what I have to do. But this seems to be more about money to him than anything, perhaps if I significantly lower the amount he will agree to no visitation? Is that even allowed?

He can have visitation regardless of whether he pays or doesn't pay child support. You'll need to prove that there's a need for supervision and even then it's typically supervised only in the short term; eventually he'll get the usual NCP visitation.

Frankly the attorney's actions are disturbing.

 

[LdiJ]

He can be ordered to do so, yes. Make sure you make the court aware that he can obtain insurance at a reasonable cost, and focus on him paying guideline support. He can whine as much as he likes, but that's what he needs to be paying unless he has a damn good reason for not doing so.



He can have visitation regardless of whether he pays or doesn't pay child support. You'll need to prove that there's a need for supervision and even then it's typically supervised only in the short term; eventually he'll get the usual NCP visitation.

Frankly the attorney's actions are disturbing.

I particularly agree with the bolded. It is really weird for the attorney to be pushing for a termination of parental rights in this case. Unless maybe the attorney was led to believe that the OP is married. Otherwise I can only assume that this attorney does not regularly practice family law.

 

[purple.minion]

The state representatives seemed to agree with that sentiment, the came out to console me in the parking lot. I felt pretty blindsided by the whole ordeal.

If that's the case and I don't want him to have visitation, due to his abusive nature, is it in my best interest to ask to terminate his parental rights? I understand that you can't voluntarily terminate them without good cause, but since he seems adamant on doing so, and has a history of abuse maybe I do have a case?

It's such a double edged sword. I have a lot of people (family, friends, etc.) For who this letter was a dream come true who don't understand the financial hardship and instability a medical condition provides me. I'm not playing victim to anything, Im young (under 25) have an 8 year working history 5 of which are at the same job, I'm reliable, my brain is not.

I don't know how to explain to people that I can not just "sign his rights away". How much influence do I actually have over this decision in a court of law given the information Ive provided. I feel as though the establishment of paternity was the nail in the cross or the lawyer wouldnt have lied about the child being on the birth certificate. Definitely being looked on as putting my child in danger for the sake of child support. Admittedly my mother is not talking to me right now because I won't agree to sign until I talk to a lawyer.

 

[purple.minion]

I guess I wasn't clear in my initial post that the father was already on the birth certificate and requested a paternity test. I submitted immediately, he had to be court ordered even though he requested it. His lawyer claimed he was not at the birth and had only seen the child once when he was 3 months old. He wanted a continuance to establish paternity. However I disproved that immediately with an affidavit of birth and the actual birth certificate. That was when he presented me with a letter asking me to terminate rights. Based on the letter I think he was hoping to get me to terminate rights before officially establishing paternity, even though he was already on the birth certificate? The whole thing is kind of confusing, the judge seemed equally confused and said it was out of her jurisdiction and kind of advised me without doing so, not to answer.

 

[LdiJ]

The state representatives seemed to agree with that sentiment, the came out to console me in the parking lot. I felt pretty blindsided by the whole ordeal.

If that's the case and I don't want him to have visitation, due to his abusive nature, is it in my best interest to ask to terminate his parental rights? I understand that you can't voluntarily terminate them without good cause, but since he seems adamant on doing so, and has a history of abuse maybe I do have a case?

It's such a double edged sword. I have a lot of people (family, friends, etc.) For who this letter was a dream come true who don't understand the financial hardship and instability a medical condition provides me. I'm not playing victim to anything, Im young (under 25) have an 8 year working history 5 of which are at the same job, I'm reliable, my brain is not.

I don't know how to explain to people that I can not just "sign his rights away". How much influence do I actually have over this decision in a court of law given the information Ive provided. I feel as though the establishment of paternity was the nail in the cross or the lawyer wouldnt have lied about the child being on the birth certificate. Definitely being looked on as putting my child in danger for the sake of child support. Admittedly my mother is not talking to me right now because I won't agree to sign until I talk to a lawyer.

