Indiana Guidelines Urgent Question

[marine_wife_17]

There are a lot of issuses that i have with him and i am not bringing this up becasue i am mad at him as you say. Nick has done nothing with my daughter when he has her he either takes her to his friends houses and shows her off or just leaves her at his mothers. She is a trophy for him his own friends have told me that is how they feel when he brings her over. This is a big game to him and he likes to use my daughter as his little toy and use her to get to me which is outrageous. He does not have anything at his house for her not clothes sippy cups a toothbrush nothing. His mom has everything. The last time we picked her up she was not bathed her nails were nasty and not cut and full of dirt and her teeth were yellow from not being brushed so yes i am going to argue the first choice law since i feel she is being neglected. You may think i am petty that is your opinion my daughter is my life and i will fight tooth and nail for her.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Why don't you try sending clothes, a toothbrush, and sippy cups to his house? If you care so much about your child's welfare, surely you can at least do that.

 

[marine_wife_17]

As far as what that says about me i was young and stupid but at least i owned up to my responsibilities and i take care of my child ok. i understand that she will be sleeping while he is at work but i would rather her be with me at my parents house while i am in town then in bed with his girlfriend. They also watch her until mid day so that he can sleep so i would have time with her in the morning until he picked her up after he woke up.

 

[marine_wife_17]

I sent a whole bag of her clothes toys sippy cups toothbrush and when met half way. I got a half empty bag back and a response of oh i dont' know where her stuff is. So my attorney said that i should not send her things and that it would now be his responsiblity. The point is I should not be worried about her well being and i am.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Oh, so you live with your parents, too, eh?

Three words:

Pot.
Kettle.
Black.

 

[marine_wife_17]

No if you read this whole thing I live in north carolina with my husband who is currently in iraq. I drove my daughter all the way here and when i am here i stay with my parents is that ok with you.Hence the reason i said i would like her to stay with me at my parents WHEN I AM IN TOWN

 

[marine_wife_17]

IS there any kind of an age limit on how long a child can sleep with a parent. Or a point were it is just not right. Becasue I am scared of them having sex when she is lying that same bed as them.

 

[HCR]

wow, you have issues

It sounds to me like you are now trying to come up with some reason why she not be there. First you ask if it is illegal for her not to have her own bed and then when you get a no answer, you say it is because you are concerned about her sleeping with some other person ( the girlfriend) and now you are coming up with the thought that you are worried about them having sex with her in the bed????

Your child is 2 and a half!!, you stated that "As far as what that says about me i was young and stupid but at least i owned up to my responsibilities". Young and stupid was only 2/3 years ago??

Come on now. You are grasping at straws and it is getting sad. We all understand that you are not happy with situation, but you have no choice. Your only legal option is to file contempt for him not paying his child support. Take him to court for that. If you start trying to bring the rest of this into court, you are going to piss off the judge, they will see that you are being unreasonable. This could result in the judge siding with the bio-dad and just make you look bad. Especially as the father is letting family see his daughter, trophy or not.

Good luck

HCR

 

[marine_wife_17]

I am just stating what i think in parts. Becasue my biggest concern is when she goes to see him she screams her head off and will not let go of my husband or I. I jsut think that something is going on. Ever since she went to go see him she has been saying look at my pee pee and that is why i think they may be doing something in the bed not realizing that she is not fully aseep. I have tried to call the local child protective services but they have not returned my call. My lawyer said that there is no reason that i should pick her up and her be filthy especially when i pick her up first thing in the morning so it is not that she was outside getting dirty. I was just out of high school when i got pregnant so yes i was young. I understand that 3 years later i am not much older but when i was pregnant i decided that i was going to keep her and i took full responsibility for that. People can grow up in a short amount of time and that what i did. My daughter has a stable home, a stable family, and a steady income. Then she gets all out of wack when she goes to indiana. I don't feel that is right for her. Don't worry i do plan to file contempt today. Thanks for all of your input.

 

[Whyte Noise]

First off, if you want to put the restriction on him that he bring her to you when he's not there, then the same stipulation will apply to YOU as well. When you aren't there you will have to take her to him. Right of First Refusal (which is what you were referring to in the guidelines) applies to BOTH parents, not just one. So, if you work, you have to offer HIM the first opportunity to take her before you can leave her with a babysitter, your husband, etc. Do you REALLY wanna push this issue?

