Change in Visitation- OK or not?

[MrsK]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I'd love some help with a little dispute between my ex and I from you guys. We have 2 kids, ages 4 and 5. The oldest is in school, the 4 yr old is not.

Our order for visitation is as follows:

"The father will have visitation with the children two days a week, every other week while the children are in school. The father agrees to give the mother at least two days advanced notice of days he will be taking the children. In addition, the father may have one weekend a month with the children from Friday afternoon after school until Monday morning. Visitation may also be allowed at any other times at which the parties may agree."

I actually give him more than 2 days EOY and one weekend a month, its more like 1-2 days a WEEK. The reason there are no set days is b/c he never has the same days off every week so this allows for us to be flexible with his visitation, which I am normally quite fine with. My ex and I get along for the most part and I realize its important for my ex to be in my kids lives, and he didnt work about 1/2 of last year, which is why I've allowed him extra time with the kids.

ANYWAY, here is the issue I need opinions on.

He has a new job. Due to the nature of his work, his off days are *usually* weekdays or a Sunday, usually never Fridays or Saturdays.

Well, I get a call @ 7:45 telling me his "power went off in the middle of the night" and since they were already late (school starts @ 8:15, you are considered late @ 8:31, and he lives about 50 min away from the school, so if he had left then, my son wouldve been less than an hr late to school) would I mind if he just didnt bring them?

I said OF COURSE I minded, my son needed to go to school. He hemmed and hawed about it so I said "You know what, its unacceptable to me but you sound like you are going to do what you want to do anyway." and he said "Ok, I'll bring them to you tonight."

So, my son didnt go to school.

A one time occurance wouldnt be *that* big of a deal, usually, but this happens a lot, he is almost always late or doesnt go when he is with his father.

What I would *like* to do is this:

No overnights Sunday- Thursday. I will bring the kids to school, he can pick up our younger son after 9 am (the time I get back from dropping off our older son from school) and keep him all day, and then pick up our older son from school @ 3:15 pm, and keep him until about 7 pm, then he must return him.

I dont really love having to police him, but my son being late constantly or not getting there at all can not continue.

I just need to know if I can do this due to the wording of our court order. I have a feeling I may need to amend our paperwork (I did it the last time, we didnt use lawyers) or take this to court if he is completely unagreeable to this, which I have a feeling he may be.

Since we dont have set days or times (other than the one weekend a month part) I dont know if I will be in contempt or not if I tell him we're going to have to switch to no overnights on school nights.

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments? Suggestions? Help, please. Thanks in advance.

 

[moburkes]

It apperas fine to me, but I'm not an expert by any means. However, it appears that you are expecting him to drive 50 minutes each way, several times a day.

 

[fairisfair]

Wow, I don't know either, although I do agree with Mo regarding the driving expectation. Your visitation agreement is vague in that it does not mention if those weekday visitations are overnights, or give times. What about offering dad every Sunday, since that is not a school day and is his day off? Maybe that would make him more open to the idea of no overnights during the week.????

edited to add, oh wait, MONDAY is a school day though, so that might not work either.

 

[moburkes]

Wow, I don't know either, although I do agree with Mo regarding the driving expectation. Your visitation agreement is vague in that it does not mention if those weekday visitations are overnights, or give times. What about offering dad every Sunday, since that is not a school day and is his day off? Maybe that would make him more open to the idea of no overnights during the week.????

edited to add, oh wait, MONDAY is a school day though, so that might not work either.

It could be overnight from Sat to Sun. But, then again, she should probably go back to court. The orders need to be more plain, AND the courts can address the number of times he causes the child to miss school, AND it can address the weekday issue. You will probably need to meet each other, because that is simply too much driving for 1 person to do timewise and gaswise.

 

[MrsK]

It apperas fine to me, but I'm not an expert by any means. However, it appears that you are expecting him to drive 50 minutes each way, several times a day.

He lives in a town about 30 min from me & then school is about 20 min from me. Its actually his choice to drive that distance, he said he would do it. We talked about him doing overnights on school nights when our son started school last August & he said he was fine with it, and so was I. Until this late/not going to school business started.

Starting in August, our younger son will go to this school, and our older son will start @ a school about 5 min from my home, so this will be an issue for at least another year. The school about 5 min away from me is elementary, the school about 20 min from me is a PreK, but its considered a real grade here (its an all PreK school, then kids go to a elem. school in thier district), and this is the only school he can go to for this, there isnt one closer to here.

 

[MrsK]

Wow, I don't know either, although I do agree with Mo regarding the driving expectation. Your visitation agreement is vague in that it does not mention if those weekday visitations are overnights, or give times. What about offering dad every Sunday, since that is not a school day and is his day off? Maybe that would make him more open to the idea of no overnights during the week.????

edited to add, oh wait, MONDAY is a school day though, so that might not work either.

Yeah, see it usually IS Sunday, and then he is almost always late, or doesnt bring them on a Monday. Like today.

I know the order is vague but we did it that way due to his work schedule. We amended our original order ourselves & had it signed by the judge & put into our case.

