back child support

[Silverplum]

no one ever talks about it unless it's death or something like that

Could you be more specific? Like, instead of using the word "it," could you identify what or who you mean by "it?" Do you mean, your bio-dad? Or do you mean, what happened that your folks didn't stay together?

We want to help, dude. We just need more info.

 

[Silverplum]

the fact of knowing

I think you mean, knowing your bio-dad and knowing what kind of man he is/was, and knowing how that might affect or influence you. Knowing if he loved you.

Am I right?

 

[MrsK]

i can't really explain it.

umm...ok.

There was never an order right? Or was there?

If there was never an order, you are screwed. If there was an order but your mother doesnt want to go after him, you are screwed.

There is kind of no other way around it.

Also- I would suggest counseling, too. Your childhood mightve been hard and everything, & I mean this in the most gentle way possible but you have to let it go & move on. Your adult life is up to YOU and you shouldnt spend the rest of your life bent on how your dad wasnt around & didnt support you. Counseling would probably help you get over that a lot faster.

 

[MrsK]

I think you mean, knowing your bio-dad and knowing what kind of man he is/was, and knowing how that might affect or influence you. Knowing if he loved you.

Am I right?

But if he didnt want to be around, etc....dont you think she should accept that & move on? I mean one shouldnt ruin their adult life with things they can not change.

 

[BlackDiamond]

i'm a girl

by "it" i mean feelings, pain,repressed emotions, problems,the whole situation with my bio dad, anything. we are a good family were happy together but we just don't talk like other families do

 

[Silverplum]

by "it" i mean feelings, pain,repressed emotions, problems,the whole situation with my bio dad, anything. we are a good family were happy together but we just don't talk like other families do

Sorry to call you "dude" when you are a "chick!"

Really, all we can do is suggest counseling. If your family is against it, maybe you should try it through school or someone of your religion. But your family *has* helped to place you in this position, emotionally, and perhaps you (and a friend/counselor?) could help your family to understand why you need this type of help at this time.

I am sorry you are so sad and confused and angry. I urge you to take care of yourself and seek some sort of help to get beyond the anger and confusion, so that YOU can make a great life for YOURSELF.

 

[Silverplum]

But if he didnt want to be around, etc....dont you think she should accept that & move on? I mean one shouldnt ruin their adult life with things they can not change.

I was only trying to find out what the FEELINGS were/are. What OUGHT to be does not change what IS.

If BD is feeling this way, she IS in this mess. She OUGHT to work out of it, and I hope she will. But this is what is real NOW.

 

[BlackDiamond]

getting back to topic

i guess i'll just look up some stuff. legalities ya know. and i'm not gonna spend the whole of my adult life on this. i gave my self til i was 20 by then i'll be an established adult i'll have attained most of my goals and if i haven't gotten what i wanted i'll let it go

 

[Silverplum]

i guess i'll just look up some stuff. legalities ya know. and i'm not gonna spend the whole of my adult life on this. i gave my self til i was 20 by then i'll be an established adult i'll have attained most of my goals and if i haven't gotten what i wanted i'll let it go

Try these links. I'm posting FL law -- but that's on the assumption you were born in FL. Good luck to you.

http://ocse.acf.hhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/report.cfm?State=FL

http://sun6.dms.state.fl.us/dor/childsupport/

http://www.floridabar.org/DIVCOM/PI/WebNodes.nsf/Nodes/2A18E429E69155BF85256FEF005FDA9C

 

[BlackDiamond]

yeah i was been here all my life

thx alot i'll take a look at them

 

[NotSoNew]

i dont think you ever even asnwered if your mom had a child support order through the courts or not?

 

[BlackDiamond]

oh sorry

i have no idea i guess i'll check on that 2

 

[Silverplum]

i have no idea i guess i'll check on that 2

That's a MAJOR, crucial point. If there's no order, there's no support due by law.

 

[nextwife]

A. Mom stayed silent about the abuse, so there was no legal documentation
B. Dad was illegal, so it is very possible all his income was cash and under the table

My guess?

Mom wanted to "let sleeping dogs lie" and NOT go after Dad, because she did not want to risk Dad getting a visitation schedule, and she knew that any garnishment was unlikely. She WANTED to continue the status quo - she chose to exchange CS for full control over custody and visitaion. IT was likely her choice to avoide having any dealings with him, so she chose to not pursue CS because she did not want him coming around for visitation.

Dad may be out of the country.
Dad may be dead.

And if Mom never had a CS order in the first place, Dad had no LEGAL CS obligation.

 

[Claire's mom]

Really give the counseling thing a shot. Counselors are just people to talk to that can give you another way of looking at things. They are a great sounding board & you don't have to worry about them judging you... like you would w/family. No one in your family has to know. I promise you it would be beneficial to you. I spoke to one when I had problems dealing w/ an in-law & he just really helped change the way I looked at things & it kept me from letting things(people) bother me. It's okay to ask for help... we all need it at some point in our lives.

You've made it this far in life w/out him being involved... realize that you have much to be thankful for & focus on that & your future. Good luck to you!