Questions About Child Support, etc.

[Proserpina]

You're absolutely right - I can see how that seems. It's not that I don't want to support my kids - not at all. I just feel that she doesn't need that much and if I have custody, she wouldn't need that much. And I don't have much money. The only bill I have ever had that high was a mortgage payment. My wife cheated on me for the last two years.

And not once have you mentioned why your kids would be better off with you than Mom.

Not once.

It's about money.

 

[ken5140]

I did mention that she cheated on me. I never cheated on her. She fell for a guy that came over to my house for hours while I was at work. And inspite of that, I fought for a year to save my marriage. If you doubt that, you can read my whole story here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2039762&page=1

It was not my idea to divorce, but hers. Surely you don't think that the kids would be better of with that kind of example. I came here to get advice. I love my kids dearly and want what's best for them.

And when this is all over, I have in mind to sue the other guy for "Tortiary Interference of a Marital Relatoinship".

 

[mistoffolees]

I did mention that she cheated on me. I never cheated on her. She fell for a guy that came over to my house for hours while I was at work. And inspite of that, I fought for a year to save my marriage. If you doubt that, you can read my whole story here: My Wife And Her Emotional Affair - DivorceBusting.com

What does that have to do with changing the kids' custody? You have to prove that it's better for the KIDS. Showing that your feelings were hurt isn't going to get you anywhere.

It was not my idea to divorce, but hers. Surely you don't think that the kids would be better of with that kind of example. I came here to get advice. I love my kids dearly and want what's best for them.

Then stop using them as pawns.

And when this is all over, I have in mind to sue the other guy for "Tortiary Interference of a Marital Relatoinship".

You first need to come up with a legal claim - and 'tortiary interference of a marital relatoinship' isn't one.

Assuming that you are referring to an Alienation of Affection lawsuit, you have that right. Utah is one of the few remaining states that allow spouses to treat their ex like property that has been stolen from them. I haven't checked in Utah, but in most of the states where these laws remain on the books, it is extremely difficult to prove.

You're probably far better off getting on with your life rather than spending so much energy feeding your greed and plotting revenge.

 

[TheGeekess]

I did mention that she cheated on me. I never cheated on her. She fell for a guy that came over to my house for hours while I was at work. And inspite of that, I fought for a year to save my marriage. If you doubt that, you can read my whole story here: My Wife And Her Emotional Affair - DivorceBusting.com

It was not my idea to divorce, but hers. Surely you don't think that the kids would be better of with that kind of example. I came here to get advice. I love my kids dearly and want what's best for them.

And when this is all over, I have in mind to sue the other guy for "Tortiary Interference of a Marital Relatoinship".

Then put aside all thoughts of making Mom into the bad person who caused this divorce and pursuing all things beyond a divorce.

 

[LdiJ]

You're absolutely right - I can see how that seems. It's not that I don't want to support my kids - not at all. I just feel that she doesn't need that much and if I have custody, she wouldn't need that much. And I don't have much money. The only bill I have ever had that high was a mortgage payment. My wife cheated on me for the last two years.

500.00 for two children is absolutely peanuts.

I feel like there's no reason for her to have custody of the children. What if I go to a lawyer and get it turned around so that I don't have to pay child support? Is that a probable or even possible? It'll be hard for me to pay a lawyer, but I figure it would save me over $80,000 in child support.

This statement absolutely proves that you are all about the money, and nothing else.

You're absolutely right - I can see how that seems. It's not that I don't want to support my kids - not at all. I just feel that she doesn't need that much and if I have custody, she wouldn't need that much. And I don't have much money. The only bill I have ever had that high was a mortgage payment. My wife cheated on me for the last two years.

Again, you are clearly all about the money, and nothing else.

She obviously makes significantly less than you, enough that you were going to be paying 1000.00 in child support and 500.00 in alimony. She agrees to drop that by 2/3rds and you are STILL griping?

 

[Proserpina]

I did mention that she cheated on me. I never cheated on her. She fell for a guy that came over to my house for hours while I was at work. And inspite of that, I fought for a year to save my marriage. If you doubt that, you can read my whole story here: My Wife And Her Emotional Affair - DivorceBusting.com

It was not my idea to divorce, but hers. Surely you don't think that the kids would be better of with that kind of example. I came here to get advice. I love my kids dearly and want what's best for them.

