Ex-GF Says I'm Father, but refuses DNA test.

[CJane]

So unless you made yourself unavailable...

THere's a HUGE difference between being difficult to get in touch with and 'evading' someone. It's been THREE YEARS and Dad has made virtually no effort to be involved with this child. Why should Mom keep trying? Yeah, he had a sample pulled, but it wasn't court ordered THEN and so would not have legally established him as the father of this child regardless.

For all he knows, SOMEONE ELSE has been established as the legal father of this child.

As far as 'not finding' Mom? Really, in THREE YEARS, it can be pretty hard to start tracking people down. Mom could be married, she could have a cell phone instead of a landline, live with friends/relatives/in an apt where the utilities are paid and therefore not in her name.

IMO, Mom has NO OBLIGATION whatsoever to make herself 'easy' for anyone to find just in case he decides that after THREE YEARS, he'd like to maybe find out if he fathered a child.

 

[texasguy79]

THere's a HUGE difference between being difficult to get in touch with and 'evading' someone. It's been THREE YEARS and Dad has made virtually no effort to be involved with this child. Why should Mom keep trying?.

No effort to be involved? Maybe you skimmed over this:

The problem with that is, I am not going to introduce myself into the childs life as if I am that childs father, untill that has been proven. When GF stated that she wanted me to come and visit with my child, I again reminded her of where she could still go to get the DNA tesing done at. I would not want to introduce myself to that child as the father, and actually not be.

Of course there has been no effort to be involved in the child’s life. Maybe you are the type who sees nothing wrong in screwing with the minds and emotions of children, but I am not that type.

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Yeah, he had a sample pulled, but it wasn't court ordered THEN and so would not have legally established him as the father of this child regardless.

I have not had the money to hire an attorney, or two if that is the case.

It it very apparent that indeed you did not read this post entirely. Do some research about DNA tesing as well, you might find out some more things. Reference this, read instead of skim.

Paternity Testing Services from DDC DNA Testing Center

The place I used utilizes the Chain of Custody system, therefore after paternity had been established, if the child was mine, I could have used that DNA test at court. If the child was not mine, I could have avoided court costs, attorney fees, and now the cost of locating her. Guess you did not understand that. Clouded mind, maybe.

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For all he knows, SOMEONE ELSE has been established as the legal father of this child.

Yeah this may be true... So what? That just means I can stop wondering if the child is mine or not.

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As far as 'not finding' Mom? Really, in THREE YEARS, it can be pretty hard to start tracking people down. Mom could be married, she could have a cell phone instead of a landline, live with friends/relatives/in an apt where the utilities are paid and therefore not in her name.

Hmmmmmm......

I do not know her current address because she lives with her mother, stepfather, and 2 brothers. Also they have moved since the past few hurricanes. I have searched online for her but can not find her, I am guessing because she does not have anything in her name such as utility or phones..

Once again someone didn’t read this entire post.

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IMO, Mom has NO OBLIGATION whatsoever to make herself 'easy' for anyone to find just in case he decides that after THREE YEARS, he'd like to maybe find out if he fathered a child.

IMO=??

Where in this post did anyone ever say that she had an obligation to make herself easy to find? Once again you should read the post entirely.

You must have a clouded mind, maybe you are a female who had a child with a man, and now have a ******* child, and that is why you can only skim through my post to try and find means of attacking me because you need to vent from your own situation. I'm just saying maybe.

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Apparently CJane did not read this entire post from beginning to end. Maybe you need to re-read it VERY SLOWLY and out loud to absorb more information instead of skimming through it. You should apply that method to all your replies to postings.

Your "advice" holds no value. Amount of posts makes a senior member? That’s a lot of misguided "advice" given due to skimming posts.

It is too bad there is no option to ban certain users from posting replies to the advice seeker. This should be an option!!!

CJane, your response has been replied to, and no further "advice" or replies are needed or wanted from you. Thanks.

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For anyone else who replies to any of the postings under my main posting, make sure you read the entire post and get all the information. Sometimes the pg dn button skips a post or two, so scroll up.

 

[Ohiogal]

Cjane read and quite frankly you need to understand CJane's point.

 

[texasguy79]

Cjane read and quite frankly you need to understand CJane's point.

CJane had no valid point to understand.

 

[Ohiogal]

CJane had no valid point to understand.

Yes she did. Mom wasn't evading and DAD (OP) could have gone through legal channels in order to serve her to force the issue.

 

[texasguy79]

Yes she did. Mom wasn't evading and DAD (OP) could have gone through legal channels in order to serve her to force the issue.

CJane never stated that GF was evading, nor did she state that GF was not evading. She just stated "THere's a HUGE difference between being difficult to get in touch with and 'evading' someone."

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While in the military, I seeked advice from JAG on base. They had told me that since GF and I were never married, and that GF herself was not, and had never been in the military, JAG could not do anything for me.

And here is where it shows that, no she did not read the entire post, and if you had read it also, you would have been able to point this one out as well. Or maybe CJane nor you knows what JAG is, Judge Advocate General, its military lawyers and such. FYI, that was the legal help within what I could afford back then, which was free.

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And then that goes right on into this one again...

I have not had the money to hire an attorney, or two if that is the case.

