dont understand...

[clf495]

What is the name of your state?mo
i dont get why a child is usually given paternal parents surname. because of "tradition"?it doesn't make since. can someone explain the theory on this

 

[stealth2]

A child is given the name the mother puts on the birth certificate.

 

[clf495]

but if father files for rights, its normally given to him right? or does that just depend on the judge

 

[stealth2]

It depends on the facts of the situation, and ultimately on the judge.

 

[clf495]

my son is 13 mnths old and father has seen him 2-3 times. we live in different states about 8 hours drive. i have offered to give him money to come visit so he can get to know son and eventually keep overnight, but he has not taken me up on my offer. he doesn't call or provide $ and is not on bc but after dna test signed acknowledgement. the father lives in ms (where son born) and has filed in court for custody but i think that was because he wanted to see him and thought i wouldnt allow. it has been almost a year since filed in court, and his atty retired and he has yet to find another.

 

[betterthanher]

my son is 13 mnths old and father has seen him 2-3 times. we live in different states about 8 hours drive. i have offered to give him money to come visit so he can get to know son and eventually keep overnight, but he has not taken me up on my offer. he doesn't call or provide $ and is not on bc but after dna test signed acknowledgement. the father lives in ms (where son born) and has filed in court for custody but i think that was because he wanted to see him and thought i wouldnt allow. it has been almost a year since filed in court, and his atty retired and he has yet to find another.

Is there a current support order? If not, then the other parent isn't obligated to give you a penny.

He has every right to file for custody, regardless of reason. The child is HIS too and has the opportunity to have equal access to the child. Just like you should.

 

[Tweety14]

my son is 13 mnths old and father has seen him 2-3 times. we live in different states about 8 hours drive. i have offered to give him money to come visit so he can get to know son and eventually keep overnight, but he has not taken me up on my offer. he doesn't call or provide $ and is not on bc but after dna test signed acknowledgement. the father lives in ms (where son born) and has filed in court for custody but i think that was because he wanted to see him and thought i wouldnt allow. it has been almost a year since filed in court, and his atty retired and he has yet to find another.

Well, sounds like you are doing all you can to try to establish a relationship with your son and his father. Well, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.Someday, he will regret not having a relationship with his son.Children grow up so fast.

 

[clf495]

i'm still confused as to why someone who does nothing to help support or provide for gets the same rights as the one who does. he shows no interest at all and never has so i dont think he should have the same rights i do. why should my son be forced to grow up in a small town with a name different than his mothers and that noone knows. So he can feel included in a family that excludes him from there lives

 

[stealth2]

Well, I don't understand why women think it's a good idea to make babies with guys they have no commitment to or with, so I guess we're equally confused.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?mo
i dont get why a child is usually given paternal parents surname. because of "tradition"?it doesn't make since. can someone explain the theory on this

Moreso than 'tradition' it allows the family name/lineage to continue on through the generations. Since a woman's name is/was typically changed by marriage, while a man's remained the same- passing it onto the children (male children specifically) would guarantee that the family name would 'live on'.

 

[casa]

my son is 13 mnths old and father has seen him 2-3 times. we live in different states about 8 hours drive. i have offered to give him money to come visit so he can get to know son and eventually keep overnight, but he has not taken me up on my offer. he doesn't call or provide $ and is not on bc but after dna test signed acknowledgement. the father lives in ms (where son born) and has filed in court for custody but i think that was because he wanted to see him and thought i wouldnt allow. it has been almost a year since filed in court, and his atty retired and he has yet to find another.

Why not contact Dad and make an agreement for visitation and child support? If you both agree, it will save everyone time and money- especially the time he's not spending with the child.

You can get the proper paperwork from your county clerk's office and you both sign it and file it. That will encourage him to visit and establish a relationship. (you can include a stipulation that visitation begin in your state, then graduate up over time etc.)

 

[clf495]

but why carry on his name and not hers?

 

[stealth2]

Because women traditionally change their name when they marry. Some no longer do, but many/most do. So then the kid still has a different name than Momma, until she decides to change it to match her new may-un's.

 

[clf495]

It's not about custody and visitation. What I am concerned with is the name, I want my surname used. Now, a little more of the story...My father was in a car crash April 2 2005 with a tractor trailer and, unfortunately, died as a result of this collision. I am an only child and the last, except for my son. Days before the crash my dad and i spoke about my son being able to carry on our name. so it is VERY important to me to not change my sons name. The father has siblings, and they have children so their name will carry on. But if my surname is removed from my son, then my family name will not go further. If this does go to court, it will all depend prodominantly on the opinion of 1 judge based on their beliefs.

 

[casa]

It's not about custody and visitation. What I am concerned with is the name, I want my surname used. Now, a little more of the story...My father was in a car crash April 2 2005 with a tractor trailer and, unfortunately, died as a result of this collision. I am an only child and the last, except for my son. Days before the crash my dad and i spoke about my son being able to carry on our name. so it is VERY important to me to not change my sons name. The father has siblings, and they have children so their name will carry on. But if my surname is removed from my son, then my family name will not go further. If this does go to court, it will all depend prodominantly on the opinion of 1 judge based on their beliefs.

If that is your reason for wanting him to have your name...then why did you bother to ask why people want to preserve their paternal namesakes? (When, here YOU are wanting to do the same thing!)