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Sexual Abuse?

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otheruser

Junior Member
Shay.... you aren't even close.... nice try though. You appear to have some seriously distorted preconcieved notions. Perhaps you should seek counseling.

The abusive relationship was long before I met her. I have not been abusive at any time during our marriage (4.5 years) or before. I have not been abusive to any woman I have ever been involved with or have known. Again, I am not the abuser and at no time have I said I was or am or ever have been the abuser.

She entered detox for the first time in her life AFTER she invoked marital privilege (refusal to testify against her spouse after oath, which is the case with or without a spell checker) and approximately 1 month AFTER her "relationship" with her manager which was two months after I was ordered to leave my home. I can give you exact dates if you want.

She left rehab because she has the right to leave rehab. The rehab was voluntary and lasted 10 days including the detox. She was discharged on Sunday at 9:30AM.

She is experiencing anxiety because, I believe, for the first time in years, she is not under the influence of alcohol and/or Xanax and is starting to see the damage she has done.

Whether you want to accept it or not, the fact is that some people are actually NOT GUILTY of what they are accused of doing. I am one of those people. Accuse me of being stupid, or being too caring to leave in spite of what her addictions were doing to me, but, don't accuse me of being an abuser.
 
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otheruser

Junior Member
Point taken, and agreed with. But I will say approaching it as if she was raped or a victim along with your third person presentation of the facts makes it seem little odd and hard to discern what your situation really is

Best wishes.
Understood. In spite of my understanding of the anonymity afforded posters on this board, this is still a very painful and embarrasing situation. Also, as became readily apparent after stating I am the husband, many posters here are not able to accept that a man accused of abuse is not always guilty. You have to admit some of the responses got rather ugly and accusatory.
 

otheruser

Junior Member
If you have an attorney, then why are you here? I'm sorry all, but this whole thread just seems odd to me.
Because I have an attorney, she does not. She has scheduled to meet with conselors at the local YWCA and wanted some general understanding of HER legal situation. Again, in spite of what she has done to her self, to me, our marriage and her family, I care very much about her and want to see her get well. I simply cannot afford, emotionally, physically, financially, or legally, to remain married to her. There has been far too much damage inflicted and I am not big enough to forgive everything.
 
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otheruser

Junior Member
Apparently she doesn't feel the same.

Stay away from her.
It's too early to know for sure: 3 days after an abreviated rehab is not enough time to see a patern. She has expressed a strong desire to remain married. Whether that desire is because of guilt, a desire to make ammends or simple despiration, I don't really know. Maybe the detox has cleared her mind enough that she realizes that it is what she truly wants. No matter what the reason, I know I need to leave and am expeditiously moving along with the process.
 
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seniorjudge

Senior Member
It's too early to know for sure: 3 days after an abreviated rehab is not enough time to see a patern. She has expressed a strong desire to remain married. Whether that desire is because of guilt, a desire to make ammends or simple despiration, I don't really know. Maybe the detox has cleared her mind enough that she realizes that it is what she truly wants. No matter what the reason, I know I need to leave and am expeditiously moving along with the process.
My friend, you are totally naive.
 

otheruser

Junior Member
My friend, you are totally naive.
She is selfish, self centered, manipulative and mentally unstable. I made a mistake marrying her and I made a mistake in staying with her while trying to help. They were my choices and I accept that those choices exposed me to the consequences that I have and am now suffering. However, I am getting out. If naive means that I have a desire to see her get well and am willing to, on a limited basis, help her get there.... then I am guilty as charged.
 

seniorjudge

Senior Member
She is selfish, self centered, manipulative and mentally unstable. I made a mistake marrying her and I made a mistake in staying with her while trying to help. They were my choices and I accept that those choices exposed me to the consequences that I have and am now suffering. However, I am getting out. If naive means that I have a desire to see her get well and am willing to, on a limited basis, help her get there.... then I am guilty as charged.
Take care of yourself first.

Believe me, I have seen hundreds of cases just like yours.

A word to the wise....
 

otheruser

Junior Member
Take care of yourself first.

Believe me, I have seen hundreds of cases just like yours.

A word to the wise....
I hear, I understand, and I will listen. Most of my knowledge of the past 4 months has been revealed very recently. Sometimes it takes a couple of emotional cycles, a few sleepless nights and anxiety filled days to gain mental clarity. Thank you for your advice and concern.
 

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