Second, the comment about her fingernails not being cut is just... BS. He gets her once every 2 months (per your own words), and her nails don't grow that fast over the weekend.

All 2 1/2 year olds scream their heads off. When my ex and I were still together and I would just go to the store and the kids be home with him, all 3 of them screamed bloody murder to go with me. It has nothing to do with the fact that he's treating her "wrong", it has to do with a child's normal reactions.

Kids get dirty. It's called playing. My 13 year old STILL comes in the house nasty from playing outside. (BTW, she was one of those same children screaming bloody murder whenever I'd go to the store and she's still alive and well.) So, maybe she didn't get a bath the night before you picked her up. That is not neglect by any stretch of the imagination. My daughter perfers to bathe in the mornings as opposed to nights. I let her do that provided she isn't covered in mud and sweat when she comes in. Just because she didn't bathe before she went to bed doesn't mean I'm neglecting her though. Neither does her having dirt under her nails and them not being trimmed.

 

[marine_wife_17]

As far as first refusal yes it does work both ways but i am a stay at home mom so i do not have to work and when i go places i take her with me. When my husband does watch her there is no way to give nick first refusal becasue i live 14 hours away. But i come here when he has here and i feel that i should have first refusal.
With her screaming her head off i do have the right to be concerned. Whenever we drive her and get to his moms or my moms house and she sees all my siblings or even grandma and grandpa no matter how late it is. When she wakes up when we walk in the door she is running down our arm to go say hi and give hugs. She only screams her head off when we go to his house so not it is not the usually i want to go with mommy and daddy. She specifically told my husband the last time we came to not let her go. She said daddy don't leave me don't let me go stay with me and she NEVER acts like that with anyone else.

 

[marine_wife_17]

I know we have child support issues. But the problem is they arenot being dealt with. Our support is throught my previous home town in Indiana. We just went to court in May and he was ordered to pay 20 in arreage every week on top of his support and that made him mad becasue he wanted to pay 10 less then what they ordered. Since May he has not paid a dime and the system is doing nothing can I take the child support issue and have my lawyer do it or does the system have more refrences they can use?

 

[marine_wife_17]

I do not act hostile around my daughter or even when I take her to him. I have never even bad mouthed him in front of her or around her. When I do not have her yes i do vent and i feel i have the right to do that. But I do not act hostile and she does not sense that we just drop her off and that is it. I talk to him in a very mannerable way. So no it is not because my daughter is picking up on my hostility. I am not the only one that feels this way about this case. My whole family does and so do most of his friends. A lot of people feel that he should have no right to her. People that I barely know so it is not jsut me. It is what most people think of him. I do not need theraphy thank you very much.

 

[LdiJ]

I didn't take the time to read the second and third pages of this thread, so I may be repeating information that has already been given.

Indiana judges generally order parents to follow the "Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines". Indiana police generally don't get involved unless its a custody issue rather than a parenting time issue. The most they will generally do is make reports. There are exceptions to that...but its on an officer by officer basis or even a specific department by department basis.

Indiana judge's are inconsistant as far as the right of first refusal is concerned....where the caregiver is a relative. Some Indiana judges will say that the right of first refusal kicks in even if the caregiver is a relative.

Other judges say that the relative caregivers are having extended family visitation with the child. Therefore right of first refusal doesn't kick in.

Therefore, its not possible to predict which way an Indiana judge would rule, unless you are an attorney familiar with a particular judge and their normal ruling habits. OP should get a consult with a local attorney for a better idea.

 

[casa]

I do not act hostile around my daughter or even when I take her to him. I have never even bad mouthed him in front of her or around her. When I do not have her yes i do vent and i feel i have the right to do that. But I do not act hostile and she does not sense that we just drop her off and that is it. I talk to him in a very mannerable way. So no it is not because my daughter is picking up on my hostility. I am not the only one that feels this way about this case. My whole family does and so do most of his friends. A lot of people feel that he should have no right to her. People that I barely know so it is not jsut me. It is what most people think of him. I do not need theraphy thank you very much.

I don't understand why the child can't be with grandma. It's when Dad works during that just one week every 2 months~ is that so much?