No court ordered custody.. do we have to let the kids go back to their mother?

[BubblyBrunette]

Regarding this comment... I am the one that gives them the hugs and attention they need. I am the one that will sit and do crafts with them for hours and go out and play with them. Not saying that their dad doesn't because he does. If you all want to make it sound like I am ruining these children then you should be asking questions not making accusations. Dad and I are the ones that let them act like kids instead of grown ups in little bodies. They have structure at my house and know what is expected of them. They know that they aren't going to get yelled at or cussed at or told to shut up because their voice is annoying which are all things I have personally heard their mother say and do. Before you all continue to act as though I am personally ruining their lives maybe some of you should consider that we are the primary source of the love and compassion they receive. I am not standing here on a soapbox spouting off what I think will make me feel better about what we do. Anything that I say the mom says to the kids that I may not have heard straight out of her mouth has come from the 15 year old who is still shocked that he doesn't get yelled at for telling an adult that he needs deodorant or shampoo because that is the response he normally receives from his mother. Last summer when they came to stay with us I was the one that let them know it was ok to change their socks everyday, that they would have clean clothes. Someone has missed the point here that all these things they should know by their ages weren't necessarily something they would know or do on their own. Its in the last two years that they have seen that there is another way to live.

I am being attacked for trying to help kids out here and y'all are cussing me out because you don't like my living situation! Most of you have missed the point. I'll leave now and I hope y'all have wonderful lives.

Look! We get it, you're a wonderful person and provide all this loving support for these poor kids.

What this site is for is for free legal advice that you can choose to either take or ignore. It's not for these people to agree at what a wonderful person you are and give you pats on the back for being so.

They've let you know that in the situation that your boyfriend is in that he can be in trouble. Instead of sitting here defending yourself why don't you move along and sit down with your boyfriend and figure out what your plan is going to be so that he doesn't end up in a worse situation.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I know I said I would not post again but I must say this...I understand those are my limits. I know that he is the one that has to do anything that gets done. I was just trying to help him get more information to get a little closer to the solution. Its a difficult situation and my only concern is the kids. Not how much money I have or wont have if me and dad don't live together. Not whether or not I get along with their Mom. I just want the kids taken care of properly. I want them to go to school when they are suppose to and to have a warm safe place to live. I want them to have clean clothes to wear and adequate food to eat. Like it was mentioned... they have enough to deal with without adding to it. We have had a lot of things happen over the last year that have delayed things. Regardless of the legalities we rely on each other for a lot of things and we are the only ones the other can count on for emotional/physical support. Our families either can not or will not assist him.

The thing is that THIS adulterous relationship could sink his ship. Now, since the WIFE is pregnant, it adds another complicated wrinkle to it all.

The best help you can give is to help him pay for an attorney to untangle the entire mess.

 

[sometwo]

Regarding this comment... I am the one that gives them the hugs and attention they need. I am the one that will sit and do crafts with them for hours and go out and play with them. Not saying that their dad doesn't because he does. If you all want to make it sound like I am ruining these children then you should be asking questions not making accusations. Dad and I are the ones that let them act like kids instead of grown ups in little bodies. They have structure at my house and know what is expected of them. They know that they aren't going to get yelled at or cussed at or told to shut up because their voice is annoying which are all things I have personally heard their mother say and do. Before you all continue to act as though I am personally ruining their lives maybe some of you should consider that we are the primary source of the love and compassion they receive. I am not standing here on a soapbox spouting off what I think will make me feel better about what we do. Anything that I say the mom says to the kids that I may not have heard straight out of her mouth has come from the 15 year old who is still shocked that he doesn't get yelled at for telling an adult that he needs deodorant or shampoo because that is the response he normally receives from his mother. Last summer when they came to stay with us I was the one that let them know it was ok to change their socks everyday, that they would have clean clothes. Someone has missed the point here that all these things they should know by their ages weren't necessarily something they would know or do on their own. Its in the last two years that they have seen that there is another way to live.

I am being attacked for trying to help kids out here and y'all are cussing me out because you don't like my living situation! Most of you have missed the point. I'll leave now and I hope y'all have wonderful lives

Thing is dad has not worried about this, dad has done nothing about this , dad dad dad dad.

You were told what dad needs to do. You were told what things were relevant and told what things can most definately be used against dad. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do . How you think , what you feel what your trying to provide for them because they're not your kids and the court don't care who you are .

Since we're on , what page 7 now, and your still defending yourself at ever turn Im assuming dad hasn't gotton off his butt and done anything yet . Which btw proves everyone's point. Dad isnt and hasn't done anything. Even after you have come to this site to supposedly "help" him get the knowledge you need.

The knowlege was WAY before page 7 dear.

 

[ejyonkman]

And I hope Mom finds her way on this board and reads what you have been saying and I hope she reads about the court martial stuff and NAILS your boyfriend.

And I quote: (taken from this article: Adultery in the Military )

Many incidents of "adultery" may not be considered a punishable "crime" in the military, unless the commanding officer determines that there is some kind of direct negative impact on the military itself. In other cases, the matter is best resolved in civil (divorce) court, just as it is for civilians.

Adultery is almost never charged as a "stand alone" criminal offense in Article 15 or Court-Martial actions. It is generally added on to the list of charges, only if the member is already going to be prosecuted for one or more other criminal offenses. For example, if the commander decided to prosecute a married Military member for the crime of writing bad checks, and investigation disclosed that the member wrote the checks in order to pay for a hotel room to have an affair with someone, the commander may decide to "tack on" a charge of adultery to the list of bad check charges.

 

[gr8rn]

And guess what? You and "dad" keep those kids and don't give them back it may just be enough for the military to boot him out!!!

