14 year old doesn't want to visit Dad anymore

[casa]

well...ok. but i still drive myself nuts babbling.

and casa, i always take notes on your input.

i have wondered about if your point on the children assisting on court costs if they throw the fits was appropriate.

LOL...good one.

I'm from the Family of Thought that teenagers don't get to make legal decisions...and darn it, they have to listen to their parents or have consequences. (I'm a Mean Ol' Mom)

 

[casa]

*snip...so I stripped!

hee hee hee I THOUGHT it was getting Hot in here!

 

[Silverplum]

LOL...good one.

I'm from the Family of Thought that teenagers don't get to make legal decisions...and darn it, they have to listen to their parents or have consequences. (I'm a Mean Ol' Mom)

You're NOT alone!

hee hee hee I THOUGHT it was getting Hot in here!

Whew! Thanks!

 

[CJane]

I actually recommended that whole removing everything from the teenager's room punishment for my BFF Jill when her teenage STEPdaughter was all kinds of bitchy. They took everything except the desk, the lamp, the bed and one blanket. Even all the clothes... and the door.

My BFF would pick out dear SD's clothes every morning, took away the make-up, only allowed the food/snacks that the rest of the family was having, and only at the same time as the rest of the famly...

it's been going on for a YEAR. She was told she could have the stuff back when she'd earned the right to privacy and 'stuff'. She hasn't yet.

 

[Silverplum]

I actually recommended that whole removing everything from the teenager's room punishment for my BFF Jill when her teenage STEPdaughter was all kinds of bitchy. They took everything except the desk, the lamp, the bed and one blanket. Even all the clothes... and the door.

My BFF would pick out dear SD's clothes every morning, took away the make-up, only allowed the food/snacks that the rest of the family was having, and only at the same time as the rest of the famly...

it's been going on for a YEAR. She was told she could have the stuff back when she'd earned the right to privacy and 'stuff'. She hasn't yet.

That's why this sort of issue falls under "Parenting Choices & Techniques."

My friend took everything you mentioned out of her teenson's room, and more -- left a sleeping bag/a Bible/a pencil/a tablet of paper/a lamp. That is all.

 

[JacobJoel]

totally amazing. i've thought about THAT as well.

daughter child treats her dad horrible. breaks my heart totally. she wakes up w/a tude and goes to bed w/a tude.

everything in her room except the bed is mine. it's all beautifully refinished and done up white and silver. exquisite. i did it myself.

she has lied to me and about me and stolen copious amounts of girlie products, money, you name it, and set up horrible situations between hubby and myself.

she JUST TURNED 11. i can't imagine what the future holds.

i've SO often thought of just taking everything that is 'mine' back.

the ONLY reason i haven't is because of the chaos between the two homes. kids act out, i know this.

i really appreciate knowing that this has actually been done.

 

[Silverplum]

Well, JJ, that technique doesn't always work.

I think it's a really difficult technique to pull off successfully when a child with TWO homes can just "wait it out" at one home until s/he can get to the other home with all the stuff. It would require co-parenting -- which, as we all know, is in short supply.

My favorite book is "Parent Effectiveness Training," also known as "P.E.T." I've bought dozens of them, used, on Amazon, and given them away. Great book. I tell everyone to start there.

 

[JacobJoel]

hah! i've heard of that book. i wonder if this little hick town library has it. i'm gonna find out.

and yes, she absolutely knows the benefit of bouncing between two homes.

it is, actually, sad.

 

[Silverplum]

hah! i've heard of that book. i wonder if this little hick town library has it. i'm gonna find out.

and yes, she absolutely knows the benefit of bouncing between two homes.

it is, actually, sad.

I forgot to mention in my post that I usually pay a buck apiece for that book on Amazon.

It's a common problem in blended families. Another book I used to like, but haven't read for years, is "Mom's House, Dad's House." A really bad dog ate it several years ago, but I remember that it helped me a lot when I was a New SM.

 

[JacobJoel]

COOL!! i am into books and research like you would not believe. i'm SO on it.

but right now i am off to interview a lawyer. how bout that? yeah, i know it's not my battle and it isn't a 'lawyer' proper, but this woman has a few leads and some background info on some potentials.

i'm buying her lunch. is that bribery?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Hey JJ, I did that to my lawyer in August. I "stalked" her - and then brought lunch

 

[qurice]

Anyone ever wonder what would happen if teenagers started reading the parenting books out there.

They'd know all the tricks before us parents could use them. It would be like the unraveling of the space time continuum.

 

[majomom1]

Anyone ever wonder what would happen if teenagers started reading the parenting books out there.

They'd know all the tricks before us parents could use them. It would be like the unraveling of the space time continuum.

They would do exactly what teenagers do now... they would say "No... that's stupid. That will never happen to me. I'll be a better parent etc...."

That is typical teen and you won't convince them until they are grown and have kids. BTDT.

 

[Silverplum]

Anyone ever wonder what would happen if teenagers started reading the parenting books out there.

They'd know all the tricks before us parents could use them. It would be like the unraveling of the space time continuum.

HA! We have several parenting books around the house, and no one but us and one bad dog messed with them. Ever. The teens were too lazy and did not read much outside of school or their primary interests, therefore, they did not read the parenting books. Doofuses!

On the other hand, *I* used to read my mom's marriage improvement books in the early 70s. Nothing made a damn bit of sense...however, I distinctly remember some Marilyn lady advising women to meet their husbands at the front door, wearing something seductive. Or wearing nothing. That always stuck in my head.

 

[JacobJoel]

hence the 'stripping' tendency, 'eh silver. the things we bring to adulthood are SO rooted in our childhood.

i got one really solid lead on a lawyer and hubby knows him AND even likes him. cool.

<sigh> and a lecture about not going to church. because, you know. going to CHURCH is the answer to all life's problems.

not.