Father wants to change court ordered mediation agreement?

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Are you saying that when dad moved to Florida, he chose to live 2.5 hours from you?

PS - I'm in the next county down from you ... what highway do you have to drive?

 

[LdiJ]

Where did you and ex live when you lived together? 8 years ago we lived in New York. When we separated I moved to Puerto Rico. Couple of years later I moved to Florida.

Where do you live now and when did you move there? Now live in Florida for about 4 years.

Where does ex live now and when did he move there? He lives in Florida (2.5 hours from me). He has been here for about 3 years.

Ok...well that's the kind of situation where a judge would tend to order the parents to share the transportation.....although its a bit wierd that your ex chose to move to FL but also chose to move that far away from you....unless the kids were incidental in that decision.

Therefore, its very possible that a judge would order the two of you to share the transportation.

However, if a judge did order that, it wouldn't be the way that your ex wants it. The norm would be that your ex would have to pick up at the beginning of visitation (each time) and you would be ordered to pick up at the end of visitation. Which means, for the weekends, you would be picking up the kids on Sunday. Obviously your husband would be available to help you with that.

 

[Mn_gurl37]

Do what's best for the kids...

The court reccomends that you seek mediation before you take the matter back to court. If you refuse mediation, the judge may not look highly on that. Your ex can take it to court anyway, w/or without an attourney. A mediator is there to help you decide what BEST for the KIDS so you don't have to waste the courts time on petty dissagreements. As far as the attourney's advice, either you didn't hear him correctly or he has misinformed you. I know through experience that It is difficult to change custody around but you are certainly entitled to modify your visitation. Actually, they recomend that you do change your arrangement as your kids get older and their schedules in their primary home change. The courts ususally recomend that the non-custodial parent get the children every other weekend, alternating holidays, and up to but NOT LIMITED TO 6 wks of time on their summer break. If you can't agree to have a mediator help you to come to an agreement, the court CAN and WILL do what's best for your kids as you should SERIOSLY be taking into consideration. If their father wants more time with your kids then you shouldn't have ANY problems with it unless he in not capable or it would be putting their physical or emotional health in jeopardy and good luck provng that if it's untrue. But if that's not the case, maybe you should consider lerring go of your animosity so your kids can enjoy both their parents as thay are entitled to.

 

[CourtClerk]

So in other words... they both created the distance...lol

Anyway, I say go Greyhound and leave the driving to them. Dad deserves more time with his children... he should get the time in the summer he's asking for whether or not he's working, let him work out the child care issues...

 

[nextwife]

The reason we agreed on this is because

#1. he was (is) a very irresponsible person. He actually cared less then so it was ok for him. And only this year did he actually take the kids for just one week. Last year he did no even do it. He now has a girlfriend with children and I guess he now wants to a father.

#2 no one available to take care of the children while he was working.


I am a stay home mother, I take care of my kids year around, do not need a summer camp and yes Iam always there with my kids.

Hey. I didn't "need it" either, but it made for many of my most special summer memories. There's nothing wrong with day camp!

Well, just because a person IS working, as many people do, does NOT mean that they should not be entitled to spend those summer evenings with their kids after work. THis is how children in intact families spend time with their working parent - why shouldn't children be entitled to such time just because their parents are NOT together? If dad wants to arrange camp, day care, or a babysitter daytime while he works, so he can have an extended period of normal, everyday life with his own kids, rather than only being a visitor, why shouldn't he be able to get his kids?

The majority of children that I know, even when they have a SAHP, still go off to camp or other enriching structured activities during the day in the summer. A parent is not required to be home 24/7 to have an extended period of possession with their own kids.

 

[Ohiogal]

Where did you and ex live when you lived together? 8 years ago we lived in New York. When we separated I moved to Puerto Rico. Couple of years later I moved to Florida.

Where do you live now and when did you move there? Now live in Florida for about 4 years.

Where does ex live now and when did he move there? He lives in Florida (2.5 hours from me). He has been here for about 3 years.

SO YOU created the distance. And you expect him to do all the traveling. LOVELY. Quite frankly you should be ENCOURAGING time with his children. Not screwing him out of time. your husband can drive first thing saturday? What about Sunday? What can't hubby return the kids? You moved. Why should dad pay the price? I love how you decide it is about the new girlfriend. PROVE IT!

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? Florida



He wants to change it where I drive the kids both ways one month, and he does the other month. However I can not drive on the highways, I get nervous, its a 2 1/2 hours drive one way and I also have two other children from my current marriage.

The Courts may very well order this, not worth the fight, have your current husband etc do the driving if you cannot.

He also wants to now keep the children for the two summer months regardless of his job schedule

Again he could up to 6 weeks or even more, can you compromise on this with him? again, again, childcare on his parenting time is his deal. The fact he is working is not going to get in the way. Most of us on this site are single working parents and our children are in daycare, preschool, after school programs etc, when we do... way of life here, stay at home Mum theory won't get far in the courts.


and because this will affect him financially he wants to not pay child support during those two months.

This I dont get? you are still the CP, he still has to pay child support, regardless of whether he has them for 2 weeks in the summer or the entire summer. He would not have to pay CS is (a), he makes less than you, b) you have a 50-50 schedule and he makes less than you.. both dont apply here in your case.. so correct him on this


So my question is.. Can previous agreements be changed just like that ? He says the circumstances has changed and therefore wants it changed.

Circumstances have not really changed but he can try to litigate this.

I once talked to a lawyer and basically he said that changes are not easily made. Judges and courts do not like to waste time with type of cases? That there has to be a major reason for the change...... but how major ?

