Alienated Mom needs some advice, very sad

[LdiJ]

No its not that i'm assuming she did something wrong, I'm very familiar with moms who do not have primary custody of their children simply because they didnt want them to be uprooted from their familiar areas and felt dad was better as he was home. I know mom doesnt always have to be the bad guy to not have primary custody, in fact sometimes that even makes mom the better person. But I guess where Im having the confusion is what seems to be the amount of power the GF has. Why would she even be allowed to file an RO and have it include children that werent even hers? That could technically mean that any joe schmoe could do the same with my child? Call me suspicious, but I honestly get the overwhelming feeling that we arent being given the whole story here.

Because the court does not yet know that they are not her children. The court has no reason to believe that she lied about that until the mother proves it to the court by producing the birth certificates and custody paperwork.

Who could have stopped the GF from filing the RO? Dad? Obviously he isn't going to do that. The court? The court won't know that she lied until the first hearing. Of course the GF has a lot of power. She lives with dad and the children and Dad is a wimp who lets her call the shots. If you haven't seen a lot of stepparents/new BUDs out there like that, then you run in sheltered circles.

There is nothing unusual about this story. We have heard the same story hundreds of times a year on these forums, by either fathers or mothers...and we hear dozen's of times a year about a stepparent/significant other who was stupid enough to do something as stupid as what this GF has done.

 

[Firefly1999]

Because the court does not yet know that they are not her children. The court has no reason to believe that she lied about that until the mother proves it to the court by producing the birth certificates and custody paperwork.

Who could have stopped the GF from filing the RO? Dad? Obviously he isn't going to do that. The court? The court won't know that she lied until the first hearing. Of course the GF has a lot of power. She lives with dad and the children and Dad is a wimp who lets her call the shots. If you haven't seen a lot of stepparents/new BUDs out there like that, then you run in sheltered circles.

There is nothing unusual about this story. We have heard the same story hundreds of times a year on these forums, by either fathers or mothers...and we hear dozen's of times a year about a stepparent/significant other who was stupid enough to do something as stupid as what this GF has done.

Right, the court does not yet know my side of the story until the hearring. They have no reason to believe that the statements she claims is not the truth until then.

I really hate confrontation is why I have let them walk all over me, I was scared, confused and upset. Plus I am a student and I do not have the resources to obtain a lawyer. Thankfully I will be having some money come to me so that I can get this situtation fix. I understand that it may seem out there, or there's more to the story, but there isn't. I am a mom that has been pushed around because I try to keep the peace for the sake of my children. But once she demonstrated how outrageous she was that is when my mom radar went off and I dug further into the situation. This has only started happening within the last month, because I moved closer so I could be more invovled and as soon as that happened the trouble began.

 

[Firefly1999]

Yeah, that's why I'm wondering if there's more to this. And why she's not interested in the police escort so she will have unbiased documentation in hand. Who cares if her ex is an ex-cop...if she means what she's saying, nothing should stand in her way.

Where did I say he was an ex-cop? I said he IS a cop and that is why I felt intimidated by calling the police, and I didn't want my children to have to see the cops show up everytime I was trying to pick them up. I try to keep the peace and not have confrontations, but it can't be avoided anymore.

 

[Zephyr]

Many people do not understand what rights they have, were intimidated by court the first time around, or have tried to be nice to keep the peace. Many people simply are not assertive enough to do what needs to be done to nip these things in the bud.

That's a service that we provide to them. We make them understand what they should have done in the past, and what they need to do now.

You are assuming that a mother without primary custody had to have done something wrong, so there has to be more to the story. That might have been true in the past, but that's not true today.

Thank you for this very practical, much needed post.

 

[Zephyr]

Just to clarify...does the girlfriend have any of her own children?

check your profile Firefly

 

[Firefly1999]

Just to clarify...does the girlfriend have any of her own children?

check your profile Firefly

No, the girlfriend is medically unable to have her own natural children.

Check profile? What do you mean?

 

[LdiJ]

No, the girlfriend is medically unable to have her own natural children.

Check profile? What do you mean?

The bolded explains a lot...sadly, and possibly scarily as well.

 

[Zephyr]

No, the girlfriend is medically unable to have her own natural children.

Check profile? What do you mean?