The state is not going to allow you to do what this attorney is trying to get you to do. Its just not going to happen. You actually have little to no influence in this case. The attorney should know that. That is why what the attorney is doing is so disturbing.

 

[Proserpina]

The state representatives seemed to agree with that sentiment, the came out to console me in the parking lot. I felt pretty blindsided by the whole ordeal.

If that's the case and I don't want him to have visitation, due to his abusive nature, is it in my best interest to ask to terminate his parental rights? I understand that you can't voluntarily terminate them without good cause, but since he seems adamant on doing so, and has a history of abuse maybe I do have a case?

Unless you can prove that he's actually abused the child, he IS going to get visitation if he wants it. Even IF he's abused the child, he may still get supervised visitation.

It's such a double edged sword. I have a lot of people (family, friends, etc.) For who this letter was a dream come true who don't understand the financial hardship and instability a medical condition provides me. I'm not playing victim to anything, Im young (under 25) have an 8 year working history 5 of which are at the same job, I'm reliable, my brain is not.

I don't know how to explain to people that I can not just "sign his rights away". How much influence do I actually have over this decision in a court of law given the information Ive provided. I feel as though the establishment of paternity was the nail in the cross or the lawyer wouldnt have lied about the child being on the birth certificate. Definitely being looked on as putting my child in danger for the sake of child support. Admittedly my mother is not talking to me right now because I won't agree to sign until I talk to a lawyer.

The court is not going to allow him to terminate his rights unless there's a stepparent adoption. He doesn't have to ask for visitation, but he will be required to support the child and hence will retain his parental rights - don't confuse "custody rights" with "parental rights" because they're NOT the same thing.

You actually don't have much say in anything at this point. For what it's worth, you don't have to explain anything to anybody else about your personal life - and that includes stuffy parents.

 

[Proserpina]

I particularly agree with the bolded. It is really weird for the attorney to be pushing for a termination of parental rights in this case. Unless maybe the attorney was led to believe that the OP is married. Otherwise I can only assume that this attorney does not regularly practice family law.

I'm in complete agreement. But y'know, L, I have a really hinky feeling about this one. I realize the OP was not quoting word for word, but the summary of what she says she was served with seems ... okay, I'll be brutally honest. It's something I'd expect someone on a fishing expedition to put together just to see if it will sink or swim. Something written by someone who has very little knowledge of how such things would be written.

Y'know?

 

[Ohiogal]

I particularly agree with the bolded. It is really weird for the attorney to be pushing for a termination of parental rights in this case. Unless maybe the attorney was led to believe that the OP is married. Otherwise I can only assume that this attorney does not regularly practice family law.

I agree with the bolded for what that is worth. This attorney is totally misleading the OP. That is UNETHICAL. OP should file a complaint with the local bar association.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm in complete agreement. But y'know, L, I have a really hinky feeling about this one. I realize the OP was not quoting word for word, but the summary of what she says she was served with seems ... okay, I'll be brutally honest. It's something I'd expect someone on a fishing expedition to put together just to see if it will sink or swim. Something written by someone who has very little knowledge of how such things would be written.

Y'know?

I can see your point, and I leaned in that direction as well until I had read it a couple of times. Now I am leaning more towards it being badly quoted by the OP.

 

[purple.minion]

Its purposely misquoted. As in not word for word, our case was literally yesterday and I don't want to be too indentifying. Although, the way the letter is worded is not too off the mark. It's pretty threatening. Same structure, just purposely poorly worded.

 

[purple.minion]

I'd even go so far as to message an administrator a picture (names bolded out) if for nothing other than I'm wondering if I can use this in my custody case if (when) it comes. It seems to read "leave my money alone or I'm taking your child". No subtlety at all.

 

[Proserpina]

I'd even go so far as to message an administrator a picture (names bolded out) if for nothing other than I'm wondering if I can use this in my custody case if (when) it comes. It seems to read "leave my money alone or I'm taking your child". No subtlety at all.

Being a jerk with a craptacular attorney doesn't actually tell the court anything about his suitability as a parent.

So no, it won't be held against him.