 

[acmb05]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana
"The father will have visitation with the children two days a week, every other week while the children are in school. The father agrees to give the mother at least two days advanced notice of days he will be taking the children. In addition, the father may have one weekend a month with the children from Friday afternoon after school until Monday morning. Visitation may also be allowed at any other times at which the parties may agree."

You need to follow that order or come up with a new one and have it approved by the judge. UNTIL that time as long as he gives the required notice that he is going to get the child you cant deny him the visit.

Get a record from the school showing all of the days missed and times tardy to show to the court when you go.

 

[MrsK]

It could be overnight from Sat to Sun. But, then again, she should probably go back to court. The orders need to be more plain, AND the courts can address the number of times he causes the child to miss school, AND it can address the weekday issue. You will probably need to meet each other, because that is simply too much driving for 1 person to do timewise and gaswise.

See, he could have Saturday night if he asked for it, but he doesnt. I'm sure due to the nature of his work he is frequently working on Saturdays nights and gets off very late (like 2 am on a Sunday) and sometimes I know he goes out with friends, etc. So its his choice whether to take them on Saturday, I would be fine with it, I really am pretty flexible about his visitation b/c I care about my kids relationship with their father.

What I would like is for him to agree to this, and if not, I would be fine going to court, because currently the arrangement is NOT working and I just dont see a judge telling me its fine for our oldest son to be late for and/or miss so much school.

As far as the 50 miles, like I said, he said he was OK with it. Plus our paperwork says he does all of the driving. I do occasionally do some of the driving, to be nice (since I'm not required to do any of it) but not on school days that he has them.

What I would like to offer him is to bring them to ME and I'd bring them to school, and he can get them after.

For example, yesterday and today could've worked like this:

Pick them up Sunday @ 9 am
Bring them home Sunday @ 7 pm
I bring older son to school
Ex picks up younger son @ 9 am
Ex picks up older son @ school @ 3:15
Ex brings back both kids @ 7 pm

What ACTUALLY happened was this:
Ex picked them up Sunday @ 9 am
Ex supposed to bring older son to school by 8:30 at latest
Ex called me @ 7:45 to say they would be late so he was keeping them home, son missed school
Ex is bringing both kids home @ 6:45

 

[MrsK]

You need to follow that order or come up with a new one and have it approved by the judge. UNTIL that time as long as he gives the required notice that he is going to get the child you cant deny him the visit.

Get a record from the school showing all of the days missed and times tardy to show to the court when you go.

See, that is what I thought, but I also thought maybe due to the vague nature of the wording that I could just go ahead & do this & if HE was that annoyed by it, he could take me to court. But I dont want to be in contempt, so if I have to get it changed I will because our younger son will go to school in August so this will only be a bigger problem at that point.

I'm hoping that he will just agree, since I'm hoping he will realize he wont look too good to the judge if we go in about this. Not to mention at the end of last yr, he stopped paying support, got himself caught up around tax time, and just this month was over a week late paying his support. And he is frequently late (he pays 2 times a month, he's late with one of those payments at least once every 2 months) with support, which I realize isnt a HUGE issue b/c he still pays, BUT obviously his payment record isnt too good. And there are a few other things he was doing that he wasnt supposed to but thats another story.

 

[acmb05]

Pick them up Sunday @ 9 am
Bring them home Sunday @ 7 pm
I bring older son to school
Ex picks up younger son @ 9 am
Ex picks up older son @ school @ 3:15
Ex brings back both kids @ 7 pm

Holy cow, that is 5 round trips in 2 days. You can't really expect him to agree to that can you?

 

[acmb05]

the school about 20 min from me is a PreK, but its considered a real grade here (its an all PreK school, then kids go to a elem. school in thier district), and this is the only school he can go to for this, there isnt one closer to here.

I have found no where that says Pre-K is a requirement in Louisiana. Kindergarden is a requirement but I cant find anything on Pre-K

 

[moburkes]

Holy cow, that is 5 round trips in 2 days. You can't really expect him to agree to that can you?

THAT is what I was talking about. I'm sure he did agree to do all of the driving, but that is a LOT of driving. On the week day, that is 300 minutes drive time. That is truly a waste of a day.

 

[LdiJ]

THAT is what I was talking about. I'm sure he did agree to do all of the driving, but that is a LOT of driving. On the week day, that is 300 minutes drive time. That is truly a waste of a day.

Its only 30 minutes to mom's house as opposed to the school, so its more like 200 minutes, but still, that's alot of driving.

 

[moburkes]

Its only 30 minutes to mom's house as opposed to the school, so its more like 200 minutes, but still, that's alot of driving.

We're both off a little; thanks for the correction. The first trip would be to the house (60 minutes), the 2nd to the school (100 minutes), the third to drop them off, back at home (60 minutes).

 

[MrsK]

I have found no where that says Pre-K is a requirement in Louisiana. Kindergarden is a requirement but I cant find anything on Pre-K

Its not. Its a special program here in LA. We agreed to put the kids into it. LA has, I think, the 2nd worse educational system in the country and we're trying to do everything we can do for our kids education. We tried to get them into private school this yr (he also agreed but I was going to pay for it 100%) but we ended up on the waiting list, and THAT school (that he agreed to) was about the same distance or slightly more than the one my older son goes to right now.