 

[Indiana Filer]

And OP is a liar. She said she would not come back and yet she still keeps coming back.

It's a YAGD---Yet Another Grand Departure!

 

[sometwo]

And I quote: (taken from this article: Adultery in the Military )

Many incidents of "adultery" may not be considered a punishable "crime" in the military, unless the commanding officer determines that there is some kind of direct negative impact on the military itself. In other cases, the matter is best resolved in civil (divorce) court, just as it is for civilians.

Adultery is almost never charged as a "stand alone" criminal offense in Article 15 or Court-Martial actions. It is generally added on to the list of charges, only if the member is already going to be prosecuted for one or more other criminal offenses. For example, if the commander decided to prosecute a married Military member for the crime of writing bad checks, and investigation disclosed that the member wrote the checks in order to pay for a hotel room to have an affair with someone, the commander may decide to "tack on" a charge of adultery to the list of bad check charges.

And yet dad still sits on his ARSE

 

[Proserpina]

It's a YAGD---Yet Another Grand Departure!

YAGD - (pron. yag-ed)

acronym; abbreviation of Yet Another Grand Departure; other meanings: "Very Bad Case Of LastWordItis"; synonymous with 'PITA'.

 

[my life is mine]

Adultery is almost never charged as a "stand alone" criminal offense in Article 15 or Court-Martial actions

HE is commiting BAH FRAUD!!! Have the IG look at that! He is not living or has not lived with his spouse for 2 years he should not be getting full BAH!

 

[LdiJ]

HE is commiting BAH FRAUD!!! Have the IG look at that! He is not living or has not lived with his spouse for 2 years he should not be getting full BAH!

If he was using the BAH to actually support his wife it would be ok, wouldn't it?

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

as far as the BAH is concerned, I BELIEVE (unless things have changed in the last decade) that as long as the BAH goes to supporting the wife and children, he should be ok. HOWEVER, REGARDLESS of the BAH issue, its not just his direct line supervisor who can decide to press the Article 15 or courtmartial hearing... HIS (direct line supervisor) supervisor or anyone within his chain of command can decide to press those charges. Regardless of anything else, this CAN and more than likely WILL successfully END his career.

 

[my life is mine]

Read this it is very long but will explain family support:
http://www.army.mil/usapa/epubs/pdf/r608_99.pdf

http://comptroller.defense.gov/fmr/07a/07aarch/07A26j.pdf



wanna see how tough the military has gotten on an type of BAH fraud

http://rokdrop.com/2009/02/07/army-staff-sergeant-jailed-for-bah-fraud/

so if he is collecting BAH for his area and it is higher than were his spouse lives then he is commiting Fraud whether or not he is even sending it to her.

 

[Aprile]

Lol! I am a newbie, and if you look at my questions I too am feeling around in the dark, but I must say the emphasis is I not my boyfriend or my cousin or my mother! I made my first post and received some very valuable comments to which I promptly wrote down and googled and asked questions back. My next visit is to the Borders to purchase every book they have on child custody. Then off to the the Law Library!

What you aren't getting is that the point of this is free legal help, advice from possible lawyers or people who have had to go through the sh*tty parts themselves and are trying to pass on a little wisdom to us "newbies" is that you take what they have to say whether or not you like it and use it to your advantage. It is a one up for those of us who want the best. Not a seven page forum on what a great step parent you would make. HIS kids can share a bedroom, or he can sleep on the couch when they visit his two bedroom apartment versus using you as his babysitter and meal ticket to a bigger house. What good is any of that if he is sitting in the brigg(sp?) and that so called horrible mom has those poor kids full time?? Move out, and maybe if he isn't the lazy ass he comes off to be he will push those papers through for you, since he obviously can't do it for his children!

The one thing that rubs me and I think every single person on here the wrong way is how it is all about how it effects you. What if they don't want to change their damn socks?? Give them a break. I almost want to go and adopt them to take them away from both situations! It isn't about how good YOU feel after you make sock puppets from their dirty socks but how horrible you must make them feel when you do what you do or say what you say.

Oh and P.S. have you ever thought that since you work in a homeless shelter your giving them lice??????

 

[Just Blue]

Lol! I am a newbie, and if you look at my questions I too am feeling around in the dark, but I must say the emphasis is I not my boyfriend or my cousin or my mother! I made my first post and received some very valuable comments to which I promptly wrote down and googled and asked questions back. My next visit is to the Borders to purchase every book they have on child custody. Then off to the the Law Library!

What you aren't getting is that the point of this is free legal help, advice from possible lawyers or people who have had to go through the sh*tty parts themselves and are trying to pass on a little wisdom to us "newbies" is that you take what they have to say whether or not you like it and use it to your advantage. It is a one up for those of us who want the best. Not a seven page forum on what a great step parent you would make. HIS kids can share a bedroom, or he can sleep on the couch when they visit his two bedroom apartment versus using you as his babysitter and meal ticket to a bigger house. What good is any of that if he is sitting in the brigg(sp?) and that so called horrible mom has those poor kids full time?? Move out, and maybe if he isn't the lazy ass he comes off to be he will push those papers through for you, since he obviously can't do it for his children!

The one thing that rubs me and I think every single person on here the wrong way is how it is all about how it effects you. What if they don't want to change their damn socks?? Give them a break. I almost want to go and adopt them to take them away from both situations! It isn't about how good YOU feel after you make sock puppets from their dirty socks but how horrible you must make them feel when you do what you do or say what you say.

Oh and P.S. have you ever thought that since you work in a homeless shelter your giving them lice??????

I like you.

 

[Aprile]

I like you.

I like you too! Thanks for your advice, and I love the common sense quote! It obviously must be illegal in her world, kind of how shacking up with a married man is a "non issue".