My child's mother is planning a move, need advice

[trex1119]

So you're concluding that she moved to Oregon because she has been there for a week or so? Sorry, that's not going to fly.

You can file for her to be held in contempt for not telling you when she was in the state, but proving it may be difficult.

Talk with an attorney about whether you have enough to file for a change in parenting plan.

Okay so if she packs up all her stuff and resides in Oregon for the next 3 months and I can't consider that moving because she doesn't want to call it that is my best option for getting the extra time with my child filing contempt of court? I don't even think that would do much since I am getting extra time here and there, but not nearly what I should if she is in the same state for that much time. We have quite a lot of mutual friends from high school and I was told that on facebook she wrote a friend from WA that she was going to miss her and wished that she could runaway with her to Eugene to be her sugar mama until December. Sounds pretty obvious to me what she's intending to do but other than continuosly showing up at her house when she tells me she's not in Oregon I don't know how to prove it. (I won't do this..) Our parenting plan is based on her living 300 + miles away so if she is 5 miles away I would want much more time. If mother is no longer going to school or working in WA she has no reason to stay there as long as she has alternative place to stay..

 

[mistoffolees]

Okay so if she packs up all her stuff and resides in Oregon for the next 3 months and I can't consider that moving because she doesn't want to call it that

I never said you couldn't consider that moving.

If you want help, it would probably be a good idea to read the advice you get and understand it before going off on tangents.

 

[trex1119]

I never said you couldn't consider that moving.

If you want help, it would probably be a good idea to read the advice you get and understand it before going off on tangents.

I've been advised to talk to an attorney about if I can change parenting plan, which I am doing at the end of this week and that I could file contempt of court for not getting extra time when she visits which I will also ask lawyer about. My tangent is addressing every comment about "how do you know she is moving to Oregon, maybe she is just here for a week, etc." I can't prove it at this point and I don't know how. I need advice addressing her move to Oregon if she is in fact living here again and how I can prove it and modify our plan accordingly. She can't move out of an apartment that she doesn't have and she has already said that she is not working or going to school there.

 

[Isis1]

I've been advised to talk to an attorney about if I can change parenting plan, which I am doing at the end of this week and that I could file contempt of court for not getting extra time when she visits which I will also ask lawyer about. My tangent is addressing every comment about "how do you know she is moving to Oregon, maybe she is just here for a week, etc." I can't prove it at this point and I don't know how. I need advice addressing her move to Oregon if she is in fact living here again and how I can prove it and modify our plan accordingly. She can't move out of an apartment that she doesn't have and she has already said that she is not working or going to school there.

Aside from hiring a PI, or mom admits to it in court, you can't. If she isn't working, or isn't going to school, she can still live out of state. It's her legal right. Your only concern is to maintain the visitation you have now. Exrra is extra. You rock that boat, and you'll never see extra again. If mm actually moves, then file for a long distance plan with mom covering the cost of transportation. Ask for webcam visita. Ask for phone calls at specified times.

 

[trex1119]

Aside from hiring a PI, or mom admits to it in court, you can't. If she isn't working, or isn't going to school, she can still live out of state. It's her legal right. Your only concern is to maintain the visitation you have now. Exrra is extra. You rock that boat, and you'll never see extra again. If mm actually moves, then file for a long distance plan with mom covering the cost of transportation. Ask for webcam visita. Ask for phone calls at specified times.

Okay thank you.

 

[trex1119]

So my child's mother just notified me that her fiance will be stationed in New York and they plan on moving shortly after Christmas. She hasn't said anything further about changes to our plan or anything. She has also been in town for about 45 days and counting so I feel pretty sure about my guess that she was living her until her wedding.
My lawyer is filing everything with the court hopefully this week. Does anyone know of any cases where the non-custodial parent got custody because the custodial parent moved? Do I have any chance? I know that in Oregon moving does not constitute a change of circumstance alone so what else would be considered a change of circumstance?

 

[CJane]

So my child's mother just notified me that her fiance will be stationed in New York and they plan on moving shortly after Christmas. She hasn't said anything further about changes to our plan or anything. She has also been in town for about 45 days and counting so I feel pretty sure about my guess that she was living her until her wedding.
My lawyer is filing everything with the court hopefully this week. Does anyone know of any cases where the non-custodial parent got custody because the custodial parent moved? Do I have any chance? I know that in Oregon moving does not constitute a change of circumstance alone so what else would be considered a change of circumstance?

Honestly, you've been living in different states for awhile and you haven't mentioned that Mom has interfered with your ordered visitation.

I think you're also reading your ROFR incorrectly, because it specifically states that spending time with your mother does NOT constitute babysitting. Therefore, you could leave kiddo with your mother whenever you wish without the ROFR coming into play.

