Chrissy1982
Junior Member
Answers & Clarifications
Thank you everyone for all your advice and perspectives so far. First, I will answer some questions as well as make some serious clarifications here.
We have already established paternity, and this was done at the hospital when the baby was born. The baby’s father also signed the birth certificate acknowledging this as well.
Regarding my previous quote, “Right now I am allowing the father visitation with baby 7 days a week, before he goes to work, on his days off, and until 8 PM when he doesn't work at night. I am being very flexible and generous with him, as I truly think it is important that he be involved in our baby's life. However, the father seems to be a father when it is convenient for him, and I feel that is wrong.” All I did here was mention that this was the visitation schedule that I am allowing the father on a weekly basis. I NEVER mentioned whether or not he was involved, that is why I said that he only wants to be a father when it is convenient for him. I give him time to come over and spend time with our baby and only once has he come in the morning like he said he would. He says he’d rather sleep in on his days off, and he doesn’t like getting up early (despite he gets an AMPLE amount of sleep!). However, he CHOOSES not to come to see the baby when he says he will (and often does not call at all and does not show up!). Furthermore, I include the father in the baby’s appointments (doctors/cardiologists), his current health & status, achievements, what he does on a daily basis, etc. by proactively calling him. Yet he does not follow-up daily to see how the baby is doing (and I am NOT going to keep pressing him to come visit and give him a daily report of how our baby is because I feel it is his duty as a father to be committed and involved on his own), and I am not about to play the role of parent to him, when he is perfectly capable of picking up the phone to ask about our baby. Despite this, the father would rather sleep and do other trivial things at the moment than sacrifice a bit of his time to spend with our son. Right now, the baby’s father is not showing responsibility or maturity at this stage in his life, nor any eagerness to visit with the baby. In total this past week he has come for only 3 hours! All in all, the father only wants to be our baby’s father when he feels like it, when he is “done” sleeping (for 10+ hours), and when it fits his schedule.
I also do not control what he does with the baby or his ways of doing things at all. When he visits, I allow him to plop on MY bed, make himself comfy in my mother’s home, eat and drink whatever he’d like…basically, I am very civil towards him and still remain friendly. But when he comes over to visit and help out (like he said, he wants to “help out” with the baby), he often falls asleep on the recliner with the baby in his arms! What is this all about?! I do not know, but I told him to leave if he was going to come to my home to sleep and take care of the baby.
Let me also add that prior to the baby being born (and months after separating), the father and I discussed visitation and such. He did not want to go to court at all and wanted to avoid it at all costs. I have absolutely no problem with this arrangement and am glad to have him visit with the baby. I also would never deny him visitation rights as it is vital he plays a role in the baby’s life (and why I WAS pushing him to come see our baby before).
With travel, I do not have a problem at all with my newborn son traveling. That is not simply the issue. It is the fact that his father wants to take him out of state to his family at such a young age when I am solely breastfeeding him, and when I am the sole provider for this young child. I told him to have HIS family come and visit. I already allowed his parents to come for one week and visit every day with the baby, only 3 days after he was born! The baby’s father does not seem very eager at the moment to full share the responsibility of raising our son, that is why I would like to take the next step in obtaining full sole custody.
Thank you everyone for all your advice and perspectives so far. First, I will answer some questions as well as make some serious clarifications here.
We have already established paternity, and this was done at the hospital when the baby was born. The baby’s father also signed the birth certificate acknowledging this as well.
Regarding my previous quote, “Right now I am allowing the father visitation with baby 7 days a week, before he goes to work, on his days off, and until 8 PM when he doesn't work at night. I am being very flexible and generous with him, as I truly think it is important that he be involved in our baby's life. However, the father seems to be a father when it is convenient for him, and I feel that is wrong.” All I did here was mention that this was the visitation schedule that I am allowing the father on a weekly basis. I NEVER mentioned whether or not he was involved, that is why I said that he only wants to be a father when it is convenient for him. I give him time to come over and spend time with our baby and only once has he come in the morning like he said he would. He says he’d rather sleep in on his days off, and he doesn’t like getting up early (despite he gets an AMPLE amount of sleep!). However, he CHOOSES not to come to see the baby when he says he will (and often does not call at all and does not show up!). Furthermore, I include the father in the baby’s appointments (doctors/cardiologists), his current health & status, achievements, what he does on a daily basis, etc. by proactively calling him. Yet he does not follow-up daily to see how the baby is doing (and I am NOT going to keep pressing him to come visit and give him a daily report of how our baby is because I feel it is his duty as a father to be committed and involved on his own), and I am not about to play the role of parent to him, when he is perfectly capable of picking up the phone to ask about our baby. Despite this, the father would rather sleep and do other trivial things at the moment than sacrifice a bit of his time to spend with our son. Right now, the baby’s father is not showing responsibility or maturity at this stage in his life, nor any eagerness to visit with the baby. In total this past week he has come for only 3 hours! All in all, the father only wants to be our baby’s father when he feels like it, when he is “done” sleeping (for 10+ hours), and when it fits his schedule.
I also do not control what he does with the baby or his ways of doing things at all. When he visits, I allow him to plop on MY bed, make himself comfy in my mother’s home, eat and drink whatever he’d like…basically, I am very civil towards him and still remain friendly. But when he comes over to visit and help out (like he said, he wants to “help out” with the baby), he often falls asleep on the recliner with the baby in his arms! What is this all about?! I do not know, but I told him to leave if he was going to come to my home to sleep and take care of the baby.
Let me also add that prior to the baby being born (and months after separating), the father and I discussed visitation and such. He did not want to go to court at all and wanted to avoid it at all costs. I have absolutely no problem with this arrangement and am glad to have him visit with the baby. I also would never deny him visitation rights as it is vital he plays a role in the baby’s life (and why I WAS pushing him to come see our baby before).
With travel, I do not have a problem at all with my newborn son traveling. That is not simply the issue. It is the fact that his father wants to take him out of state to his family at such a young age when I am solely breastfeeding him, and when I am the sole provider for this young child. I told him to have HIS family come and visit. I already allowed his parents to come for one week and visit every day with the baby, only 3 days after he was born! The baby’s father does not seem very eager at the moment to full share the responsibility of raising our son, that is why I would like to take the next step in obtaining full sole custody.