I sent you a message, put your curser on your name, you should get a dropdown menu, select "view public profile"

 

[Firefly1999]

I sent you a message, put your curser on your name, you should get a dropdown menu, select "view public profile"

Ok thank you I found it

 

[Firefly1999]

RO hearring

Just in case anyone was curious or has the same thing happened to them, the court hearring for the restraining order by the girlfriend went really well.

When she was giving the judge her testimony she kept saying "our children this" or "my children that". The judge stopped her and said do you have some sort of legal papers saying you are these children's guardians ect. and she said no then the judge said "then you need to refrain from saying your children" Pretty much I didn't have to testify hardly at all and the judge laid it into her.

He also said to her " that is the risk you take if you have the children with you and the father is not around then the mother has the right and can take the children from you by any means she feels necessary. Told her she has no rights ect. Which I really didnt understand that part, because if the father has her watching the children or taking them to the park and I show up and I don't want them with her I can just take them? Not that I would because I dont want conflict for my children, I just didnt quite understand what he said and he wouldnt answer any questions when I asked him about this. Which also has me wondering about the school, if she is picking them up and not the father then I can pick them up instead? Can anyone clarify what he meant? Just in case there is another incident where she grabs them from me and the father is not around. Again I am not trying to look for a fight with this woman but I'd like to understand more my rights incase another school incident happens.

I know I just need to get the money for a lawyer and let them fix all this and try to avoid all contact with any of them except when it is my time with the children. I know if I call the police they will be on my ex's side because he is a cop. Also about the cop thing, I got the police report from the open house day and it didn't really say anything about the altercation. It just said father has primary custody (false) and the mother has just now recently started to be involved in the children's lives (false) and the father is seeking back child support (false) we had an agreement with child support and I have never been issued an order.

Also judge told the girlfriend that he would advise her to stop having the chidren call her mom. It was great, now all I have to do is get the money for the lawyer so I can get the custody order fixed. Oh and of course the RO was dismissed.

 

[Isis1]

Just in case anyone was curious or has the same thing happened to them, the court hearring for the restraining order by the girlfriend went really well.

When she was giving the judge her testimony she kept saying "our children this" or "my children that". The judge stopped her and said do you have some sort of legal papers saying you are these children's guardians ect. and she said no then the judge said "then you need to refrain from saying your children" Pretty much I didn't have to testify hardly at all and the judge laid it into her.

sounds about right

He also said to her " that is the risk you take if you have the children with you and the father is not around then the mother has the right and can take the children from you by any means she feels necessary. Told her she has no rights ect.

so very true.

Which I really didnt understand that part, because if the father has her watching the children or taking them to the park and I show up and I don't want them with her I can just take them?

you could legally, but dad can also get a restraining order on you allowing him to designated small portions of his time to his girlfriend during errand runs or whatnot.

Not that I would because I dont want conflict for my children, I just didnt quite understand what he said and he wouldnt answer any questions when I asked him about this.

he is not legally allowed to educate you. which is normal. my judge ignored the NCP ALOT!

Which also has me wondering about the school, if she is picking them up and not the father then I can pick them up instead? Can anyone clarify what he meant?

like i said, he can request the court to prohibit you from taking the children on his time and appointing the girlfriend as a suitable person for transportation. course, the RO part may be damning to the girlfriend to be called suitable in the first place.

Just in case there is another incident where she grabs them from me and the father is not around. Again I am not trying to look for a fight with this woman but I'd like to understand more my rights incase another school incident happens.

if girlfriend shows up trying to take the children from you, call the police.


I

know I just need to get the money for a lawyer and let them fix all this and try to avoid all contact with any of them except when it is my time with the children. I know if I call the police they will be on my ex's side because he is a cop. Also about the cop thing, I got the police report from the open house day and it didn't really say anything about the altercation. It just said father has primary custody (false) and the mother has just now recently started to be involved in the children's lives (false) and the father is seeking back child support (false) we had an agreement with child support and I have never been issued an order

.

well, that police report doesn't override ANY court order. it just means that the officer doesn't know what he's talking about. even if it was bad info from the crazy lady.

Also judge told the girlfriend that he would advise her to stop having the chidren call her mom. It was great, now all I have to do is get the money for the lawyer so I can get the custody order fixed. Oh and of course the RO was dismissed.

woooohooo!

 

[LdiJ]

Just in case anyone was curious or has the same thing happened to them, the court hearring for the restraining order by the girlfriend went really well.

When she was giving the judge her testimony she kept saying "our children this" or "my children that". The judge stopped her and said do you have some sort of legal papers saying you are these children's guardians ect. and she said no then the judge said "then you need to refrain from saying your children" Pretty much I didn't have to testify hardly at all and the judge laid it into her.