It is unlikely that you would gain primary custody based on Mom's pending relocation, unless you can prove that it will significantly interfere with visitation or unreasonably limit your time with the child. Since you only have 60 days/year, that's pretty easy to work out no matter where Mom lives. In fact, a standard long distance plan would afford you quite a bit MORE time than you have now.

 

[trex1119]

Honestly, you've been living in different states for awhile and you haven't mentioned that Mom has interfered with your ordered visitation.

I think you're also reading your ROFR incorrectly, because it specifically states that spending time with your mother does NOT constitute babysitting. Therefore, you could leave kiddo with your mother whenever you wish without the ROFR coming into play.

It is unlikely that you would gain primary custody based on Mom's pending relocation, unless you can prove that it will significantly interfere with visitation or unreasonably limit your time with the child. Since you only have 60 days/year, that's pretty easy to work out no matter where Mom lives. In fact, a standard long distance plan would afford you quite a bit MORE time than you have now.

That's really unfortunate that a parent can move that far away. I recounted my overnights and it's actually closer to 80 a year, but I understand that I can still get the same amount of time in a longer distance plan. It will just be hard to go so long without seeing her in between visits. She will also be moved away from all of her extended family which lives in this area. Her mom has never maintained her own household since she's always lived with family so it will be a very different living situation.
Is it likely that she would have to stay in the area until a new plan was created? Would she be responsible for transportation costs?
Thanks in advance for the help.

 

[LdiJ]

That's really unfortunate that a parent can move that far away. I recounted my overnights and it's actually closer to 80 a year, but I understand that I can still get the same amount of time in a longer distance plan. It will just be hard to go so long without seeing her in between visits. She will also be moved away from all of her extended family which lives in this area. Her mom has never maintained her own household since she's always lived with family so it will be a very different living situation.
Is it likely that she would have to stay in the area until a new plan was created? Would she be responsible for transportation costs?
Thanks in advance for the help.

I don't think that she can be forced to stay in OR at all. Even if she remains in OR until the wedding that still isn't long enough to have residency re-established.

 

[trex1119]

I don't think that she can be forced to stay in OR at all. Even if she remains in OR until the wedding that still isn't long enough to have residency re-established.

Could she be required to stay in Washington for status quo since she never changed her address with the court and wouldn't admit to living in Oregon? If she's allowed to move to new York right away how is it enforced for her to work with me in creating a new plan? Would it be done by phone?

 

[LdiJ]

Could she be required to stay in Washington for status quo since she never changed her address with the court and wouldn't admit to living in Oregon? If she's allowed to move to new York right away how is it enforced for her to work with me in creating a new plan? Would it be done by phone?

I don't think that they can force her to stay in Washington either. I think that the best you can legitimately hope for is a good long distance parenting plan.

As far as working on the new parenting plan, any form of communication would work for that, (phone, email, snail mail etc.) but she would have to come back to the state with jurisdiction for any court hearings.

 

[trex1119]

I don't think that they can force her to stay in Washington either. I think that the best you can legitimately hope for is a good long distance parenting plan.

As far as working on the new parenting plan, any form of communication would work for that, (phone, email, snail mail etc.) but she would have to come back to the state with jurisdiction for any court hearings.

Okay thank you. I guess I was confused about what the post judgement status is. This is a lot to think about! Is it probable that we will have to share transportation costs or will she be responsible? Would my child support go down if I have to share transportation? She can't fly by herself so this sounds very expensive.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, start researching long-distance parenting plans.

Consider webcam visits, skype/equivalent, keeping a journal that you write in and then send to her (and then kiddo writes back to you - at this age granted it likely won't be a novel but it's something that you can do which retains an sense of "doing something together"). Things like that.

The fact that you're already in different states hurts your case - even if you're across border towns (which I don't believe is the case, correct?).

I cannot see custody being changed, or Mom being forced to stay in the area with kiddo.

 

[trex1119]

OP, start researching long-distance parenting plans.

Consider webcam visits, skype/equivalent, keeping a journal that you write in and then send to her (and then kiddo writes back to you - at this age granted it likely won't be a novel but it's something that you can do which retains an sense of "doing something together"). Things like that.

The fact that you're already in different states hurts your case - even if you're across border towns (which I don't believe is the case, correct?).

I cannot see custody being changed, or Mom being forced to stay in the area with kiddo.

They were living 6 hours away and our plan had us meeting half way. I have my daughter for a 4 night weekend every month plus longer summer and holiday visits. Thanks for all the help. I just can't understand why a parent can move across the country without having to prove it's in child's best interest. I'm looking at long distance plans now.

 

[mistoffolees]

I just can't understand why a parent can move across the country without having to prove it's in child's best interest.

Generally, they can't - if the other person takes appropriate action in a timely manner.

You didn't object when she moved out of state the first time, so you have a LOT less reason to object now.