And when this is all over, I have in mind to sue the other guy for "Tortiary Interference of a Marital Relatoinship".

You're bitter. You're angry. I understand that (oh, believe me, I do).

But you've got to get past that. This is not about her cheating on you, it's not about the Other Guy, it's not about punishing either of them. It's not even about YOU.

It's about your kids - and your bitterness is seriously going to damage them if you keep going on like this.

Please - change your mindset. Realize what's really important. FOCUS. Because otherwise you're going to end up with adult children who see their father as an angry, bitter old man and who want nothing to do with him.

Is that what you want?

 

[ken5140]

I understand what you are saying about the children. I love them dearly and want to try to avoid any emotional damage.

So what I hear you saying is...although the Other Guy ruined what I considered to be a good marriage (although obviously not perfect), I should not pursue a case of "Interference of a Marital Relationship" or "Alienation of Affection" because of how it might affect the children and because it's just taking revenge (even though I have suffered greatly). So then my question is..."Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to do so?"

And why do people on here assume that the cheating mother should have custody? I simply came here to get some advice. I didn't realize that I'd have to prove on here that I deserve custody first.

And contrary to what one person said above, I am not about being out to get money...the problem is that I do not HAVE much money and can't afford a big bill. I could use the money to help me pay these up-coming child-support payments. I'm already behind on my mortgage payments. But so be it, I'll just make the $500 a month payments if that's the best I can do. More than that and I'l be forced to fight it or I may be living on the street.

Are these responses from professionals or from random people? I'm just looking for legal advice, and I'm running out of time to respond to the divorce summons.

I wrote up a "Joint Stipulation Agreement" basically by just copying what her lawyer wrote in the summons, but just changed the parts that my wife agreed too. Now I'm waiting for her to take it to her lawyer for advice again and meanwhile I'm running out of time to respond. Can I just submit it like it is without her signature as my response? Will it be considered a contested divorce? We both wanted to get this done quickly waiving the 90-day waiting period.

 

[Isis1]

Dude. You are about to annoy most of the senior members that aren't already annoyed with you.

This isn't about a cheating mother. She isn't a cheating mother. She's a cheating wife. And that is why you are divorcing her. Not because she is a bad mom. You don't get to decide what she deserves and doesn't deserve. You are not her master. Slavery ended centuries ago. Don't like it? Go dig up former President Lincoln and have it out with him.

Now, mom has the children now. By that action alone, you are proclaiming she is a wonderful mother and you trust her. You couldn't proclaim that louder than if you held a 10 mile long parade with balloons, floats, dancing girls and a floating bar.

As for child support? What new math are you taking?? Do you know how much it actually costs to raise a child? Two? Three? Not no measly $500.00 dollars. You won't be saving ANYTHING raising the kids in your house. Because they grow, they eat, they lose things, they break things, they constantly want things. It NEVER ends. That $500 dollars is getting off cheap. I sincerely believe mom is not very bright for letting it get that low.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand what you are saying about the children. I love them dearly and want to try to avoid any emotional damage.

That's a good thing.

So what I hear you saying is...although the Other Guy ruined what I considered to be a good marriage (although obviously not perfect), I should not pursue a case of "Interference of a Marital Relationship" or "Alienation of Affection" because of how it might affect the children and because it's just taking revenge (even though I have suffered greatly). So then my question is..."Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to do so?"

Perhaps if you have adult children and they've left home. But you also have to look at the other other side to this. Your wife evidently didn't did not agree that you had a "good" marriage; it takes two. The guy didn't just sweep down from the skies and whisk her away from her otherwise-satisfactory life. She was, at the very least, mentally "available" to the possibility.

The other guy didn't break any vows. That only person who did that, is your wife.

And why do people on here assume that the cheating mother should have custody?

If she's been the primary caregiver, that's the way it will likely stay. Unless you can prove that she's unfit. Which I don't believe you can do (because cheating is NOT going to meet that standard).

I simply came here to get some advice. I didn't realize that I'd have to prove on here that I deserve custody first.

Custody isn't about who "deserves" it. It is about what is best for the kids. Many factors come into play, and frankly outside of a relatively small number of jurisdictions adultery doesn't matter one iota.