Major!

What can happen if he does files for another mediation?

You folks mediate and work it out!!. Mediation is the best way to go, rather than have a court decide, the two of you know your children's needs best.

 

[MomInPSL]

Are you saying that when dad moved to Florida, he chose to live 2.5 hours from you?

PS - I'm in the next county down from you ... what highway do you have to drive?

Yes, he has some "family" there so that is where he went. (more like his old friends)

I 95

 

[MomInPSL]

SO YOU created the distance. And you expect him to do all the traveling. LOVELY. Quite frankly you should be ENCOURAGING time with his children. Not screwing him out of time. your husband can drive first thing saturday? What about Sunday? What can't hubby return the kids? You moved. Why should dad pay the price? I love how you decide it is about the new girlfriend. PROVE IT!

Why the girlfriend? Because for 8 years there has been no problem. Once girlfriend showed up he is basically not allowed to speak to me. They even bought a cell phone for the kids and that way they did not call me directly. He used to come in the house and even have some coffee and even shared thanksgiving everybody together. Now he did not even show up at his daughters birthday because he did not want the girlfriend to feel uncomfortable and ofcourse girlfriend will be angry if he went without her.

Regardless, the girlfriend thing is useless in court..... but is part of what makes this frustrating.

 

[LdiJ]

SO YOU created the distance. And you expect him to do all the traveling. LOVELY. Quite frankly you should be ENCOURAGING time with his children. Not screwing him out of time. your husband can drive first thing saturday? What about Sunday? What can't hubby return the kids? You moved. Why should dad pay the price? I love how you decide it is about the new girlfriend. PROVE IT!

Come on OG...we all know that new significant others are frequently what messes up formerly good co-parenting relationships. Of course she can't use it in court at this point, but its not out of line for her to mention it here.

 

[Ohiogal]

Come on OG...we all know that new significant others are frequently what messes up formerly good co-parenting relationships. Of course she can't use it in court at this point, but its not out of line for her to mention it here.

Actually when she refuses to take any responsibility for her role in this I find it repugnant. She is mad because suddenly he has a gf and expects mom to actually participate in transportation? Nice scapegoat.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually when she refuses to take any responsibility for her role in this I find it repugnant. She is mad because suddenly he has a gf and expects mom to actually participate in transportation? Nice scapegoat.

Sorry...but I think that you are over the top on this one. They have lived a signficant distance apart for 8 years now....and dad has apparently been ok with that. Dad also agreed in mediation to this particular transportation arrangement 2 years ago.

Sure, its perfectly ok for dad to try to change that now, and its quite likely that a judge would order them to share the transportation, but its not like dad moved from NY to their community to be close to the children, and then mom upped and moved them 2 1/2 hours away.

 

[nextwife]

Sorry...but I think that you are over the top on this one. They have lived a signficant distance apart for 8 years now....and dad has apparently been ok with that. Dad also agreed in mediation to this particular transportation arrangement 2 years ago.

Sure, its perfectly ok for dad to try to change that now, and its quite likely that a judge would order them to share the transportation, but its not like dad moved from NY to their community to be close to the children, and then mom upped and moved them 2 1/2 hours away.

Mom moved them away, Dad closed the distance significantly.

You don't know dad's situation.

Perhaps the profession dad works in did not exist in mom's part of FL, or had limited employment available to him there?
Example: Both NY and parts of FL (but not all of FL) have employment in the apparel production industry. Mostly south and east coast FL, but not west coast or Northern FL.

I KNOW that in our household, we simply could not live in any other part of our state. You presume dad had options. Maybe this was closest he could get while still working?

Some people have religious issues that limit what areas they would live in. Those who are Jewish, or Muslim might want to be in a community that has religious instruction and services.

Some people want access to shops, food, language classes and community centers of their heritage. This sometimes limits where they can live. I know families with children adopted from China, for example, who will only live in places with, say, a Mandarin community and access to language classes so their kids will not be isolated from their culture.

Without knowing squat about dad's situation, you can't presume that he really had the option of being any closer to mom, She created the need to be in FL, dad reduced the distance significantly. He may not have been able to reduce it more than he did.

It is incorrect to presume that everybody has the option to live anywhere.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry...but I think that you are over the top on this one. They have lived a signficant distance apart for 8 years now....and dad has apparently been ok with that. Dad also agreed in mediation to this particular transportation arrangement 2 years ago.

Sure, its perfectly ok for dad to try to change that now, and its quite likely that a judge would order them to share the transportation, but its not like dad moved from NY to their community to be close to the children, and then mom upped and moved them 2 1/2 hours away.

You ALWAYS think I am over the top. So that doesn't surprise me. Mom created the distance by moving to Puerto Rico. Then she moved to FLorida. Then dad moved to Florida from NY. Mom created this problem. Dad has jumped through hoops in order to be closer to his children that she moved away and yet DAD is in the wrong? Dad is the only one that has been moving the children closer. Ld your bias is showing big time. Mom needs to realize that she will be doing the traveling. Regardless of girlfriend. And yes mom's attitude is repugnant -- she apparently is remarried and yet we hear all about how horrible dad's girlfriend is yet she says nothing about the fact that her husband is why she moved first to PR and then to Florida. She says nothing about putting blame on herself. Nope. She takes NO responsibility. JUST BLAMES DAD!

 

[LdiJ]

What bias? I told her that she would likely end up having to share the transportation. I just don't see any valid reason to beat her up over the situation.