Change in Visitation- OK or not?

[MrsK]

We're both off a little; thanks for the correction. The first trip would be to the house (60 minutes), the 2nd to the school (100 minutes), the third to drop them off, back at home (60 minutes).

I agree, it IS a lot of driving. However, he moved to this other town after we broke up which is why he was given all of the driving. He also works in my city, not the town he lives in, so he drives this distance pretty much every day. And some days that he has our younger son he stays in the city while our older son is in school so he isnt driving it multiple times all the time. He has also considered moving about 2.5 hrs away from my city for work, but then got a job in my city, so I guess he is used to, or not bothered by, the driving as he doesnt really complain, esp since I sometimes do some of the driving.

Oh, and on the days where he would pick up my younger son @ home & then my older son @ school, he would pick up my son @ 3:15 and then stay here in the city to take them to the park, other fun places, and then for dinner. So that would cut down on the driving. He's done this before on weeks where he cant take them but still wants to see spend a little time with them, so I think it would work out if this was a permanent thing.

I dont know, if anyone else has any other suggestions, other than him only being able to take the kids on weekends that he is off (b/c that would cut down on how much he sees them & I didnt really want to do that if possible) I am definetly open to suggestions.

Thanks!

 

[LdiJ]

What is his actual work schedule? I am unclear on that and that makes it hard to offer any other suggestions.

 

[MrsK]

What is his actual work schedule? I am unclear on that and that makes it hard to offer any other suggestions.

Thats the thing. He never has a set work schedule, he's a restaurant manager. One week he might work in the morning one day, three nights, and then on a weekend night maybe from like 6 pm- 2am. The next week could be totally different, he might have off 2-3 days or the entire weekend, although entire weekends off are really rare.

It would be much easier if he had a job where he had set days off, or even weekends.

 

[CJane]

If the 'school' that your son is attending is not required and is simply a preschool type thing (regardless of what you're calling it), you're going to have a REALLY hard time using 'tardiness' or absences as a reason to keep dad from having the kids overnight when that's the status quo that you've developed.

 

[LdiJ]

If the 'school' that your son is attending is not required and is simply a preschool type thing (regardless of what you're calling it), you're going to have a REALLY hard time using 'tardiness' or absences as a reason to keep dad from having the kids overnight when that's the status quo that you've developed.

That is a bit irrelvant because both kids are going to be in REAL school shortly. Yeah, its possible or even probable that it won't be an issue now, but its going to be an issue ASAP for the older child, and for the younger right along. It needs to be dealt with now.

 

[CJane]

That is a bit irrelvant because both kids are going to be in REAL school shortly. Yeah, its possible or even probable that it won't be an issue now, but its going to be an issue ASAP for the older child, and for the younger right along. It needs to be dealt with now.

Yes, but... there are two issues that make it irrelevant (in my mind).

1) The current 'school' isn't required, and so this habitual lateness, while irritating to mom, isn't likely to be seen as an issue by the courts. No more so than if dad chose to keep the kid home from the babysitter's house when he's off work anyway.

2) The actual school where the child will attend kindergarten is closer to dad than this 'preK'. Unless and until dad shows a tendency towards the same habitual tardiness once the child is in 'real' school, the court isn't likely to address the issue, or even see that there is an issue.

 

[jbowman]

I wonder if you pay for this schooling if it would make any difference to a judge?

Also, I just wanted to add that I took an attendance record when I went to court to change visitation for just this reason. He was late on Monday mornings about 90% of the time. The judge changed visitation to return our son on Sunday evenings at 6 pm. He has no overnights on school nights. Period. My child is not a pre K'er though.

 

[MrsK]

If the 'school' that your son is attending is not required and is simply a preschool type thing (regardless of what you're calling it), you're going to have a REALLY hard time using 'tardiness' or absences as a reason to keep dad from having the kids overnight when that's the status quo that you've developed.

I would agree *but* dad OK'ed this school, and if our son misses too much school, he can be kicked out of the program because of the absences. In fact last quarter, the school called me to request that I get a DR's note because he had too many absences, mainly b/c of his father, and a few days were actual sick days, but they told me if I couldnt get a Dr's note he could be kicked out b/c he was missing too much school (I got the notes, no problem, so he stayed in). This quarter, he has only had 1-2 sick days, but has more absences than that, again, due to his dad. Not to mention my ex wouldnt want our son to be out of this school, its a VERY good school, and if I was pulling him out just because *I* couldnt get him there on time, he would not be happy. And dad has gotten fired from jobs before due to his tardiness or just not showing up- see the pattern?

I spoke with him yesterday & he was disagreeable to the 'no overnights on weekdays' but then when I proposed him still getting the afternoon time, he warmed up to it a bit. He didnt give me a yes or no, but he seemed like he was considering it. I also put a call into a lawyer, and hopefully she will call me back soon for some clarification, because she couldnt actually SEE me until April 18th, which is too many weeks away for me to wait, I'd have to find someone else.

If nothing else, our court order says he gets EOW visits, and since he had them just this Sunday & Monday, I know I can require that the kids come home at night if he asks for weekdays this week, so at least I can cut down on it, and then Spring Break is around the corner so it wont matter if he has them on a school night, and hopefully I can get with a lawyer by then, or my ex will just agree with me by then.

 

[MrsK]

I have found no where that says Pre-K is a requirement in Louisiana. Kindergarden is a requirement but I cant find anything on Pre-K

Actually, school is only compulsory at age 7. Turns out this is not uncommon in other states, which I think is very odd. I cant imagine waiting until my child was SEVEN to send him or her to school. And do you send them to K or to 2nd grade @ age 7 if they've never gone before??

 

[MrsK]

Ok, so I found this. Anyone feel free to give me some opinions on this, too.

>>LA. R.S. 17:221 Subpart C. School Attendance

A. (1) <b>Every parent, tutor, or other person residing within the state of Louisiana, having control or charge of any child from that child's seventh (7th) birthday until his seventeenth (17th) birthday, shall send such child to a public or private day school, unless the child graduates from high school prior to his seventeenth birthday. Any child below the age of seven (7) who legally enrolls in school shall also be subject to the provision of this Subpart. </b> Every parent, tutor, or other person responsible for sending a child to a public or private day school under provisions of this Subpart shall also assure the attendance of such child in regularly assigned classes during regular school hours established by the school board.


IMO (and I could completely be misinterpreting this, which is why I asked for opinions) this says that school is not actually required in LA until age 7 *but* if you put your child in school (legally enroll) before the age of 7, they are STILL required to send that child to school.

The program my son is in IS run by the school board, it is funded by the state, it IS considered a grade.

>> For such an institution to be classified as a school, within the meaning of this Chapter, instructional staff members shall meet the following requirements: if a public day school or a nonprofit school which receives local, state, or federal funds or support, directly or indirectly, they shall be certified in accordance with rules established by the Board of Elementary and Secondary Education

Its not REQUIRED, but now that he is in it, it seems to me that we are REQUIRED to send him, even on days where his father doesnt feel like driving.

I think I'll have to print off these websites and show all of this to my ex, maybe it'll help him 'get it' a little better.