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The questions I asked advise for were:

Who has jurisdiction?
Where can I find the laws on this situation?
Will I need a Texas and a Mississippi lawyer?

and....

Do I have any rights at all?

and then if i should talk to her first after I get her address, or just file for the court order. I didn't ask what anyone thought about how long it has taken me to be able to afford to do all this. Sorry if I was in the military and did not get paid a high paid salary, that one was my fault, right.

 

[Isis1]

i still think you are missing the point.

however, talk to her. let her know of what you intend. don't threaten her with it. just let her know. then follow through. this can be done calmly. you're going to have to work on it.
by reading your postings, you are very argumentive. learn not to do that with mom. it'll make co-pareting easier if this child does turn out to be yours and you intend to remain a part of her life.

 

[texasguy79]

i still think you are missing the point.

however, talk to her. let her know of what you intend. don't threaten her with it. just let her know. then follow through. this can be done calmly. you're going to have to work on it.
by reading your postings, you are very argumentive. learn not to do that with mom. it'll make co-pareting easier if this child does turn out to be yours and you intend to remain a part of her life.

Maybe I am still missing the point.

Yes I am going to argue when people dont have thier facts strait.

I'm not going to threaten her, I would have no need or want to. GF and I have never been mean or vulgar to eachother, and thats just not me anyway. I know the importance of a good relationship with the mother due to the child.

 

[Mikef6301]

Don't give GF a heads up that you are going to serve her. She didn't want to do the DNA test then, I don't see why that would have changed. Obviously having you in the childs life is not important enough to her to complete a DNA test. I don't know why people like to be unhelpful and illogical on this board but they do. It seems to me that if the child is truly yours then it's the mother that's keeping you from being in the childs life. Your only condition was that a DNA test be done that you offered to pay for, which is reasonable considering the circumstances.

 

[texasguy79]

Don't give GF a heads up that you are going to serve her. She didn't want to do the DNA test then, I don't see why that would have changed. Obviously having you in the childs life is not important enough to her to complete a DNA test. I don't know why people like to be unhelpful and illogical on this board but they do. It seems to me that if the child is truly yours then it's the mother that's keeping you from being in the childs life. Your only condition was that a DNA test be done that you offered to pay for, which is reasonable considering the circumstances.

I was wondering if there was someone out there that understood the situation. Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

I was wondering if there was someone out there that understood the situation. Thanks.

You got fairly poor advice that was what you wanted to hear....and good advice that was what you did not want to hear.

Its your choice which to follow, just as your decision as to which to follow will set the tone for the future.

 

[texasguy79]

You got fairly poor advice that was what you wanted to hear....and good advice that was what you did not want to hear.

Its your choice which to follow, just as your decision as to which to follow will set the tone for the future.

Really? All the rediculous criticisim from people on here was the good advice? How did your question of how was I going to establiish a relationship with the child while I am in Iraq move into the good advice section? its not weather I want to hear it or not, Its the people who actually answered my question instead of rambling on about something else that I am not taking reambling off subject as advice. Sorry if you fell into that catagory with your benign question earlier. Although, to make you feel better I will let you know that when you finally did get to the actual advice of finding here is my "primary focus", well I took that advice. But that doesnt matter does it, because you would rather criticise and be benign.

 

[Just Blue]

Really? All the rediculous criticisim from people on here was the good advice? How did your question of how was I going to establiish a relationship with the child while I am in Iraq move into the good advice section? its not weather I want to hear it or not, Its the people who actually answered my question instead of rambling on about something else that I am not taking reambling off subject as advice. Sorry if you fell into that catagory with your benign question earlier. Although, to make you feel better I will let you know that when you finally did get to the actual advice of finding here is my "primary focus", well I took that advice. But that doesnt matter does it, because you would rather criticise and be benign.

The bottom line is your question was answered. Take the advice or leave it.

 

[CourtClerk]

Alright boys and girls, it's time for this thread to close as the OP obviously doesn't want to hear what you are saying. Admin has been notified.

 

[texasguy79]

Alright boys and girls, it's time for this thread to close as the OP obviously doesn't want to hear what you are saying. Admin has been notified.

You can send this to admin as well.

OP, (ME) has heard what people are saying. OP (ME) has taken the useful advice of those who contributed advice instead of criticism. OP (ME) has already acknowledged the useful advise and is taking action as stated before and quoted below.

Monday I will contact a PI in Mississippi to get help finding her phone and address. If they are able to find GF, then I will wite her a letter and send her my contact information here. I am pretty sure she will contact me when she gets my information. I wouldnt want to just pop up at her doorstep one day. To me that would seem really creepy.

Thanks for the advice, I will keep an update of progess on here, and possibly have more questions along the way.

Its apparent that people dont read the entire posts before hounding out thier criticism. This post should have paused at that post quoted above, but people on here feel that since they still have criticism to dish out, they need to keep unloading it. Most of it is coming from "senior members", which confuses me, since you would think that a senior member would know not to criticise people when they want advice, but instead they type whatever it is they feel like and then when its handed back to them the same, they run to a moderator or to admin. the "senior member" list seriously needs review and weeded out of all those who mainly criticise OP's.

Leftfield posters want to keep tossing in thier unwanted and un-needed criticism. And you will allow that, but you will not allow for OP (ME) to continue attemping to get valid ADVICE from those who actually care to give it instead of giving criticism?