He also said to her " that is the risk you take if you have the children with you and the father is not around then the mother has the right and can take the children from you by any means she feels necessary. Told her she has no rights ect. Which I really didnt understand that part, because if the father has her watching the children or taking them to the park and I show up and I don't want them with her I can just take them? Not that I would because I dont want conflict for my children, I just didnt quite understand what he said and he wouldnt answer any questions when I asked him about this. Which also has me wondering about the school, if she is picking them up and not the father then I can pick them up instead? Can anyone clarify what he meant? Just in case there is another incident where she grabs them from me and the father is not around. Again I am not trying to look for a fight with this woman but I'd like to understand more my rights incase another school incident happens.

I know I just need to get the money for a lawyer and let them fix all this and try to avoid all contact with any of them except when it is my time with the children. I know if I call the police they will be on my ex's side because he is a cop. Also about the cop thing, I got the police report from the open house day and it didn't really say anything about the altercation. It just said father has primary custody (false) and the mother has just now recently started to be involved in the children's lives (false) and the father is seeking back child support (false) we had an agreement with child support and I have never been issued an order.

Also judge told the girlfriend that he would advise her to stop having the chidren call her mom. It was great, now all I have to do is get the money for the lawyer so I can get the custody order fixed. Oh and of course the RO was dismissed.

I think that the judge was trying to make it clear to her that she has no rights...but trying not to give you legal advice which the judge in that instance couldn't do.

Get yourself an attorney ASAP and deal with the custody issues.

 

[Firefly1999]

Thank you all for your post, they were very helpful. I will keep you updated. I should be getting some money within the next two weeks to get my lawyer started on this case.

I feel impowered that I am no longer going to allow myself to be manipulated and pushed around when it come to my rights to be with my children.

Thanks for the support.

 

[Firefly1999]

Update

So I've hired an attorney and gathered lots of evidence to prove that he is trying to replace me as mom.

I actually had the best day ever yesterday when I went to the school to talk to the social worker. I am suppose to pick up the kids every wednesday but last week the girlfriend was there walking off with my kids. I did call out to my daughter in the hallway and she can running to me, but still I found it very uncomfortable to have any type of interaction with her, I don't even want to see her with my kids on my day to pick them up. Apparently she had volunteered that day.

I decided to make an appointment to talk with the social worker because I wanted the school to atleast keep her off the campus on my day I pick them up so I would not have to have any interactions with her. When I spoke with the social worker she had took it upon herself to talk with the principal about last week Wed, and they made a phone call to the father that she is not allowed to be on campus Wednesdays. I thought this was great because she did this without me having to ask or point it out.

Further talking with the social worker she had informed me that all 3 of my kids teachers had came to her with concerns about this girlfriend. The social worker told me that the girlfriend was making it a point to go around the school telling everyone she is the mother of these children. The girlfriend would volunteer and make an effort to make sure people addressed her as these kids mom. (this woman must be very dumb, why would you do that when you have no grounds to back it up) The teachers were actually confused as to who was the real mom and the social worker had to clarify to them that I am the mom and they are not to discuss any issues with the girlfriend at all. The girlfriend was actually signing my kids teacher/parent journal everyday, and she signed it -mom. (took copies of this)

They ended up having to tell the girlfriend she is no longer allowed to volunteer at the school because she is causing conflict with my children, forcing herself on them as mom and this is confusing for them. Which made me feel really great because she was on the ball as to watching out for my kids. The social worker told me that she is watching them like a hawk and making sure the girlfriend does not come on campus.

Now I know why the father told me he is switching schools because they are seeing right through his BS. The social worker even told me that his BS is not going to get by her and that she can see right through him. She also told me that she is more than willing to give my attorney any information regarding the events that have taken place at the school, like the girlfriend's behavior and the teachers concerns. So basically I have the school on my side in a way, and when I told her that I was going for custody she said good, that would be best for the children because right now they are hurting, I see saddness in their eyes and they need to have a good home.

This felt so good because finally I have someone that sees what is going on and is stopping their behavior. I feel great and hoping this helps me.

 

[Isis1]

wow. that woman is a nutcase. i'm glad someone in the school is being helpful, but i do hope they spoke to the legal department to be sure they are handling it the right way. i'd hate to see someone with good intentions get any backlash.