Ex-GF Says I'm Father, but refuses DNA test.

[CourtClerk]

Your thoughts are appreciated. No need to update your thread in the future.

 

[CourtClerk]

If you are concerned that admin is not seeing your post because someone is deleting it. I can assure you that admin has seen your post, and is seeing it everytime you post it and it gets deleted.

So if that's your purpose in life now..... well, your purpose has been fulfilled. Have a good day.

 

[CJane]

Texasguy? I'm sorry that your knowledge of basic conversation is apparently not quite up to par with most of society. If it was, you would have known that I was not responding to your post, but to the person I QUOTED who stated that THEY believed that Mom was evading you.

And no, I have no illegitimate children, thank you. I chose to have children with men who, for all their faults, are at least man enough to establish paternity and step up to the plate.

 

[Zephyr]

TG- I'm still going to respond to your thread because I appreciate your service to country, my husband was in the service for 12 years (6 Army), I know it's not the most comfortable lifestyle.

If you feel there are posts of little value- ignore them. Remember though, sometimes just because the method of delivery isn't desirable to you, doesn't mean the message isn't helpful to you.

Regardless of whether Mom has been avoiding you or you just lost touch and through life's events have difficulty locating each other, the fact remains, you must find her. If through the soldier search that was suggested you can find her brother in law, that may be your best and least expensive route.

I think, if I read right, that you understood with and agreed with the need for a graduated schedule of some sort that would allow you to be comfortably introduced into the child's life.

Personally, I am torn with notifying mom of your intent to serve her or surprising her with it. The relationship between the two of you should dictate that. If it's amicable, then sure let her know before hand. If you think there is any chance that she would disappear if she knew your intent was to establish yourself as the child's father- then do not say a word.

So, where does that leave everything?

List of things to do:
1. Locate mom and child- preferable with as little financial expenditure as possible (BIL)
2. Hire an attorney in mom's county
3. Have attorney file to establish paternity (you might need a whole new DNA test), set joint legal custody, graduated parenting plan and child support.
4. Serve mom-after you have decided to contact her first and tell her what's up or have located her.
5. Discuss with attorney options for minimizing required court appearances- can you appear tele-phonically for some or all of the appearances.

 

[texasguy79]

Texasguy? I'm sorry that your knowledge of basic conversation is apparently not quite up to par with most of society. If it was, you would have known that I was not responding to your post, but to the person I QUOTED who stated that THEY believed that Mom was evading you.

And no, I have no illegitimate children, thank you. I chose to have children with men who, for all their faults, are at least man enough to establish paternity and step up to the plate.

CJane, your knowledge of basic responses to posts about the OP being replied to by the OP are not quite up to par. This is my thread that I started for advice, you posted in it with reguards to criticism about me, I have every right to reply to your criticism.

Well im glad you did not fall into the catagory of women with no knowledge of who thier "baby daddy" is. If that is an attempted stab at me with "man enough to establish paternity" well might want to try reaching further to stab, cause as stated before in this post, I had attempted to establish paternity... proof again you do not read all the posts.

 

[Zephyr]

CJane, your knowledge of basic responses to posts about the OP being replied to by the OP are not quite up to par. This is my thread that I started for advice, you posted in it with reguards to criticism about me, I have every right to reply to your criticism.

Well im glad you did not fall into the catagory of women with no knowledge of who thier "baby daddy" is. If that is an attempted stab at me with "man enough to establish paternity" well might want to try reaching further to stab, cause as stated before in this post, I had attempted to establish paternity... proof again you do not read all the posts.

calm down TG....I think there are a lot of misunderstandings happening in this thread- let's stay productive huh

 

[texasguy79]

TG- I'm still going to respond to your thread because I appreciate your service to country, my husband was in the service for 12 years (6 Army), I know it's not the most comfortable lifestyle.

I feel I made an error, thinking people would understand more if I explained that I was in the military. I guess the mid to upper class people here dont know what its like being paid what an E-1, 2, 3, or 4 gets paid. It took me 4 years in the Army to save up a whopping $6000, after paying bills that the allowances didnt cover. JAG is no help. Being deployed while GF was giving birth didnt exactly help me either. But thats ok, thats my error in thinking people would understand.

If you feel there are posts of little value- ignore them. Remember though, sometimes just because the method of delivery isn't desirable to you, doesn't mean the message isn't helpful to you.

I just dont like that people are trying to impose the image of me that im have not done a single thing. And impose that im an a-hole deadbeat who did not want to step up and be a father.

Regardless of whether Mom has been avoiding you or you just lost touch and through life's events have difficulty locating each other, the fact remains, you must find her. If through the soldier search that was suggested you can find her brother in law, that may be your best and least expensive route.

The soldier search was not helpful, because the soldier has to register themselves on it to be searched. I tried logging onto AKO (Army Knowledge Online) but since I am no longer active duty, I do not have access to that. That sucks because everyone in the Army was set up on AKO and thier information is there.

I think, if I read right, that you understood with and agreed with the need for a graduated schedule of some sort that would allow you to be comfortably introduced into the child's life.

Yes, I completely and fully agreed with that. As it stands now, if I am the father and everything goes through the courts and GF and I come to an agreement on visitations, I would visit on my vacations home from here. I think that would be a good way to do it. I go home every 4 months for 15 days, then at the end of each year contract, I go home for almost a month. After that, when I am done out here, either by choice, or by the US pulling out of here, I would talk to GF and see if I could either go over there more often, or fly both GF and the child to my place.

Personally, I am torn with notifying mom of your intent to serve her or surprising her with it. The relationship between the two of you should dictate that. If it's amicable, then sure let her know before hand. If you think there is any chance that she would disappear if she knew your intent was to establish yourself as the child's father- then do not say a word.

When we were together in a relationship, we never once had an argument. When she left she said she was very homesick. GF has lived with her mother her entire life, even worked at her job with her when she was in MS. GF only came to Kansas to help her Sister and Brother-in-law with thier kiddos. We got in a relationship, and she got pregnant. The only reasons I could think of that she would go home and not come back are: She is not 100% sure the child is mine, or she was sure, but since I was so close to deploying, she did not want to get "stuck" in Kansas, so far from home and everything familiar. But I do believe it would be in my best interest to talk to her first about it. Let her know that my intentions are not to try and take the child away from her, but to be a father to the child if the child is mine, and help out anyway I can. I have been putting away a little money every paycheck for a while now since I got a decent job. Just in case, ya know. I set up a upromise.com account for the child... Just in case. I have been paying off all my old debts so I can afford to be a supportive father if thats what I am going to need to be.

So, where does that leave everything?

List of things to do:
1. Locate mom and child- preferable with as little financial expenditure as possible (BIL)

In process, MS PI will be contacted Monday.

2. Hire an attorney in mom's county

How do I find a good lawyer?

3. Have attorney file to establish paternity (you might need a whole new DNA test), set joint legal custody, graduated parenting plan and child support.
4. Serve mom-after you have decided to contact her first and tell her what's up or have located her.
5. Discuss with attorney options for minimizing required court appearances- can you appear tele-phonically for some or all of the appearances.

Will do.



I really appreciate the indepth advice.