And contrary to what one person said above, I am not about being out to get money...the problem is that I do not HAVE much money and can't afford a big bill. I could use the money to help me pay these up-coming child-support payments. I'm already behind on my mortgage payments. But so be it, I'll just make the $500 a month payments if that's the best I can do. More than that and I'l be forced to fight it or I may be living on the street.

Are these responses from professionals or from random people? I'm just looking for legal advice, and I'm running out of time to respond to the divorce summons.

I wrote up a "Joint Stipulation Agreement" basically by just copying what her lawyer wrote in the summons, but just changed the parts that my wife agreed too. Now I'm waiting for her to take it to her lawyer for advice again and meanwhile I'm running out of time to respond. Can I just submit it like it is without her signature as my response? Will it be considered a contested divorce? We both wanted to get this done quickly waiving the 90-day waiting period.

A joint stipulated agreement is not valid unless you BOTH sign it.

 

[LdiJ]

I understand what you are saying about the children. I love them dearly and want to try to avoid any emotional damage.

So what I hear you saying is...although the Other Guy ruined what I considered to be a good marriage (although obviously not perfect), I should not pursue a case of "Interference of a Marital Relationship" or "Alienation of Affection" because of how it might affect the children and because it's just taking revenge (even though I have suffered greatly). So then my question is..."Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to do so?"

Not really

And why do people on here assume that the cheating mother should have custody? I simply came here to get some advice. I didn't realize that I'd have to prove on here that I deserve custody first.

Cheating makes her a bad wife. Cheating does not make her a bad mother.

And contrary to what one person said above, I am not about being out to get money...the problem is that I do not HAVE much money and can't afford a big bill. I could use the money to help me pay these up-coming child-support payments. I'm already behind on my mortgage payments. But so be it, I'll just make the $500 a month payments if that's the best I can do. More than that and I'l be forced to fight it or I may be living on the street.

You may need to downsize. You may have to cut out some non-necessities.

Are these responses from professionals or from random people? I'm just looking for legal advice, and I'm running out of time to respond to the divorce summons.

Some are professionals, some are educated laypeople.

I wrote up a "Joint Stipulation Agreement" basically by just copying what her lawyer wrote in the summons, but just changed the parts that my wife agreed too. Now I'm waiting for her to take it to her lawyer for advice again and meanwhile I'm running out of time to respond. Can I just submit it like it is without her signature as my response? Will it be considered a contested divorce? We both wanted to get this done quickly waiving the 90-day waiting period.

You cannot send in an agree only signed by one party as a response. If you send in a response that doesn't 100% match her original paperwork (agree on everything) then it becomes a contested divorce.

 

[ken5140]

Thank you! I appreciate those responses. That makes sense. I think you all have convinced me not to pursue "Interference of a Marital Relationship" and rather to just let that go.

My goal now is to get the joint stipulated agreement. She's taking what I typed up to her lawyer so I'm a little nervous about that. Her lawyer wants me to pay his lawyer and court fees.

Suppose this ends up as a contested divorce. Would I be able to defend myself easily? I cannot really afford a lawyer. I still have about a week to respond to the divorce papers.

 

[ken5140]

In other words, my question is - Would I be very unwise to not have a lawyer representing me if my divorce is contested?

 

[Proserpina]

In other words, my question is - Would I be very unwise to not have a lawyer representing me if my divorce is contested?

If Mom has a lawyer.....I strongly suggest you retain one too.

Otherwise you're at a distinct disadvantage....

 

[not2cleverRed]

In other words, my question is - Would I be very unwise to not have a lawyer representing me if my divorce is contested?

Um... YES.

Really. It costs a lot, but this is one of the situations where it really is necessary. This is not the time to be penny wise and pound foolish.

BTW, if the mortgage if for the marital home and the wife and kids are going to continue to live there, then perhaps it should be refinanced in her name. But then expect to pay the $1500 per month, not $500.

 

[ken5140]

Questions About A Joint Stipulation Agreement

If my wife is agreeing to a Joint Stipulation Agreement, do we need to have it signed in front of a notary? Can I just take it down to the courthouse or does she have to be with me?

Also I hope I have it formatted correctly. It is very similar to the lawyers paperwork with the same header and everything...but with a few item changed. Is that OK?